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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/k5rakitan/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
Review Requests: ON
2,409 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm the lead editor for a small press, and this is my pen name. I'll let you know whether I would have accepted your work as a submission and why or why not. If it's REALLY good, I'll let you know which press I'm with and invite you to submit your work to us. I'm particularly interested in controversial speculative fiction and polyamory a.k.a consensual non-monogamy.
Favorite Genres
Science Fiction, Historical Fiction, Fantasy, Romance, Dystopia, Erotica
Least Favorite Genres
stream of consciousness
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Novels, Fraternal Polyandry
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Journal Entry #1  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

These are some very legitimate concerns. The most important thing is to keep going no matter what. It takes time to improve. Even if you don't feel like it, I recommend writing a little every day to keep your momentum. Even if it is only one sentence, keep up the great work!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
2
2
Review of Lost Friends  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a good start, but I feel like there is a lot missing here. Is this meant to be a test piece or a placeholder? I recommend drafting your story in a separate program such as MS Word, Open Office, or Google Docs and then copying and pasting it when you are ready to share it.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
3
3
Review of Wanted Man  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This was a very entertaining piece. It fits will with the Western genre.

Formatting tip: when writing on the internet, add a blank line between paragraphs. It's standard practice and easier on the eyes. Indentation is used in books for economy of paper, but since paper is not an issue on the internet, we use an extra line.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
4
4
Review of Last Stand  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

“It’s” is a contraction for “it is.” If you want to make it possessive, drop the apostrophe. This is the single most common grammar mistake I see among beginning authors, so you’re not alone in this.

I liked the reference to Jupiter.

This is a great start. Keep up the good work!

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
5
5
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (1.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Is this meant to be a test piece or a placeholder? I recommend drafting your story in a separate program such as MS Word, Open Office, or Google Docs and then copying and pasting it when you are ready to share it.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
6
6
Review of The Start  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a very intriguing piece. I personally don't believe in Hell or Satan, but I do agree that people too often conform to societies' norms for meaningless reasons.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
7
7
Review of My Big Family  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a good start, but there's not much for me to go on so far.

Try avoiding forms of the verb “to be” such as is, are, was, were, etc. This is known as passive language. Using more colorful verbs can greatly strengthen your writing.

Example: my little boy was brought to this world
Rewrite: I brought my little boy to this world
If the boy was adopted, you could replace "I" with the appropriate noun.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
8
8
Review of My Diary_1  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing this deeply personal story. Every human experiences life differently, and it is good for us to read about how others are going through it.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
9
9
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

While I agree with you during normal times, the pandemic has made grocery shopping a very stressful experience for me and my husband. We see employees with their upper respiratory holes exposed and parents letting their kids run around with all three of their respiratory holes exposed! We have to keep looking over our shoulders constantly to avoid these "people" who are putting our lives in danger.

When I lived in my university town, I would make frequent, small shopping trips on foot or by bicycle. Shopping was an opportunity for exercise in addition to leisure. Since I don't drive and I don't feel safe shopping as frequently as I once did, I now rely on my husband to drive to the stores. He gets impatient when I compare prices on products or search for unusual items the store turns out not to carry at all. Husband is always grumpy on the way home. Then, sanitizing groceries when we get home is another ordeal entirely, and we are thoroughly exhausted when the process is done.

Now that I'm pregnant with gestational diabetes and Coronavirus cases are at an all-time high, we finally gave Instacart a try. The shopper got two items in our order wrong, but I'll take that over going into a coma, having an emergency C-section, and letting my child suffer lifelong health problems for coming out premature.

If it weren't for the pandemic, I would love to strap on a backpack and stroll down to the store. In fact, I was in the middle of a store with a backpack when my brother-in-law called me and told me about the county's shelter-in-place order going into effect at midnight.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
10
10
Review of I saw you burn  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This reminds me that my mom once told me she has recurring nightmares where the family gets separated and can't find each other. These days, my husband and I are temporarily living in an apartment while construction is happening on my mom's property. We're still in the same town, but on the occasions we go to pick up mail at our permanent residence, we wear masks and maintain at least six feet of distance from my parents due to the pandemic. We're each being as careful as we can, but there's always a chance that one of us picked up the virus from a grocery store. Since I'm pregnant with gestational diabetes, we consider my risk factor as high as my parents' risk factor. So in a way, it seems like my mom's nightmare has come true. We're doing all we can to get through this safely. We haven't lost each other yet, but it feels like we are constantly on the edge.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
11
11
Review of The Rook  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

You've painted a very intriguing scene here. I felt like I was in the moment with the feathered creature. Thanks for writing this vivid poem, and keep up the great work.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
12
12
Review of Ielts  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is an excellent essay. However, learning the importance of frugality through a part-time job is debatable. Teenagers who are still living with their parents are typically not responsible for rent or food bills, so unless they are paying those as well for some reason, having a part-time job means 100% of the money they earn is money they can play with. This can lead to a deceptive notion of how much disposable income adults have. Being exhausted from work may also lead to habits such as indulging in fast food as opposed to preparing a healthy meal at home. Since eating meals at home is less expensive than fast food, this also means the exhausted teenage worker may miss out on critical food budgeting skills.

Therefore, I propose that a more age-appropriate method to teach frugality would be to give the teenager a fixed monthly budget for lunches. The teenager can then accompany their parent/guardian on grocery shopping trips and choose healthy foods within the budget. Then, any leftover money can be used as the teenager pleases.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
13
13
Review of My Story  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Thanks for sharing this very personal story. There are a few spelling errors, though. Also, use double quotation marks for regular dialogue.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
14
14
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

I believe I would need more details to help you find the answers you are looking for. That is . . . if I have any advice to give you in the first place. Humans go through so many things, and all of our experiences are unique. The solutions to our problems are also unique, though we can learn from the experiences of others on occasion.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
15
15
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is rather wordy in places, but I like the underlying message.

It reminds me a bit of "Landlord" by David Rovics:
https://youtu.be/7exRxM8FKrw

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
16
16
Review of A poem.  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Life itself is a strange phenomenon. I like how the narrator here is working to make sense of it but still having difficulty. This is something we don't talk about much in our attempts to appear "normal" to other humans.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
17
17
Review of Asylum Blowup  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Some parts of this are confusing, but confusion makes sense given the setting of a psych ward. I think the mention of medication helps to drive this home.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
18
18
Review of self esteem found  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is a very fun poem. I liked all the metaphors here.

It reminds me a bit of this song from one of my favorite musicals:
https://youtu.be/RV-6qbUHVww

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
19
19
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

I used my internet browser to translate this to English, so I will not comment on the grammar.

I have a brother fetish, so the mere mention of brothers got my attention. I found this more funny than arousing, though.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
20
20
Review of Propose Me  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is making me feel nostalgic for my university years.

I didn't really see the ending coming, but it makes perfect sense. He fell in love with the idea of her proposal and never really knew her as well as he thought he did.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
21
21
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Jealousy can be an annoying beast. The repetition here drives home how those feelings can nag at you even when you want to focus on other things.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
22
22
Review of Underneath  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This is an intriguing story, though it is a little difficult to understand what is going on.

I wasn't focusing on grammar, but I didn't notice any errors.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
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23
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

Great job with the script format. It was a refreshing change to have some more mature themes in a Scooby Doo story. I cringe at the parents leaving their baby with a complete stranger, though.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
24
24
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

This began on a realistic note but then took a turn into the metaphysical. Have you ever read "Visits to the Confabulatorium" by Soramimi Hanarejima?

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
25
25
Review of Coincidence  
Review by K5Rakitan
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome! I stumbled upon this through the “read a newbie” feature.

The coincidence is almost like a ghost story but a lot less spooky. Did the precious occupants use the same company? It strikes me that it could have been the company rather than the house.

Happy writing, and I hope you enjoy it here!
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