|Nicely done. I was holding on during the ride as I am not a big fan of roller coasters. I did get to ride the Long Beach, CA (Pike) Cyclone before they took it down (old wooden one).
You did well in writing this, excellent grammer and punctuation. Do check were your comma's lie. I believe when having a quote, and it is enclosed and ends with, say, James said, there should be a comma after the quote as I've shown below (using one of your sentences):
“I’m so scared Brielle. What happens if we fall? This isn’t supposed to happen on our birthday!” Kayla cried.
There should be a comma after the quote or "birthday!", Kayla cried.
I believe it is referred to as, "using commas in direct speech". There are several of these missing and if I am right about the commas then it would apply throughout your story. I am not an expert but this is from observation and is a recommendation, while you are still learning and only to be helpful. It does not take away from the EXCELLENT story line.
I went to see how old you were - very please to see you are young, at least at the time you set your bio. Good writing is something that is missing from your folks today. Keep this up and continue to write shorts. One thing, I believe, if you can write shorts you can always write a book of short stories or maybe make them in to a novel.
I am going to look at some of your other creations,
Best to you,