I think I've reviewed other poems that you have written. This is a though provoking one that examines the results to tragedy and points out some methods of how that trauma can be reconciled.
What's great about this short story is the descriptions that you use. It made the reader feel as if they were in the woods with the woman. You created a plot that made one wonder if some horrible thing were about to happen to her. Trusting, the man, the woman came to no harm which was a surprise ending for I was sure it would be a vampire or some unwordly creature. You do have a knack for the suspense.
I can see why you received Honorable Mention on this poem. I liked it a lot. It just flowed so well wwhen I read it. I felt the anxiousness of too much to do and such little time. A time of the year when we all should be in good spirits but most of us are not. Life happening too fast around us - blurting out things we wish were unsaid. Needless to say, we all must find a way to relax so we dream a little or fantasize some. Cute poem but it really makes you think a lot.
Such a sorrowful and touching poem. I felt the writer's pain. You spoke of the last days together which are always such a reflective time. Childhood memories were awakened; remembering moments of the past. The line, 'but I'd be telling you for me - not for you', was so moving. You can make the reader feel something with your words so keep writing!
Your poem has a nice flow and rhyme. It is very dark. It's apparent that you (if this is a true story) were very badly hurt and those feelings have not gone away. I wish there could be a reconciliation 'down the road'. You have the ability to portray your feelings to the reader.
I like the flow and meter of this poem. The statements of the poem are strong, expressing concern for the nation and how it is being led today. You touched on a number of points and seemed to be fearing for the people and their survival in this economy. "At least we still seem to have some freedom of speech in this country."
This is a downright comforting story for the most part. You really have a knack for putting the reader there. I loved the descriptions of the outside and how the dog reacted to it. Charlottes busy schedule and work in the home were a reminder that there is a lot to do in running a home. This home seemed full of family love and it's a home that I think everyone would be comfortable in. The addition of the cardinal was lovely and its beauty was brought out in the story. I felt Charlottes love for her mother. Good writing - good reading.
The poem shows some strong feelings for another person. It appears this person is struggling with pain and the character wants to make sure they know someone cares. The fact that you posted it now after all these years tell me that you still have strong feelings about this person; be it as a lover or caretaker. Keep writing, your feelings come through in your work.
I loved this poem in all its gruesomeness. The rhyme and meter really moved it along in a good way. You showed the reader the feelings the victim was going through painfully and oddly sexual. We also felt regret when the 'deed was done' and the victim knew the struggle between life and death had ended and he was now nothing more than a body serving his controller. I liked the threat at the end 'might come for you'. You know how to keep a poem interesting, I was with it the entire time.
I liked this story and hoped it wasn't written from a personal experience. It's sad that so many young girls get caught up in this type of life and there are just as many men out there willing to take advantage of it. For me, the dialect was 'spot on' and it brought the story to life. Grandma Rose was sweet as most Grandmothers are; passing out words of wisdom but still loving their children no matter the path they choose. Keep writing for you can hook a reader, that's easy to tell.
This poem reminds me of some of the greats in my poem book. Although my small mind doesn't really absorb the meaning in poems of this nature, I do appreciate its descriptive verse.
I can feel the pain you were in when you wrote this poem. Don't all of us wish, at some point, we could take away those words or say something differently - but alas, we can't. All we can do is hope that there is forgiveness on the other side and maybe, just maybe, love can be found again. I liked the poem but felt that the meter could have been better and maybe it could have been spaced out more. That being said, you were able to portray the sentiment you were feeling so the reader understood the pain. Keep writing!
Thank you for your creative story. I think some of the descriptions you have, particularly in the first paragraph, really give the reader a sense of the cave and the elements around it. Some of the sentence structure seems awkward but that comes with experience. I once wrote a novel and all the dialog was written incorrectly. A couple of notes: 1) 1st paragraph. A young woman sit....I believe this should be sits. 2)Last paragraph. she tend to stand out....I believe this should be tended. Keep writing. You have the creative genius in you, now you just need to expand it further.
Beautiful. Descriptive. Informative. I think you nailed the Bald Eagle. In my home town we have many Bald Eagles who perch in trees on the river and dive for fish. On any particular day in the winter you can count as many as 10-12 in the tree below. I like the way you used words to describe their nest and surroundings. I could picture them perched there so high above. Poems of nature always take me to another place.
Good humor here, I had to chuckle at the ending - very creative! I hope this wasn't a true story though; if so, I feel sorry for the boy. Your humor will get you far in the writing world; especially if you can always get the reader with a 'zinger' at the end.
Sounds like this friend is a rollercoaster of emotions. Wondering if she is bi-polar. I like some of your phrases very much: Steal limelight, angry like wildfire - strangers dance, kids cry. You would certainly not be bored in life with a friend like that and I'm sure the friendship has its ups and downs. Good for you for understanding her and sticking by her side.
Your poem brings to mind a lot of things that one doesn't usually think about. I have felt at times that leaving a story or poem that meant something to me was almost sad, like losing a friend. We put so much of ourselves into those words. I like a person who has the ability to make someone feel 19 no matter how old they are.
This quite an imaginative story and actually highlighted some of the mistakes the country has made; past and future. I'm glad it was steampunk because I wouldn't want to have the US split up like that but good job for creating an interesting story.
I like your descriptive poem and I learned some things about Topaz that I did not know. It appears you have done your research on this subject and it shows.
I like the last two lines; they give a personal meaning to the gem and show the deep respect you have for it.
I was enchanted by your story. It seems you have researched the times you were writing in and I was easily taken there in my mind. Your descriptions, dialect, and script kept my attention throughout.
Good story line keeping the reader wondering how the story might end.
There is nothing I can critique, I think you hit the mark on this one.
I love this poem. It takes you to nature and soothes you with its words. I felt like I was there taking a walk with you; seeing, hearing, and feeling what you were describing.
You mention that the brook tells a story and I think likewise you've told one as well.
I was asked by a friend to help him write his story of addiction. It was intriguing but I knew it would have to be believable, totally honest. This meant that it might be embarrassing for the character and acquaintances may be angered by what was said. The only way I thought it could work was to not use their real name.
I didn't know how to start but your article gave me a lot of good ideas and I wanted to thank you for writing it.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
In my opinion, this is a sophisticated poem that uses a vessel to portray a person.
Rhyme & Meter:
The poem flowed well although I do not believe it to be a rhyming poem.
Grammar/Spelling:
I found no errors in grammar or spelling.
What I liked most:
What I liked most was that the poem immediately got my attention and I was anxious to read more. My take on the poem may be incorrect but this is what I took from it:
The person was lost and drifting in life just like a vessel without direction at sea.
He/She felt fragile, full of of fear, and drifted aimlessly through life. Then, from somewhere, hope and peace appeared and brought an end to all the suffering.
There was a sense that what was broken had now been repaired.
What I liked least:
I liked everything about it, there is no criticism from me.
Suggestions:
I hope to see more work from you. I believe you have greatness.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful. .......espero.
Overall Impression:
Overall this brief story summed up at lot of familiar information. Mew could have been my cat. You were able to give the reader an vivid impression of the antics of Mew along with a hint of humor.
Plot:
The writer gave an accurate portrait of cat behavior.
Characters:
Mew might be seen by some as a very unique cat. If you are a cat owner, you will know that she is true to her breed.
Grammar:
I found no errors in grammar but did find a couple of sentences that seemed awkward.
1) These few days. (Suggestion: During the next few days)
2) This early hour. (Suggestion: In the early hours of the morning)
Suggestions:
I noticed this was a contest which most likely accounts for the shortness of the story. I would like to see the writer expand the story at a later date as it's very entertaining and I think there's a lot more trouble Mew could get into.
I enjoyed the story very much.
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