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207 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Journey  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Amay

I loved this poem! It not only followed the cameo format, but it had a great strong metaphor about life's journey. I'm impressed! I can't believe this poem did not come in first in the contest. It was clever. It was well written. Overall, it deserved an awardicon. *Smile*



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2
2
Review of Final Goodbye  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Smiles

I liked how you put this poem in perspective. I got the message clearly at the end. The thing I didn't like was the last few verses. You asked the important question, but I felt this should have been at the beginning. If not, then a foreshadow to allow the reader time to figure out what's going on or adjust to the sudden change/shift. It felt like a major change took place right at the end and that should have been given gradually. Just a thought. *Smile*



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3
3
Review of Divine Humor  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bekkah!

I liked this...song? Poem? It was beautiful. A battle between science and spirituality? Now that's clever and very creative. It's like putting Einstein and Gandhi in a debate. There really is no winner because they will both argue excellent reasons why their side is best or better. It's an inevitably stalemate. Of course, neither of them would understand; so that line/verse would hold true as well! *Smile*



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4
4
Review of Clouds  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Teerich - 2019

I loved your poem! It was short and well written. The problem I had with your poem was that it might have been a little too short. But I do understand it was for a contest and there was a prompt. I can't really deduct you for making the effort. One more thing, your poem is structured like a cloud. Very creative! *Smile*



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5
5
Review of Lover's Woes  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
A Shakespeare inspired poem? How could I resist?

What I think of it?
Well, it was marvelous! To be honest, I don't know much about Shakespeare other than he uses sun often and many of his verses are pretty much encrypted. In other words, it's a language of its own.

What you have here does follow Shakespeare very closely, I assume. I've read many of his sonnets and it looks and feels like a Shakespeare poem; it stays true to his earlier work.

The problem is that this piece is too short. Most, if not all, Shakespeare's poems are written in a sonnet, which usually takes 14 lines/verses or so. But I'm sure you are planning to expand this. Other than that, it's great as is.


Any errors or mistakes?
None that I can see. It's well written!


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#1300305 by Maryann
6
6
Review of Red noire  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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Why I chose your piece?
I love poetry!

What I think of it?
I thought it was pretty good. I liked it. I felt the character was having a breakdown. She was stressed out, anxious, depressed, etc.

What I didn't like was the last verse: These thoughts running through our bodies like blood don't bleed but that which is blood. Okay, what's going on here? Consider revising.

Overall, I thought it was a good start. With some added verses, this thing should look and feel like a masterpiece.


Any errors or mistakes?
None. It's well written!


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#1300305 by Maryann
7
7
Review of America.  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
When I read your description, I couldn't resist.

What I think of it?
Well, you start the poem off strong with "America this, America that" then proceeded to call them "fat." Living in America, I can neither agree or disagree with the statements as they are only words and opinions. You are entitled to say what you want about a country.

With that said, I liked the poem. I thought it was straight forward and didn't hold anything back. The problem I had with it is half way through some of the rhymes were...not on par with the first half. The cleverness of the rhymes from the start really made this piece stand out and I think you should start thinking about revising some of the verses in the second half to make it thoroughly consistent. Just a thought.


Any errors or mistakes?
The last verse, "We Americans need more God."

Consider adding "of" before "God." It gives it a better flow.



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#1300305 by Maryann
8
8
Review of Hope  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (2.0)
*Smile* Hello geniusgal

My Thoughts:
For a theme, "the essence of life," I was...disappointed. You talk about destruction and being low then (in only two verses) you promote the Lord as a savior.

I felt I was listening to a Mormon or one of those door-to-door individuals who are promoting their religion. I was excited at first. Bored in the middle. And couldn't wait for them to leave. It was the same effect with this poem. It started out good, and just went stale right in the middle, then it ended.

In terms of appropriateness with, "the essence of life" theme, it's not. Religion is an essence to many, but the way it was introduced in this poem was sort of a let down; it was vague and predictable. In sum, it was clichéd.


My Favorite Part(s):
When
the thunder roars,
the ground trembles
the waves strike
the walls close in

This intro was astonishing. It's astonishing because you, the writer, want the reader to feel trapped, stuck, and hopeless. You've achieved that very well here. It's also setting up for a great hopeful ending in which you've provided.


My Suggestion(s):
If you are going to use religion, I would suggest you do so using descriptive experience. By descriptive experience, I'm talking about real life tragedies that people face like fighting cancer, or losing someone because of substance abuse or gang violence. Things that would connect with the reader (everyday people) that would make this poem strong from the beginning to the middle.

At the end, that's when you introduce your solution - The Lord, as the savior. You would also need to state why you chose this deity and not others in a few verses. You could say something like, "The Lord is a savior. His miracles have impacted many through the years, decades, and centuries. He truly works in mysterious ways." You know, something that would remind readers that miracles exist.

These are merely suggestions. I am only trying to help you with your writing. I truly do believe this piece has the potential to achieve the greatness it deserves one day. I do believe religion is an essence and within it lies faith and hope. Hope itself is something that can stand on its own merits. The title is inappropriate because of this. Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck. It was truly an honor reading/critiquing your work.



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9
9
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.0)
NOTES/ERRORS:
The word, "able" is misspelled in two verses. The "i" throughout is lower-case (I believe that one was intentional though).

SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
For the message, I thought it was strong. It was attacking the English language; almost labeling it as an assimilation device to increase the power of a nation and/or race. It that regard, I liked it. But to be honest, I didn't really appreciate the sarcasm. It was attacking values; values that everyone has on this website. You're attacking all of us. If you were to replace English with any language, it would result in the same outcome - one language, one power = cultural dominance. It's just like you wrote in your description: what is the importance of language? Power or progress?

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10
10
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello Scott Frederick

My Thought(s):
For a draft, I think it's a good start. I like the idea and concept. I think this would work as a novel. There's a lot of places you could take this piece with more new ideas that can be introduced along the way.

My Favorite Part(s):
The Olympic character that is participating in the race. There's this curiosity with him that makes the reader want to know what will happen next.

My Suggestion(s):
Odds are, he would earn a fourth metal.

I would prefer if you used the word, "win" instead of "earn" in that sentence for a better flow.

Will was outside the stadium running around it a bunch of times in preparation for the dashes and races.

The, "a bunch of times" part makes this sentence a bit too wordy. Consider eliminating it.

Will's race was coming up, and as he was probably ready to run 500 races, he ran around the stadium for all the time he had until he had to get in that stadium instead of being around it.

Too wordy and awkwardly stated. Consider review and eliminating some parts.

That just made him want to vomit, which is not the correct feeling you want before running marathons.

The second half of this sentence is breaking narration and giving an advice. It goes off focus. Perhaps you should stay in narration and tell how the character is feeling as oppose to an advice.

"Shit." He said as he entered the stadium.

Eliminate the period after, "shit" and replace it with a comma.

"What the fuck will I do if I lose, I lost a big chunk of my life, then. That's what." he said to himself

Consider revising to: "What the fuck will I do if I lose? I would lose a big chunk of my life, that's what," he said to himself.


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11
11
Review of Write On!  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Why I chose your piece?
I read the description and saw it was an acrostic poem. I don't often come across those and wanted to read/review.

What I think of it?
Right on! I loved it! You used each initial letter well. It's very creative too. I liked how you used "WRITE ON" as your template. I would have never thought of that. Great job!

Any errors or mistakes?
None, it's perfect!


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#1300305 by Maryann
12
12
Review of the first day  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Why I chose your piece?
A poem about the first day of school? How could I ever resist?

What I think of it?
I have had the same anxiety when I was going to school. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. It was the fear, excitement, and joy of doing it all over again. Yet, by the end of the first day, it's all the same; nothing has really changed. In that regard, I liked the poem. I could relate.

Any errors or mistakes?
You have many grammatical errors, but it's the thought that matters the most in writing. Sure, grammar and punctuations are important, but even in poetry those laws can be ignored.


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#1300305 by Maryann
13
13
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.0)
NOTES/ERRORS:
The second sentence: If this what you want... You need to add, "is" after, "this."

SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
The story is short. I'm not sure what contest this is for, but it feels more like a prose. I would try to expand this a little more, if possible. Other than that, nice start. I can see the potential this piece has.

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14
14
Review of Kimdness Quote  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
NOTES/ERRORS:
"Then" suppose to be, "than."

SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
As much as I love reading quotes, I prefer if you wrote your own. Originality in its finest form is more powerful than anything else others have wrote. Just a thought.

With that said, I like the quote. Kindness turns a bad mood, bad situation, bad day, bad anything into a milder form. Laughter is also a great medicine.


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15
15
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.5)
NOTES/ERRORS:
Second paragraph or stanza: "When Bob marley screamed ou loud 'No women No cry" , it reminded of our mother..."

Revise to: When Bob Marley screamed out loud, "No women No cry," we made her laugh. It reminded [...]


SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
This reminded me of those chats you have at the park with a stranger or someone you know. It's sort of reminiscing about the good ol' days of music when lyrics were power and melodies were charming/motivating.

I like music. I love all kinds, different genres. To say music is dead is an understatement. I think music is alive and well. Many people are motivated by the genres they listen to. Unless you're saying that rock is dead, I have to disagree with the state of music being in a decline today. Yes, it's more about fads, but at least it's not creating violence and turmoil. It is still powerful. Artists like Lady Gaga who are considered champions of gay people and gay pride are still influencing and impacting movements throughout the world.


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16
16
Review of Hello  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
I love poems!

What I think of it?
This piece reminded me of a Hallmark greeting card. It had that warm welcoming feeling to it. It felt as though time stopped and picked back up suddenly when all attention was focused on a single moment's greeting.

Any errors or mistakes?
Consider capitalizing each line; just a suggestion.

Consider adding quotation marks on the last verse after the word, "say."



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#1300305 by Maryann
17
17
Review of Hunted  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
I clicked the pot of gold (random read) to go on a magical journey.

What I think of it?
For a 55 word story, not bad. It seemed like the first sentence was prologue, the second was present, the third was past - all tenses in one! To be completely honest, it wasn't enough though. I felt there needed to be more development to really make the story complete. But, like many other 55 word stories, it is just so hard to do. It's like, 'I want more but you can only write less.' It's a dilemma, honestly.

Any errors or mistakes?
It's perfect!


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#1300305 by Maryann
18
18
Review of The Politician  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
I don't often see a poem about politics on this website. I was curious.

What I think of it?
I thought it was an excellent poem; for 2004 of course. Back then the republicans were in control and tax cuts were for the rich. It was also an election year too so a poem like this would stand out greatly. Of course, now days no one really talks about tax cuts for the rich (except last year's election, it was an attack point for deomocrats). It's all about the economy and job creation now. Anyhow, great senryu! Well executed!

Any errors or mistakes?
None, it's flawless!


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#1300305 by Maryann
19
19
Review of Fire and Iron  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile* Hello Stein

My Thoughts:
I like it. It reminds me of Braveheart when the people were fighting for freedom. It has that tone; the goriness and grandiose of an epic battle.

My Favorite Part(s):
I like the two paragraphs in the middle of the story because it is very detailed and descriptive. It's like I'm actually there with the men getting ready to charge. Marvelous job!

My Suggestion(s):
The thing that I didn't like about the story was the usage of "us" in the opening paragraph. I feel the opening should just be a pure descriptive intro of the city falling apart with the second paragraph revealing the perspective of the men.

Another thing, I noticed you missed a few periods in the story. You have too many commas when some should be periods. Consider rereading the story to see what I mean.



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by Maryann

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20
20
Review of slipping  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
Losing a loved one is always difficult, but through memories and the power of writing (stories and poetry), they live forever. By reading your work, I'm also paying my respects to the deceased; every person that meant something to someone including my own loses.

What I think of it?
I liked it! It was not as dark, but not as soft. It was just right, in the middle. I liked how you used time and the color of the sky to indicate how fast a person's time slips during his/her final hours/days; very creative!

Any errors or mistakes?
None. It's perfect!


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#1300305 by Maryann
21
21
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
*Smile* Hello Raven

My Thoughts:
I like the twist at the end of the story. I would have never figured out this girl was crazy. There were hints throughout the story too. Overall, the character was well developed.

My Favorite Part(s):
I like the intro paragraph of the girl ripping her art up into pieces. I thought that was an interesting way to start your story. It really hooked me in.

My Suggestion(s):
Paragraph 1: I stand with a my hand clenched around the paper

Eliminate the word, "a."

Paragraph 2: "Hunter!" I look towards where my name is being called from, the school shrink, oops I mean student physiologist Joan.

Add a semi-colon behind, "shrink" and add a comma after, "oops."

Paragraph 2: That's who called me. Of course.

Add a comma instead of a period after, "me."

Paragraph 2: I have only been hear a week but already every on hates me because of who I am well more what I am.

Several errors in this run-on sentence. The word, "hear" suppose to be, "here." Add a comma before, "but." The word, "on" is suppose to be, "one." Add a period or a semi-colon after, "am." Add a comma after, "well."

Paragraph 2: "How are you Terry?" that's what she prefers to call me, she can't except what i am.

Remove the comma after, "me" and replace it with a period instead. Capitalize, "i."

Paragraph 2: "Im fine" i mumble, trying to make it convincing.

"Im" is suppose to be, "I'm." Capitalize, "i."

Paragraph 2: "Terry, you can tell me anything" She says a hint of sharpness in her tone, she hates people not telling her there every thoughts, don't no how she became a shrink.

Revise to: Terry, you can tell me anything," she says with a hint of sharpness in her tone. She hates people not telling her their every thoughts; I don't know how she became a shrink.

Paragraph 2: "Nothing serious I have some homework due that I haven't finished yet" I lie while smiling.

Add a comma after, "serious." Add another comma after, "yet."

Paragraph 2: "You look tied, have you been sleeping alright?"

"tied" suppose to be "tired."

Paragraph 3: "Where you not there when Janine enrolled me?" I ask astounded.

"Where" suppose to be "were."

The second paragraph is long; consider splitting in two. There were a lot more typos in paragraph 2. You should go back and reread it to see what I mean.


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22
22
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.5)
*Smile* Hello Alexi

My Thoughts:
I was wondering what I was getting into when I clicked on this writing piece. I was intimidated at first because this poem was geared toward women, but as I read on, I felt more comfortable; like the guy in the poem (sort of).

I thought this poem was very creative and in-your-face, or direct. I like the style and approach you took to write this. I thought it was clever to have the character do an analysis of her own actions to determine whether it was natural or not (a hustle).


My Favorite Part(s):
The female character was my favorite throughout because she was witty and smart. She knew how to bend the rules and work around her man's finances or wallet.

My Suggestion(s):
The flow bothered me as I was reading. I'm not completely sure if that was intentional, but it seemed like there were missing words throughout that could have made the poem flow better. I also found it difficult to understand, on the first read through, because there were no commas or punctuation marks to assist.

Also, on verse 4: change the word, "to" to "too."



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by Maryann

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23
23
Review of Broken  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Why I chose your piece?
I love poems!

What I think of it?
I read it through twice and got two different meanings. The first time, I thought it was about the character having his/her life destroyed by drug abuse. The second time, I thought the character was trying to change and be accepted, loved once again. Instead, he/she finds it difficult and relapses into the darkness, drug abuse.

Also, the first four verses seem to indicate that this character is suffering from heartbreak. Perhaps that is the reason why his/her world has turned so dark and depressing. Trying to change only makes things worse. It's like being stuck in this eternal void, this hell. Great job on your execution and approach!


Any errors or mistakes?
Verse: Happiness a vision but I am blind.

Consider adding commas after, "happiness" and, "vision."

Other than that, very well written. It was nearly flawless!



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#1300305 by Maryann
24
24
Review of I Know You  
Review by Leeboi
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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Why I chose your piece?
I love reading poems!

What I think of it?
Good! But it could be better. I see what you were going for and it needs more work. Overall, nice approach! It has the potential to be a great piece!

Any errors or mistakes?
The things I'm talking about are some of the verses such as stanza 2, verse 6. Here you say, "leaned," but it is very confusing. Leaned in what? Or is it just learned in? Consider adding, "in" after "leaned."

Other areas include stanza 1, verse 4: "Who told me he knew me, not a spy." The character says this person, guy, is not a spy, but later in the next stanza the person wants to sue. There's some discrepancies there.

Some of your rhyme schemes are also a bit odd. Example: "He vanished like a wisp of air[...]And I heard in whispers very fair." Whispers are fair? It's verses like those that need more work. With more work, this could be a potential contest winner; definitely top three in my opinion.



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#1300305 by Maryann
25
25
Review of I Say Your Name  
Review by Leeboi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
NOTES/ERRORS:
None really, except for a comma before the quotation in the first stanza, probably.

SUMMARY/THOUGHTS:
This poem is very well written. I like the chorus line, "I say your name" followed by a descriptive verse. It's very powerful and this could very well be a song, as it appears to have the structure.

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by Maryann
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