That is one really unsettling story. It certainly meets the criteria for a Grim Reaper contest entry. The idea of insects laying eggs in a persons body is pretty gruesome so well done on a very scary concept. I think what made it more horrific is the fact a hormone is injected to keep the host calm and feeling maternal toward the alien creatures growing inside the body.
Hi, Jeff, what a well written and reasoned article. Well done. You may have been living and working in Australia when you wrote this.
The working landscape is exactly the same here. We are going through so much industrial unrest and push back from workers here. The main ones are the public servants, nurses and the police force. They are the ones who are “acting their wage.” No more double shifts, going home when their shift ends, refusing to answer calls out of hours etc.
Of course with the rising cost of almost everything everyone needs more money too, so there is going to any others who will be “acting their wage.”
Hello again, I think this Limerick is the best yet. I loved how when Sleeping Beauty ate the poisoned apple she ended up in intensive care! That’s pretty funny.
I think you have the makings of a great contest here. You could do more with it still keeping the Limerick theme. Maybe instead of you writing the limericks the contest could challenge the contestants to write a Limerick to describe, I don’t really know. Perhaps a famous person or a season or an animal?
Anyway, I enjoyed your Limerick very much.
Cheers Sue
I love the originality of this contest you have devised. Limericks are always great fun and challenging. Although they seem simple they are actually quite difficult to write. I loved this first one of five. I don’t know when you wrote this or if it’s ongoing at the moment. I’ll have to check out your portfolio to see if you managed to get a good response. Or maybe this is just an idea for a contest?
The only error I found was when you wrote the word recently twice in the one sentence.
Anyway good luck with your Limerick Contest. The answer is of course “The little mermaid.”
Zelibazo sounds like one weird creature. I enjoyed reading about him.😂
In the first stanza I think it would have been better if the last line had a different animal instead of a dragon, perhaps a lion as a suggestion?
I’m not sure it was a good idea to wake a slumbering Zelibazo, much too risky.
Hi, Amy, I’m reviewing your story for I write.
This is so sweet. You described what it was like in a field of pumpkins with an excited boy selecting one to impress his friends. That he wanted happiness both for himself and his mother became a part of the story. You didn’t say whether Brad had died or simply left his family but that doesn’t change things. Cindy has experienced months of sadness and knows it’s time to turn her attention to her son and the practicalities of life. So much in so few words. Well done.
How wonderful it is you have overcome your doubts and fears. I love this personal piece of writing. Writing honestly about struggles and fears isn’t easy but so liberating. That’s why I like blogs. It’s for myself. When I write to a prompt like: “what was I born to be? As I did a few days ago, it’s difficult to know where to start. Yet when we allow ourselves to open up and just write it can be a journey of self discovery.
You have allowed your mind free reign when you write your stories. You grow, and your mind will continue to expand as your characters grow, and that’s beautiful.
Hi, Carly, I’m reviewing this story for I Write.
Your description of Zayda’s attempt to feel less anxious by creating a circle of peace was lovely. I wonder if it’s something that would work for everyone. A grassy park, a sunny day, bare feet and your own circle of safety. Sounds delightful. You did mention she bloomed twice in close proximity. Her smile bloomed. She felt a sense of freedom bloom within her. Perhaps you can find a substitute word for one of them.
I liked the interaction with Kathleen, the dialogue seemed natural.
Thanks for sharing this delightful tale of witches and the supernatural.
Well written observations, Steven. I agree with every point you made. The lack of confidence in our World leaders, has certainly led to anxiety.
The increase in population too, I feel is having an impact. On our roads the aggressiveness is growing, but you didn’t mention the drug culture. One wonders what some drivers have been taking before getting behind the wheel.
Youth violence especially against the old and vulnerable is getting out of hand. Perhaps you’re right to say social media has a big part to play in the feelings of isolation, both in the young and not so young. I was heartened however to see the programme on the ABC, Old People’s Home for Teenagers. The group of young people were delightful and benefitted from interactions with seniors. It was sad to see how all of the groups were feeling so sad and alienated at the start of the programme.
Let’s not give up too soon, let’s hope things will improve. That’s my Pollyanna syndrome taking over again.
Those words are so beautiful, the meaning comes from the heart. I can’t imagine losing my partner of almost 60 years and yet it’s inevitable.
The words of the first stanza were the most powerful to me. I have grown with my partner from being almost a child to our old age.
Thank you so much for sharing this poem.
I’m reviewing your thoughts on the past fortnight as part of I Write.
When adult children leave the nest, we as parents are conflicted. I think we feel, I know I did, we should be sad, however it seems the opposite is true! In fact if there are any signs of them returning, we realise it’s quite nice to have not only the space but the peace which comes of having one less person in the house.
The trouble is, I speak from experience, they often return. If not permanently but certainly for advice, money, food, washing or just a shoulder to cry on. It’s a journey that’s not completed for a very long time, if ever.😂
As for moving furniture and clearing out cupboards it’s a sign of being ready for a change. It’s therapeutic, like a breath of fresh air.
Thanks for sharing your domestic and family goings on. It’s nice to know everyone has the same things to deal with. It’s just life.
Hello, welcome to WdC. I went straight to your portfolio after I received your review of my micro fiction story. I do hope you’ll continue to write and post more stories here.
I love the lyrical prose you have used in this short story “Sonder.”
How wonderful to have that affect on people who simply cast their eyes upon you. She sounds as if she’s a witch-like creature, bewitching all that see her.
the scars on her hears Did you mean heart?
Anyway please keep writing and welcome to WdC once more.
Hi, Amy-Jo, I’m reviewing this poem as a fellow contestant in ‘I Write.’
You wrote it as a tribute to WdC and obviously from the heart.
I’m sure everyone feels as you do when first getting the nerve up to join here. I know I experienced the same misgivings.
In the first stanza you write how scared and lost you felt. I’m sorry you were hesitant about showing your talent on the site.
Then as you read the words of others it gave you the confidence to show your worth.
It was lovely to read that you were welcomed and encouraged. I expect that it’s the wonderful people here who remember those first few weeks of feeling out of one’s depth.
In the last few lines you show how you want to return the favour and help other newcomers feel welcome too.
It’s a very sweet poem, one in which you weren’t afraid to show your vulnerability but also shows your strength.
Oh, wow. What a great story! That’s some imagination you’ve got going there. It’s dark, pardon the pun, and I think the way it made be feel was unsettled. Yes I’d say the story is unsettling more than horrific. Even thought provoking. Be careful what you wish for.
Good luck with the contest.
Cheers Sue
Nutcracker in Hell (18+) A dancer/musician caught in the destruction of climate change is betrayed by a neighbor #2278990 by Graywriter
and my first thoughts were I liked the title. It certainly fits the prompt, ‘Death in the key of C.’
My favourite paragraph is in chapter four, paragraph seven. Your descriptions of his thoughts about losing all the things he loved about life, were great. You even managed to include final C chord in the story.
In chapter one paragraph 12: Denton reached across the fence, grabbed Carver’s arm and twisted. the dialogue following perhaps should be on a new line as I had to read it twice to be sure it was Carver still speaking and not Denton.
You too, Dent. You bin an okay neighbour, for a fuckin’ libtard fag guitar picker and ballet dancer needs commas.
The only other confusion, (mine! )I thought the relationship between these neighbours, confusing. Perhaps you meant it to be one of mutual dislike with a touch of tolerance. It just seemed as if they begin quite civilly, which then turns violent and returns to a sort of neighbourly concern, before turning to attempted murder? Maybe it needs a bit of back story for these guys?
Anyway thanks for sharing this with me. It’s a great story with startling descriptions of the end of the world as far as these two characters are concerned.
Good luck, A E Wilcox is extremely hard to please.
Hi, Scotty, this story is written from the heart. It’s a story that has meaning, a lesson to be learned about such a awful period of our history and yet there’s another lesson about doing one’s best and taking pride in a job well done.
My first thoughts upon reading through was the presentation. On WdC unless the paragraphs are spaced the reader is faced with blocks of writing which makes reading difficult or at the least, off putting.
There were many places where you changed tenses from the past to the present. So read through and makes sure to decide if you’re writing in the past or present tense.
You mention refinishing the piano, perhaps a better word might be refurbishing?
The very first paragraph is a little confusing. It is one long sentence and would read better if it was maybe three separate sentences. East Cary Street, in Richmond Virginia, is known for its historical cobblestone strip, its many abandoned warehouses aching for someone to breathe life into them, and the multitude of train trestles that are suspended about the street in a sort of chaotic snake-like dance. East Cary street, in Richmond, Virginia, is known for its cobblestone strip. It’s many abandoned warehouses are aching for someone to breathe life into them.
Paragraph 3. Either delete, today or this morning, there’s no need for both. This paragraph is also missing much needed commas.
Chapter 2, para. 2. immediately felt less confident that I did not have… immediately felt less confident that I had{/c:green}
Chapter three. listened to the hum of only the air conditioner and the sound of the windows vibrating ever moment that a train went by. listened to the hum of the air conditioner and the sound of the windows vibrating every time a train went by.
The story would benefit from an edit to tighten it up. If you read the story out loud you will hear where commas need to be.
It’s a great story and deserves a little tender loving care.
Hi, Stephanie, what a beautiful poem. It’s the memories of being young, useful and ready for anything which both hurt and yet make us smile.
“She has no connections to those who were dear” that line is really sad isn’t it?
Any the problem is that it’s true for so many old people. Shut away out of sight and out of mind in care homes.
So best to keep on writing, keeping the brain intact, lively and useful. One never knows how their final years are going to be.
Cheers Sue
Hi, Benjamin, I read your poem and thought the words would make a great rap song. I’m sorry if you’re really feeling a bit down and out at the moment. I guess it could be a midlife crisis sort of feeling, a bit jaded. Sometimes writing down how you’re feeling is enough to make you want do something about it.
Anyway well done on the poem.
Cheers Sue
I love the honesty, humour and pathos in this writing. Oh, memories, they let us down all the time and yet sometimes the compensations for a forgotten phrase or song words are better than the reality.
What always amazes me about our memories, especially childhood ones, is that somehow at the time, we knew we were missing something. Something like an innuendo that we’re not yet old enough to appreciate. It’s as if our child’s mind, stores the moment away until a time when we know what the joke or meaning was.
Lyrics are strange beasts. Even when we have learned the proper ones those old ones stick and still get used.
Thank you so much for sharing this pondering, this wandering down memory lane.
Cheers Sue.
Death, the messenger of joy and rest. I believe the old and ready to die could receive comfort from that sentence, not so those who had so much life yet to live.
A beautiful poem though. It is an example of evolution, the young and strong inevitably taking over from the old and weak.
Hi, there, welcome to WdC.
I really liked this thought provoking piece. It made me look at my life from being both a child or young adult, to being a parent myself.
I recognise your childhood family. They were mine. Yes they were there for me, yes they loved me, but they never told me I could be something, someone great. It was that expectation of just being, the getting of a job and praying that nothing terrible happens to me whilst alive. It sounds great doesn’t it. But it really isn’t enough.
When I was raising my family I always tried to make the as independent as possible, whilst always being their safety net.
I loved the title of your writing too. No one is coming to save you. So true.
Hi, I’m reviewing this article as part of ‘I write.’
I’m an Australian so I’m not familiar with New York except of course for what’s portrayed in the movies, so I found the information in this piece really interesting. I like the fact of the Bronc’s throwing lavish parties which only the best people attended. I can certainly imagine the throwaway line “are you going to the Bronc’s this weekend was meant to impress other unfortunates who were not invited to some Shindig or other.
I may get asked this question one day at a quiz night. “How did The Bronx get it’s name. It probably won’t happen though, so I’ll just throw it into conversation one day.😂
Well done, cheers Sue.
Good take on the prompt. The fish’s eye view. Poor little things must wonder what’s happening to them being hauled out of their environment and unable to breathe. I wish I didn’t eat fish.😩
Cheers Sue
Hi Rupali, that’s a sad tale of fisherman, David. I like the last line, “David lives with fish on their earth.”
I think there is one word which detracts from your story and that is in the line: So, there is no minimum sign of rain. Minimum doesn’t seem to be the correct word there. ‘there is no sign of rain’ sounds better. Of course for the word count to be exactly 100 words you would need to adjust and add another word somewhere else.
I love this story though, a fisherman gets caught out by a freak storm and ends his life with the very thing he was trying to catch. One might say it was divine justice?
Cheers Sue
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