Here are some suggestions:
Something occupied the three story abandoned factory on the sea side of Manhattan. On most occasion it was a relatively quiet place. Not a single voice was heard, nor vehicle, not even the chirp of birds or those sea-loving seagulls. The only sound was the soothing sound of the vibrant blue ocean waves splashing up onto the coast behind the great red brick factory. Walls two stories up had large clusters of smaller squared window panes. Some where occupied by dozens of holes and deep cracks. Some windows is were even completely shattered leaving only sharp glass fragments sticking out of the wall, waiting to sink through the flesh of curious birds. A black SUV made a quiet stop, along with a black S.W.A.T. truck behind it. The motor an softly.
The passenger side door of the black SUV swung open, slowly. A man stood up out the car, he was a little over six feet tall. He had silky brown tall thick hair, especially on top, with short stubble leading from the top of his head to the bottom of his chin. His dark-green eyes stared, piercingly at the decade old abandon factory. The man wore a black suit, and black slacks. Around his waist was a black belt with a gun holster. Under his black suit he wore a white button-up shirt along with a long black tie. A man with similar apparel sat in the car. He leaned towards the open door. "Are you sure this is the place Higgins? I mean it looks like no ones been here in a thousand years, yet alone a master criminal," The man outside the car asked to the one sitting in the SUV.
Please read this portion and count how many "to be" words are used. "was" "were" "had" These make reading slow. You want your reader engaged from the beginning.
In an abandoned building on the sea side of Manhattan, a (what is it?) if you don't want to tell then don't hint. Something lurked in the abandoned building on the sea side of Manhattan. Next you say there wasn't' a sound then go on to describe sounds. Which is it?
Something lurked in the abandoned building on the sea side of Manhattan. A nondescript structure like many others in the area with its cluster of windows, their panes shattered into sharp edges, waiting for unsuspecting fowl to attempt to enter, only to find themselves gashed. Their corpse decomposing just inside on rotting floors. See how the picture stayed the same but I didn't use was and were over and over.
An SUV pulled to a stop outside the building. A man stepped out dressed in a black uniform from boots to the fashionable jacket and tie. From beneath the jacket bulged a gun. He adjusted his stance as if the sidearm needed its most comfortable resting place See here again cutting the was and were out to give a short detailed version. The reader doesn't need to know his attire all at once. You can reveal the boots as he goes up the steps, brushes his hand through his brown military cut hair. All dropped into the story at other times not lumped here to be forgotten later.
"According to our tracking systems this is the place the girl was taken, well her phone anyway," Higgins answered. "Even if he is in here, make sure you don't kill him Budsworth." The man standing outside the SUV, Budsworth, nodded. Higgins knew he was lying, he could tell from the silence. It was never a good thing when Budsworth answered a question with a nod. Budsworth turned to the S.W.A.T. member in the front passenger seat of the S.W.A.T. vehicle.
Our tracking system located the girl in this building. At least her phone is here. again look at this and can you reword the sentences to leave out was.
I'm sorry to be picky- The window of the passenger side door rolled down. A S.W.A.T team member sitting in the front side, tilted his head out the window, watching Budsworth. "Is this the place, agent Budsworth?" He asked. Budsworth nodded, again. The door of both sides of the carpool swung open. Both of the S.W.A.T. team members rushed to the back of the truck. They opened the back trailer door, and a flood of other S.W.A.T. members came rushing out. All were carrying assault rifles longer that the length of their entire arm span. They all wore black helmets on top of their heads, and wore black bullet-prove vest labeled, "S.W.A.T." on the back in white letters. All the S.W.A.T. team members hustled up to the front door of the factory. Two was carrying a hundred pound battering ram to the door. "Three, two, one, go!" One of them shouted, counting down from three to one with their black gloved hand. The two with the battering ram slammed the circular front end of the ram into why he door. The lock busted, and the door bursted (burst) open with a loud BANG! This passage has no life. No real feeling just characters rushing rushing. What needs to be changed to make this ACTION necessary of a S.W.A.T. team? Why this amount of power when they casually pulled up IN FRONT of the building as big as you please and then jumped out rushing around like a military maneuver? Think about it. You have an over use of S.W.A.T use something else to describe the group.
How about they pulled up a block down the street as Budsworth looked at the building much like the others on the street. "Which one Sir?"
"Third one from the corner." His answer low and short.
"Do we move now?" "Yes." All the doors on the SUV opened as men in black ducked to run back to the trailer behind the SUV. Back doors swung open on silent hinges and men geared for action.
There was a woman chained to a brick wall behind her. Tears was rolling down her cheeks. She was quietly sobbing. Budsworth rushed into the room with her. She Glanced up at him, "Please, please help me," she sobbed. In these two sentences WAS again. Use ACTION words
There chained to a brick wall lay or sat, or knelt or however he found her. Tears RAN/FLOWED down her cheeks leaving trails in the dirt that covered her. No need to TELL us she was sobbing, you just SHOWED us. She would have heard the door being blown open her eyes would be glued to see who was coming. Rescue or worse?
Her eyes locked on Budsworth and her pleading expression tore at his heart. again no telling show us.
THEN he heard the sound of a creaking floorboard.. If you can avoid this word NEVER use THEN. Show whats happening. that word means you are again TELLING the reader. The floorboard behind him groaned and Budworth whirled to face the new danger. Same reaction but now as a reader I am in the room and my heart is beating as fast as his.
Do not write SOUND that's what children do. The distinct sound made by the automatice weapon sliced the air. and took with it all sense of the real world. Gunfire, the smell of blood. all words to describe a gun battle without the bang bang your dead of a little kid.
They all rushed in. WHO The rest of the team burst into the room, guns pointed in all directions in case of multiple opponents. Try to see the action in words that describe the intensity of the moment.
I'm not going to do each section. You have the idea. You've done a great job with this new part. As I said. Watch using WAS WERE THAT and over use of THE, it slows the action. makes it less powerful. Using other words is what a writer does. Don't just TELL the story make it alive for the reader.
Put yourself in the room. You've made good corrections. I like how its flowing much better than before.
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
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My First Thoughts: I chose this with some trepidation. I've read the series "The Boy Called IT" I wasn't sure what I was about to read. I'm sorry that it didn't meet my expectations. I know there is more to this story, but it lacked a connection to the reader.
My Favorite Part: I can't say favorite as this isn't a sweet story. I like how you described David's first howl in paragraph five. This being said, I wish you would have given the reader more detail. The "glossing" over of what transpired with David is over taken by the details about the staff. How they felt, or reacted should be about fifty fifty in relation to what David experienced.
My Final Thoughts and/or Suggestions: One of the things that makes the disconnect with the reader; is writing in past tense. It's a personal preference, but your use of passive voice bothered me more. Look at this piece and remove all the "had", "was", "would" ,"and then"and "were" words. These filler words don't allow the reader to get close to the characters. 
