| Hello Raven
I like the twist at the end of the story. I would have never figured out this girl was crazy. There were hints throughout the story too. Overall, the character was well developed.
My Favorite Part(s):
I like the intro paragraph of the girl ripping her art up into pieces. I thought that was an interesting way to start your story. It really hooked me in.
Paragraph 1: I stand with a my hand clenched around the paper
Eliminate the word, "a."
Paragraph 2: "Hunter!" I look towards where my name is being called from, the school shrink, oops I mean student physiologist Joan.
Add a semi-colon behind, "shrink" and add a comma after, "oops."
Paragraph 2: That's who called me. Of course.
Add a comma instead of a period after, "me."
Paragraph 2: I have only been hear a week but already every on hates me because of who I am well more what I am.
Several errors in this run-on sentence. The word, "hear" suppose to be, "here." Add a comma before, "but." The word, "on" is suppose to be, "one." Add a period or a semi-colon after, "am." Add a comma after, "well."
Paragraph 2: "How are you Terry?" that's what she prefers to call me, she can't except what i am.
Remove the comma after, "me" and replace it with a period instead. Capitalize, "i."
Paragraph 2: "Im fine" i mumble, trying to make it convincing.
"Im" is suppose to be, "I'm." Capitalize, "i."
Paragraph 2: "Terry, you can tell me anything" She says a hint of sharpness in her tone, she hates people not telling her there every thoughts, don't no how she became a shrink.
Revise to: Terry, you can tell me anything," she says with a hint of sharpness in her tone. She hates people not telling her their every thoughts; I don't know how she became a shrink.
Paragraph 2: "Nothing serious I have some homework due that I haven't finished yet" I lie while smiling.
Add a comma after, "serious." Add another comma after, "yet."
Paragraph 2: "You look tied, have you been sleeping alright?"
"tied" suppose to be "tired."
Paragraph 3: "Where you not there when Janine enrolled me?" I ask astounded.
"Where" suppose to be "were."
The second paragraph is long; consider splitting in two. There were a lot more typos in paragraph 2. You should go back and reread it to see what I mean.
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