Hello, N A Pedde
I found your request for serious feedback on "Please Review" 
You have some good, exciting scenes, and some areas that are too slow. Slow is okay in very long pieces, or immediately after an extrememly tense scene to give readers a chance to catch their breath; but it's rarely okay at the opening. This is slow at the opening. The descriptions are information, not action-filled hooks to pull the readers in tight. I have a few suggestions for you to consider that may help. Revising is always your decision.
The battle scene is fast moving and exciting. It brought up the tight feeling of tension in this reader and I followed along pretty well. It still needs trimming and tightening to bring the tension higher. I will explain below.
An old man walked quickly out of a hut to greet the group of warriors. He dropped to his knees with his eyes lowered.
In my opinion, this would make a better opening line. It get's straight to the point and the readers can feel the tension.
Everything above this line is information that doesn't help set the mood or describe the main character. This is stuff that a lot of readers skip over. None of it is remembered as I read on, because it isn't useful to the story.
“Yes, my lord.” The serf stammered. The old man hurried off to the fields.
the sooner that you can get back to planting your fields.”
Since it's clear by this line what they were doing, you'll be losing no clarity by cutting the opening.
“Yes, my lord.” The serf stammered.
--Uh, Ye...yes,-- show the stammering in some way. Let the readers feel and hear his fear.
“I also get fed.” Eloc said, “What about wemon?”
lots of wemon?”
--women--
couple steps and knelling before the mounted knight.
Spelling is --kneeling--
“You will only get yourself killed!”
This surprised me, and made me wonder if he has always been a serf. Serf's are timid and wouldn't dare speak this way to a Knight. He's a brave man.
“I will die of hunger then. I am the seventh son and
This isn't really a clear response to Father's words. If the bolded word was changed to --here--, or --if I stay.-- it would work.
The men-at-arms and the newly created serf warriors marched away down the muddy fields and away in the distance.
This is a bit wordy and complicated. Cutting the bolded words and subbing something more description would work.
Something like: --marched across-- the muddy fields and into the distance. What I'm attempting to show you are ways to avoid repeating words, (away), and say exactly what you mean to say so the readers can see it from your eyes.
The men-at-arms then smashed his legs with the back of there axes.
This is a horrible image, good work.
Change the bolded word to --their--. I noticed you have trouble with --their--and --there--. Use --there- when speaking of a 'place' -over there--, up there---Use --their--when speaking of something belonging to someone.
--their axes.--
Galak had a rather large scare that curving from his right cheek to his forehead just missing his right eye.
Adon was big shouldered and very strong. He sported red hair and a full beard. Galak was smaller than Adon, but just as strong. He was clean shaven and his hair was brown
The bolded word is --scar--
I suggest cutting all of this out and using just what is needed. Like the opening, it's forgotten at once by the reader, and isn't used in the story at all. If it isn't used, it isn't needed.
Adon clasped his hand on Eloc’s shoulder and smiled. Eloc gave a weak smile back, but kept walking.
If you really want to include something here of description, keep it useful. For instance;--clasped his strong hand on...(showing he is strong)--and smiled through his full, red beard.--(showing his hair color)
Soon they reached the top of a hill and an encampment
This word pops up often and becomes noticeable. Try not to repeat any word too much, readers become aggravated.
The encampment was surrounded by a wooden palisade and sported a ditch which served as a moat.
Subbing the word --It--would get rid of one repeat. See what you can do with some more. --the area-- might work somewhere.
Along one side of the encampment was a row of 6 catapults looked menacing and dangerous stood guard against the enemy castle.
This is unclear. --looking---menacing and...would help. ---standing---guard? It might be easier to just rewrite the line.
Eloc couldn't see the castle, it is dark. How can this be described if the main character isn't seeing it?
Then make your way to that group of serfs there. There is food and ale there. Drink up and get some sleep.
Be aware of using the same word often and close together. It's a bad habit.
Eloc cringed as sticky blood dripped onto his check. He laughed suddenly looking at his shield.
“My shield is holy.” Eloc said laughing at how battered it looked.
“That’s funny.” Adon said,
I can understand they're young and brave, but still, this is new to them. Why are they laughing at the --battered--and ignoring the blood? What's funny?
--Spelling is --cheek--
A young man from their village was about to busy poking at a fire with his spear.
If the bolded words were cut, the sentence would make more sense. Or, write it so it shows what you want to show.
“We have to attach that?” Adon asked.
Did you intend to write --attack--?
Meanwhile inside the pavilion of Sir Hadley, Hadley sat at a small table with a few men including Corporal Joque and the burly sergeant standing in front of him..
This is awkward and has too many words. Changing --the--to --his--and cutting the bolded phrase, would fix it.
Behind the serfs, the men-at-arms had gathered inside the encampment. They were about seven hundred in number and dressed the same way as the ones that were fetched at the village with no name.
Does this mean they were dressed as the --serfs--were dressed, (that were fetched) Or as the men-of-arms- that came to --fetch--the serfs? Is it important to know this?
“Have you guys picked a leader?”
--guys--is a modern word and it doesn't work well with this timeline. You don't need a word there at all; --have you picked a leader?--is enough.
Suddenly a bolt whistled threw the air to stick Danix in the chest.
Spelling is --through--
sprang on his face as he started to run fasted. --faster--
A sheet of arrows flew from there bows as a rock --spelling--
Eloc watched the arrows rise up in the air and then it started to rain arrows. Eloc hastily raised his shield as sheets of them struck down men while others embedded themselves into there shields.
Eloc stumbled into the moat and hit a dead body already impaled on the stakes.
These are good scenes! The imagery is well done!
He grunted with pain,
I made this note because I didn't what hurt him.
He grabbed at his ladder and pulled it behind him as he climbed up the wall of steaks.
impaled on the stakes
The first should be spelled the same as the second. I've seen this issue a lot. One spelled correctly, and the next not. Be sure to read the work slowly and carefully to catch these yourself.
While most of the serfs were cut down, but some, including Eloc, fought there way through the enemy.
Cut the word --but--. there is spelled wrong.
Eloc fought with his axe killing many men as he made his way to the drawbridge lock.
They pulled the cauldron to the stairs that lead down to the courtyard
“Lets get that metal gate up!” Eloc cryed.
I can't see where the men are. Where is the drawbridge located, exactly? This setting isn't described clearly.
--lead--should be --led-- --cryed--should be --cried--
Eloc held the weapon threateningly as the knight who owned the castle marched up towards the group of serfs.
How did he know this was the owner?
Eloc was now sitting on the now hardened lead encrusted stairs looking toward the marching men-ar-arms.
“Sir Hadley wants us out in the courtyard. Quickly.” Eloc ordered.
The serfs marched quickly into the courtyard.
Just more repeats to work out.
I assume this is chapter 1 because I know there is more to come. This character will become famous, I think. I like the developing of his character and personality. Young, brave, compassionate and about to become vengeful. Good job.
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That's because I think you did a pretty good job holding my interest and the humor. Subtle, but felt.
