Hello Sliding Otter, how are you? I have just read your article, "Priest Sexual Abuse- WhyDoes It Happen?" And thought I would leave some comments.
Your aticle is an interesting, well written read, however, in my humble opinion, I do not think the abuse happens anymore with priests than it does with non-priests. I think that, when it does happen with a priest, the shock is so great, that we hear about it more through the Media. There are, unforutnately, a lot of child abusers, from all walks of life.
Hello BScholl, how are you? I just found your poem," Soldier's Song," on the random reviews and thought I would leave some comments.
I love to read poems on soldiers. I think each word is written from the heart and in thanks to those who serve us.
The first first I found very powerful:
I'll fight. I'll fight, until that day
When dawn breaks night with golden rays,
When voices carry across the glades.
And they beat my face with soiled spades.
Hello Working Mom, how are you? I am not sure if I have reviewed you before but, if not, welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, " Nothing Remains The Same," and thought I would leave some comments.
Vert wise words in your poem, you are right nothing is ever promised and we have to be grateful and respect what we have, whether in people or objects.
I especially like these lines:
frowns that bring you down
and smiles that lift your heart high
Hello Hiroshi, How are you? I have just read your short story, "End The Cycle," and thought I would leave some comments.
A great little story with a message. There is always something better waiting. We tend to get ourselves in a rut till one day we find the courage to get out of it.
Suggestions: This line: "room from a nasty lady who reprimands her daily about her something," I do not think you meant to put the word, "her," in twice.
Hello *Rella*, how are you? I have just read your song, " Heart Broken," and thought I would leave some comments.
You say in your description that it does not make much sense. On the contrary, I think it makes a lot of sense.
I like the rhyming and also the chorus.
If it were not a song, i would correct the word, "Nomore," to any more but, I realise songs use words like this. However, it should be no more as it is not one word.
Hello Jessica, how are you? Welcome to WDC.I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, "Roses," and thought I would leave some comments.
What a lovely poem and such a powerful message. Jealousy does not serve us and we should always be content to be whatever we are.
I am not sure what you have done here : "And my rivals can nowhere compare my success.
center}I heard our owner's daughter said I looked beautiful,
She wants to throw my sister because she looks horrible."
I take it the word "center," should not be there and also the typing turned to bold half way through. You may want to check it and edit.
Hello june, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your poem, " Reflections On The Window," and thought I would leave some comments.
First of all, I really like the title, looking out and not seeing reality, instead, seeing memories.
I think we all, at some time in our lives, experience the thoughts and feelings your poem conveys.
I especially liked these lines: "But feelings are forever written, On a scroll inside my heart. "
Suggestions: The first four lines had a very good rhythm and rhyme, they flowed well, but then it changed to non- rhyming and I lost the pace a little.
Also I am not sure what you meant by this line:
I adjust my teardrops fall from the sky?
Hello Jeshika, how are you? Thank you for your entry, "The Roy Dog," in the "Invalid Item" .
I had never heard of the Roy dog till I read this story and decided to look it uo on the net. A pretty gruesome myth.
And the eyes! Made me shudder.
Your story shows a good description of what we would imagine to happen in that cave. Poor man.
I will say, you need to change the content rating to 13+ as it is not really suitable for children. I know I do not allow editing, but, as you are very new to WDC, I will allow you to change the rating.
Thank you for entering and for making good use of the 100 word limit. Good luck.
Hello Shubham, how are you? I have just read your poem, " A Day At The Beach," and thought I would leave some comments.
This is a lovely little poem with great imagery. Sadly, as Autumn nears, there will not be many days at the beach this year.
A couple of suggestions: It is a great rhyming poem and to keep the rhythm the syllable count should be more accurate otherwise it takes away the flow of the read. For example in this verse:
"Everyone around me is drenched in fun,
As the sun slowly touches the horizon.
The sky turns a mesmerizing orange,
I'm filled with a sense of wonder, both beautiful and strange."
Helle Hiroshi jones, how are you? I have just read your short story, " The Life?" and thought I would leave some comments.
A little story with a bit of a twist. I assume none of these things actually happened and he was dreaming whilst in a coma.
Also in this part, it could be taken that his subconsious was telling him wake up and go back to his old life.
" Now T.J. couldn't believe what his friend was saying. He was suggesting that T.J. give this up and go back to his "old" life. This had been a frequent topic recently. T.J. was growing frustrated with this discussion. He knew he was acting childish, but he didn't care. He turned to his best friend and yelled at the top of his lungs..."
Hello Randy77, how are you? I have just read your story, "It's My Party," and thought I would leave some comments.
A good story line and it just goes to show how bad facebook can be at times. Well most of the time, especially with young people.
It also shows how we underestimate people branded as, "nerds."
Suggestions: This part, " The front door opened and Jill knew her Dad was home. JILL! She heard her name. Her eye shadow was running down her cheek.
"Jill, apologize to your mother and wipe that stuff off your face."
"Dad, you don't even care."
"I care young lady. I care that you treat your Mom in a respectful way."
"Sorry, Mom."
"That's better. Now get ready for supper."
All of this seemed to happen without Jill moving from her room. Also if her father called her, it should be a separate line and with speech marks , "Jill!"
Hello Middy, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your item, " Physcobabble," and thought I would leave some comments.
I understand what you are saying here, imagination is the key to success and firmly believing we will achieve whatever it is we want.
However, the piece is rather jumbled. You may have copied and pasted and parts are left out perhaps?
This sentence does not really make sense: "Seeing in not believing, Imagining in what you believe is the reality." I think it would be better read as something like, " Imagination is your reality."
This part also does not make sense: " Sometimes, pretty much every time in fact you get changed by some of the most contradicting situations that come up to test your will or everything you believe in it can even be someone who instilled that same principle upon you."
The sentence is too long and jumbled.
Also :" apart of the crowd," should be, "a part of the crowd."
Hello Eleusis, how are you? Welcometo WDC I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your poem, "Messed Up," and thought I would leave some comments.
I see you ask for tips on improvement. I usually do not like non-rhyming poems so, naturally, my tip would be to put in four line verses and rhyme it.
Having said that, I do like your poem. I think we all feel this way at times and it is difficult to get other people to understand what and why we are suffering.
This line: You support suffocates me. I think should be, "Your support,"
Hello Stephanie, how are you? Thank you for your entry," Spilt Eggs," in the "Invalid Item"
I agree! There is nothing worse than having to clean up egg that has broken on the floor or anywhere.
I think we have all, at some point, had to deal with this.
Suggestion: This line "There is nothing worse then spilt eggs, so don't sweat the milk thing." Should be than spilt eggs not then spilt eggs. Also I am not sure why you have inverted commas around that line.
Thank you again for your entry and making good use of the 100 word limit.
Please remember not to edit before the round has ended.
Hello Tom, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here. I have just read your story, " A Boys Adventure Remembered," and thought I would leave some comments.
It is great to have such memories to look back on. It sounds like you and your friends had great fun.
One thing I never did was camping, I think I would have been too afraid.
Suggestions: In this line, "The six of us, Joe and Jim, (the twins) Steve, Mark, Keith (Elmer, cause he looked like an Elmer) and me, Tom." The brackets do not need to be there and also cause should be because.
Hello cmfountain, I would not call this a clumsy attempt at a tribute to Robin. It is a very good and well written piece.
I love the way you have understood the message in each part he played. It saddens me deeply that he could not relieve his own misery by being inspired himself. I believe he was one of the greatest most loved men ever.
Hello sukanya, how are you? Welcome to WDC. I hope you enjoy your time here.
I have just read your story, " minus the bottom," and thought I would leave some comments.
I see you are adding a few words at a time. Perhaps you do not have much spare time to write. You will find it better to set the item to private till you are ready for members to read.
Suggestion: The first part does not make sense. "THUD! opened the door,Sameer creeped into sana's room,," If the door made a sound such as thud it would have woken whoever was in the bedroom, so there would be no need for Sameer to creep. Perhaps something like, "Sameer quietly pushed the door open and......"
Hope this helps.
Sanita
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