Dear Sum1  ,
What I liked about the story: The story began with a hint of foreshadowing. The questions the detective asked were answered with more foreboding. The questioning and answers kept me wondering how it would all turn out? How could Kevin be so sure he wouldn't be prosecuted?
What is the goal of the main Character? Osborn, the detective is interrogating the suspect. The more he questions Kevin the more confused he is until Kevin tells the back story to his actions.
What motivates that Character to continue to reach that goal? Kevin is arrested for solicitation and groping. Its what motivated him to do it that is the point of the story. You wove this into the telling with gradual bits of information until the info dump at the end. I'm not sure if there was a word count limit. If so then it somewhat limited your story telling.
What conflicts or situation are trying to prevent the main character from reaching the goal?There aren't any real conflicts. Kevin is in jail because of what he did. Its the reason behind what he did that is conflicting to Osborn. He has to draw the background story out of Kevin.
Resolution: THE END I don't want to say to much but the end substantiates Kevin's story.
Do the characters develop in this story? To a point we understand the placement of each character. Osborn the detective and he acts as we think he should. He questions Kevin to find out why he perpetrated the crimes. Kevin is a Professor and isn't acting like an educated well placed person of his demeanor would. The conflicting actions of this man is what drives the reader to find the answers.
What do I think needs work: You do a lot of TELLING. I caution you as a writer to put the best you can forward. That's not saying we are all perfect, it means going back and seeing where you many have been a little lazy. I say this as I'm on my 3rd MS edit, looking for the lazy "was," "went." "that," words that slow a story down. You also switch from the present to the past. Are you telling the reader as its happening or in the past?
Since this is the present you need to use -ings instead of -ed.
Its much harder, but keeps the reader in the right time table.
In your first paragraph you could draw the reader into the intense situation by less description of Kevin and more of Osborn's confusion to the man's demeanor.
example The man across the table from Osborn sat comfortably as one could in the situation. He looked at the arrest report and then at the man who stared at the table top and then at his watch. He'd done this repeatedly since he was brought to the room. Right away we are told this is a police station interrogation room. One is a cop the other a man that seems to not be too upset about his situation.
When you disclose his title, the reader has an immediate idea of what he might look like. BUT- "Professor-" "Kevin, please." "Okay, Kevin, I'm sorry you had to be taken from your workplace. I see you're still wearing the lab coat. Do you want to get more comfortable?" Kevin nods and removes the lab coat to reveal a plain white shirt and button up sweater. He folded his hands on the table. Soft and well manicured, Osborn noticed. This type of information is slipped into each paragraph without info dumps.
Kevin continued to speak, his speech flowing smoothly, information pouring out of him now. “In doing these tests, we also hoped to demonstrate the existence of the Higgs Boson. Early this year, we ramped up the voltage in the collider to 6.24 TeV, and finally created a small black hole. Of course, we were ecstatic at this, and there were a lot of initial celebrations. But we had a problem. Our models had predicted that the black hole would not survive long, since it didn’t have enough mass. But instead of being destroyed, it remained where it had been created. It wasn’t growing in size, at least not at first. Slowly, over a period of two months it grew. Now understand, its size was microscopic, but preliminary models suggested it would grow to a dangerous size in about fifty years, at which time it would essentially explode into a much larger size, and our world would cease to exist. One of my co-workers had the idea of creating a second black hole using electrons, and models showed that the two would interact, negating each other, and be destroyed. Of course there was a lot of discussion on this part, since our first models were not entirely correct. In the end, he won a deciding majority to his idea. End result? We ran electrons through the collider to create a negative black hole so to speak." This is a huge info dump. It would have generated more intensity if you would have had Kevin tell a little and then have Osborn ask questions, but then have Kevin tell him there wasn't time to tell it all. Just that he and his coworker had discovered the end of time was today and there wouldn't be any need to continue the conversation. Kevin would tell him to go home to his family and just put him in a jail cell. Osborn has to have a niggling of doubt but the man's actions give him a reason to take a chance. He orders the guard to take Kevin to a cell and he strides down the hall, oblivious of those who call out to him. His chief calls out but Osborn says, "I've got to go ho-"
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