As a lover of pantoum, I had to read this one! (It's such a fun challenge, isn't it?)
You stuck true to the form and everything flowed smoothly from beginning to end!
This is another great display of your talent for bringing the reader into the piece! I could see and hear everything; which made it even easier to feel your words!
I saw no typos and the only suggestion that came to mind was for punctuation --but, since it's poetry, that's a matter of preference...
This is a beautiful, beautiful tribute to your freind! It is well-written, flows smoothly, and really touched my heart! (You got it.. I'm an animal lover! Then again, I pretty much live in a zoo and still feed the strays cat! I CRIED in Aruba when I saw the stray dogs!).
There was not one thing that caught my attention as a typo nor did any suggestions pop into my mind. This is just perfect the way it is...
This is a wonderful tribute to your grandfather! You bring the reader into the 'story' and allow him/her to see everything! This is written in such a way that the reader not only feels introduced to your grandfather, but he/she feels like they have had the honor of meeting the great man!
It is well-written and reads smoothly! Great job!
There were, however, two little things that popped into my head to point out:
In the fifth paragraph, A result, just before..., I think, would read a little smoother if it read: As a result...?
Toward the end, you mention two jars. You explain the contents of one, but the reader is left wondering about the other. (At least, I was...).
All in all, this well-written and just delightful! Your love and admiration for your grandfather really comes through your words! Thank you for sharing this with us! I am sure he would be proud of the talent that you so obviously possess!
This poem is just... wonderful! It is very well-written, flows smoothly, and stuck to the chosen form!
This read smoothly and fast-paced, at times, which really dragged me in and made me SEE all that was happening. Beautifully done!
I do, however, have two small suggestions:
In the third stanza, line four: Cacaphony should be Cacophany.
Before stanza five, there is an extra space. I thought, at first, that it was representing a lapse in time that I didn't catch, but, upon reading it again, it just seemed to hinder the poem a little bit by breaking it up too much...?
All in all, I don't even know what else I can say! This is just a wonderful poem --scary, realisitic, easy to see/relate to, and thought-provoking. Wonderful!
This is well-written and really makes the reader see an autumn night at the edge of the ocean, however, Haiku poems consist of three lines of five syl, seven syl, 5 syl [based on/personifying nature, which you have done wonderfully!].
Honestly, I love this, but feel that it needs to be either added to or described as a 'micro poem'... or easily edited to become a true haiku!
This is a beautiful, well-written tribute. You bring your reader right into it, making him/her see the simple actions being made and easily relating to them.
Even in such a short space, you bring your reader on a roller-coaster ride of emotion; the simplicity, the normality, the happiness, the... reality.
It is very well-written and I only saw one small typo. In the third paragraph, 'you best' should be your best.
All in all, this is beautiful and put tears in my eyes. Great job, hun. I am sorry for your loss.
This story is very well-written! The narrator is easy to relate to, and the reader can easily feel for her as they read! The comfort of darkness is something that I don't often see in many writings, but something that I definitely can agree with!
This story is a wonderful display of your talent for bringing your reader into the story and making him/her see and feel everything! Very, very, VERY well done!
I do, however, have a few suggestions:
In the first paragraph, I think that ending the first sentence with an exclamation point instead of a period would give the sentence more impact.
In the second paragraph, the first sentence reads a bit awkwardly due to the surprising tense change from the preceeding paragrpah. Perhaps say 'I have always felt freer...'? I think that just making that small change would help ease the reader from present to past tense.
In the third paragraph, last sentence, the word 'others' should be possessive. other's.
In the sixth paragraph, there is no need for grandfather to be hyphenated. Also, there should be a comma after 'said' to separate the narrative from the dialogue and the comma after 'tired' should be within the quotation marks. (same after 'time').
All in all, I think this is wonderful! Great, great, GREAT job, my friend!!!
This is a wonderfully well-written piece of micro-fiction! In only 100 words, you manage to relay the entire story and make the reader feel for the characters! Amazing!
I didn't see any repeated words, but I did notice a problem with capitalization in a few places.
In the fourth paragraph, there is no need to capitalize after the commas.
In the fifth paragraph, the word 'find' should be capitalized since it opens the dialogue.
All in all, I think this piece is just wonderful and incredibly emotional! You did an amazing job with this! Good luck in the contest!
I loved the dark, gloomy feeling of this poem! It makes the message creep into the reader's mind as they explore their own dark thoughts and fears!
The message is clear and the flow is smooth. The rhymes didn't seem forced nor did the hinder the feeling of the peom! Very well-written!
The only suggestion that popped into my mind is for Stanza Four, Line Four: I think that replacing the word 'prove' with 'provide' might make the message of the statement a bit more clear...
All in all, a wonderful poem I thouroughly enjoyed! Thank you for sharing this!
This is strong, emotional poem that really tugs at the reader's heart! It is a poem that is easy to understand, and incredibly simple to relate to. I think that we can all relate to this in one way or another. (I think that this can be realted to many different forms of love and relationship --including family.).
This is well-written and the rhymes did not seem forced anywhere --nor the rhyme scheme hinder your message or make your words feel lighthearted! Beautifully done!
The only suggestions I have are:
In line Lines 2 and 27, there should be a comma before and after 'my love' since it is being directed to 'my love'.
In Line 30, I think that a comma after 'And' would add to the impact of the words in the line, making 'and' seem like a minor word and making the rest feel stronger.
All in all, I really enjoyed reading this poem! It is a wonderful, beautiful display of talent and really hit me hard. I've felt this before and the way that you worded this really nailed the feelings!
Eek!! Very creative use of the prompt, number one! Number two... his outfit.. HA! I wish I had seen this prompt... I would've ignored her and made him bury that hideous shirt! Just an opinion. lol.
Anywho, this is well-written and very easy to understand! Sure, I probably should've been creeped out, but I got a good laugh out of this!
I didn't notice any typos and my only suggestion would be to add Angela's response. I REALLY REALLLY REALLY want to know about these characters and the surrounding story. Good launching pad, perhaps?
This seems like a WONDERFUL activity and I cannot wait for it to begin!! Having participated in other challenges that you've run, I know how creative your prompts can be and I'm all atwitter to see what you'll do now!!
As far as all else, you stated everything clearly, everything is easy to understand I didn't notice any grammatical errors or come up with any suggestions... GREAT GREAT GREAT JOB!!
A lovely guestbook! I don't really know what else to say, but you had no ratings on this! I had to make sure those icky words "This has no ratings" were covered up by five purple stars!!!
Keep writing! I can't get over how talented you are!
Another wonderful poem!! You made me feel like it was really Spring! You're amazing and I hope that you write more and more and more so I can read more!
You definitely have a way with words and I hope that you ALWAYS remember to write, write, write!
This is a wonderful poem! You've definitely got a great talent! Very creepy... I think anyone would be afraid of those creatures!! Great job! I can't wait to read more of your writings!!
This was very creative and imaginative! Just wonderful!!!
TITLE:
The title 'Identity Crisis' definitely worksperfectly with this story! (You could, however, remove the 'Lucky Ducky' part. )
DESCRIPTION:
This suits the piece and gives good background information, however, I think a few words of insight into the story would make it even better!
STORYLINE/PLOT:
This was very entertaining!!! I had no idea where this was going until the end!! Very well done!
CHARACTERS:
The characters are easy-to-believe and very entertaining!
IMAGERY:
VERy easy to picture from beginning to end!
EMOTION:
The mystery of this story drew me right in!! (And, I must say, the end gave a shock, a jab, and a laugh...)
DIALOGUE:
The one bit of dialogue in this story worked well to enhance the story and was well-suited to the speaker!
TECHNICAL/SUGGESTIONS: Change Text Remove Text Add Text
...brush the cheetoh's crumbs from my buddha...
Since 'cheetoh's' is a brand name, it should be capitalized.
'buddha' should be capitalized.
John Grissam / John Grissom
I believe the first one has a typo...
I think that skipping a line between paragraphs (and an extra one between the two different sections) would make this piece a little more appealing to the eye and easier to follow...
OVERALL:
This was very entertaining and enjoyable! Very creative take on the Ducky you picked!!!
Thank you for your entry and Good Luck! (Note: Remember, you are free to edit until the day BEFORE the contest closes, so feel free to do so! We'll be back to look again before the end! )
TITLE:
This title definitely fits this story very well!
DESCRIPTION:
This is a lovely description, however, I think that it might benefit from just a word or two of insight into the story...
STORYLINE/PLOT:
This is a story that represents a feeling that, I think, we all long to feel!
CHARACTERS:
Your character is great! He is well-developed and it is easy for the reader to understand him and relate to him! Well done!
IMAGERY:
With simple imagery and great descriptions, this story is incredibly easy to see!
EMOTION:
Not only can the reader feel for the character, but his/her own emotions are stirred as he/she relates to the reader. (Envy being a very prevalent emotion as I read! lol)
DIALOGUE:
N/A
TECHNICAL/SUGGESTIONS: Change Text Remove Text Add Text
...the need, the passion[,] to write on. Due to 'the passion' being an added detail to this sentence, I think that a comma after, as well as before, would improve the flow here.
...to read or[,] in some cases[,] to create. Since "in some cases" is added detail to the main point of this sentence, I think that a comma before and after it would improve the clarity, as well as the flow, of this sentence.
..., fell back into the cup from... The word cup seemed a bit off to me; perhaps well to imply the inkwell a bit clearer, and help the reader stay in the time in which this story is taking place?
..."nest" of ideas, if you will. This sudden, direct speaking to the reader seemed out of place; it drags the reader from the time period in which this story is set and makes him/her feel as though this is written like a commercial: directed at him/her...
Paragraph Two I think that this paragraph could be divided into smaller paragraphs --especially to seperate the narrative from the character's thoughts/actions...
As soon as he reached for the coat...
In the preceeding sentence, you mention that he grabs the coat. Perhaps edit the sentence before this one to prevent it like sounding like he has already grabbed the coat?
Contest Related Suggestion: I was disappointed that there was no reference to the writer's creation being an epic tale as per the Duck Prompt you chose...
OVERALL:
I really enjoyed reading this and fell right into! You definitely have a talent for bringing your reader into the story!
RATING:
I'm giving this a 4.0 because I really enjoyed reading it, but feel that it just needs a little of attention to truly become something awe-inspiring! (Which I know you can easily do!)
All in all, this is a great story and I enjoyed it very much!
This is wonderfully well-written and I saw no typos, nor did any suggestions pop into my mind!
I deifnitely agree that Autumn is my favorite, but that all seasons are important (I could, however, do without summer, personally! lol)!
You did a magnificent job of bringing your reader into the season! Come winter, spring, and summer, I'll be back to read this again and again to relive our favorite season of them all!
A great display of talent! Thank you for sharing this with us!!
Stephanie Grace
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The ABAB rhyme scheme worked well with your words without anything seeming forced! Well done!
Imagery
Unfortunately, this really gets the reader's mind's eye going! Creepy and yucky! LoL. This definitely had me envisioning the creepy beasts!
Emotion
I love the lighthearted feel of this poem as well as the ease of yoru words creeping out the reader and making me squirm! lol.
My Favorite Line
I can't decide!! I'm going to say the end which gave a good laugh!
Typos and Suggestions
I didn't notice any typos, however, the lines in which you start a statement at the end of one line and continue it in the next felt a little awkward to me...
Overall Thoughts
Informative, lighthearted, and well-written! Great job!
Rating Explanation
I'm giving this a 4.5 because I feel that it is a good poem that just felt a little awkward in only a spot or two..
This seems like a wonderful contest!!! Everything is clearly stated (though I would like to suggest a change of colors since some feel like a strain on the eyes...) and I didn't notice any typos or errors!!!
Enclosed, please find my donation and I would also like to offer to review and judge for poetry, if you would like the help....
Great Idea!!
Stephanie Grace
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This title is perfect for this piece! In the descripton, however, I can't help but thinkin' that "monster" might be better than "bunny" so that the mystery is REALLY there.
As far as the story, I think that it's adorable!!!! It's very easy to envision and simple for any reader to feel --specially for poor li'l Mirabelle!
I did, however, find a few little things to make suggestions about. (Don't roll your yes at me! lol. I'm only trying to be honest and helpful! )
..to hide it's true identity.
"it's" should be possessive; its
"Come on out[,] silly girl,..."
Since this directed at "silly girl," there should be a comma after 'out'.
"...pink basket this year[,] Mirabelle."
Comma after year.
"...you Easter basket[,] Mira?"
...tucked a well-worn afghan...
Here, I think that hyphenating these words would like them together into one thought to improve the flow...
Determined not to...feast[,] Mirabelle threw off...
I think that a comma here to separate the "detail" of determination from the action would improve the flow/ clarity....
All in all, I loved this and think hat any child would adore it!!! I can't wait to see set to hardcover with illustrations! It's absolutely adorable and very well-written!!! A quite supenseful read for children --and anyone who has or knows children!
Thoughts
Short and well-written, this small piece is a wonderful display of talent!! The reader can easily feel the emotion behind your words! Very well done! Beautiful!
Suggestions My first suggestion is add more to this! I think a few stanzas before this would really drag the reader in and make his/her heart skip a beat at this ending! (To see the kind of addition I mean, see "Invalid Item" ... It's not very good, lol, but I think it'll give you the idea of what I mean; if I try to say it, it would only give away your words to anyone seeing this review; and I want them to read it! lol) My only other suggestion is to add some punctuation. Punctuation in poetry is, of course, completely up to the writer (as is everything else, lol), but I think it really helps to guide the reader's voice... (To be more specific, I would put a comma or semi-colon at the end of line one and a period at the end of line two. Line three and for are perfect as they are)
Over All
I really loved reading this and I cannot wait to read more of your writings! You are certainly a very talented young lady!! If you do decide to write more of this, please please PLEASE e-mail me! I would love to come back and read it again!!
I love how this description poses a question to the reader, making him/her want to read this piece to understad the meaning of the question.
Form/Style
The two-lined stanzas worked beautifully with your words to make each statement hit the reader. The extra space skipped between the stanzas, I felt, forced your words and their meanings to really sink into the reader's mind and heart. Beautiful!
The monrhyme rhyme-scheme can often make a poem feel too light hearted or a little redundant with the same sound over and over again, but it worked wonderfully with your words and didn't seem forced.. It just flowed smoothly and beautifully from beginningn to end.
Imagery
Your imagery is incredibly original and beautiful! It makes the reader stop to think, to see, to hear!
Emotion
This poem was incredibly thought-provoking and very easy to feel. To me, it was a soothing comfort... it was a friend asking a question without opening their mouth.
My Favorite Line
I truly love each and every line of this poem! If I had to pick, though, I would go with the first stanza; that first challenge, that wonderful introduction to such creativiy!
Typos and Suggestions
Nothing!
Overall Thoughts
I don't know what else I can say! This poem not only touches the reader's heart, but also challenges his/her mind! Incredible!
Rating Explanation
With all the raving I've jus done, how could I give anything less than five stars??
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Also, there should be a comma after 'said' to separate the narrative from the dialogue and the comma after 'tired' should be within the quotation marks. (same after 'time').
I had to make sure those icky words "This has no ratings" were covered up by five purple stars!!!
I think that skipping a line between paragraphs (and an extra one between the two different sections) would make this piece a little more appealing to the eye and easier to follow...
I'm only trying to be honest and helpful! 
Suggestions
My first suggestion is add more to this! I think a few stanzas before this would really drag the reader in and make his/her heart skip a beat at this ending! (To see the kind of addition I mean, see "