Hello, Nekogal (D&C)
I found your request for serious feedback on "Please Review" 
I really need feedback, since no ones really commented on it.
I will do my best. Since I haven't read the prologue or chap. 1, I won't comment on continuity or plot. It seems to be moving along well, so I don't think you've a problem there.
"Oh, thank Kiera! You're finally awake! You've been out for quite a while, three whole days almost. With all that blood you lost, it's a good thing Mamoru found you when he did," the girl said beaming, her high pitched voice squealing with excitement.
This is good. I can feel and hear her excitement through the exclamation points and descriptive words. --beaming--high pitched--squealing--Good choices to let readers hear her as well as see!
An enormous desk was positioned against the northern wall,
In the southern region of the small building,
At the first mention of 'direction', -northern- I didn't pay much attention, but when continuing with --southern and eastern--, it caught my attention. She just woke and was unaware of where she was. How was she able to tell direction in a darkened cabin? What did she use as a guide? Why is the direction important?
A mouse hole was spotted in the eastern portion of the room, accompanied by a door, leading to the outside,
Is this what you intended to say? --a mouse hole with a door to the outside--?? Is this what you meant? Since I missed the first chapter and don't know, it may be that these are 'mouse-size' people. That's the disadvantage of not beginning from the start of a story. 
filled with tiny holes, and a crusty loaf of stale, half-eaten bread.
This isn't an entirely clear image. I see a half-loaf of bread. Not -half-eaten-. --half-eaten--gives images of regurgitated bread. 
"Well, it seems you've come to. How are you feeling? Does the arm pain you much?" the young man, no, Mamoru, said as he entered the dusky cabin.
Using both -young man- and -Mamoru- may be a point brought forward from chapter one, and be needed - but, if not, I suggest using one or the other to avoid wordiness.
Lucifer was on his way to the throne room.
Reaching the throne room,
He entered the throne room,
The throne room was filled with
Be aware of repeating and try to avoid it. Use another word or write to avoid having to identify the room. --It--works. --The room-- will work. You may find you don't need most of these lines. Variety is good.
Lucifer was on his way to the throne room. He was supposed to be meeting with Ketsueki;
I don't think the first sentence is necessary for clarity. It tells the readers something they should be able to figure out with the next lines. It could be cut out. The second line is wordy. The red bolded words could be cut easily with no change in meaning. He is meeting Ketsueki, so --supposed-- is only an extra word.
Kizuato asked Ketsueki,
These two names are almost identical and I had trouble knowing who was who. I kept having to go back to their introductions and check the spelling of each. I suppose I would eventually know if I read the whole book, but I found it annoying and bothersome.
He also wore a crimson colored cape, which hung well below his knees.
Kizuato was wearing a bright tunic, the colors consisting of red, yellow, and orange. They were rather vibrant in comparison to Lucifer’s own clothes. Outlined on the colorful tunic was an elaborately embroidered flame. He also wore a crimson colored cape,
Ketsueki was probably the most down-dressed of them all. He’d come to the meeting in a dark brown cape,
There is a lot of space given over to their clothing. Is it going to be important later? Do the images have a special meaning? If so, I really wondered why Lucifer shows roses.  Should the readers remember what each is wearing? The color of the tunics and robe should be enough for the readers that want clothing described. Some readers won't care, because the personalities are more important. Clothing will change, personalities won't.
He also wore a crimson colored cape,
Cut the bolded word because -crimson- is a color. Avoid telling readers stuff they already know.
antique chairs at the flamboyant golden table
He took a seat at the back of the small table, motioning for the other two men to sit.
--antique and flamboyant--gives me an image of a large table, so when I read --small- it bumped and I had to look again to try to image it. You can avoid this bump by removing the word --small--. It would still say the same thing, but clearer.
Well then, where is she from? Or more, where is she right now?”
This doesn't sound authoritive enough for a King. Try something less casual. Perhaps;
--More importantly, where...--or --More to the point, where... just try different words until it sounds 'right' to you.
Kizuato was almost the opposite of Lucifer in appearance. His short, golden blonde hair draped over his face, giving him the appearance of a playful child.
Ketsueki leaned back in his chair, letting his hair fall across his face once again
Both characters having the same characteristic contributes to my confusion of their names. The word --again--stumped me because I wasn't aware of his hair doing this a first time. I knew I'd read of 'hair in the face' earlier and looked back to see who it was. This is a good image and works okay, I only suggest removing the word --again-- so the readers don't have to backtrack to find when it happened before.
I was at Kiera’s shrine because I was trying to find the pendent,
spelling is --pendant--
pendent doesn't refer to jewelry, but it is a word, so spellcheck won't find it.
Come, follow me.” He stood and motioned for them to follow him out the throne room.
This bolded line could be removed easily, without changing the meaning. Readers will know they followed by the next lines, which are good and clear.
Yet, this One knows not whether she is the Savior, that information is hidden from One’s eyes
Are you really a vampire? This One knows you are Chosen… yet you feel different than the others.
It isn't clear who the --this One-- is referring to. Is she speaking of herself or Sentaku? It sounds like Tiea since she --feels the difference--. The line could be written clearer to avoid any confusion.
It's an interesting chapter and I would definitely read on. You've some good hooks for those who enjoy Fantasy. It's written well. There is little to do in the way of tightening, and I mentioned what I noticed. The imagery is good. The emotion is realistic, and the characters are coming along well. I'm sure as the story progresses, the characters will grow and develop more individual personalities. You're doing a good job. I also believe you are showing a natural talent. The words read smoothly and I don't feel a hesitancy at all. That tells me you're confident and sure. It shows in your writing. It's an enjoyable read.
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