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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nixie9
Review Requests: OFF
3,279 Public Reviews Given
3,318 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Template most of the time, covering setting/plot/characters/conflict/resolution if applicable. For shorter works, I concentrate more on feelings evoked.
I'm good at...
Short story, chapter reviews and in-depth reviews.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi, Romance, mystery, children's
Least Favorite Genres
Historical
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, novel chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
essay, editorial, non-fiction, somebody's homework assignment
I will not review...
XGC, poems, prose. I am an animal activist and vegan, so cruelty or violent, unnecessary, death due to negligence is overwhelming. I am unable to review any pieces involving abuse of any kind to anyone. I like to keep my corner or the world happy, because I grew beyond my "challenges" of childhood and don't want to look back.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Everyone Die  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, use 'I am'. Nixie here. I found your item while perusing the Newsfeed.

*Dragonflyy*
Bravo for stepping out into the world of writing. I'm hoping a review from a member of the group will be welcomed.

Excellent work writing your own Frankenstein story. The descriptions were vivid through the use of powerful adjectives.

I liked learning about the doctor as he ran through his various observations. He wanted to improve humanity, merely one more egomaniac convinced he knew it all. The doctor's ambitions were fantastically portrayed through his actions.

*Dragonflyy*
What puzzled me was the timeline. Did the story jump backwards with the paragraph beginning..."Dr. Jonathan Reed stumbled..."? Flashbacks rarely work and this one confused me. Why travel back rather than stay in the present?

Observations

*Dragonflyy*
A loud, explosive, disturbing and engaging read. Side note: I was sad when the doctor found the monster in pain. Then again, I usually side with the monsters who are created by man. It's not their fault. They're only being who they are.

*Bulletb* Reviewing is another great opportunity for learning. The process has helped me see my own missteps several times.

Incorporate what helps and ignore the rest.

*Star* Keep writing!

Nixie

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2
2
Review of The Longest Night  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Adherennium Dr of Phoolishness Nixie here. After trading merit badges, I ventured into your portfolio.
We don't share the silly gene, and most of the time I don't understand your Newsfeed posts. *Laugh* That said, here comes the review.



*ZodiacTaurus*
I hooked on to this story because of my affinity with children. I can't count the number of times I've gone out of my way or undertaken something hopeless to please a child.

Ten million years ago, Cabbage Patch dolls were the rage. They came with their own birth certificates. I never secured one, but luckily, neither of my daughters were overly interested in dolls. The lineup to get a chance at buying one? Ridiculous. And so were those dolls.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The scene is quickly set and the camaraderie between Bob and Mike is immediately apparent. Something that I feel is important to every story is name choice. I enjoy looking for clever or unusual names because names can help define a character. Bob and Mike are too flat and overly generic. Both characters deserved a meaningful or more original name.

Rain and then snow? That is an unbearable weather situation. Great job showing the characters waiting in line. A poignant moment occurred when hot chocolate and coffee was served. And then digging out the car? The worst. In Maine, I worked in a place that was backed by the Kennebec River. While living in NYS, my Camaro was frequently under tons of snow. Both scenes, waiting and digging out cars brought back memories, and I was able to relate to both.

*ZodiacTaurus*
What really confused me was the fact that Mike knew what doll Bob wanted (or so it seemed) but allowed his friend to stand in line when Mike had already bought the doll. It was a sweet ending, but what kind of friend does that to another? Or Mike could have told Bob to open the bonus envelope when he handed it over.

Writing for fast turnaround contests with a w/c limitation is a challenge. Kudos for braving those waters. I swim in them only if the prompt gives me an immediate spark. And I'm not a fast writer. I edit and edit until all the fun is gone. Both Flash and Cramp contests are for people like me. I can't edit over and over, and yet, I still do.

I hope you don't mind me sharing my own experiences. As I said, I wanted to show you how I connected. That, for me, is the most important part of writing. Keep on writing.


Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
for entry "My Son Can't Walk!
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Tracey. Nixie here. I found your work on the Newsfeed.

*ZodiacTaurus*
This could not have been an easy piece to write. On the other hand, writing is a catharsis for working through troubles. A sick child, especially one who can't walk, is terrifying. Parents are helpless in these situations.

Smart guy, your husband, taking your boy to the candy store. When that experience failed to set your son to walking, all bets were off. Diversion always works in determining the severity of a complaint. My mom used to set us in front of the TV set. I was so sad, thinking she didn't care. Her intention was the same as your husband's. If we could be distracted by watching TV, she'd know we were at least not in dire straits. I wish she'd told me that as a kid.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I'm thinking about SM and SMs's experience with their daughter. One day she complained her legs hurt, the next she was diagnosed with Leukemia.

When my sister was hospitalized for one long stretch of her treatment for Leukemia, the doctors determined a staph infection had traveled to her brain. When I visited her, she was delirious. Eventually, she recovered, but died a few months later.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Oh good grief. It's a blabber-mouth review. The shining star is the fact that your retelling of what happened gave me a chance to think. Even though the memory of my sister was painful to revisit, she died in 1984 so time has lessened the sting.

Your concluding paragraph was profound. I experienced a time when I couldn't walk, only a few years ago. Apparently, I'd had a TMI, a temporary stoppage of blood to the brain, but not so severe as a stroke and no damage. Like your son, after a few days in the hospital, my legs started working again.

During one of my deceased Dad's many hospital stays, he developed staph. It's abundant in hospitals. I'm sorry you endured the same illness, but I'm happy because you're here with us. *Heart*

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Choke  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Amethyst Angel🌸📝🪽 Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024

*Bulletb*
First, congrats for entering this contest. There's a lot of competition, and it takes bravery (I'm a coward) to offer up your work for judging.

*Bulletb*
I liked the premise of the story. The plot built up at a comforting pace, but by the time Jenny noticed the stranger my heart was pounding. You wrote some excellent descriptions of the town, bringing it to life and showing the reader where Jenny lived.

I have a few questions and comments.

*Bulletb*
The first sentence is confusing. I understand the sun is setting, but the sentence was awkward.

I thought Jenny was returning from an absence, due to the description of the town as she drove. Otherwise, she's driving aimlessly, until she can pull into the driveway of the aging restaurant she and her husband owned. What prompted her?

If Jenny's head is down on the steering wheel, how does she know it's the sheriff pulling into the driveway?

What happened to the old restaurant? Jenny mentioned it being an eyesore. Did she have it demolished, or did she renovate the building?

How can everything on the menu be free, yet she has to manage finances? She's already at the poverty level, how is she making any money? I thought the restaurant would only be giving out free meals on one day, as her husband did.

I would combine the paragraphs regarding Ryan's reappearance. It doesn't make a lot of sense for him not to remember being a veteran, but, in the next paragraph he remembers being in Afghanistan. Why else would a person be there? He can still have amnesia about the past.

I don't think colons are used in short stories anymore. Maybe if there were only one it wouldn't be so noticable.

I learned something about ellipsis while reviewing your story. I thought they consisted of three dots with spaces. But according to my research, they can also be presented without spaces. That was a big shocker for me, especially when they effect word count.

I enjoyed riding around with Jenny and seeing her town. I'm thrilled for her because she did find her husband.

Life won't be easy for Ryan and Jenny. I hope he eventually remembers her, or learns to love her all over again.

OT addition: Thanks for the enlarged font and generous spacing.

The plot works so well, it's worth considering some editing. I know, editing is not fun for anyone. Thanks for the read.

Warm regards,
~Nixie

"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Soul of the Sea  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi intuey Nixie here. I found your item waiting in my draft reviews.


*BoothB* Initial reaction
I could not resist reading this story because the title hit me with the words 'read me', followed by a punch to the gut.

The brief description is a foreshadowing of your excellent storytelling skills.

*Boothb*Overall Impression
First person POV is the ticket to success for this type of story. The reader is first-hand immersed in the MC's conflict. Using first person POV, a great amount of curiosity was kicked up while the MC slowly discovers the crews' intent.

Without revealing the twist, I'll say what they were looking for caught me by surprise. The plot consistently emphasized the possibility that the MC was delusional. Nicely done.

Every descriptive phrase is a lesson in showing not telling. The entire read was a visceral experience. Problem after problem moved the plot along and increased the sense of dread in my stomach. The manner in which the boat was tossed about made me seasick.

One might guess the main character has to survive, but in your story doubt was cast. The pace never lets up until the MC awakens on the beach. From there, the pace was slowed, which allowed the reader to breathe for a bit. But then the battle for survival began.

*Boothb*
Suggestions/the little stuff

*Boothb*That's a wrap
The story deserved a stronger conclusion, but, for the life of me, I can't think of anything else. Perhaps what you wrote was the only possible way to complete the story arc.

Something funny. My next intent was to congratulate you for having won a ribbon. But when I clicked on it, I discovered you'd received it from me, further evidence of the story's power. Slam/dunk, Tracey.


Dr Who and his Tardis


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6
6
Review of Breaking Things  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi TheBusmanPoet. Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
I struck gold when I came across this little bit of prose. In only a few lines you've captured the cycle of life in a delicate manner. It felt as if I were tiptoeing through the lines, but I can't explain exactly why.

Literally and figuratively, I can relate to both examples of fragility.

From stanza one, I pictured a child in fear. Don't break the breakables. I remember steering clear of anything delicate. There was that one time when I was dancing around a glass coffee table, fell and smacked my head. The table survived. Me? Concussion.

In regards to a different breakage, I thought of my unpleasant childhood, where I never knew what might set off an episode of my mom exploding. The experience broke me. I also endured another trauma inflicted on me by one of my older brothers.

*Bookstack*
Relating to the second half, every morning I wake up wondering what part of my body will hurt. I worry about falling and breaking a bone. That has happened several times. I worry about being broken due to lack of human contact. I've lived alone for years with no friends and infrequent visits from family.

*Bookstack*
I liked the guided punctuation that set the two stages of life apart. The two simple periods were as choreographed as a conductor leading an orchestra.

Final reflections? Thanks for the chance to explore my innermost being by reading your words.

Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of A Little Trip  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham Nixie here. Once again, I found your work via the read and review option.

*ZodiacTaurus*

What an unusual read. I'd like to take a trip to Nowhere. Maybe the train never stops and I can just keep on riding.

The simple title is effective because it has more than one meaning. The story could be about a physical trip, or someone tripping over an obstacle, for example. I know this story was written way back when, but the brief description needs to be a description.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The first two lines created confusion. My suggestion would be to begin with the third paragraph. That would set the scene. I was flummoxed by reading about doors. Doors leading to where?

*Laugh* I’ll sit there for a day or so, like a big rock

I liked this line not only because it made me laugh, but because it gave me a hint as to what George looked like. Poor guy, I hope he wasn't stuffed between passengers.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Consider using a larger font for ease of reading. *Wink*

*ZodiacTaurus*
The story arc was completed with ellipses that left out key words. One could also say that 'doors' were a beginning and end. In the beginning, George and Jane enter through doors. In the end, the doors are shut and locked. Something about that correlation struck me as clever. Was it intentional?

Thanks for the read. *Smile*

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Mystical Cat  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi intuey. Nixie here, reviewing this item for "I Write in 2024.

*Bulletb*
I would have chosen to review this story even if it wasn't the next in line for our activity. The title alone was enough to make me pounce over here and read.

The title, the cover art, and the brief description all added up to the perfect formula to draw in readers. I wish the cat in the cover art was my own.

The first sentence wasn't an attention-grabber. I wonder what would happen if you chose the second paragraph as the first, and added in the details from the first paragraph there? i.e. Eliminate the first paragraph by combining the second for a catchier beginning. I'm being brutally honest here. A description of the cat was necessary, but, for me, there were too many details.

*Bulletb*
I liked how the mystery kept me running alongside Clara. Logically, I knew she wouldn't lose the cat, but the story wasn't about a mere chase. The transition caught me off guard. It's not always easy to write scenes like this and make them believable. I was carried away into your mystical land.

But one scene change wasn't enough. The mysticism continued. Astonishing.

It may be worthwhile to take a second look at paragraphs nine and ten. 'Stumbled' is used twice, and I think there's some word economy needed there.

~A kit is a baby fox. It would be cool if the cat were huge, adding to its otherworldliness.

~Can you believe a period at the end of the story was missing?

*Bulletb*
When I saw this prompt, all that came to mind were the cats I've owned and lost. I had nothing but bad memories in my mind. That's why I'm so appreciative of your take. I feel happy right now. The story is inspirational.

*Bulletb*
The conclusion was like a sweeping and mood-altering drama. I do have a question. Did Clara use her gifts to help others, or was it only the effect the experience had on her that drew reverence from others? Note: I understand the limitations of word counts.

Overall, an enchanting story.

~Nixie


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Sumojo Nixie here. I found your item via the 'read and review' option.

*Dragonflyy*
I enjoyed this story of homecoming. All the strokes were there to present a complete painting. We experienced Michael's emotions and observations as primary. The paragraph about how the house looked could have been a painting. It was that beautiful.

The story builds slowly. While I was dying to know what was wrong with the dad, I took my time reading and didn't skip ahead.

I wavered a bit, trying to keep all the characters straight and then just let it go. I added it all together to visualize a large and happy family.

For some reason, I thought using the Jeep was a bad sign, as if the Jeep was in a state of disrepair and shouldn't be driven. That got me thinking that maybe I'd solved a riddle. Maybe the family was in financial trouble. I was wrong.

The sentence that said it all.
Gee, mum, I never thought having a calm, even-tempered father could scare me so much.“

*Dragonflyy*
Thoughts from the ledge

*Dragonflyy*
Fantastic job showing the reader a wide view of the family and the dynamics within a limited word count. Other than a few lapses of attention, I felt as if a friend was telling me about this family.
Well done!

Nixie

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10
10
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Zen Nixie here. I found your item via 'read and review'.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Your article is bound to attract any writer's attention, due to the despised 'self-reviewing' in the title. Smartly, you follow through in the brief description hinting at an answer, which encourages.

*Right* The word (hard) in the title needs to be capitalized. (Hard)

*ZodiacTaurus*
This comprehensive how-to guide addresses a few of the giant boulders that somehow we don't see in the lurking in the words we're thinking of. Or, the problem could be pebble-sized, such as a misplaced or missing comma. Our brains have already gone from the sentence we're looking at to the next one in line.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I haven't seen anyone use the Freudian terms id and ego in forever. They seemed so arcane, I googled the words to refresh my memory. I also enjoyed googling (internecine), but maybe that's a confession I shouldn't have mentioned. Does it reflect on my level of comprehension? It was first known in 1642. The word hits the spot in the sentence, but are other readers confused by it?

I do not like to hear myself speak out loud, so that technique doesn't work for me. I generally find mistakes after my piece is completed here and then read it on my phone.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Great job summing up a difficult task. One of the most important parts is the need for word economy. Your POV sheds light on some possible pitfalls. I liked the part about writing rubbish. Not worrying about perfection on the first go-round is liberating.

The structure of the work is sound and easy to read. White space is integral to the presentation. I felt comfortable with the formatting. A larger font would save others from squinting.

This article could have been expanded, but to what end? No positivity would be achieved. Probably, most readers would pass on by. Here, we can find valuable information without feeling overwhelmed. Everyone has their own approach. In my head, several thoughts are swirling, different from the ones outlined here.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Final reflections - Considering the length of the document, there is a wealth of valuable information. Also, I liked your writing voice.



Who said a Taurus is stubborn
Reviewed by Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of A Moment in Time  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi StephBee Nixie here. I noticed this on the Newsfeed and was curious enough to review the story.

*Baretree3*
The cover art is fantastic! The brief description is cryptic. The reader has no idea who these two characters are, or what their relationship is.

The first paragraph maintained the quandary. In the second paragraph, Emma's dialogue resolved the mystery.

*Baretree3*
When I read about the dusty boxes, I wanted to sneeze. The descriptions were specific and clear. The setting unfolded in my mind. The characters were developed as the plot unrolled.

I felt sad for the mom. I thought Josie was a grandmother, despite having read the second line of dialogue.

That fragility didn't happen to me until much later in life. I was still a firecracker when my kids graduated from college.

*Baretree3*
Antiquing is the best. I spent years of my life poking around different shops in various states. Sometimes I wanted furniture. In my NYS stint, I was on the lookout for antique bottles. I never had much luck. The best bottles were sold on Ebay.

*Baretree3*
Wood wind chimes are the best for sound. They're not too loud, and the sound is natural and pleasant. I like all wind chimes, but I'm partial to the wood ones. And that is how my first reading of the story went. Since there were woods in the background, I automatically added 'wood' to chimes.

“You and dad?” asked Emma.
“You and [D]ad?” Emma asked.

Commas are the plague
paused and rubbed her thin, finger across her chin.
no comma necessary.

*Baretree3*
So, the reader never learns what the mom wanted her daughter to know. Was that intentional? Did it further the plot? That was a lingering wonder.

I enjoyed reading your story and sitting myself down between the mother and daughter. Nicely done.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Escape Plan  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJeanGreeneggs&vegham Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*BookStack*
Once I saw the title, I had no choice but to read this piece of flash. I'm working on a frog story of my own, with a different theme.

*Bookstack*
What I liked the best? The frivolous hilarity and the twist at the end. You made it easy to visualize this meeting, and I laughed when Harry stood on his hind legs. And here's where the mystery popped in. What escape plan would involve mammals? Could this be a typo, I asked myself.

And therein lies the trick. If the audience isn't already invested (I can't imagine that) surely they would continue reading to satisfy their curiosity.

I was thinking that the list at the top isn't required, since the topics are spoken by Mercy as she addresses her friends.

I do hope schools have stopped sacrificing frogs. The stink of formaldehyde is not easy to forget. And the whole project was disgusting. So the adversary was spot-on.

*Bookstack*
With intentions not to spoil the twist, it makes perfect sense to see both those critters in combined action. Outside my windows, I observe the mammal in question, and at night I hear the frogs. The affinity between the two is perfectly natural.

I didn't look at the cover art because it was a dark image. Now I'm happy to have ignored it. The twist would have been nullified.

Great read and loads of fun.



Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of Seasons  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Detective Nixie here. I found your item via the 'read and review' option.

*Dragonflyy*
In answer to the last stanza, I'd say autumn brings joy to me. Unfortunately, I live in Florida, and can no longer appreciate nature's transitions. This year we had a bit of 'winter' which means for a month or so, the temps hovered around 50 or 60 degrees.

*Dragonflyy*
Now I have to add a funny comment. We had a golden retriever who stole kids winter hats, the ones with the long tails. When the snow melted, the neighbors came to our house to find their missing hats in the backyard.

Now onto the review:

The transition from winter to spring seemed too sudden. We need the sun to melt the snow, and then the flowers can grow. The lines travel from 'under a blanket of snow' to spring. Does my observation make sense to you? Or do you prefer it as is?

One of the drawbacks when using 'read and review' is that I often come across items written years ago. As a reviewer, it's my choice to add suggestions, even knowing the author will most likely not time travel back to years ago.

I always wonder and am possessed to make the same comment. I don't understand why poets capitalize the first letter of every line.

*Dragonflyy*
My favorite stanza belonged to autumn, because I liked the scenery you painted with words. This stanza was easy to relate to. Farmer's Markets are the best for a stroll when the air is cool. I miss autumn leaves swirling.

Good job with the active show.

Nixie

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ned . I'm cruising through 'read and review' and chose your item to review.

*Books6*
I'll admit to surprise when I decided to read this, because spiders give me the creeps. And their bites hurt. I've had bites so swollen, it's only after they deflate that I can see the fang punctures.

I'll chalk my decision to read this up to curiosity and an interest in kinship between spider feelings.

*Books6*
The rhyming scheme worked so well, the poem simply flowed, even though my heart was pounding. I once had a red spider dangle in front of me. You've captured that fright with a slight twist of humour that made this poem stand out. A conversation with a spider, indeed. *Laugh*

I also tell any bugs in my house that I live here, and you need to leave. The entire outdoors belongs to you. Why the heck would you choose to imprison yourself.

My one suggestion. There's no need to capitalize the first letter in every line. I won't say more, because I feel like I'm stuck in a trap, always advising the same.

Remember, all punctuation needs to be inside the quotation marks.

I didn't catch the circle of completion until after I read this twice. I was forewarned, but didn't see it.

Try putting yourself in my shoes.


*Books6*
There's not much one can do to a spider. But they don't like peppermint spray, nor do ants, for that matter.

When I first moved to Florida, I knew nothing about the state, or rather the state of the bugs. Palmetto bugs. They are huge with creepy feelers and their outer armament is so tough they crunch if you step on one. And they have super-sonic speed.

Where are my comments leading? We're venturing to the last line. We learned to shake out our shoes before donning them.




Damiana Matrix SPR


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Nixie here. I found your item via random review. Your wrote an elaborate acrostic!


*BoothB*
Reading about the memories of your dad naturally brought up several of my own. My dad wasn't affectionate, and he was stoic. But the little moments to treasure are sealed in my heart. I think the lack of affection stemmed from his generation. The second verse was in sync with my feelings because it showed us some of your dad's simple actions that left a lasting mark.

The title is lovely and winsome. My one suggestion would be to delete the quotation marks.

All the phrases after each letter were naturally formed. Nothing sounded out of place.

I know what it's like to be alone. That verse 'except on the phone' hit me the hardest. I rarely talk on the phone, it's mostly texts these days. That's okay, talking on the phone increases my anxiety.

As excruciating as the loss is, I appreciated the last line in the acrostic. My beloved ones who have passed visit in my mind. And I also believe we see them in nature. Energy can't be created or destroyed. All that remains is the empty shell of the body.

And, as expressed in the first stanza, the pain is gone. My dad's pain was physical, having been shot in the back during his tours in Iwo Jima and surrounding islands. He had a bad heart to begin with. The man lived with one lung, because the bullet shot up through his back and into the lung. He never developed full-blown Alzheimer's, but the signs were there.

I think many here are aware of the special relationship you shared with your dad. You wrote a beautiful tribute for him.



Dr Who and his Tardis


GROUP
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#1300305 by Maryann


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16
16
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi JCosmos . Nixie here. I found your work via the read and review option.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Okay, I'm completely befuddled. Sam Adams wasn't a paleontologist, he was a politician. There is no missing link between homo-sapiens and neanderthals. They were two separate species. My comment isn't exactly accurate, but there's no point in delving into the subject as this is a review, not a discussion.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I wanted to review this because I thought maybe it would end up being humorous, though I didn't see how. And why would anyone want to bring back neanderthals? What would be the advantage? Neanderthals had bigger brains, but they were not smarter. And homo-sapiens were (partly) responsible for the extinction.

I can't make any sense of this piece, for the reasons listed above. Beyond that, I don't understand the formatting. Why is there a period after (link) when the thought is ongoing? It would be helpful if the first words in every line were not all capitalized.

*ZodiacTaurus*
The smart thing to do on my part would have been choosing not to review this since all I had were bewildering comments about accuracy and meaning. But no one had reviewed it, and I wanted to know why. Googling for accuracy is crucial in all historical writings. And this is definitely not sci-fi, unless you're making a joke, or purposely twisting history. *Confused* Maybe I landed on a piece in your port that is not an example of your writing proficiency.

All I can say is Keep Writing!
Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of A-ha  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sue. Nixie here.

I'm still cruising the 'random review' option, and another of your poems came up again.



*Baretree3*
I'm happy my eyes didn't settle on the brief description this time. Had I read it, I would have been deprived of the punch line, that was hilarious.

*Baretree3*
I bet most everyone can relate to this poem. That little itch in my mind drives me insane. The first verse expressed those frustrating times. Words circle in our mind and go nowhere. I especially liked 'slip of the tongue'. This time when I read, a melody played in my head. The lines sounded like lyrics.

*Baretree3*
Okay, you got me good with the first line of the second stanza. It caught me by surprise and made me laugh. My mom forgot my birthday this year, but called the next day. And then, a few weeks later it was her birthday, and my brother's. I thought about it all day long, but never made the call.

I called the next day and told my mom my happy wishes weren't late because I thought of her all day long. She's hard of hearing, and I have to talk super-slowly, but I think she got the meaning.

Too bad the contest only allows for eight lines. Then you could have added 'Whoops!' as a separate line for impact. I've sacrificed one line to fit within eight lines, and it wasn't easy. This activity is likable because it reminds me of how important word economy is.

*Baretree3*
Your grasp on the everyday problems of humans is well-expressed whenever you write. And reaching the reader is a goal worth striving for. My writings can be quirky. Okay, time for me to stop typing. Well done!



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18
18
Review of Time for Tea  
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sue. Nixie here, again. Your prose was the first item I saw when I clicked the read and review option.

*BookStack*
My tea drinking days are long past gone. I don't think it's because a cup of hot tea splashed my abdomen, giving me a 2nd degree burn. Last week, I ordered Black tea (cold) at a restaurant. Yum. And dare I say camomile tea as a past favorite?

What does a 'good builder's' tea mean? All I'm picturing is someone lifting weights. Maybe a shot of caffeine?

Do you really carry your own supply of tea? This is fiction, but with the 'I' POV, I was wondering. I'd carry my own supply, for sure.

lapsang-souchong tea is one I've never heard of. I googled it and it's a type of black tea. I may have to try that some day. Definitely not hot, though.

*Bookstack*
I didn't detect an overall flow, which is sometimes felt in a freeform poem. I was thinking, what if you broke this into two stanzas of four each?

'Herbal' doesn't have to be capitalized, unless you're making a point. My other suggestion would be to save that period until the last line. The verb 'shudder' made me crack a smile. Now that's a verb put to good use. It added to the levity of the prose.

*Bookstack*
Because this was an activity, and the prose was composed last year, the brief description is no longer important. But I did notice.

Thanks for the trip along the tea lane. I enjoyed the unusual scenery. *Teag*


Reviewing your work was
My Pleasure tks.

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sue. I'm reviewing this story for the activity "I Write in 2024.


*BoothB* Initial reaction
Besides your story being the next in queue requiring a review, the title was the absolute attraction. (I didn't have to review this. I could have waited for another entry, but you nabbed me.)

*Boothb*Overall Impression
My heart clenched when I read the first paragraph, and I almost didn't want to keep reading. I dreaded the explanation.

Excellent response to the prompt contest. The words fit in without feeling awkward or interrupting the flow. Showing the boy imagining himself as Huck was a brilliant choice. Immediately, a vision appeared in my mind, suggesting innocence. But what terrible cloud was hanging over him?

I rejoiced when he found the feather and then spotted the eagle. Nature sends messages to me frequently. He must be quite the reader because he knew about eagles and their symbolism. I doubt they teach that in school. And then the jaunty little fellow literally stuck the feather in his cap.

*Boothb* Oops
So many people confuse (further) with (farther) I feel obligated to point out the difference—first paragraph. Farther is for distance. Further is for everything else, mainly the passage of time. That's true for this side of the pond, but maybe it's not universal.

*Boothb*That's a wrap
In the last paragraph, another picture was sketched with just enough details to 'see' what Noah did. I was frightened to read what came next. What he saw was foreboding, but what a huge relief that you spared me the details. Triumphant conclusion! I'm worried about the character in your story. If he shows bravado, he may make the situation worse. I felt like Noah was my own, and wanted to protect him from the dad. That's how powerful the plot was.




Dr Who and his Tardis


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


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20
20
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, jaya Nixie here. I found your item while traipsing through the read and review option.

*Dragonflyy*
After I read your work, I noticed how many reviews you have on this item. LIkely, I would have skipped over, but it was too late. I was already captured in your dream world.

Fantastic word choices created a unique and engrossing read. It was easy to imagine myself in the very place described. In fact, the prose sounds similar to one of the ways I begin my meditations.

Nature itself is soothing. I rejoice in the spread of a heron's wings, the rippling of the lake where I live, the chorus of frogs singing at night, and the stillness at one A.M. In fact, nature is the only thing in this world that makes sense to me.

Poet's largess: It's not necessary to capitalize the first letter of every line, especially if it's an ongoing phrase.

*Dragonflyy*
Suggestion: Capitalize (Dream) in the title.
(assaulting) didn't flow for me, as it sounds like something violent in my mind.

*Dragonflyy*
What you've expressed here began my reviewing time with a smile on my face. I'm so happy that I skipped reading the amount of reviews. It's my lucky day.

Nixie

image for reviews



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21
21
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi brom21. Nixie here. I found your item via 'read and review'.

*ZodiacTaurus*
In your portfolio, I was invited to enter your domain. I dream of entering portals and wonder if any truly exist. I'm doomed by my own imagination. So the title drew me in and the brief description was just enough to interest the reader, without divulging too much. That's a fine line and you walked it.

The first paragraph set the scene as a bit spooky and definitely mysterious. Why would Luke be drawn in by it? Even though it's explained in the brief description, the power of the words entranced me.

Aside from the boy's inexplicable temptation, we see the mother objecting, which created a second conflict.

For the next story you write, choose the genres carefully. If this was my story, I'd probably begin with action/adventure, then 'fantasy' and possibly 'children's. It's best not to choose 'other' or 'contest entry'.

This was an interesting tale with too many lapses of attention. Since your story was written years ago, I doubt anyone would go back and fix their errors. At any rate, here's a few that bungled me.
Lapses

*ZodiacTaurus*
I've muddied the waters enough and do not want to carry on with editing suggestions.

*ZodiacTaurus*

The last line completed the story arc in a satisfying way. Who would believe him? Thank you for inviting me into your portal. Keep writing and reviewing to further enhance your skills.

Who said a Taurus is stubborn
Reviewed by Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Mary Ann MCPhedran. Nixie here. I found your item via the 'read and review' option.

*Dragonflyy*
What a lovely poem to capture an experience.

For me, nature is always the answer when it comes to soothing nerves or remembering what really matters in this life. Quiet contemplation and reflection come naturally. Since I'm not fortunate enough to live in the paradise described here, I travel in my meditations.

The vivid descriptions placed me in the middle of the setting. All senses were engaged as I read. I can't say exactly why, but 'bluebell stalk' became my favorite line.

*Dragonflyy*
Generally, capitalizing the first letter of every line bothers me, but somehow it worked here, even when the phrase was ongoing.

*Dragonflyy*
To cap it off? The last two lines ask an existential question. It prompts one to consider life and what we're doing with the gift. Long ago, the song 'Row, row, row your boat' ended with 'life is but a dream'. So why do we take life so seriously? Human nature, I guess. Some rise above and learn to live, and as they say, let live. But one can never truly know another person, because we only see the veneer on the top layer.

Humans are so out of place here on earth. We consume and give nothing in return. When I die and my energy is returned to earth, I hope to be part of nature. Maybe even a bluebell stalk. I see why everyone has rated this five stars. Well deserved.

Nixie

image for reviews


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi J.R. PETE Nixie here. I found your item via random review


*BoothB* Initial reaction
I almost passed by this story due to the presentation. I feel like an album has me stuck in one track, repeating the same song in every review. Readers prefer a larger font and more white space. However, the beginning was intriguing enough to prompt a review.

*Boothb*Overall Impression
My review may end up as a ball of confusion because I assumed this was a personal story. But then I noticed you'd chosen fiction. First person POV, unless indicated somewhere in the story does sound like non-fiction.

No wonder you struggled with the prodding of 'what do you want to be?' Who could be motivated to explore their inner psyche when such negativity casts shade? One 'should' never make comparisons because no two people are the same. That's true everywhere in life. One person's disastrous happening may seem trivial to another.

Whether this story is about you or a character, I felt sad as I read. The emptiness inside of the person was profoundly experienced. Thank goodness for reading. It has saved me countless times, especially when I needed to escape life.

*Boothb* Personal Connection
Due to emotional problems, I had a difficult time in college. (I tended to drink and not study, as well.) I wanted to be an English professor, but life didn't play out that way. I also wanted to be a wife and mother, and that certainly came true.

*Boothb*That's a wrap
The last line was the star in this little drama. Now all the reader needs is more white space and no indentation of paragraphs. Keep writing!




Dr Who and his Tardis


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


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24
24
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi intuey Nixie here. This review comes from our mutual activity "I Write in 2024


*ZodiacTaurus*
You wrote quite the explosive first paragraph. From the beginning, the mood was established as nearly violent. This theme continues into the second stanza, taking a break to give the reader a peek at earth's creature's plight. To isolate the difference, consider starting a new paragraph. After reading this again, further adjustments would be required.

I liked the lily pad line the best because it reminded me of something from my childhood.

I was canoeing around the lake where our summer cottage was and paddled down a tributary I'd never explored before. Several lily pads floated there, and I thought about how much my mom would like one. So I plucked it. After presenting it to my mom, I learned they were endangered. Yikes! I googled it, and in some places it is illegal to pick them.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Excellent descriptors and adjectives maintain the rage of the storm. In Florida, I've lived through many. One year, while driving, I saw a triple bolt that lit up the inside of my car.

The negative ions from thunderstorms excite me.

*ZodiacTaurus*
Humans like symmetry, and I'm wondering if this poem can be balanced by making the lines more even, rather than some jutting out.

I like the comparison between the revving engine out of place, the same as the sun's rays. I found one oops here in that stanza.

Sound should be (sounds)

Not every letter of the line has to be capitalized, especially if it's an ongoing (sentence) as it were.

*ZodiacTaurus*
I was plunked down in the middle of this prose, fully immersed from the beginning. Your expertise as a poet shines.

Dr Who and his Tardis

Nixie
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG Nixie here. I've been holding this sonnet in my 'pending reviews for over a month.



*Baretree3*
The reason I chose to read this is because my son had a service dog named Bella. When I read the title, there was no doubt about it. Your work would echo my son's experiences.

Sadly, she passed away a few years ago, but my son's circumstances have changed. His PTSD is dialed down, spare a few exceptions. He laughs and smiles more than when he came home. I wasn't sure if I'd ever see that again. His wife is an angel, a pharmacist for the army. She helped him tremendously, and helped straighten out all his meds. I believe she is the reason for his relative stability, and I've thanked her for it.

*Baretree3*
I considered writing a sonnet, but the requirements stifled me. I struggle with writing something at all, I need no further challenges. However, yours worked out fantastically.

Consider adding a period after the last line.

Comparing a dog to a fine wine seemed 'off' to me.

Was Bella trained to be a service dog, or did you teach her? My son told me formal training costs a fortune. They did okay working things out together. Seems you did, as well.

*Baretree3*
I hope others who read this feel the same way I do. An uplifting sonnet that shows love counteracting the bad is indeed a precious treasure. As is Bella.



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