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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9
Review Requests: OFF
3,092 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
for entry "More 'Sea Stories
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jim. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Yippee for me! A submarine entry to review. I often read your submarine stories when they're posted on the Newsfeed. Why don't you write reviews, Nixie? No idea.

Ages ago, I visited a submarine that was 'on land?' and open for tours. I was totally panicked and overcome by claustrophobia. How could you possibly survive those cramped quarters?

Gallows humour. That was my thought while reading your entry. In tough situations levity can be a life-saver. Laughter, in and of itself, relieves stress. In a RL prank, the 'pranked' person may feel violated or humiliated, depending on the situation. Gallows humour makes perfect sense if a person is living (trapped) in a submarine.

I like to insert a comic relief break in a drama or tense story.

What's an Evaporator? Since this entry is 'addressed' to
Kåre Enga 🇹🇭 in Montana and ForeverDreamer, it seems you're responding to an ongoing conversation where you all have the same knowledge. You have a submarine family at WdC. *Smile*


One slip stood out.
There [were] 2-3 Machinist Mates [were] nearby

I read "Playing With Hot Dogs. That was totally off-the-wall. So gross, it was hilarious.

That's it for now. Thanks for the entertainment. *Laugh*

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Shadow Prowler. It's my pleasure to review this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
You definitely captured the essence of the prompt. As I read, it sounded as if the narrator was living in a dream/nightmare. I have a habit of writing as I read, so bear with me. *Wink* The beginning drew me into the story, and reminded me of grave sites I've avoided. In St. Augustine (Florida) many have reported ghost sightings. That's why your chilly description was so vivid for me.

Thoughts to think
What I noticed was a repetition of words and phrases. They're easy to pick out.

Here, you've engaged the smell sensation twice.

It's very hot and humid and the air smells earthy. You can smell the rain in the air...

Avoid filler words like (very). They're meaningless.

Exclamation marks should be used sparingly, preferably, not at all. I found several. *Smile* They're distracting.

More repetitive wording.
My heart races!

Three sentences later,
My mind races

Check your comma usage. (My worst part of editing.)

And then it's goodbye.
A truly, unexpected conclusion. Horrifying. Except how could a blanket of bones cuddle? How can bones cry? Or is that part of the horror? Didn't she notice there was no soft body? Overall, I like the story, but it does raise a lot of questions that I can't answer.

Thanks for the opportunity to read and review your work.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of My Sister Kathy  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi AmyJo. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
I have to admit this wasn't an easy item to read. I, too, lost my only sister in 1983. She was only 30 years old. And she died from Leukemia. So we have several parallel connections, unfortunately through tragic circumstances.

And so it continues, nearly exactly from stanza to stanza. I moved to another state before her death, and could not catch a flight back home until 5 P.M. That was the time of her death.

I've written many pieces about her over the years. The loss feels as if it happened yesterday. She remains in my heart. The only difference is that she wasn't cremated. I remember walking with my mom through rows and rows of coffins. A truly awful experience.

Your poem flowed smoothly from stanza to stanza. The sorrow is evident in your words. It's amazing how you found a rhyming scheme to express yourself concerning such a devastating death.

My only suggestion would be not to capitalize the first word in every line if it's a continuation of the prior.

Some people like punctuation in poetry to guide the flow. I prefer the style you've chosen, no punctuation. That allows me to follow along at a pace dictated by my heart. I paused over most lines and reflected before continuing to the next.

To say I'm sorry for your loss sounds shallow. But the overall mood was a celebration for your sister, without bringing a deathly and morbid pall in your words. (Although that's not to say there's anything wrong if a person chooses to demonstrate a sad mood.)

If it helps, you keep writing to Kathy. It's cathartic for some, including me. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and allowing me to gather my own memories while I connected to yours.


~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Shattered  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tina. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
A compelling story with vivid descriptions of the setting and showing of well-rounded characters. Each personality was distinct.

As the plot unfolds
I enjoyed the tense build-up as Madison explores the mansion. With each room my dread mushroomed and the tension escalated. You weren't kidding when you said 'cliffhanger'. I could never leave my child under those circumstances, unless something were seriously wrong at home.

Wow, the description of the painting gave me the creeps. I had the same reaction as Madison. Fascination and horror.

As you'll notice below, I found a few blips along the way. I know there's probably a ton in the story I'm working on. It's so easy to see what we want, not what should be written.

Thoughts to think
Consider mentioning the mom in the first paragraph so we know who's driving.

run-on sentence
... At least it wasn't grey...

Something is off here. Or I'm reading it wrong. (it led?)
because as she followed the foyer which led to a choice of two directions.

Filter word (decide) and why the past tense. Isn't she here for the first time? Or was she saying it was a room she hadn't entered since she began her tour? *Confused* Maybe internal dialogue? I haven't seen this room, yet.
Madison decided then she'd never entered that particular room.

Why would she be anything but silent? (maybe she tiptoed?) Also, the two instances of (it) throw off the sentence.
A massive painting commanded her attention and silently she went to it and studied it.

???
...and she [could look stand] to be in the room no more.

A few problems in this paragraph. Who is talking? Madison's mother and the grandmother?

"She is nothing like me[,]" [H]er Mother retorted. [full stop]

"She is nothing like me," her Mother retorted. > Mother is not capitalized because it's not being used as a name here. A full stop is required.

And then it's goodbye.
Aside from the blips, easily fixed, the reading experience was awesome. You really put me inside that house and in Madison's head. Well done! You're off to a grand start with this early entry. *Bigsmile*

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Cass.

HAPPY 20th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews*CakeB*



Of all the stories to choose from, I selected this one. The title (with a bit of alliteration) appealed to me. I'm also an avid reader of children's stories. The plots go straight to my heart and squeeze. Yours did not disappoint. *Star*

I do have one or two questions.

Did you begin the story with 'Once upon a time' on purpose? And why the 'he was very sad' sentence? Since this was written in 2003, maybe writers didn't emphasize the downside of weak verbs propped up by adverbs.

Why is (boy) sometimes written (Boy)?

divider for port items

The set-up, with the dog dressed in a wizard cape made the plot sensical. It prepared this reader for a fantasy story. Excellent choice.

My favorite part was the compassion of the Man in the Moon and the spoonful of (Light) given to Wiz. (Was the l in (light) capitalized on purpose?)

Not much hurts a mom more than a child crying. Especially at night. I can't decide which created the most impact. Wiz and the Moon, or the boy crying in his sleep. My grandson, years ago, always fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Your story left me feeling uplifted and cheered. The cleverness of the plot stood out as unique. I could picture the entire scenario in my head. Other than my few queries, a great write. *Bigsmile*


Nixie

Image #2220774 over display limit. -?-

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Ric. Nixie here with an anniversary review for you.

HAPPY 8th WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews*CakeB*



You have a solid plot here that needs some attention. From the beginning, I had no doubt as to what Roger was up to. Or rather, working himself up to taking on a task.

I liked the dialogue shared between Roger and Peter. Peter's the kind of friend everyone needs. He's caring, but also not afraid to give Roger a push. Sometimes, that's all a person needs. A good friend.

So, the problem lies in POV shifts, verb tenses, and switching from showing to telling, all the way to authorial intrusion. For example, in the last few paragraphs, we're being told how Roger feels.

In the beginning of the conclusion, he likes how the tux looks, but then later claims
He didn’t feel like himself in that outfit.

My question is, why didn't he feel like himself? Inner dialogue could lend a hand here. There's always the old cliche, although I don't recommend using it.

I look like a penguin.

Maybe it sounds trivial, but increasing font size and paragraph spacing makes a story much easier to read. Instead of the dialogue all bunched up, spacing it out would create a more dramatic effect. Rather than the words on top of each other, a breathing space gives the reader a better chance to digest the innuendos.

Here's the deal. Anniversary reviews are celebrations. I don't like picking the stories apart. So I mentioned a few things, when this really needs an overhaul. Since it's never been edited, I'm guessing you had a story come to mind, you quickly wrote it and never looked back. I totally understand that. Sometimes a story fits the bill, and that is that. Then again, there's always something to learn. Okay, I'm done now. *Laugh*

Happy Anniversary month all month long. *Cake*

Kicking down the walls of normalcy

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Long Shadows  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lightspeed. Nixie here, celebrating you with a review. *Smile*


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Baretree3*
The Hook
The title is an absolute attention grabber. I'm not sure how I feel about the brief description. Maybe it gave away too much. The message was conveyed in the beginning, rather than allowing me to make the discovery as I read.

*Baretree3*
A closer look
This was a first for me. I've never read anything without quotation marks, which set me back a bit. But as I continued reading, my brain adjusted and I was able to follow the flow. However, I tripped over the dialogue leading to the conclusion. And I'd rather not see the three exclamation points. Since this isn't a 'showing story', I understand the need. Still, three seemed excessive. I also feel the same way about (RIGHT NOW) being presented in full caps. Perhaps italics?

*Baretree3*
Zeroing in
Even though I knew what was coming, the clues were unveiled in a compelling way. The paragraph about what happened, as heard through the husband was a little confusing.

I'd like to chat a bit about the repetitive words. 'Long shadows' was used several times. Now, maybe this was intentional, but I did wonder if finding another expression would create more diversity and possibly enhance the feelings evoked.

In the paragraph beginning with "I thought for a long time" > (getting) is used twice. Some rewording is called for.

*Baretree3*
A closed book= a lasting impression
I was impressed with the last few comments, i.e. the word choices showing the mood. I've had similar telephone conversations, where even as the words are exchanged, the sense of 'the end' darkly loomed.

You closed with one of my favorite expressions. The beginning of the end. I really liked how you employed the word 'herald'. That strong word nailed down the coffin lid sealing the sadness of the relationship ending.

So, while there were times when I was confused, this was a fun story to read and ponder over. I like uniqueness. *Star*


Love this image from Brooke! Personal signature

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupOverwatch Guardian



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of AWAKENING  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi Maria. Nixie here to celebrate your 15th WdC Anniversary.


Title and brief description
The title had me wondering what exactly was awakening, and when I read the brief description, I was all in. The cover art was perfect. Nature-themed items are one of my favorites to both read and write.

Overall Impression
Excellent job engaging a sensory experience. I could easily visualize the scene in my head, and wish I were seeing it with my own eyes. I liked the first stanza, because imagining a 'granny' rocking on the porch evoked the gentleness that followed. Honestly, I felt more calm after reading this.

Of all the beautiful stanzas and carefully chosen words, 'sunflowers gaze upward' affected me the most. No idea why, but the thought of Southern Belles, as in Scarlet O'Hara types came to mind.

Question
I found the punctuation extremely confusing. It was inconsistent and jarring. To each his own, though.

I was wondering how a cottage could 'set'. > One alternate option (A cottage nestled in a pristine meadow) Just a thought.

In the end
I rated this a 4 due to the questions above.

I cannot thank you enough for using a larger font and perfect spacing. I've had to pass on many reviews, due to squinting. *Bigsmile*

I'm closing my eyes now, dreaming of the scene so delicately painted. *Tulipr* Thanks for sharing your gift.



~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of The Selfie  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi Matt. It's Nixie here to celebrate your 15th WdC Anniversary.


From the top
You're unaware of this because I don't review your work, but I've always admired your writing style and skills. In fact, you're most likely my favorite author. Often, when I see your name pop up, I venture over to see what's new with you.

I'm surprised that my mind chose this piece because the cover art is so creepy, and just the mention of Covid sets my nerves on fire. Still, I dove in.

Overall Impression
This story is no exception to the highly-anticipated quality I've learned to expect from you. Your word choices always vary. All senses are evoked in the various descriptions. I felt so sorry for Thomas's loss, yet knew he'd have some sort of encounter with Mal.

Personal connection
I wouldn't have questioned whether Mal's presence was imagined or real. The ones who die are never lost. At least not for me. But I have a weird brain. Over the course of my life, family members who've passed visit me. Not in physical form, more like what happened here. It's not quite the same, they don't actually speak. But it feels as if they're standing in my brain. They always have a message for me, except for my dad's recent visitations. Although I ask over and over again, I can't quite 'hear' what he's trying to communicate. I think he gave up on me.

Also, the story evoked memories of an old apartment building I once inhabited. The laundry area was in the basement. Although not as old as the one described here, there was a definite mystique in the air. I, too, found it comforting when no one else was present. I can still smell the old bricks.

In the end
At times, my visitors have warned me, in general terms, that something 'bad' was about to happen. They prepare me, I guess.

I've never had a deceased loved one literally save my life, though. The suspense in the end had me silently screaming at Thomas to listen. Listen!

After reading the last sentence, I'm wondering if Mal is forever gone.

So, I blabbed on and on about myself, but I'm thanking you for giving me the opportunity to visit my own thoughts. And thanks for the awesome read.

Reviewing your story was
Image #1837600 over display limit. -?-

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of My Brain  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi Misty. Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Welcome to WdC!


*Vine1* Initial reaction
You write with such passion the words are crammed together, creating a block of text that is a challenge to read. Not to worry. There's a quick fix! Simply use a larger font, I'm suggesting {size:3.5} or larger.

Proper paragraphing is required to separate your thoughts. This reads like a stream of consciousness, and I'm betting that it is.

Please remember to use proper grammar and punctuation. *Wink*

(i) should be (I}
contractions: one example: (dont) should be (don't)


I noticed a misspell in the title. (certant) should be (certain)

*Vine2*Thoughts from the edge
Because this is a personal piece, perhaps the inclusion of (hah-hahs) (Omg) and (lols) might be overlooked. For me, it demonstrates an unprofessional approach. You have a lot to offer, so why not perfect your writings? I'm guessing you're a young writer, which would explain quite a bit.

*Vine1* Personal Connection
So many people have mental issues. Please know you are not alone in feeling this way.

*Vine1* That's a wrap
I applaud the last line you've concluded with. Keep writing and gather more feedback from other reviewers. That's one way for writers to improve their skills. *Smile*


an image that shows the inner me

Nixie Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Fantasy Writer. I found your story using the read and review option.


Overall Impression
Excellent word choices to comply with the 24 syllable rule, this short piece sparked a vivid image in my mind.

Special Moments
Smart and clever use of Brobdingnagian, a word from Gulliver's Travels. "Deep Abyss" and "Marine Life" alerted me to the 'setting' as it were. I questioned the double use of the word Leviathan. Once would suffice. *Wink*

If I had to choose, I would not place Leviathan at the top, especially since it's part of the title. A small detail, perhaps, but one that gave me pause. Because there are only three stanzas, the double wording created an unwanted weight to the overall impression. As in, not to make a pun, it drowned out the simplicity.

Closing comments
I took a quick peek at your portfolio. It seems you're the master of this poetic form, which leaves me to believe you have a deep passion running within you for this type of challenge. Well done.

~Nixie


New identity for SPR

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Damage  
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jeff. It's my pleasure to review your short story for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
I listened to the song after I read the story and heard where the inspiration came from. But I didn't need the song to 'hear' the relationship story you penned. The realistic details of the setting added to the authentic air of the meeting-up.

As the plot unfolds
I swear you wrote this as if I was watching the scene for myself, maybe perched on another barstool. Both characters were vivid in my head. Since the conversation felt cool, any thoughts of romance died in my head. There's a few things that make couples unsuitable. And having children is close to number one. That issue left no doubt in my mind. So even though it was a conflict sandwiched in between the setting and Jimmy's character, the difference in lifestyle choices spelled the inevitable doom. Truth be told, I'd have been upset if they reignited their past attraction.

Oops. Almost forgot to mention one of my favorite passages. And that was the teleporting part. Nicely done.

Thoughts to think
At times, it seemed as if the POV shifted. I'm wavering on that part. A few paragraphs felt as if they came from Jasmine's mind, or maybe the author's, not Jimmy's. And that's the only reason I docked the half star.

Last impression
I managed to stifle my 'aww' after I finished reading, but, honestly, that was my first reaction. A bitter-sweet and authentic story, expertly penned.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of The Jester  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)



Celebrating you with an Anniversary Review.

Hi Jim! HAPPY WDC 12th ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY


What an emotional journey you created. I instantly (without being aware of who the jester was) related to the character. I felt as if the jester could be anyone. Without someone to witness our lives, loneliness prevades. Most times, I feel alone. That's the price I pay because I'm lousy at choosing partners.

In the fourth stanza, the word 'aura' appeared, and it was time to adjust my viewpoint. This man was no jester. He was an extraordinary person.

The mood shifted to sadness, creating a puzzle. What was happening here? Even though the theme continued with loneliness, or uncertainty, not one stanza was repetitive.

The last few stanzas hit me like a lightning bolt. The rhymes took on a new meaning, one I never would have guessed. I haven't read any of the other poems in this folder, so my viewpoint is limited. However, I wondered if the first part was metaphoric because the setting presented didn't match up with the true setting revealed in the end.

I'll be thinking this over for the rest of the day. What a brilliant poem to ponder.



~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Chapter Two  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi Rhymer. Nixie here. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
Here's what I'm thinking when it comes to chapters. What about a drop down to summarize the previous chapter? Or, include a link to the first chapter. Otherwise, the reader is stumbling around.

As the plot unfolds
Sometimes, I think we (as authors) can be too clever. Aside from a few comments mentioned below, the story is sound. The long narrative is punctuated by scenes of action. Good job. Due to this being a chapter, I couldn't connect with the characters. No doubt, however, that this will all come together.

Thoughts to think
Watch out for overuse of exclamation points. Remember to use actions, not punctuation to demonstrate emotions.

Does this sound the opposite of what you're trying to convey? Or is it just me?
but the struggle within [was] evident even if God was peeking
[was not]? I think I missed the point here. Are his troubles so deeply buried that even if God chanced a look there would be nothing to see? Or can only God see the turmoil inside?

the first time his mind’d massaged the idea
[his mind had]?

the arm of the couch sending it back to assault his humerus
A couch assaulting doesn't make much sense to me. It implies intelligence.

and he slurped the familiar aromas to the depths his lungs would allow.
Mixed metaphor. I can't match up slurping with smelling. And what were the odors?

Blood accented the body,
Blood is an accent? The scene is too violent for such a delicate word.

Ugh. That last scene was too vivid in my mind. *Sick*
Even so, this may be the most magnificent display of showing emotion through action. *Star*

In conclusion
Please don't be frustrated by the amount of comments. I know you're working hard to polish your skills, and you're doing a fantastic job. *Thumbsup* I only offer suggestions if the story intrigues me. Your chapter is unique, with an uncommon theme. I like reading unusual plots.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Complex Numbers  
for entry "High-cal Local
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Robert. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
When time allows, I dip into your notebook posts. You're clever, witty, and smart. Sometimes smart aleck-y. Your particular style is also evident in this entry.

Your wit had me laughing in quite a few places. Particularly, the Waffle House and Taco Hell with Desperation Alley in between. And one would have to be desperate to eat at either of those two places.

I've also witnessed closings of restaurants. Sadly, many were unique establishments offering Vegan meals. My hope is that someday Orlando will become 'classy' and 'savvy' enough to provide more progressive eateries. (Orlando is not my home town. Thank goodness.) I would prosper in NYC. And the thought of D.C. being so close to your town is eating me alive.

Bagels. It's true. There's no better bagels than the ones made in New York. The same is to be said about pizza.

BTW: Your writing is always eloquent and mistake free. Even when you're goofing around.

Sorry, couldn't resist highlighting this simile.
...restaurants, as they flicker open and closed like lighthouse shutters doing Morse Code.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of In Memoriam  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

As I read with puzzlement, the entire tribute felt distanced. When I reached the end and learned this wasn't written by you, some of the confusion cleared. The question remains. How to review this?

So I'm poking around in the dark here. Did you have a personal connection with Rev Col Bayani P Mendoza? Maybe you can include a note at the bottom informing the reader as to why the tribute was posted here.

This was a stirring and informative tribute. Overall, it's evident the man left a profound impact after death. The details included most certainly painted the definition of a hero. I wonder if all he accomplished was some sort of destiny, since his very name means 'hero'.

The formatting is excellent, although not many still use the indent for each paragraph. I suspect it's a personal choice. My only suggestion would be to use a larger font for an easier read.

Interestingly enough, I googled his name, and your article was the first that popped up in the search. Does that make you famous?

I apologize for skipping over your entry in the forum. The bitem link in the subject line confused me. My brain focused on 'join'. *Headbang*

I hope my review is enough of a tribute for this tribute. I read it first thing in the morning. What a unique way to begin my day.

~Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of My introduction  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Alex. Nixie here. I found your item among the Newbie list. Welcome!

Although a short introduction, you've given us all a chance to visit with you. WdC is famous for making people feel at home. Mostly, we're kind and considerate, always willing to help. I've made some friends here, and it's my primary reason for belonging. And, of course, I can never abandon "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

If you're interested, reviewing not only helps us improve, it can foster friendships. Reach out, maybe start a blog and post your entries on the Newsfeed. Or, post your writings there using the entry or bitem format. Ask questions. That way, readers will learn more about you. *Wink* Use the Newsfeed and various forums to connect with others. Have you visited this forum? "Noticing Newbies?

Check out the various groups here. Before long, you'll be feeling right at home. We love our newbies. What type of stories/poems do you like writing?

At the top of every page, you'll see "Writing.Com 101 I like to ask questions, but 101 is the premium information center. Keep on writing!

Me with another persona. Am I a spy?

Overwatch Guardian
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of It Begins  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sue. I'm reviewing this item for "I Write: Enter the Second Decade

Overall Impression
Oh, my goodness. I can relate to this so well. I write stories in my head all the time. Unfortunately, all I have is the beginning, no middle or conclusion. I think if I write what's churning in my mind, chances are inspiration will help me move forward. Nope.

As the poem unfolds
The theme begins to change, and the meaning phases to thoughts of fame. Absolutely adorable, (no condescension meant). The verses flowed smoothly, and the rhyming scheme was clever. I liked the words you chose, they were more than ordinary. This couldn't have been an easy feat.

Kudos for precise punctuation.

*Heart* The first stanza, last line, was my favorite. The image of thoughts caught in a web stood out and created both a mental image and a real life experience. Webs have spiders. Yikes. And I liked the progression of thoughts slipping away. This was expressed in the next stanza by employing the word 'borderline'. Nicely done.

Wrapping it up
I'm sure you know how easy it is for the spelling of your user name to be confused with another. Much appreciation for adding your name at the ending. I doubt it was meant for that purpose, but it reminded me of who is whom. Jody vs. Sue. *Laugh*

Writing poetry is not one of my strengths, but your creation showed me that thoughts can also be expressed outside of a short story and be just as effective. Thanks for the read!


~Nixie

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Nixie here to celebrate with you.


HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
*CakeB* "Anniversary Reviews*CakeB*


The hook
Hands down, the title and the brief description.

My mistake
I have a habit of reading the end of a story (or poem) before beginning the journey into someone's story world. I was prepared for something simple, I guess. Your poem took me totally by surprise. I read it five times to absorb all the meaning, and every time my heart broke.

I've never read a poem this complicated that flowed line after line. I am no poet, so if this composition follows a specific format, I apologize for not recognizing it. I liked the lack of punctuation throughout. It created continuity.

Quite a shift in POV when the man is introduced. Once the meaning sunk in,though, the intent was crystal.

Oops/suggestions
Somewhere in the lines (who's) should be (whose), but for the life of me, I can't find it again.

Personal connection
Honestly, I can't explain to anyone how much I have in common with Toni, without hurting myself (mentally) further.

Final impression
I wish I knew how much work and time you've put into composing this. It must have been a painful process, or perhaps cathartic. Despite the agony, this is a gorgeous and unique write.


Me with another persona. Am I a spy?

Overwatch Guardian
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Review of More Sue  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.


Hi Rich. Nixie here.

Time to celebrate your (belated) 13th WdC anniversary!


Title and brief description
I wasn't sure about the title, but I was interested to see what insight might be revealed.

Overall impression
Total confusion in the beginning. I'm guessing there are other 'Sue' stories in your portfolio. Otherwise the story begins much later. I'm sure you had a specific reason for adding all the 'Sue' info. *Wink*

The dialogue was witty and concise and a pleasure to read. Lots of white space helped as well. So many writers use a small font and skimpy spacing, I have to squint to read it.

Can there be a link to the Ref at the bottom. My field of vision is narrow.

Personal reaction
*Laugh* Oh, my. What an absolute example of how to turn things around. If a guy said that to me, I'd walk out. I think (I hope) with more women working, social norms have changed.

And I can't resist adding what happened to my daughter, years ago. Waiting at a stop light, the guy in the car next to her rolled down his window and asked "What's the fastest way to get in to your pants?"
Her response? "Drive straight for two blocks, take a left and go straight to hell."


In the end
I bet the memory of this story will run through my mind for the rest of the evening. Nicely done, despite the confusion, which I'm guessing is on my part. *Headbang*


~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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21
21
Review of The Angel Portal  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi rjsimonson Nixie here to celebrate your 16th WdC Anniversary.


Title and brief description
Irresistible for both. I liked the way the title led to the curiousity shop. It was surprising, and encouraged me to read more.

Overall Impression
Fantastic write, imaginative and fanciful. One never knows might be in a shop like that. The immediate setting was clear in my mind, and I wished I were Julie.

Both sound and smell descriptions added to the ambiance. nicely done.

Personal connection
So, I've always wanted to own a serendipity shop filled with items of curiousity and a cafe in the back. Dreams die hard.

Oops
I found enough errors that took me out of your head space, which was really a shame. Since this was written in 2012, I"m guessing it's unlikely you'll return to edit the story. However, you can email me if you want specifics. *Wink*

Question? What did the golden boy have to do with the cat? Obviously they were one in the same, but was this germane to the story? If boy and cat were one entity, wouldn't the cat have the same color fur as the golden boy? Just a thought. There are more questions I'm pondering.

In the end
What a beautiful conclusion. I liked the wrap-up, but Julie knew the angel before? That didn't make much sense to me. Angels are wondrous. Why didn't Julie see how special her specific angel was? How did the curio cabinet come to be in the store.

The memories were wiped from Julie's mind, and she had no idea how she ended up in the dress shop. Very cool and fitting. Sweet message, too.

I wish I could rate this higher, but with so many mistakes...

~Nixie
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Review of Buster Seven  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.


Hi Master Om. Nixie here.

Time to celebrate you 1st WdC anniversary!


Title and brief description
I can't say for sure why my heart broke when I read the title and brief description. It wasn't dread, somehow I sensed this wouldn't be tragic.

Overall impression
Is this fiction or non? It definitely read like non-fiction. The entire experience felt like 1st hand knowledge. Okay, so now my heart hurts a little more, especially in retrospect.

The rhyming was smooth and the poem flowed. It couldn't have been easy to make that radio exchange readable. But you did it. The entire time I was reading this, it seemed as if I was there with them. Most effective writing! I do recognize some of the terminology from being with my son. People say men have war in their hearts, but they're still heroes.

Personal reaction
Considering my son served two tours in Iraq, I'm drawn to military stories. Neither my son, nor my deceased dad talk much about their service. (Dad was second wave Iwo Jima.) My son has told me of a few awful instances, but my dad never spoke of the war until 50 years had passed.

My warriors didn't speak due to trauma, but I'm not familiar with Deltas, Seals, and S.A.S. requirements for secrecy.

In the end
Well, I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and weepy, so I'll leave the review with the comments I've made. But I won't forget your poem.


~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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23
23
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi FrankenDuf. Nixie here to celebrate your 6th WdC Anniversary.



Major props for writing all these contest entries. I bet the hosts were super happy. I've always wondered how to write a story like this, and now know I can't. *Laugh*

My first impression was that the main character was an animal living in a kennel for strays. (The white van gave me that impression.) Weird, I know. On the second read, I saw that made no sense. (Regina, as an animal, pressing her face against the glass didn't fit.)

Time to re-think. Just because a story is short, it doesn't necessarily mean the plot is simple.

In a few short words, you conveyed apprehension and pathos for Regina. I can see her little face peering through the glass. Way to break my heart, though. She was hoping for a forever home. What a winsome way to convey her experiences thus far. Nicely done.

My only suggestion (thinking of Quills) would be to choose a genre and categories. Even if not for a Quill candidate (I don't think we have that category) these tiny treasures feel undervalued due to their lack of identity.

Knowing how to convey feelings and characters in a few short words, complete with a setting and conflict is truly one of your talents. Thanks for the opportunity to read and learn!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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24
24
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ironworker. Nixie here with an anniversary review.


New Anniversary Review image.


Initial impression

Yes, yes, and okay. *Laugh* Excellent opening salvo. Identify the characters and the conflict. The aliens dubbed [The Nezuar] immediately alerted me. Ah, sci-fi.

Um, my review is forming up to be a blow by blow commentary while I read. Hope that doesn't bother you.

oops
The [D]oorbell rang.
The doorbell rang.

The third paragraph scrambled my thoughts. Judging from other parts of the story, I know you know how to improve it.

And then there's a few verb tense switches that are confusing.
Winston sits up

“As you have surmised, the Doctors question...
Since we're not using the doctor's name, Doctor's should not be capitalized. [doctor's]. Also, that whole sentence is a mouthful. I'm sure you know how to straighten that up. And, that filler word [just] has to go.

I didn't sense too much ongoing objection about the aliens moving in. After all, humans are, or already have, killed the earth. What really got my attention was The Nezuar's compassion for humans. The pain and worry from the alien was touching. The ending was dismaying, though.

I liked this description of passing time.
In a moment of silence that seemed to last an hour...

Nice write! I enjoyed this adventure.

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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25
25
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Congratulations on your WdC Anniversary.

Hi Wolfwalker
Nixie here to celebrate your 16th WdC Anniversary.


Title and brief description
After reading the title and brief description, I was already smiling and anticipating how this scenario would play out.

Overall Impression
True, I laughed all the way through, but what really stood out was your unique word choices and sentence structures.

Being who I am, I googled the origin of the phrase. I found several metaphorical ones, but at the top of the page was what I remembered. The usage of the word began in 1900, referring to hoof in mouth, a cattle affliction. Sorry, that's me skating around the intent of this piece, throwing water on the hilarity.

Personal connection
Remember the expression 'measure twice, cut once?' I'm a talk first, think twice. Always after 'putting my foot in my mouth'.
I have a brother who would write something like this, and the story reminded me of him. Thanks for that gift.

In the end
My only reason for the 4.5 was because the font was too small, and there needed to be more white space. My eyes are burning from squinting.

Fantastic write!

~Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


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