*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sandywrite/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7
Review Requests: OFF
893 Public Reviews Given
894 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Not sure I have a style....I learn as much from you as you from me. I will point our typos, grammatical things if I see them. I love poetry and when it comes to stories, please nothing "dark"....not my thing.
I'm good at...
I will find typos, incomplete thought (unless I believe it is conducive to the poetry structure).
Favorite Genres
Romance, personal, periodicals with history, comical, stories about true life, children, animals
Least Favorite Genres
Dark, morbid, Sci-fi
I will not review...
Dark, morbid stories
Public Reviews
Previous ... 3 4 5 6 -7- 8 9 10 11 12 ... Next
151
151
Review of The Lonesome Body  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi, I am back for another look at your writing.

I like this one; it has a lot of suspense! I only found a couple of areas in question.

In the fourth paragraph, you stated: It was looked normal, This comment does not make sense.
Maybe the word "was" does not belong? And the second one I had trouble with,

It walked to the gun. What walked to the gun???

Other than that, exciting story,

Seabreeze
152
152
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
You have the makings of a interesting and mysterious story. In reading, I found a few
gaps where I was not sure what you were referring to. Also, a typo in one area... it's spear. It's is a contraction of it is or it has and would not fit. Just use its.

In the first paragraph I assume you are saying, "...she couldn't get him out of her head and
couldn't get the room out of her head?" This is confusing to me?

In the third paragraph, "Blood in the form of the words 'We're there'. 'Just open the door' her wet mascara filled tears twisted into." This to me is cumbersome. What are you saying here?

Also, if the window was at ground level, she could get out easily. Was it? Since she broke the door or broke down the door and fell through, crashing onto the ground, sounds like she was on a first floor level and could easily get out via the window. Can you see where this is confusing to the reader?

The last line, what was she to believe she could? Could what? This is not clear.

I hope this has been helpful for you. I like the mystery of this story and would like to
see you take it even further.

Best to you and your writing.

Seabreeze
153
153
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your piece, The Just...is very descriptive of current time for sure. The first three
lines tells so much of the brokenness of our country. Excellent choice of words
to describe all that is going on and a picture of what most perceive is happening. Ever
reader has their favorite words and mine, here, are:

As they fold blindly and aimlessly
Towards every wayward,
Unison, frothy discourse.

The discourse that we see daily is so sad. You mention the protests. Yes, they
are there but are they realistic in nature? I have only two years of junior
college on me and I cringe when I hear an interview from a college student
who many do not even know who their Vice President is. So, do most of these
"protesters really understand the severity of the situation?

Enough of me, I loved it and it is an excellent piece of writing.

Seabreeze
154
154
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Clown, I was honored to give a review on "no guardians" and I will do my best.

I was very impressed, thought you did a great job in its format, use of words
and expression. I felt it hit home, now, for what is happening in our country.
I felt the heart of it tugging at mine. Are we in the "calm before the storm?", yes
I believe we are.

It has a negative feel, but given its message, it must. The first stanza gives us
all a question we, as individuals, must answer. Will we take the challenge? Most won't.
If we avoid a thing maybe it will go away. But people like yourself and me, we will ask
and know we must fine answers; others, look the other way.

The second stanza help relate what is wrong. Broken dreams, not just for you or me, but
for all peoples of the world. But this is a cycle, right? It happens for every generation, the
questions, hopefully some answers, some good results.

Your poem is doing its job, at least for me. Our society, in America, right now have some
difficult questions to ask and answer.

The third stanza is mixed for me. Yes, we march to a beat but I think many are out of step
and do not realize it. Politics have divided us as a nation; what is the answer? To pull us
back in. We cannot give up hope!

Your fourth stanza probably should start with a capital "C". I find no other grammatical errors.

As a believer in our Lord, I challenge your phrase: "...no guardian or protectors left to fight,
it no longer matters what people believe,". This, my friend, is the problem. In this country, we grew as a nation of believers in a higher power. We have become a people who believe in self as creator, independent of our true Creator and have convinced ourselves and others we do not need our Creator and can do it all by ourselves. It truly matters what we believe and through prayer and repentance can turn this mess around. (enough of my belief)

Your have an excellent piece here, I believe, and may even wish to expand on it. I look forward to
more of your writing, especially along these lines.

Seabreeze
2.21.19
155
155
Review of Shooting Stars  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lovely...nice dedication to your daughters. As I read it, it took me back as a mother. Shooting Stars tells of a mom's wonder for her little ones and what may come. Thanks for writing this piece.

Seabreeze
156
156
Review of The Unknown  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very intriguing poem! I like the style of asking and still probing, giving the reading
time to evaluate the question.

Your should write more and more poetry.

Seabreeze
157
157
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like how it reads; it flows well. Irony, yes. I like "with cracked shield and lonely eyes. Minor detail, forgeting should be spelled forgetting.

very nice,

Seabreeze
158
158
Review of ODE TO COFFEE  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love my coffee; love your poem!
I like the style of third and fourth line rhyme.

very nice,

Seabreeze
159
159
Review of How can this be?  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely done; tells a beautiful, but sad story. Only those who hurt can totally understand. I am not sure if I comprehend all of what you mean but I see and sense the sensitivity, love, and loss.

Thanks for sharing,

Seabreeze
160
160
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there, great poem but so sad. But we live in sad times. You have done well with its
rhythm and the emotions do come through strong. Nice piece of work!

Seabreeze
161
161
Review of Flash of Love  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice...fits all requirements for a haiku. Good selection of words giving strong meaning. Have you tried the sistine format....very interesting style - you would do well, I am sure, with it. I have done one myself...thanks for sharing.

Seabreeze
162
162
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Just love it! I guess music and beauty have much in common, i.e. "...it is in the eye of the beholder." However, I am with you my friend, most of it today is LOUD and obnoxious.

Frank was great, Elvis entertaining. Kingston Trio; Peter, Paul and Mary; Johnny Horton, Doris Day, Frankie Lane, piano music both classical and jazz; I love to hear the sax; there is so much good I get excited thinking about and make me want to go put on a CD, ha, ha.

I recently got a thumb piano or kalimba (wanting one for a long time). I have an ear for music (no puns please) and would have loved to learn to play the piano, but never came about. I love the sound of it and have played around with one so for now, this is my substitute, the thumb piano. Lots of fun.

Anyways, I digress, love this piece you have written.

Seabreeze
163
163
Review of Nightfall.  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting poem about nightfall. It mentions all of the night elements, the knowns and unknowns of night. I hear its mystery in your words, a delight in your description; but some of it I find hard to explain for myself.

I enjoyed reading it and like many things that others write, we don't always know where someone is coming from.
164
164
Review of Fade  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice, a description of self-evaluation? It is beautiful and sad rolled into one. Your heart is broken, or was broken?

I like that you used the word fade, as it is often for many of us. "Shadow to shadow I roam" is an interesting phrase as we often want to stay in the background; would this be the case.

Thanks for sharing,

Seabreeze
165
165
Review of Jesus Christ.  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice poem of our Lord. I like how you bring all aspects of life into the poem. It flows well and easy to read. It gives a true description of who he is. I see two (but wasn't really looking) typos:

mans genious should be, as it is used, man's genius.

Great poem,

Seabreeze
166
166
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Beautiful...well written your poem "We Must Never Forget!" Your style of entry is pleasant to read. You have captured all the words appointed. I like how you have used the word "...now the bridge of time". I well tells the story of war past and of the lost and hurt. Using lilies rippling...is how I see them...the movement gives a vivid description of the time. Very nice! Good luck in your contest entry.

Seabreeze
167
167
Review of Father's Answer  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this poem! I love the style and I appreciate the fact that you told us that it was Echo Verse, one that I am not familiar with. You used all the word with great feeling; it flows well! The subject matter or the fact that you are speaking to our beloved Father gives it that special feeling for me. Having a conversation with your heavenly Father in this poem...so special. It is a great makings for a prayer...a style of prayer...truly beautiful. Good luck with your contest entry.

Seabreeze
168
168
Review of Escape!  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow, that some story! I like the suspense, your character creation and I could see more chapters if you were going to extend the story. You are very good a describing your surroundings, giving great detail as I could visualize the place well.

The fact that this particular new bride was such a lock pick was a surprise. Makings me wonder what her life was like before, ha, ha!

Organizational wise, I would have preferred breaks between paragraphs as with the small print (hard on the eyes to read), it all kind of ran together while I was reading (just me).

It was a fun read,

Thanks,
Seabreeze
169
169
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I placed an entry into the Short Shots contest (Walk In The Woods) and even though I did not win, I am thrilled to have had three reviews! Wow, great reviews and valuable information regarding my story.

I want to thank each of the judges for giving me detailed constructive criticism. I am excited about what I have learned from this process.

Hats off to the three of you,

Seabreeze
170
170
Review of Dear Bully  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Interesting take on the bully! Great narration of the subject. I find myself agreeing with most of your interpretation. I do believe it is a defense mechanism - a front to fight fear! Fear of the unknown and yes, probably learn tactics from being bullied.

Great writing and welcome Newbie!

Seabreeze
171
171
Review of Listen to My Eyes  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
One of my favorite subjects when in romance...the eyes!

I love this poem...it tells so much about the two in the story and
shows their connection or disconnection!

My favorite lines: the last two...especially "remember your choice".

Nice writing,

Seabreeze
172
172
Review of Happy Saturday  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like your story and how you set it up. I have a question, and may be it is just me, but I do not understand one line:

His smiling wife, whom he had won over. I understand you are referencing a thought in the mind of your character Mason, but that sentence does not seem complete to me...maybe I am missing something?

Other than that, I like the whole story and would think it could be worked into a fiction about the corporation where by the main characters are constantly trying to do a "one-upmanship" with each other It could be written in comedy form.

Thanks for the story and allowing me to review.

Seabreeze
173
173
Review of Home  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice Helen! Nice choice of words, flows well and has good rhythm!

Thanks for writing it!

Seabreeze
174
174
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice Dr. Williams. Beautifully written. I love how it flows and choice of words. You appear to be a Newbie here, so welcome!

Look forward to more of your creations!

Seabreeze
175
175
Review of Childhood  
Review by Seabreeze
Rated: E | (3.5)
Excellent topic and very current in the media. You have brought out some points that so many need to hear and writing is a great way to reach many. When giving a review, I want to point out a couple of things. These are small, but when I receive a review, I hope others well let me know what they see. I the fourth line, birds fly but not birds flies. May be a typo while you are excited to get your words down, as I do that at times. The word God should have a capital letter (line 4). In the second paragraph, question about happiness...should it be "Where has that happiness gone?"

In the third paragraph, "...turning into a hunters". It would be a hunter or turning into hunters.

I point these out to you because you have an excellent way of describing what you want to say. People will want to read and continue to read your work if it flows (grammatically) and is clear in thought.

There may be more; these are what stood out to me as I read.

Love to read more of your creations,

Keep up the good writing,

Seabreeze

339 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 14 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/sandywrite/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/7