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451
451
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a wonderful beginning and VERY appropriate to this wesbite, lol...

I did, however, notice one small typo in Chapter 1:

...wandering how you'll...
Should be: wondering

I think that this is a perfect beginning for a writers' interactive; and very inpsiring!

Stephanie Grace
*Star**Star*Proud Member of "Simply Positive Review Forum !!!*Star**Star*
*Star**Star*Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army!!!*Star**Star*
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452
452
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (5.0)
I don't feel that I could review this using my format, it's far too personal and emotional for me to pick a part, but I felt like I needed to voice my thoughts and support...

This is a beautifully written, heartfelt dedication that not only explains expresses your feelings, but makes the reader feel for you and your loved ones. You are incredibly brave to have made it through that and I thank you for opening your heart to us. I don't even know what else I can say --I'm sorry.

((HUGS))
Stephanie Grace
*Star*Proud Member of "The Angel Army!!!
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453
453
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (5.0)
The message of this poem is so beautiful, clear, and true, that I cannot even think of using a format for this one...

I did not see any spot where there was a typo nor did any suggestions come to mind as I read; this poem just made me feel at home, made me yearn for the simplicity of holidays-gone-by... and made me wish, more than anything, that the children in my life could feel this way; and understand this... Holidays are expensive and, each year, I find myself crying for the gifts that I cannot give...

Even though I try to feel the spirit, it usually doesn't come --not when there are nieces and nephews to remind you of selfish, monetary reasoning of the holiday... If God ever blesses me with a child, this will not be the case...

Sorry.. Rambling.. lol...

This is beautifully written and smooth in flow... Add to that the heartfelt lesson of the poem, and how can this poem be anyhing less than perfect?

Sapphire
*Star**Star*Proud Member of "Simply Positive Review Forum !!!*Star**Star*
*Star**Star*Proud Member of "The WDC Angel Army!!!*Star**Star*
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454
454
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Title:
This title definitely fits this poem well! *Smile*

Description:
I like that this description gives background information about the poem, but I think that adding a word or two from or about the actual poem would drag in an extra reader or two...

Visual Aspect/Content:
This poem doesn't really give the reader exact visuals, but, instead (and even better, I think...), it leads the reader to envision their own images; their own children or children in his/her own life...

Dialogue:
N/A

Wording/Form/Style:
The simple wording of this poem worked beautifully with the ABCB rhyme scheme to keep everything flowing smoothly and easy to follow and understand. Nothing seemed strained or off throughout this poem; it flowed beautifully and the message was strong and touching!

My Favorite Bit(s):
I think I liked the third stanza the best; I think that, while this whole poem is easy for the reader to relate to, this stanza was really strong with its emotion and dragging the reader in to the poem, relating to it...

Suggestions
I have none.

Summary of Overall Thoughts:
This is a beautiful, touching poem that anyone who has ever cared for a child will easily relate to! I don't even know what else I can say... this is just beautiful! Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us!!


*Star*Any links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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Review of The Photograph  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. Simple, and yet incredibly touching!
2. Very well written!
3. This is a story that I think just about everyone can relate to in, at least, someway or another!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 4
..., "Don't you dare replace that frame."
         *Idea*To show the emotion of this statement, I think that an exclamation point would better suit the words, also helping the reader to understand that he said it firmly, not like any other simple statement.

Paragraph 5
...just like me, a woodworker.
         *Idea*I think that, to add to the affect of this statement, saying wooodworker, and then following it with "just like me" would make a stronger point... make the reader feel the significance of his becoming a woodworker more.

Paragraph 6
...caught up of current events.
         *Note6*I think you meant "on".

Paragraph 7
...for neigh on 100 years.
*Check2*I got a little caught up here. It just seemed like it didn't really fit in with the simple wording of the rest of the piece. Perhaps just simplify to "nearly 100 years"?? Just a thought...

Overall
*Idea*I would really to suggest adding a skipped line between paragraphs. Right now, it looks like everything is crowded, too bunched together. I think that the skipped line would help this piece not only appear a bit more eye-pleasing, but it would also help the reader to keep his/her place while reading (especially if they get interrupted... as I often do! Lol...). *Bigsmile*

*Reading*Emotion/Feeling/Affect
This piece is filled with emotion! It is not only easy for the reader to understand the man's feelings, but the reader's feelings are also stirred throughout this piece. You do a beautiful job of making your reader relate to and understand your character, and then you give the reader his current situation and I don't think there's a person cold-hearted enough to not have a tear brought to his/her eye! Wonderfully done!

*Reading*Visual Aspect/Content
While the people and faces are left to be developed by the reader's own mind, you do a terrific job of describing all of the IMPORTANT things (the pier, the water, the frame, etc...) so that it is easy to visualize everything throughout the piece.

*Reading*Dialogue
N/A

*Reading*Wording/Form/Style
The simple wording throughout this piece keeps everything flowing smoothly, as well as easy to understand and see! Beautifully written!

*Reading*My Favorite Bit(s)
My favorite bit of this whole thing is the frame. Definitely the frame. It really introduces the man's sentimental side, as well as making the reader really relate to him: I mean, who doesn't either have some imperfect project of a child that they cherish OR have their own imperfect childhood project being cherished this very day by their own parent(s)??? I think it's the strongest part of this piece.

*Reading*Summary of Overall Thoughts
I am truly amazed at how much emotion you have managed to fit into less than for 4KB!!! You truly did a beautiful job of writing this and I thank you for sharing this with us... I really don't even know what else I can say!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Sapphire
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456
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. You managed to combine serenity, intensity, and fear in one short piece --Amazing!
2. This is scary, almost too real!
3. This piece definitely makes the reader think! The seasons here have changed, and it just makes you wonder when something like this will really happen.... It seems far too possible for comfort!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 1
warmth of the sun, as Summer...
         *Check2*Something about the comma caught me off guard. It doesn't seem to be needed here since the sentence would flow fine without it. (It could just be me, though... lol).

Paragraph 9
Had I imagined this. What just happened.
         *Note5*In these sentences, the narrator is asking questions, so I think that the periods should be question marks.


*Reading*Emotion/Feeling/Affect
Throughout this piece, the reader experiences a perfect serenity, a serenity that I am certain we all yearn for... Then, you gives the reader a shock of intense unknowing and fear... As though his/her own world has just stopped... Then, you go and fill the reader completely with fear, and then a mass confusion and, finally, thought... Basically, this is incredibly easy to feel --too easy, if you ask me! I mean, you truly did a perfect job of dragging your reader into the story!

*Reading*Visual Aspect/Content
This was another area where you gave the reader serenity and then twisted it. It is wonderfully easy for the reader to envision the scene that you have created for them... all of the beauty of nature, as well as it danger.

*Reading*Dialogue
N/A

*Reading*Wording/Form/Style
The simple wording throughout this piece keeps everything flowing smoothly and easy for the reader to understand. It helps build the platform for your story, helps keep your reader seeing and feeling every single word! Wonderfully done!!

*Reading*My Favorite Bit(s)
The beginning... definitely. You gave me a gift of serenity that I wish I could have lingered in for just a moment longer... Okay, more than a moment. That is the view, the perfection of nature that truly gives life meaning and makes nature just awe-inspiring. Beautifully written! Thank you for that...

*Reading*Summary of Overall Thoughts
What else can I really say? This is a beautiful piece and incredibly well-written! Both serene and horrifying, your reader becomes clay within your hand... Amazing!!!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Sapphire
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457
457
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. Oh my...!! You poor thing!!!
2. Very well written!!!
3. Let me just... EEEEK!!!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

I searched and searched (lol), but I didn't see any typos or come up with an suggestions!


*Reading*Emotion/Feeling/Affect
The reader definitely gets to feel your frustration with the guy, the desire to just relax with your book (who here doesn't know the feeling of just wanting to read while those around you insist on interrupting???), your embarrassment, AND, finally your desire to just move on with life... Basically, this was wonderfully easy to feel, even without you really describing every detail of your feelings!!!

*Reading*Visual Aspect/Content
You lay out the scene wonderfully! We are able to envision everything... and then, as the story goes on, this is probably easier to visualize than you'd like! Lol. (Of course, there are details that are left up to the reader's mind... lol)

*Reading*Dialogue
N/A

*Reading*Wording/Form/Style
The simple wording throughout this piece keep everything easy to understand and flowing smoothly! The reader is definitely sucked right into the story and able to see it all play out as though he/she were sitting right beside you that day...

*Reading*My Favorite Bit(s)
Of course, there's the obvious embarrassing moment which was naturally entertaining, but I think my favorite part is when you first get to the pool and are able to relax with your book. The serenity of that moment was one that I think we all long for and none of us get enough of... I'd love even two minutes like that each week!

*Reading*Summary of Overall Thoughts
This is wonderfully well-written!!! Although you must have been mortified, I'm glad to see you didn't go running off, but faced it and moved on! A great display of courage on your part!!! I don't know what I would've done...

Now, tell me about the date!!!!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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458
Review of I Was A Tiger  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Title: This title definitely fits perfectly with this poem. I love that it does not tell too much about the poem, and could actually have plenty of meanings... making the reader want to know exactly what the title represents.

Description: This is a wonderful description! It gives the reader great insight into the poem, as well as background information and what inspired the poem! Well done!

Visual Aspect/Content: This poem definitely put images into the reader's mind! You wrote this in such a way that the reader easily sees the tiger and what is happening. This visual adds a lot to the emotion!

Dialogue: N/A

Wording/Form/Style: Everything flowed smoothly from beginning to end, and the ABAB rhyme scheme worked well with your words to keep up with the flow without any rhyme seeming off or strained!

My Favorite Bit(s): I think I liked the ending lines the best; they contain a strong message that I think any confined animal would agree with! I think these lines also make the reader reflect on their own trips to zoos and how this message was in the eyes of every animal.

Suggestions I have none.

Summary of Overall Thoughts: This is a well-written poem that is easily felt by the reader! It contains a different look into a situation that drew attention from so many people; attention that gave everyone an opinion and had everyone either defending man or defending beast. This poem truly captures what I think the tiger would say, how that beautiful cat must've felt... All in all, this poem really makes the reader think.

Beautifully thought out, beautifully written!


*Star*Any links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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459
459
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Another interesting, entertaining poll to help me avoid my To-Do list! *Wink* This is well-worded and put together, however, you're missing an answer that, I would really like to see if people admit to: I saw down forests all night long! hehe. (there's got to be someone out there willing to admit it --Certainly not me! lol).

Great job, again!!

Stephanie Grace
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Review of The K-Rations  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This story is action-packed and exciting!
2. This story is heartwarming and tear-jerking!
3. This story had my attention from the beginning straight through to the end!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 11
         The brick wall of miscommunication threatening to crush him...
*Note6*This is a fragment; it does not actually tell the reader what the wall does. I think adding the word is after miscommunication would be the easiest way to make this a complete sentence, however, a replacing the period of the preceeding sentence with a comma would also do the trick. *Smile*

         ...at his temple barely looks a year older.
*Check2*While it's simple to know what you mean by this, the sentence alone would make no sense; a year older than what? I think adding than himself or something like that would really improve the clarity of the sentence.

Paragraph 26
         ...(his words, not mine)...
*Check2*I think there should be a comma after words would improve the flow of this statement, but that could just be me. *Pthb*

Paragraph 28
         "...this here beach, sir?"
*Note5*Since the word sir is being used in the place of a proper name (Lieutenant Michael Bradley), it should be capitalized.

Paragraph 30
         "...trap shut, Smitty, and do as yer..."
*Note5*Since this is being directed at Smitty, there should be a comma before and after his name.

Paragraph 47
         Ah guess ah am, sir.”
*Note5*Since the word sir is being used in the place of a proper name (Captain...), it should be capitalized.

Paragraph 49
         "...have to shoot, sir?"
*Note5*Since the word sir is being used in the place of a proper name (Captain), it should be capitalized.

Paragraphs 53/54
*Check2*There's a gap in the middle of paragraph 53; I think you typo-ed and forgot to start a new line before the indentation.

Paragraph 58
         It isn't until he stops...does he realize...
*Idea*I got caught up here and had to reread this sentence a few times. It just doesn't seem to flow. I think that changing 'does' to 'that' and adding an 'S' to realize would really improve the flow and clarity here.

Paragraph 66
         Yay, for you, Baldwin thinks. Why don't you...
*Check2*I'm unsure, but I don't think the comma after yay is actually neccessary.
*Note6*Since this sentence tells the reader what Baldwin is thinking, I think that italicizing his thoughts would help the reader not only to distinguish the internal dialogue from the narrative, but also transition between the two smoother.

Paragraph 70
         "My leader,"...words have been exchanged. "Would like you...
*Note5*At first, this reads like it is being directed to the leader since the dialogue is broken in to separate sentences. Replacing the period after exchanged would definitely eliminate this problem and allow the reader to understand that "Would" is picking up from the preceeding dialogue and not starting a new statement.

Paragraph 85
         "I don't understand...sir.
*Note5*Since the word sir is being used in the place of a proper name (Captain), it should be capitalized.

Paragraph 88
         "...so ******* scared, soldier."
*Note5*Since the word soldier is being used in place of a proper name (Baldwin), I believe it should be capitalized.

Paragraph 96
         She was yet to hear from...
*Check2*The word was caught me off guard and seemed to break up the flow of this sentence. As I reread this sentence, the word had seemed to be what I was expecting instead of was.

Paragraph 124
         "As ready as I can be, sir,"...
*Note5* Sir (Captain Wilson) should be capitalized.

Paragraph 126
         Left foot Joe...
*Check2*Since 'foot' is part of the name, I believe it should be capitalized.

Paragraph 147
         "Keep your head together, men!"
*Check2*You use head (singular) and men (plural), so the two don't match up.
*Check2*I think 'men' should be capitalized...?

Paragraph 154
         "As well as I can be, sir,"...
*Note5*Sir.

Paragraph 198
         "...They're surrounding us, sir."
*Note5*Sir.

Paragraph 213
         Am I sying, sir?"
*Note5*Sir.

*Reading*Title
While this title does relate to the story(ies), it kind of gives the wrong impression since the rations are never actually mentioned throughout the stories.

*Reading*Description and/or Introduction
Wonderful description! It tells the reader what the piece is and what it is about! Well done!

The introductions contained within this item are wonderful! The first introduction is well-chosen and informative! The second introduction is a wonderful glimpse into what inspired this story! Well done on both counts!*Smile*

*Reading*Emotion/Feeling/Affect
Throughout each story, you keep the reader's emotions at a high! You let the reader get to know each character and his/her situation in moments of pain, sadness, glory, fear, and many more --and it is simple for the reader to feel each one of the feelings along with the characters.

*Reading*Visual Aspect/Content
Unfortunately, it's very easy to see everything throughout these stories --making the reader see some images that, I'm sure, many would rather not!*Pthb* It is true-to-life though and I respect that you did go easy on the readers; by making him/her see these horrific (as well as some good one), you truly dragged your reader into the story, making it even easier for him/her to feel everything as well!

*Reading*Dialogue
The dialogue throughout these stories is wonderfully written! It is true-to-form for the time period as well as the situations which makes the reader fall deeper into the story and truly makes the story come to life for the reader.

*Reading*Wording/Form/Style
These stories are written in an easy to see, feel, and hear manner which makes the reader feel as though he/she is there, not just reading the words! Through your simple yet well-informed writing style, you manage to entwine military jargon and normal speech to keep everything flowing smoothly and keep everything simple for the reader to understand!

*Reading*My Favorite Bit(s)
I think the third story is my favorite... it was a nice change of pace, as well as containing a nice little lesson! In this story, not only does the reader not know how to feel at some moments, but the reader is allowed to smile.

*Reading*Summary of Overall Thoughts
I truly enjoyed each and every one of these stories! I was, however, disappointed that they never came together; I was expecting an ending that would bring all of the characters together, allowing the reader closure with each character (a chance to say good-bye to the characters that you so-well made your reader feel for and understand...)...

All in all, though, this was a truly wonderful set of stories! (I once lived with an ex who was obsessed with WWII... he finally came in useful since I read through this with highly-piqued interest and an understanding of the time and war...)! I am very impressed with how you managed to keep everything true! You did not stray away from the facts of the time, you did not sugar-coat or twist things. Each of these stories could really have taken place! I love that they are not only that believable, but that possible. It made reading this so emotional and so real, that I was amazed!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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Review of I Miss Buttons  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This is story is adorable!
2. This story deals with a situation that can be heartbreaking and confusing; you managed to explain it wonderfully!
3. This story is very easy to relate to!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 1
         ...the last few months since...
*Idea*The phrase last few months seems to set the story's tense to

present. I think that changing this sentence to eliminate this phrase, but

still show that she said the same for months after... would really improve the

flow and clarity.

Paragraph 3
         Buttons didn't...
*Check2*Since these words are not actual dialogue within the story, nor are

they really narrative, I think that italicizing this explanation might really

help the reader to understand that it is no longer narrative, but either a

memory of words or unspecified dialogue.
*Check2*It is also hard for the reader to know if this explanation is really

being said due to the preceeding paragraph. Even as I continued reading into

the next paragraph, I was still unsure how to take this... If this explanation

was actually said to Cindy, quotation marks would really help the reader to

understand how to move on to the following paragraph.

Paragraph 7
*Note5*In this paragraph, the speaker is changed without warning... I think

that beginning a new paragraph for Cindy's response would add greatly to the

clarity!

Paragraph 8
*Note5*Here, you have several characters speaking within one paragraph; this

makes reading very confusing for the reader and he/she does not know whose

voice to imagine as they read the words... Remember, whenever a new person

begins to speak, a new paragraph should begin... Even if the whole paragraph

consists only of one spoken word, it is still a complete paragraph when it

comes to dialogue.

Paragraph 16
         They had a secret to share it with the little girl.
*Note6*The word it seemed out of place and made the sentence seem awkward.

*Reading*Emotion/Feeling/Affect
This story is simple to feel! It deals with a situation that, unfortunately, many of us have had to deal with, which makes this story incredibly easy to relate to --too easy!

*Reading*Visual Aspect/Content
Throughout this story, it is very easy for the reader to see everything that is going on. Not only is the reader able to see the story you are telling, but, I'm sure, that each reader will have visions from his/her own experiences going through their head.

*Reading*Dialogue
The dialogue is simple and fits well with the characters, as well as helping to enhance the visual and emotional aspects of this story!

*Reading*Wording/Form/Style
The simple wording works well for any reader to be able to understand this story --Even children would be able to understand this with ease!

*Reading*My Favorite Bit(s)
Due to the subject matter, I have to say that the ending is definitely my favorite part! It completes the story beautifully and it filled with happiness and hope!

*Reading*Summary of Overall Thoughts
This was a wonderful, heart warming story that deals with a very difficult and delicate topic; you handled it wonderfully! Great job!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Sapphire
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Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you for your message on "Invalid Item!!!

*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This is amazingly written; you bring your reader right into the story! He/She can see, hear, and feel your words!
2. The ending is incredibly easy to feel! Your words resound within your reader's mind and heart! (Since this review will be public, however, I do not want to say more than that... Let them come and read it for themselves, right??)
3. This is a creative story that uses a simple activity to move the reader.

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 2
         "Blire blies?" she called them.
*Check2*Since, at this point, there is not indication that this is a question, but merely just pointing out how she says fireflies, the question mark is not neccessary... However, since the next paragraph confirms that she is asking a question, just saying here she asked or something similar, would work perfectly since the reader knows that this is a child speaking and not an error on your part.

Paragraph 4
         ...into a small, quiet area.
Since small and quiet both describe the area, rather than small describing the quiet area, I think a comma after small would improve the flow of this sentence.

Paragraph 9
         "Dee? dee?
*Idea*It's easy to know what you mean here, however, I think that another question mark added between the dee's would improve the flow and clarity... Right now, it could be that she asking if one of the fireflies is named Dee dee; adding the question mark would REALLY make the reader know that she is asking: See? See?

Paragraph 10
         caress her hair, convincing her to...
*Check2*Since the caress of the hair and the convincing are two separate actions (although performed at the same time), a comma after hair would imrpove the clarity and flow of this sentence.

Paragraph 11
         "The don't bite, Hun."...
*Note5*Since what is being said is directed at Hun, rather than saying They don't bite Hun, there should be a comma after bite.

Paragraph 16
         Baby, can you hear...
*Note5*Since this is directed toward Baby, there should be a comma after Baby.

         "Talk to Daddy, baby. Rachel,{/s}... daddy!"
*Note5*Commas after Daddy and Rachel.
*Note5*Since baby and daddy take the place of a proper noun (Rachel / Daddy's name), they should be capitalized.


*Reading*Summary of All Thoughts
This story was beautiful and simple to feel! The build-up allows the reader to get to know the characters, and, then comes the ending... Which will leave no reader unmoved!!

(I'm sorry that I am not raving about how I felt --believe me, I felt as you would expect, but, I don't want to advertise the twist at the end to possible readers!)

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
"Invalid Item
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Review of High Occupancy  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for your message on "Invalid Item!!!

*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This story is well-written; the reader is able to see everything as it happens.
2. This story is very well-developed! The build-up is wonderful and seemingly serious... for some time, I was wondering why this was grouped with jokes... I found out, though! *Wink*
3. I love how this story could have gone in so many different directions; you laid the ground work for plenty of plots, storylines, and endings!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 3
         "What is it, Stephanie?
*Check2*I have no idea! lol. *Wink*
*Check2*By the way, I hate that name! lol...

         Bill Clinton," thought...
*Idea*As is, this reads like this thought is part of the narrative... I think that italicizing it would improve clarity.

Paragraph 12
         "Yes, sir."
*Note5*Because sir takes the place of a proper noun (Mayor McDougal), it should be capitalized.

*Reading*Summary of All Thoughts
I really enjoyed reading this!! And, of course, I got a wonderful laugh at the end!! Thank you!!

(Honestly, I don't know what else to say!)

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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Review of Hidden Lies  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This story is incredibly creative and well-written!
2. This is a wonderful display of your talent for bringing your readers into a story! I was able to see and hear everything, as well as feel for the characters!
3. This story is quite filled with feelings --everything from sympathy to horror is contained within your words!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 16
         "Daddy, nothing matters except you get better."
*Note6*This sentence read awakwardly to me. I think replacing get with getting would improve the flow of this sentence.

Paragraph 17
         "...You better off..."
*Note5*I think that you is meant to be you're

*Reading*Summary of All Thoughts
All in all, this story kept me going from the first word to the last! I never knew what was going to happen! And I certainly did not picture the ending! Simple enough for everyone to understand and yet filled with thought-provoking material, this is truly a perfectly written story!!!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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Review of Rocks for Mama  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
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*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This is a heartwarming story that, I think, will put tears in every readers' eyes!
2. Very well-written! It is easy for the reader to see everything, as well as feel for the characters.
3. This is a truly beautiful story!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Paragraph 5
         "No, Kelsey!..."
*Note5*Since this statement is being directed at Kelsey, there should be a comma after No. (See "Discourse Markers and More for more details.).

Paragraphs 6/7
There is no line skipped between these paragraphs.

Paragraph 11
         "I don't know, Emily..."
*Note5*Since Kelsey is telling Emily that she doesn't know and not saying that she doesn't know Emily, there should be a comms after know.

Paragraphs 12/13
There is no line skipped between these paragraphs, however, I think that will also work as one paragraph.

Paragraphs 27/28
There is no line skipped between these paragraphs, however, I think that will also work as one paragraph.

Paragraph 29
         "Our Mama is real sick, sir."
*Note6*In this sentence, the word sir is taking the place of a proper noun (the man's name), so it should be capitalized. ("Personal Titles)

Paragraph 40
         "You should have seen him, Kels!"
*Note5*Since Emily is talking to Kels, there should be a comma after him.

Paragraph 42
         "It's true, Kels!"
*Note5*There's no beginning quotation marks here. Also, there should be a comma after true.

Paragraph 55
         Yes, Mama."...
*Note5*Comma after yes.

Paragraph 57
         Yes, Mama."...
*Note5*Comma after yes.

Paragraph 58
         No, honey."...
*Note5*Comma after no.
*Note5*Because honey is taking the place of a proper name (Emily), it should be capitalized.

Paragraph 60
         "...you, Em, and your rocks..."
*Note5*Comma after Em.

Paragraph 70
         "Thank you, sir."
*Note5*Comma after you.
*Note6*Sir should be capitalized.

Summary of Overall Thoughts
This story had me crying! It's just well-written and absolutely beautiful! It not only puts hope in the heart of the reader, but is a wonderful reminder that good people and generosity exist! I think that this story would inspire anyone to get up and do something for someone!

*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Stephanie Grace
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Review of Anniversary  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is one of those forms that looks easy, but, I'd bet, ends up being a struggle!! lol...

Form aside (which, by the way, you stuck to perfectly --and without the words reading awkwadly...), this poem is incredibly heartfelt and touching!

I love the wording and how you just seemed to open up... Having been fighting with my husband the last few days, this really hit me hard. I felt it so strongly --It was a reminder of my second anniversary coming in June and how many love-filled poems I've written since I met him... You reminded me of that love and, in many ways, may have just saved my marriage! Thank you!! (Look at it this way: You wrote a poem so powerful that it returned love to an angry heart... what could be more perfect?)

Truly, this is just beautiful! No words that I can say will do it justice...

Thank you, again!

Sapphire
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Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (5.0)
To me, this picture screams Chinese New Year! I am, however, trying to ignore the bird features (I am just getting over a fear of birds...)!

You are an amazingly talented artist! Copy or not, I know I could NEVER draw something this good! (Believe me... I try all the time.. lol).

Absolutely wonderful!!

Sapphire
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Review of No Title  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (5.0)
**Thank you for your lovely message on "Invalid Item!!

This poem is aboslutely adorable!!!

Truly, this poem brought me back to my beginnings; it made me remember my own first little poems and stories...

This poem is a wonderful reminder of not only every writers' roots, but of the innocence and simplicity that exists within the hearts and lives of children.

A simple poem, and yet it arouses profound thought and feeling!

Thank you for not only taking me back; not only for sharing this memory with us; not only for reminding us of the simplicity that exists in life; but, mainly, for the breath of fresh air that this poem allowed me to inhale!

Thank you!

Sapphire
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Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
PROLOGUE


*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This is a wonderful introduction to the story!!
2. This prologue definitely piqued my interest in the story! I want to know what is going to happen!!!!
3. The characters and plat line are very original, very imaginative!!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Prologue
         *Idea*I think that centering this word and making it bold and/or underlined, would help the reader to recognize it more as a title than as part of the story...

Paragraph 1
...a long, pale-grey corridor with many doors.
         *Note5*Since long and pale grey are both describing the same corridor, I think there should be a comma between them to improve the clarity.
         *Idea*Since the word pale is describinng the grey and not the hall, I think that connecting the words with a hypen would improve the clarity.

Paragraph 7
...to see a human child, doctor.'
         *Note5*Because the word doctor is being used in replace of a name, it should be capitalized.
         *Note6*I am unsure, but this reads as though it is meant to be a question... if so, replacing the period with a question mark would greatly improve the clarity of this sentence.

Paragraph 19
...he walled down the silent...
         *Note6*I believe this is meant to be walked.
...the D.A.H.G.R.I. files.
         *Idea*Although it is noted at the beginning of the item, I think that, as this is the first appearance of the acronym, it would help the reader better understand the contents and meaning if it the words were spelled out this time, then changed to the acronym at the next mentioning...?

Paragraph 20
...had waited a few decaded,...
         *Note6*I believe this is meant to be decades.


Summary of Overall Thoughts
This is another wonderful display of the talent and creativity you possess! --Not to mention your ability to capture your reader and allow him/her to see everything that is happening, and leave them wanting more!




CHAPTER ONE


*Reading*My 3 Biggest Thoughts
1. This is a wonderful introduction to the main character!
2. This is written in such a way that the reader can easily see eveyrthing that is happening.
3. Good ground-work for a terrific tale!

*Reading*Typos and Suggestions
         SYMBOL/COLOR KEY:
          *Note5* Technical Issue
          *Note6* Minor Error
          *Check2* Explanation
          *Idea* Suggestion
          *Bullet* [Remove Text]
          *Bullet* [Change Text]
          *Bullet* [Add Text]

Chapter 1: Cubits
         *Idea*I think that centering this and making it bold or underlined, would help the reader to recognize the transition from the prologue into the first chapter.

Paragraph 3
...and handed the older man reading a paper a cubit.
         *Check2*At the word the I suddenly felt as though I missed something and had to retrace my reading to try to identify the older man. Since this is the introduction of the man and he appears, so far, to be an incosequential character with no name, I think changing the to an would help the flow of this sentence.

Paragraph 10
To get anywhere, one needed an id. With an id,...
         *Note5*TO be honest, I got a chuckle from this. By not capitalizing the I and D in ID, my mind imediately saw the word id and thought about how funny it is to say you need one to get anywhere --How true!!! I would, however, like to suggest capitalizing the letters so that every reader can be sure that this is meant to be an abbreviation for identification and not a part of the brain! *Bigsmile*

Paragraphs 11 and 12
         *Idea*There is an extra line skipped between these paragraphs which breaks up the flow of reading... if it is meant to show the passing of time, I would suggest putting some form of separator to indicate it...?

Paragraph 12
Beeps awoke her from her daydream.
         *Check2*This could be because of the extra line skipped, but I felt like I had missed something, as though you were now writing about a different character. I think changing the first her to Dahgri would eliminate this problem...
She counted to five and slipping inside the door before it closed.
         *Note5*I believe this is meant to be slipped.

Paragraph 13
She stepped onto the id plate...
         *Check2*See Paragraph 10 explanation.
The screen before her returning to its...
         *Note6*As is, this sentence is incomplete. Changing the word returning to returned would, I think, greatly improve the clarity and flow of this sentence --as well as complete it.

Paragraphs 16 and 17
         *Check2*See Paragraph 11 and 12 for explanation.

Paragraph 20
...The id from Dament...
         *Check2*See Paragraph 10 for explanation.

Paragraph 21
...he could make ids.
         *Check2*See Paragraph 10 for explanation.


Summary of Overall Thoughts
While I enjoyed reading this story, I found it a little slow moving... I found myself wanting to read ahead (but didn't, of course! lol)... This is truly a great, imaginative story and I want to know what will happen, especially to Dahgri!!!


*Star*All links provided have been graciously taken from "Grammarama"   by Davy Kraken

Sapphire
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Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This poem is wonderfully written and well worded! This is a great display of not only your talent, but also of emotion! You give your reader a sense of living --a sense of appreciating life.

I do, however, have a few suggestions... (Please, remember that these are only my opinions...)

First, I would really like to suggestion the addition of more punctuation... Each stanza is more than just one complete thought, however, without punctuation to guide your reader's tone, I think the poem loses some feeling. Just as with prose/stories, punctuation is greatly needed to help your reader understand how to take a statement and/or when to separate one statement from the next... (Again... only opinions... I'm sorry.... I am only trying to be helpful)

Also, in line 24, the word Nascent seemed, to me, a little out of place. Because of the wording throughout this poem, it just felt odd for an adjective to be mentioned as a "will". This, however, could just be me... I would like to suggest a small change, though... Perhaps try the noun version of the word? It really could just be me, but I think that Nascency is my will has a greater impact... I don't know.. lol

All in all, this is a beautiful poem that, I think, every reader can relate to! It is a wonderful display of life --wasted, life --lived, and, of course, the pursuit of happiness!

Thank you for sharing this with us --and, mainly, thank you for giving me a message that I greatly needed right now!

Sapphire
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Review of The Best Gift  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a beautiful story filled with pain and hope. It is well-written and very easy for the reader to feel every word! You brought tears to my eyes!!

It is a simple story, a story that could happen to any person, any where --and does every day. It stirred so many emotions in me that I am truly overwhelmed by it!

There were, however, a few things that popped into my head as I read this piece:

Paragraph 1: away, and bright flashlight
While this is well said, at the same time, I ended up having to read it over... Perhaps adding his before bright might add some more clarity?

or perhaps amongst the chaos
Honestly, I have no reason for saying this, but, when I reread this sentence with just amongst it seemed to flow better --to me. lol. *Blush*

Paragraph 4: My cop in shining armor. I make these notes as I read, so I am stil unsure about this one! lol... I think that this could be too early to reveal what the man is... Since he is a critical part of the story, his caring for her, etc... is something that really keeps the reader hooked... Without mentioning this so early, I think, readers would still be trying to figure out the connection between the speaker and the man. *Wink* Also, while I do not see how the word cop could be offensive, it can be... and, in my humble opinion, officer in shining armor just has a nice ring to it! lol. *Blush*

Listening to ma famille was... This, again, is probably just me... lol... Reading this, it makes me think that there is a signifigance to using a different language, however, when I scanned ahead, I saw nothing italicized.. I don't know yet if this phrase makes an impact on the story, however, I think that, if it doesn't, you can definitely come up with a better phrase... Listening to my parents' angry droning was drilling... I don't know.. lol...

tell tale scars of my... telltale -one word (other words we get confused... lol.. tell [a] tale... *Kiss*

Paragraph 6: chiseled face, hard worn and world weary When I first read this sentence, I thought that, after the comma, you were had continued to talk about the teeth... Of course, the thought quickly vanished, but, I would like to suggest hyphenating the phrases used...? hard-worn and world-weary(/i) I think it makes the words feel more connected...

Paragraph 8: clean for him. To lay off... Something came to mind here: I think that replacing the period with a semi-colon would add to the effectiveness of this sentence.

The only other thing that I could suggest in this paragraph is a reality-type-thing... lol... Usually, [Here], if a person goes to AA or NA for his/her first offense, it takes another offense for him/her to be sent to inpatient rehab --Sooo, in this paragraph, it is suggested that (A) AA did not work or (B) the narrator has had an unmentioned relapse... That, however, is, again, here. lol.


All in all, this piece is beautiful! It is beautifully written, sad, tragic, and hopeful. What more could I truly say??

Thank you for sharing this with us!

Sapphire
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Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is absolutely hysterical!! (And oh so true!!)! This is well-written and I love the way the little metaphors!!

I also did not see even one typo or come up with any suggestions!! The piece is just fine as is!! *Bigsmile*

Thank you for the smile!!! (Too bad I didn't read this years ago! lol).

Sapphire
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Review of Rules To Live By  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.5)
I loved reading this! It's so true, too... lol. I love the light-hearted tone and informative feel! This poem is truly incredibly entertaining! (And, hey, isn't it always the best when someone can be entertained while they're learning?)...

The only suggestion that I have is to add a bit of punctuation. While everything is easy to read and flow great from beginning to end, I think a few periods would enhance the flow even further!

All in all, wonderful job! ...And thank you for the smile and chuckle!

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Review of Blessed Be  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.5)
You've done it again, my dear! This poem is enchanting, calming. As I read this, I felt protected, calm, and cleansed. You bring your reader into a different world; helping him/her to not only appreciate what is around them, but also showing them how to feel what is around them.

From beginning to end, everything flows beautifully! Your wording is beautiful and allows your reader to easily see what you are saying.

This poem is a well-written reminder of the beauty that we are all surrounded by.

Thank you for sharing this with; we all need to be reminded of such things sometimes.

Sapphire
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Review of Ordination  
Review by Stephanie Grace
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a well written poem that, to me, can actually be related to many different things in life. I mean, while you give specific details, etc, they can all be taken as symbolic to make the poem easy for the reader to relate to.

Your wording is truly beautiful and brings your reader into a different world where they are dancing by a fire and feeling free. Just.. beautiful!!

There were no suggestions that came to mind as I read... all wording and punctuation, etc... they all seem to be in magnificent order and keep everything flowing live a river!

Another beautiful poem by the beautiful Kimchi!

Sapphire
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