| Hi IE. Nixie here, with a celebratory review.
HAPPY 2nd WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
As I was perusing the list of this month's anniversary members, I chose to read your story because I've never 'seen you around' WdC. Tripping through your portfolio, I discovered you're a romantic, and I'm not. Reviewing one of your poems felt 'wrong'. Since this was the only story, here I am.
The title wasn't as strong as the story. I think it deserves a better one. And please consider showing off this piece a bit more with a tantalizing brief description. Usually, writers make a note at the bottom of the story, sometimes with a link to the contest, or sometimes merely the requirements. I prefer a link just in case I want a shot at writing for the contest.
Anyhow, finally I'm approaching the story. What a marvelous find! Even though I had to squint all the way through due to the small font, I kept reading as you brought me further and further into your plot. You divulge a lot of information about the characters, not by sticking in awkward details, but actually incorporating the back story naturally.
Right now, I'm thinking about the wonderful job you did allowing us to see Justin's challenges. More precisely, the missing dad. My heart broke with Justin's remembered last conversation. So touching. I'm guessing he left due to a divorce, but that was never revealed. And the mom was sad, too. Since that's not here nor there in the plot, I like how you gave the reader enough info, without going deeper. Good job.
Bang-up job showing the relationship between Justin and his mom. Very creative, letting Justin's thoughts (italics) show who his mom was. Now Justin seemed awfully naive for an 11-year-old, and he seemed overly attached to the mom, for a boy his age. The mom comes off as a little too strict. I guess all that can be chalked up to the trauma of losing the dad.
I encountered a few run-on sentences that can be broken up. They weren't horribly confusing. They all made sense, but it was a lot to be taken in.
I've lost the place where Justin screeches to a stop. [Screeches] doesn't work for me. It's a sound that can be heard, such as a bus or car screeches to a stop. A sound for a thing, maybe a skateboard, not a person. Just a thought.
After all this time reviewing the story, the impression of Justin not seeming like an 11-year-old and the mom treating him like a child, lingers.
The story wrapped up with a fitting conclusion. Honesty rewarded.
Oh, here's your favorite flower.
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"