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309 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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for entry "Traveling Teddy [355]
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ahhhh! What else can I say? A beautiful story Kåre Enga, P.O. 22, Blogville told with feelings, empathy and wistfulness.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Elvis  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I loved this poem. Thank you so much for sharing, it brightened up an otherwise drab old day. I loved the segue between verses three and four, very cleverly done.
The last verse made me laugh when the person realises he’s a little tipsy.
Good job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Mortal  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Bob, I’m so pleased you decided to have a crack at this prompt.
This guy in the story was the eternal optimist. I have grave misgivings his confidence in the medical community will cure his ills. Although this story is one of extremes, it is also one of the everyday guy and gal. Abusing the body we were given and taking it for granted, assuming it will forgive if only we take a few weeks off. A few weeks off drinking, no exercise, bad food and lethargy. It is great lesson for us all not to take for granted that which we were blessed with at birth.
I liked the last sentence: “I am an immortal man.” That is what he thinks and no doubt will soon find out his belief is not true.
Thanks for sharing. It’s food for thought for all of us.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Rule Seven  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
🤣 This was really funny. I wonder if Blimprider knows you were planning on seeing him on his way out of this world? Did you send him a link to the story. He’ll be delighted, he got the last laugh , so to speak.
A great twist at the end. A twisted tale indeed.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The creation  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, I’m reviewing this poem as part of I Write 2021.
Your words conjure up the vastness outside our planet. Putting into perspective our small lives here on earth. The words describe infinity and beyond ( to quote buzz light year!) and asks those who despair of our world to look outward.
I am not a poet, I know nothing of metre, rhyme or rhythm. However I can see how beautifully put words can attempt to describe the indescribable. Well done on this occasion.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Way Down We Go  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, T. J. I loved this story. It sustained the darkness throughout, from the beginning to the demise of Pat the Cat. It seems Mrs Nelson had been asking around the city for someone to carry out her killing before eventually finding her mercenary.
Her demise probably wasn’t the swift clean ending she’d envisaged. A frenzied knife attack surely wouldn’t have been her choice.
I’m not really convinced Mr Slate would have had the time and opportunity to get to the airport, carrying a sawn off shotgun and rigged up a booby trap?
However it would have been a sort of justice for the beating he experienced.
Great story, well written.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, welcome to WdC. Thanks for sharing this lovely poem about your dad. It is charming, delightful and emotional. It is written from the view point of a child who adores his dad. Sees him as an all powerful being. Then he realises as we all do that no one is perfect. But he still loves his dad, poached eggs and corned beef hash. I loved reading it and look forward to reading more in the future.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi my name is Sue. Please remember these are just one person’s opinions. I hope you find something here useful and if not discard the rest with good cheer.


*TagO*What I liked best
I was like someone watching a horror show, not being able to tear their eyes away. This story must be true, you tell it as if you remember every painful moment of the experience. I was with you all the way.


*TagO*Opening paragraph.
There was an interesting fact in your opening paragraphI hadn’t been sure of before. The actual year the NHS began. I knew it must have been around that time because I was born in 1944 and I think up until then people had to pay doctors for a visit.


*TagO*Characters.
This story is written in the first person. The other characters such as the GP and the specialist, you brought to life.
You relate this awful experience with humour and great detail. It was the detail which made me cringe. I actually have had a jaw infection from a root canal which went wrong. There is no pain like it, I can attest to that. (And I’ve had three kids!) My cheek also nearly burst, and reading your story brought it all back. I ended up on an antibiotic drip in hospital. I certainly remember that unrelenting pain.

*TagO*Grammar and spelling.
I didn’t see anything untoward.

*TagO*Parting comments.

Thank you, I think, for sharing this story.

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi my name is Sue. Please remember these are just one person’s opinions. I hope you find something here useful and if not discard the rest with good cheer.


*TagO*What I liked best
What I liked best was how you managed to write such a complex story using the story suggestion. It was a great idea. You must have quite the devious mind! Well done for making it sound almost plausible.

*TagO*Opening paragraph.
The opening paragraph introduces us to one of the strong women characters. It also gives the reader an insight to the mystery about to unfold, when Bea receives the obscure text message.


*TagO*Characters.
There are two main characters. Bea and Eileen. Both around the same age I’d imagined and both career women. The differences between them were that Bea seemed more of a go getter, more confident perhaps. Whilst Eileen came across as being a little more vulnerable and a bad judge of character according to her choice of friends. Tiffany and Ed are examples of the people who she is attracted to or was taken advantage of by.

*TagO*Grammar and spelling.
I tried to come up with suggestions for you to improve this first draft. I hate criticising people’s stories but as part of this contest this is what we’re asked to do. Well not criticise so much as to suggest ways to make the finished item as snappy and sharp as possible. These are what I came up with.
I printed the story out to review it. I’ve found I can see ways of improvement better when I read stories on paper. One of the things which stood out to me were the length of the sentences. I feel shortening many of the sentences would make the story sharper.

Example Bea sat in the kitchen that evening drinking coffee, determined she would take a holiday from work for a bit as the headache stung behind her eyes, she obviously wasn’t well and she had been seriously overdoing it recently, working twelve-hour days, mostly on the computer, that surely can’t be good for me, she thought. That sentence could be shorter.
As these thoughts permeated her mind, a severe pain shot through Bea’s head, the coffee cup dropped to the floor, shattering. Her face turned grey and her eyes seemed to lose themselves, appearing to be looking elsewhere. Bea was walking with great pace down a street she didn’t recognise, it was beginning to get dark, it felt as if there was a point to where she was going but Bea had no idea where that was. It was cold, a coat tapped against her shins along with something cold. What was going on? Whatever it was she couldn’t stop, she just had to keep walking. Then she appeared to arrive at her destination while she was still trying to figure out what the coat was all about and what the cold part of the coat was which kept brushing her leg? She had stopped across the street from Jocelyn’s Publishing House, she knew it well, had some dealings with them from time to time, but why was she here now, it was late, although she knew people would still be working. She began walking again, she was seeing it as if through a body cam, but one set over her eyes, she didn’t seem to look down, just ahead at where she was going. She walked through the door, there were six people still working, getting a book ready for publication. In this paragraph the word she is written 15 times and four sentences start with ‘she.’ I myself fall into this same trap. Maybe by a little restructuring you could get rid of a few she’s

I found perhaps there were too many adverbs, ly, words, that when I removed them, didn’t detract too much from the story. It seemed to make the sentences seem sharper. However that is definitely up to you to decide.

It would be easier for the reader if you left a bigger space when you change characters. ( well for this reader, anyway!)

There was one spelling error I found. Dependent, not dependant. Always put a comma before someone’s name, and in dialogue a punctuation mark should go before the closing quote mark.


*TagO*Parting comments.

I loved the story. It was clever, plausible and kept this reader interested and keen to reach the finale. Well done in the contest.

Cheers Sue

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Stir Crazy  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi my name is Sue. Please remember these are just one person’s opinions. I hope you find something here useful and if not discard the rest with good cheer.


*TagO*What I liked best
I loved the uniqueness of the story. You took the premise of the lone spaceman going gradually stir crazy and ran with it. You gave the story a twist of humour which made reading it a pleasure.


*TagO*Opening paragraph.
You introduce the main character straight away. By describing his bland meal, we, the reader, are realising how drab and boring his life is and that he has run out of all staples and anything enjoyable to eat.

The first sentence could read a bit better, I think. John ate his processed protein slurry like he had every day for he had lost count of how long. Perhaps write John hate his processed protein slurry. He’d lost count of how long it had been since his dehydrated food ran out
He grew his own nutrient slurries from the cultures the base had in stock

In the second paragraph, you wrote John began to suit up. Perhaps suited up sounds better?.re-patched}

4th paragraph: it was really beginning to wear him down. maybe: it was wearing him down.
Just a suggestion to differentiate the voices of the “hallucinations” they could be written in italics.

19th paragraph: There was a glass front door like what John remembered.. This sentence could be better.

20th paragraph: How long had it been.? missing question mark.

*TagO*Characters.
The spaceman, John, is the main character. The others are to all intents and purposes, figments of his imagination. I enjoyed the way you brought these other characters into the story, especially his mother. Seeing her would certainly send him over the edge and would be enough to convince him of his madness.

*TagO*Grammar and spelling. I couldn’t find much in the way of spelling mistakes or grammar except for a dearth of commas. Maybe run it through a grammar check?

*TagO*Parting comments.

You did a fantastic, imaginative job with the story idea. I loved reading and really enjoyed the last sentence. Well done.

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Mad Tea Party  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (5.0)
🤣 Thanks for this, it was fun.
Cheers Sue
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Review of Forest Friends  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for the lovely invitation to your party. I’d love to come. Just let me know the time and place. Going shopping now for a new dress.
Cheers Sue
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I’m reviewing this poem as part of ‘I write 2021’
Thanks for giving me a wry smile as I read this.
I have just spent the best part of an hour (that I’ll never get back,) trying to write a poem for this same contest. I’m afraid poetry writing doesn’t come easy to me. That is why when I see a poem I like, it gives me pleasure and a sense of admiration for people such as yourself who make it look easy. Well done. I wish you well in the contest.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of It's All I Wanted  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi my name is Sue. Please remember these are just one person’s opinions. I hope you find something here useful and if not discard the rest with good cheer.


*TagO*What I liked best
I loved the idea of someone realising what it was they needed. Not simply needed but longed for enough to get in their car and actually go and find it.


*TagO*Opening paragraph.

I loved the title. That was what drew me in to read the story. The protagonist awoke on the eve of her birthday with a sudden desire to drive to the coast. To a place she’d only read about but somehow it meant home to her. This story speaks of childhood longings, an urge to return to the place of our birth. Perhaps that’s why birds and turtles return to their place of nesting, even if it means travelling thousands of miles. I loved the idea that yearning was within a human being too.

*TagO*Characters.
One character only, enough for this solo odyssey. She appears to be a woman who had done what everyone else needed her to do and has then decided it was her time, her day and her journey.

*TagO*Grammar and spelling.
There were just a few things. Austin and the surrounding area wasn't so bad when I was a kid. It should read weren’t so bad
In the second paragraph the fourth sentence, But everything shut down, everyone was scared. I was pushed into a life I couldn't take any more of sounded a little confusing to me. Perhaps consider omitting? The words hardworking should be one word.

*TagO*Parting comments.

A lovely little story. It was inspiring. We all must feel like getting into our cars and simply driving to a place where in our imagination is a place called home.

Frog in a Hanging Basket


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of MA, DON'T CRY  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you so much for sharing these heartfelt words. It reminds me of all the brave young men the world has lost through warfare.
My grandson is in the Australian Army. He works on helicopters and follows where ever they get posted. He is only 23 years old and I pray he stays safe.
No matter what era you may have written this poem in, things never change. Young men leave their families to go to fight for their countries, but it’s always for their mothers they say their final farewells.
Lovely words.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Promises  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: E | (4.0)
These are lovely sentiments. This poem would make a perfect wedding vow.
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Review of Philip Of Waverly  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: E | (3.0)
BoB_618 Thank you for asking for this story to be reviewed. It has possibilities to be an interesting novel.
I read it with interest and had the feeling that maybe English is not your first language?
The story begins with Janet, who, to express her sense of freedom after divorcing her husband, buys a fast car.
Unfortunately the first trip in this vehicle ends badly.

There are several things I could suggest to make the story flow smoother.
The first sentence: Recently divorced, Janet Harlow, a 33 year-old mother of two boys, Bobby age 11 and Tommy age 14, for the first time, since she was married, she became employed. This sentence is too long. Perhaps it would read better by writing:Recently divorced, mother of two boys,Janet Harlow, found employment for the first time in her married life.
In the third paragraph when Janet shows her son’s the car she’d bought, I think the “it’s a car,” statement is unnecessary.
After the crash which kills Janet, you wrote even the boys weren’t: conscience I think you meant conscious.
You wrote “a policeman, who I’ll call John” If you don’t know his name then don’t write, “I’ll call him John, just leave the character as a policeman.
The policeman spoke to the funeral director to ask if he could collect the body. The man replies: you want me to run her over? This sounds as if he’s asking to really run over her body! Maybe ask “I’ll collect her, I have the time.”

I think the rest of the chapter could be condensed. Perhaps just to say the community rallied around the two boys. Maybe you could mention their father’s involvement in this sad time in their lives.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm reviewing this story as a fellow contestant on I write 2021.
The beginning of this story pulled me in and I stayed. I really enjoyed reading it, wanting to know what was really going on. I must admit I’m still not really sure.
The whole time was surreal. Did Ruby really have a medical episode? I thought maybe she was having an aneurysm or something similar.
Anyway I don’t suppose it really matters as Henry too was experiencing the same event in his dreams.
The reader needs to suspend belief and go along with the premise that these two lovers were meant to be together and it took a certain state of being for it to happen.
Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you do well in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
ruwth This is a powerful story. I was hooked from the first verse as the girl left her familiar surroundings to a place where she felt out of her depth.
Unable to trust even the policeman, she refused to leave the relative safety of her vehicle. The story continues in the same vein as she becomes more wary of the folks she meets on the nightmare journey.
Eventually, as we all must sooner or later, she was forced to trust someone. Even though that someone was the epitome of untrustworthiness. This poem has a happy ending. Maybe the experience showed the girl one can never judge. We simply need to trust that someone is watching over us in times of great need.
Thank you so much for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Farm  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! This is a wonderful story. The characters are well drawn, leaving the reader to conjure their own images.
Michael was a strong character. His job as a bounty hunter was not one he enjoyed. He preferred to know nothing about his prey as he did the necessary task.
There was something reminiscent of The Pied Piper as he led his unsuspecting victims to a gruesome end into the tunnel.
The ingenuity of getting the rats to eat the inedibles, the cats to eat the rats, and finally, the humans receiving much needed protein from eating the cats was amazing. I suppose by that time all trace of the toxins had been eliminated.
You followed the prompts perfectly and with wonderful imagination.
Thank you so much for a great read. It is certainly worthy of a place in the Anthology as far as I’m concerned.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Coder's Muse  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jack, well it seems like you've done it again. Although the topic of the story is not one that usually would have enticed me to read it, I did enjoy it immensely. However there was a term which confused me, causing me to search for its meaning . It's 'Fan Service'. As it was mentioned three times, I Googled it: "Material intentionally added to please the audience." I just wasn't sure whether it was something that is generally known?
There was just one other thing. When Lindsay spilt her coffee in the cafe the day she first met Vern, you said she doctored her coffee. Did you mean re-ordered?
Anyway Jack, it's an imaginative story, one which will appeal to a certain audience. As I know absolutely zero about video games, I feel as if I don''t really qualify as one of that audience. However, I do know a good story when I read one. Pleased to see your muse turned up for this prompt.
Cheers Sue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of COLORS  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: E | (5.0)
J.L. O'Dell I'm reviewing this poem as part of I Write 2020. I know nothing about the technicalities of poetry, I'm afraid, however I love reading the different combinations of words which constitute a lovely poem.
This piece takes me not to Vermont but to a part of country Victoria in Australia called Bright. it is there the trees, similar to the ones of which you have written, show their colours of Autumn. It is my favourite season of the whole year, so thank you for reminding me of the place I love. Thank you for sharing this poem. It's lovely.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Shiver  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Activity Bank  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I’m reviewing this untitled story as part of I write 2020.

There are some great visuals in this story. I could imagine the two friends peering through the bushes at the haunted house, their excitement tinged with fear. The story also has a little comedy in it when she teases her friend with the words: "Er ...Ghosts don't eat dinner, idiot“
Thanks for sharing this flash fiction. I hope it did well.
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Review of The Indian  
Review by Sumojo
In affiliation with Dreamweaver Bar & Grill  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Hi Jack, this is a great story. It follows the prompts you gave us for Anthology 2 very well. I liked the way the story is told using the voice of Detective Burgos. It reminded me a little of Dragnet. I don’t know whether you remember Joe Friday?
The story flowed well covering many years. The relationship between Indian and the Detective was an integral part and you showed it well.
The dialogue sounded genuine and flowed well. The only error I could see was in chapter 3. The second mostly missed, a few of the pellets peppering Rae's sleeve. Then the bike hit him, the front wheel slamming into his ankles and knocking him ass-over-teakettle as he flew down the driveway and crashed on the back of his head.
This reads as if the bike had hit Rae and yet it’s not until the second paragraph we read: as I went to check on Bodaway. Blood was spreading from the back of his head and he was completely unresponsive. Did you mean it to read that the bike had hit Indian on the back of the head? Maybe I’ve misread it?

Anyway, it’s a great story, a worthy addition to the anthology.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Indian  
Review by Sumojo
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Jack, this is a great story. It follows the prompts you gave us for Anthology 2 very well. I liked the way the story is told using the voice of Detective Burgos. It reminded me a little of Dragnet. I don’t know whether you remember Joe Friday?
The story flowed well covering many years. The relationship between Indian and the Detective was an integral part and you showed it well.
The dialogue sounded genuine and flowed well. The only error I could see was in chapter 3. The second mostly missed, a few of the pellets peppering Rae's sleeve. Then the bike hit him, the front wheel slamming into his ankles and knocking him ass-over-teakettle as he flew down the driveway and crashed on the back of his head.
This reads as if the bike had hit Rae and yet it’s not until the second paragraph we read: as I went to check on Bodaway. Blood was spreading from the back of his head and he was completely unresponsive. Did you mean it to read that the bike had hit Indian on the back of the head? Maybe I’ve misread it?

Anyway, it’s a great story, a worthy addition to the anthology.
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