Samberine Everose's (everose) Reviews

Samberine Everose

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2,242 Public Reviews Given

2,262 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Just take a look on my Public Reviews.. If you would like to have my reviews, Pls consider this

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#2009523 by Samberine Everose

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I'm good at...

Positive Reviewing

Favorite Genres

Poems-any genres except erotica

576

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4170113

Review of Pixie and Her Talking Friends

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Winter Kitten

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

Please remember I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.

The name Pixie creates a fairy name, and adding the two words talking friends sounds interesting to read.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-

I think this is not yet finish, yes, its a prologue, because you just only introduced Pixie here, now I have the clue already what is Pixie.
That she is a female dog with friends.
.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

There are some couple of things that I doubt, and need some small tweak.

Pixie...thats (you might mean that is or that's) -
her name, a talking dog who just (The word seems to be out of place,maybe you can omit it already.)
will not stop going on adventures. So Pixie she likes to go to sleep while someone is petting her, she likes to lick people, she likes to bark at people, and she is a cuddle bug, but most importantly she is a protective dog who keeps her family and friends safe. So(No need to add this) her - capital the h friends their this (you can already omit) names are Bell,Sammy,and Blitz. Bella is like Pixie, they are both small Yorkie

Over all, this piece can be a good read, there is some thing that need a little tweak, so that it would be more better to read.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

577

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4170079

Review of BENEATH THE EVENING LAMPLIGHT

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Crow

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings as well as finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thought, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.

The given title creates a classical and a lonely mood, even if gives a dull imagery.
Maybe by using the word lamplight and combining it with the word evening.
Light in a lamp is dull and lonely because it consist of a single flame.
But this one single flame can brighten a dark room.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-

As I begin to continue flapping my little wings into the body of your piece.
The first thing that enticed me is the given beat between the lines, that is the rhythm of the poetry and the correct rhyming at the end of every lines.
I just thought that you followed some rhyming pattern unto this.

My favorite line is this, with the correct combining of words creates a good lifting of the tongue when it reads.

And as they come and go each night they hardly notice me,

Love it.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that can distract the flow of the poem.

But you can change the punctuation mark -comma to period on the second line in the first stanza, and please don't capitalized a letter after using a comma because it continues the given thought.

Over all, this piece is finely weaved, just some few tweak, to be more better.
I linked this to sonnet.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

578

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4170070

Review of Tension

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Rose Scott

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
Tension- This word creates a dark or negative imagery, but life is not balance if only the happiness or peace we see, its healthy to have the negative part of it.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I mused the thought between the lines
This is about emotions that was hidden inside of us, which sometimes makes us in tension.
The created lines stimulate emotions as what the thought of the poem.
This is in free verse, and I like how the lines were break and its spacing, it helps to stimulate the emotions of the piece..

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that can distract the flow of the poem.
I just have doubt on the use of punctuation marks

like:
.....tighter,
I must fight harder and harder,
Against the tension in my heart,
So I will not fall apart.

Don't capitalized a letter after using a comma, because it continues a given thought.

Over all, this piece is a good read, just some few tweak as I've mentioned and this would be more better.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

579

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4169812

Review of Winter Snowflakes

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Candied Apples

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
The combination of the two word Winter and Snowflakes create a good imagery, while looking at the given title, these two pertain to cold season but combining them gives a delightful feeling, because winter and snowflakes is the sign before Christmas, the most wonderful time of the year.
And Christmas reate hope to every one else.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I begin to flap my little wings into the body of the piece and mused the created lines.
The first that I like is the created good imagery between the lines,
you did so finely in scribbling the lines by using an opening mood of hoping.
Correct rhythm of the poetry and its in free verse.
.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that can distract the flow of the poem.
I just have doubt on the used of punctuation marks.
Like:
Go outside and play,
Grab your mittens,
Grab your boots,

Don't use a capital letter after using a comma, because it continue the given thought.

Over all, you did well on this piece, just only some tweak on the punctuation marks.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

580

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4169596

Review of To Save a Patient

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Magicmama

** Image ID #1999237 Unavailable **

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you another review as part of the package you've won on the

FORUM

Genre Auction and Fundraiser

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Come bid on review packages in your favorite genre.
#1993416 by Angels in my Ear

Thanks for purchasing and taking the bid.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
As I scrolled down again the items in your portfolio to picked for something to review.This piece of yours did catch my attention.

There are different kinds and things how to save a patient, but the given title didn't stated why we have to save a patient. That's statement makes the reader eager to know what and why. So the given title sounds interesting and there's a curiosity effect.

Good job, because the title hooked me.

A title should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I continue flapping my wings to look and mused the thought of the story.
First-I liked how the story begins with a situation, it makes me as your reader go with the flow of the situation.
The situation begins with a problem by having already a conflict.
like why she get worse? why there is a blood?
It makes me as your reader try to find out the answer by going through the flow of the incident.
One that gives an enticement is the use of dialogue.
Dialogue makes the character to move, like watching a scene in the tv, how the characters are talking and thinking, we can also find out their real characters and behaviors by using the dialogue.
And I like how you create and introduce your character here.
I first find her from the beginning of the story and made a conclusion about her when I reached the last part.
.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words or line that can distract the flow of the story.
The Awardicon deserves well!. CONGRATULATIONS!!
I just only have doubt on the statement telling about the word count, if you can re position or replace it below after the body of the story, it just distract the flow of the emotion when the reader begins its reading.

Over all, this story is really a good read, it made me somehow to be a part during the Vampire era.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

Samberine Everose

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

581

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4168493

Review of The Checkered Path and the Machine Dream

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi J. Thayne

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Congratulations for being one of the Newbies Showcased this October in the "Invalid Item"

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being the Newbies Showcased.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
I spread and flap my little wings into your homefolio and found this piece of yours as I scrolled down your items.
What makes me eager to picked this is because of the given title.
Sounds interesting, especially the checkered path- reminds me of the story Alice in wonderland, as I imagined Alice used to walk along a checkered path there.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-

While I continued to flap my tiny wings and try to mused between the words and paragraphs of your story.

I can say you did a good job in describing on what you have seen on the path you've walk on.
I like how you repeated some words and lines there, it made the story to be enticing, adding effect of interesting.
There's a mix of poetic between the lines as I read it, maybe using some rhyming.
.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that can distract the flow of the story.
And no doubt arise.

Over all, this piece is a good read. I can say that this is a Wonderful journey.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

582

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4167920

Review of Summer's Fall

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Dan Sturn

This item of your is this OCTOBER.

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend and one of your fans here in WDC, and I'm here to give you a review to your item that I picked.
It happens that my little wings brought me into your Portfolio, and found this piece of yours.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my personal thoughts and humble opinion, who just like to read writings of others specially poetry, Please try to chew, and just ignore it if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE

What enticed me to picked you piece is the given title. Summer is my favorite season and next is fall or Autumn, and the combination of this two is really interesting.
Summer's Fall - Summer and Fall, or when summer is falling that means Autumn's come.
Great job in choosing a title.

THE BODY

The thing that I first noticed in all your bits and pieces is they are created as Moving, and that's how I learnt from others specially in your crafted piece, their style.
Maybe by using words that creates a good imagery, also the proper used of punctuation marks, and line spacing and cutting of words.

I like the line becaise it gives me a good imagery:
that leaves has taken their dance...

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION
I didn't find any word that can distract the flow, and no doubt arise.

Overall,this piece is a good read, like the other pieces of yours.
Thanks again for sharing,you are always giving an inspiring piece.

Just always remember, to keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards
Image #1966863 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

583

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4167919

Review of A Fake Smile

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Survivor48

}

This item of your is this OCTOBER.

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend and one of your fans here in WDC, and I'm here to give you a review to your item that I picked.
It happens that my little wings brought me into your Portfolio, and found this piece of yours.

Please remember that I'm not an expert in reviewing, these are just only my personal thoughts and humble opinion, who just like to read writings of other specially poetry, please try to chew, and ignore it if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE
The given title is an eye catching, we already know about a smile, a positive approach, a greetings or an act of being friendly, but once you added the word fake, this could be bitter.

THE BODY

I can say like the other pieces of yours that the scribbled word in the given body is so inspiring, telling about different kind of smile and how they are.
Really, smile can hide anything, even the worst of all things.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION
I didn't find any word that can distract the flow, and no doubt arise.

Overall, Thanks again for sharing this piece of yours,
you are always giving an inspiring piece.

Just always remember, to keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards
Image #1966863 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

584

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4167916

Review of DUCK VS KITTY

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi confusedpete34

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you would enjoy sharing your writings as well as finding your way up here.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.

The given title is so interesting, who didn't like to know about a fight between a duck and kitty, so amusing.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I flap my little wings and entered into the body of your piece to figure it out.

I think that this is so cute.
A terrible fight between a duck and kitty.

Very creative in choosing a topic.
.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

There are some things that it doubt me.
I will mention it one by one;

So one day I see a duck in my napping house! I went to show him who's boss! maybe you might mean who is the Boss.

"HEY! THAT'S MY NAP HOUSE!" I said.
"My quacking house now." (there is a missing line on this part) you might like to add who's the one who said this dialogue.

I showed him my claws and he showed me his feathers. I laughed or meowed!- you might want to add a descriptive word to the word meowed that links to laugh.
like high pitch meowed etc, in the dictionary meow means a cry of a cat.

Inside the feathers there were SWORDS! "MINE!" yelled duck.
I was scared! So I kind of jumped through the roof. you might mean I tried to jump, or I jumped.

So I shot spit balls out( there is a missing word here-from) my mouth! They were as fast as bullets! But he farted so it was so stinky the spit balls ran away! He threw his swords at me the swords got stuck in the wall in my fur.
( you might like to add comma on some sentences here)

I couldn't move the duck came up to me and said "Who's quacking napping house is it now?"

From this day fourth i'm (capitalized the letter I)
humiliated because I got beat by a DUCK! Quack him!
(and you might want to add some paragraph spacing)

Paragraph spacing makes a story looks enticing to read, and stimulate emotions.

Over all, this piece is a good read, it really made me laugh. There are some words that need just a little tweak.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.

I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

585

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4167905

Review of Dream

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Christella

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings as well as finding your way up here.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.

What makes me enticed is because of the given title.
Dream- short word and its simple, but can attract a reader, because all of us have a dream, but using that one simple word, it made me to think what could be this dream, and I am going to find it.
Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I continue to flap my tiny wings to enter into the body,

The created lines are light, easy to grasp and its for everybody.
I could link this to a lyrical or lyrics into a song, for repeating some lines.
This is in free verse, and I like the beat between the lines, and that is the rhythm of a poetry.
I feel the emotion or the tone, longing ness.

I am not disappointed on my expectation on the whole piece.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

The only thing that it doubt me is the use and using of punctuation marks.

I'm a fan of punctuation marks specially in poetry, because punctuation marks helps to stimulate, control, direct the mood of the piece.
I didn't see any punctuation marks that you used, this is important to a poetry.

Over all, this piece is a good read, there are just some few things to tweak like the punctuation.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

586

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4167888

Review of Inspiration

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi CarbonMuse

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

Samberine Everose

is here again your little fairy friend in WDC.

and its my pleasure and honored that you requested a review from me, that means that you liked my review.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
As what you've requested, I'll try to flap my little wings to return back into your Homefolio and search this piece of yours that you would like me to review.

As the given title already said- Inspiration, that word creates a good imagery into the mind of a prospective reader. We don't have any bad inspiration, if inspiration comes this could be the things that makes us happy, to enjoy, interest, our love and likes, and that impression and imagery can make a reader hooked on the said piece.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I continue to flap and go along into the lines inside the body of the piece,
Wow!, you scribbled it nicely,neatly, and captured the real and feelings when we are about to listen and already listening to our Muses.
Correct rhyming and rhythm also.
Good job! also in using punctuation marks.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

Maybe, you can try to erase the remarks- (second draft) and place it into the space for brief description using punctuation open and close parenthesis (()), because as you put it into the main title, it just distract the opening mood or tone of the piece.

In the body
I didn't find words that can distract the flow of the poem.
And no doubt arise.

Over all, this piece is so inspiring and as well as nicely crafted.
Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment for reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

587

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4166938

Review of Keep Moving Forward

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: 13+

| (3.5)

Hi Maverick

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author here in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you would enjoy sharing your writings as well as finding your way up here.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces. Please try to chew and just ignore it, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
I flap my little wings into the Newbie Corner and I've found your piece in there.
What hooked me is because of the given title, sounds interesting.
The way how it scribbled in few and simple words but creates an inspiring and encouraging effect to a prospective reader.

Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title serve as the main door before entering to the main body, this is where the first impression and expectation is created.

THE BODY-
The given thought is good, full of encouragement.
The created line creates an impact, and inspiring.
There is a beat between the lines and that is the rhythm of the poetry.
I can't say that this is a rhyming poetry, because there are some does not rhyming, maybe its in free verse.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I just have a doubt on the second line of the first stanza, the word leaking and while they are contradict.

Keep moving forward,
while your lifeblood's leaking.

I don't know if that is the correct word, because the given thought is something un realistic.

maybe you might mean
Keep moving forward,
even if your lifeblood's leaking.

or maybe you might mean,
Keep moving forward,
while your lifeblood's flowing.

leaking- pertains to be flow out or lose from our body.
flowing- is still a part or moving inside our body.

On the second stanza-

Keep moving forward,
when you want lay down.

you might mean-
when you want to lay down.

On the third stanza-

But keep moving forward.
while thinking of your family.

after a period, please capitalized the first letter, because you are again creating a new thought.
Or you might mean that the period you used on the second line should be a comma,

Over all, this piece is good, there are some words and punctuation that you missed.

Thank you for sharing this piece, I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

588

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4166927

Review of Music

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hi Natalie

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author here in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore it, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
While I'm flapping my little wings into the Newbies Corner to find something to review, this piece of yours did catch my attention to read and give a review.
Music one of favorite thing other than Poetry, Arts and Architecture.
because Music always linked to Poetry, Arts and Architecture, so if you love also poetry, certainly you love music.
Other is Music also interest me.
Good job, because the title hooked me.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title serve as the main door before entering to the main body, this is where the first impression and expectation by the prospective reader was created.

THE BODY-
The given thought is good, every lines related to the purpose and tells Music as a gift and enjoyment. This is in free verse even some are in rhyming, but its fine. I like how you scribbled it and also the mood and tone created. Entertaining.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I just only have a comment on the last stanza.

Rejoicing with great pride,
And drowning out our fears.
Music is our friend,
And it wipes away our tears.

Don't capitalized the next letter after using a comma.

Over all, this piece is good,and the given thought is good, you just only missed on what I've comment.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it. I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

589

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4166345

Review of Choices

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi The prodigal son returns 2023.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm here again Samberine Everose

your little Best Fairy Friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as one of my

to you for being so awesome here in WDC.

Please remember, I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
It happens that my tiny wings brought me again into your homefolio to find something to review so I tried to flap my little wings and this piece of yours did catch my attention, and enticed me to enter.
What makes me hooked is because the given title.
Choices- its simple, but there are so many things to think while I'm looking that word, it could be choices for ourselves, choices for others, choices for everything, or in other words choices in which we absolutely need or like.

Good job in choosing the title, because it hooked me as your reader.

THE BODY
The first thing that I admired is how the words were constructed and it gives a concrete thoughts.
I am still figuring it on, but I think they are all good.
like:

People often climb tall, dangerous mountains
just because they're there.
They also do so
just because they can.

There's a truth on this one.
We can't try to do things or decide to do a thing if we can't survive on it.
It's true that we always have a choice.

People often take the lives of animals
just because they're there--
creatures that creep, crawl,
slither and wiggle.

There's also a truth on this one.
specially the one that I bolden.
Maybe, this things gives the thought of survive, and we always have a choice on that.

Entities that were here
long before ourselves
and will likely be around
long after.

I just don't get this one, maybe this pertain to our own beliefs.

People sometimes decide
to let small things live,
not just because
they choose to do so,
But just because they can.

And this is the best I think.
I think about this as what sometimes humans are for.

Over all, I can say that this piece is a good read and gives a good thought, all the scribbled lines here are really are choices.

Thank you for sharing this piece of yours,
I am looking forward to see and read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

Image #2061517 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

590

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4166139

Review of FuzzyFlowers (set three)

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi ♥Pay It Forward♥

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being so awesome here in WDC.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Account Anniversary Corner and I've found you there, as one of my favorite author who will celebrate its Anniversary this October.
So I try to flap my little wings into your homefolio to find something to review.
And this piece of yours did catch my attention, and enticed me enter and give a review.

What makes me hooked is because the given title as well as of course the awesome pretty image of flowers.
Flowers are really beautiful, and always n eye catching.
And as I begin to scroll down to look inside, I've found beautiful bouquet of flowers.
Best to be gift for friends, with their different colors.
There is a classy outcome while I stared on them.
And its good that you didn't scribbled a caption, this means that this can be for any occasion, as long as the flowers are good for that occasion.
And the cost are affordable.

Good job, in creating this beautiful fuzzy flowers C-note.

Thank you for sharing this C-note shop, and the excitement in looking on it.
I am looking forward to see more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

591

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4166120

Review of Sum Haiku

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi The prodigal son returns 2023.

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

And I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being so awesome here in WDC.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Account Anniversary Section and I've found you there, as one of my favorite author who will celebrate its Anniversary this October.
So I try to flap my little wings into your homefolio to find something to review.

And this piece of yours did catch my attention to read and chosen to give a review.

What makes me hooked is because of the given title, that seems so interest using the word Sum, and means a "particular amount", combining with the word Haiku, and we all know that Haiku created always in few words. That made me enticed to read it.

Choosing a title in poetry is very important, because this served as the main door before entering to the main body of the piece. The first impression and expectation of a prospective reader are always created here.

Good job in choosing a title because it hooked me as your reader.

As I continue flapping my wings into the main body.

You followed the standard syllable line count of the haiku

The given thoughts are good, even if its not about nature as haiku was intended.

I will not comment any of the created line and used words because I think they are all true, even if I still figuring it out. But I can say that its good.

Thank you for sharing this piece of yours, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to see and read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

592

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4166103

Review of The Amazing One-Stop C-Note Shop

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Nixie

HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being so awesome here in WDC.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Account Anniversary Corner and I've found you there, as one of my favorite author who will celebrate its Anniversary this October.
So I try to flap my little wings into your homefolio to find something to review.
And this piece of yours did catch my attention, and enticed me to be one of my favorite items.

What makes me hooked is because the given title as well as of course the awesome image. I liked the word Amazing and one stop, it made me to think and my first impression is maybe this is where I can find all the images I need and like for a C-note, and I didn't disappointed while I begin to enter.

I discovered that all the C-note items which are my favorites are here already.

They are all in order, easy to pick, understandable, easy to grasp.

All the pic.images with quotes are related in each other.

They are affordable, and the best for friends.

The Awardicon deserves well. Congratulations!!

So I easily added it into my favorites.

Good job, in creating this amazing one stop image C-note.

Thank you for sharing this C-note shop, and the excitement in looking and reading on it.
I am looking forward to see and read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

593

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4165624

Review of Chronic

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi CarbonMuse

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
What makes me hooked and see about is the given title.Short and the meaning is in there, but it tells a lot.
I mean short word but compact.
Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As I look and enter into the body, the first thing that I did notice and I do like is the correct rhyming in every line.
Good scribbled words because it creates its mood or tone in agony or pain.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

The only thing that I have doubt is the use of punctuation marks.
I'm a fan of punctuation marks because it helps to direct and stimulate the emotion of the piece.
like for example:
Accepting my fate, I no longer pray,
For it is my burden, forever to stay...

Don't capitalized a letter after using a comma.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment in reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

594

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4165618

Review of Wishing They Were a Star

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Candied Apples

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
The given title gives a tone of hoping, yes wishing, and if you connect a wish to a star, that would be interesting, because star is like our dreams.
It reminds me of a peaceful night, looking for a star in the sky.
Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-

This is in free verse and I feel like a child while reading your poetry.
As like the given title, there is a pleasantly smooth created tone, maybe the way how the breaking of lines formed.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find word that can distract the flow of the poem,
but I'm a fan of punctuation marks because punctuation marks helps to direct, and stimulate the emotion of the piece.

like don't capitalized a word after using a comma.

Up at stars, glimmering hope,
Wishing to fly and be among beams
To soar the universe,
Take wing in a midnight world

Over all, this piece is good, you did fine in painting the beauty of how stars were wished in a peaceful night.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment for reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

595

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4165609

Review of Life is a Kiss on the Cheek

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Erickens

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
What makes me enticed to enter is the given title. There are many thoughts or we have our own opinions on what we think about life, and the given title gives an interesting words about life.
Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in a poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where first impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
Wow!. You have 14 different definition or views about life, and they all seems to be true.
My most favorite is the line on the last line in which it's the same as the title that enticed me to read.
And in other words, life is the combination of positive and negative things to be balance. Life is in equilibrium.
.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find any words that can distract the flow of the piece.
And no comment arise.

Over all, this piece is good and as the title said its interesting to read.
Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment for reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

596

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4164756

Review of Game of Thrones

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Hello Gaby ~ Just tired

I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC and I'm here to give you a review.

Please remember that I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble thoughts and opinions, ignore it if doesn't fit to your taste.

Honestly, I'd like to participate on Elle's Merit badge challenge so I try to find this forum of yours to accomplished the given task.

The Title-
I can say that the title is very challenging, using the word games, my first impression is this can be an energetic game or battling for the Throne, as throne is the prize.
It reminds me of a war movie.

Into the Body-
The images are good, but I can't understand.
I try to figure out where are the rules, and how to be a part of this game, if ever I'd like to participate it.

Until here, maybe I would return and visit again your challenging game forum for its next opening.

Regards and have a great day!!

** Image ID #1979236 Unavailable **

597

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4164110

Review of Short Bio

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)

Hi Nathan Hilbert

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
What makes me flap my wings and look inside your piece is the given title.
It says all in there, that this is about biography even if it just abbreviated.
Well, I like to read biography.

Biography tells a lot about people, and people are unique and different each other. We can also learn to everyone because they have their own thoughts and own wisdom created in their time.
Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
You are really a writer. Writer have their own world, words, musing and character, and I like the character you created here.
From a different world, time and space, travelled and fell down here in the color-full and wonder-full world of Writing dot Com.

and you are brave not to use pseudonym.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that can distract the flow of your mini bio, in fact I found it as interesting and enjoying to read.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

598

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4164109

Review of The little life!

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi Aabha

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts as a reader, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.
The given title gives an interesting effect, by using the word little combining it to the word life.
My first impression is maybe this can be a simple life.
Simple life can be wonderful, or can be and struggling.
Good job, because the title hooked me as you reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
I can say that you did good in expressing and defining the little life that you mean here.
Now I know that little life means the life of the little people, or people who are live below average.
I like words like invasion, deepest dungeons, peasant, broken walls.
It gave an impact to the given description. .

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I am a fan of using punctuation marks, because these marks when it used properly, they help to stimulate the given emotions of the piece.

I just noticed some punctuation here if really they are meant to be there in there place like
It's an invasion,
Into the deepest dungeons,
Of the life of a peasant.
A family sold,

Don't use capital letter when the line before that next line ends in comma.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment for reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

599

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4163655

Review of The Painting Burned

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi RocketMan

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

and I'm earning also my sparkles at "Invalid Item"

to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC!

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and finding your way up here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
My tiny wings brought me into the Newbie Review Corner to find something to review, and while I'm flapping my little wings, this piece of yours did catch my attention.

What makes me hooked and see about is the word painting. Painting are one of my favorite and Arts are one of the things that are closest to me, and if a painting was burned as what the title says, that would be truly fret, cutting down one of the enjoying beauties.
Good job, in hooking a reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body of a piece, this is where the impression and expectation was created for a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
As my tiny wings continue to flap and go over through the lines of your piece, I find this as a song or having maybe a rhyming pattern.
There are lines that are repeated, but its good, it just makes the piece some kind of being in noticeable, and I like the way it is.
It was scribbled in a lighter tone and mood, using striking words like churn, yearn, concern, discern between light lines made the poetry have a meaning that is sensible.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I didn't find words that can distract the flow of the poem.
And no doubt arise.

Over all, this piece is a good read, its cute, but the meaning make sense.

Thank you for sharing this piece, and the enjoyment for reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

600

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4159183

Review of Tears like rain

Review by Samberine Everose

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi phelous

Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !

I'm Samberine Everose

your little fairy friend here in WDC.

and I'm here to give you a review as my

to you for being here.

By the way CONGRATULATIONS! for being a registered Author here in this wonderful World of Writing Dot Com.

I hope you will enjoy sharing your writings and find your way here.

I'm not expert in reviewing, these are just only my humble opinion and thoughts, who just like to read bits and pieces of everyone. Please try to chew and just ignore it, if doesn't fit to your taste.

THE TITLE-
While I'm flapping my little wings into the Newbie Review corner of WDC, this piece of yours did catch my attention to read and give a review.
I like the given title, its simple, the meanings is in there but there is a dramatic effect. I like the two words tears and rain you choose and used, Tears can be rain, but the emotion that is hiding is always been different.
Good job, because the title hooked me as your reader.

A title in poetry should be captivating to attract or enticed a reader, because a title served as the main door before entering to the main body. This is the part where you can create an expectation and impression of a prospective reader.

THE BODY-
The thing that I most like on the body of this piece of yours, is the emotion that attached. I can feel it.
I liked words that you used to describe the feeling of pain and breaking up, its true that it was in different perspective.

COMMENTS AND SUGGESTION:

I'm a fan of using punctuation, because it may help to add to the correct flow and direct the emotions of the piece.
like after using a comma, the next letter will not be in capital.

Theirs so much i need to say, -
Throwing stones,
Across the river near the bay,

Over all, this piece can be good, there are some things to be adjusted, specially the punctuation marks.

Thank you for sharing this piece of yours, and I'm looking forward to read again more of your works.

Until next reviewing, just keep smiling, while stay in writing and reviewing.

Regards,

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .