*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: ON
1,068 Public Reviews Given
1,095 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Minimalist. Focus on technical. I also look at how a work would fit into the traditional publishing landscape. I don't use a template. Warning: I am Australian, and so cultural differences may apply.
Favorite Genres
Most, really.
Least Favorite Genres
Fan-fiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories and essays.
I will not review...
I will not review porn, fan-fiction or pro-religious/OTT-pro-USA essays. No interactives either, please.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review of Trapped  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


I will start by saying this is not the normal sort of poetry I read, but going through your port, this attracted me and I read it... and I understood it.

It is where I am right now in my own personal life.

So, you have managed to communicate an idea that is hard to put into words to someone who knows what the feeling is. That is quite the literary skill.

As a poem it works well (though why does 'Said' have a capital letter?) and flows nicely. I read poetry out loud, and this came easily to me.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
102
102
Review of New Beginnings  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a sweet little tale about the meeting of an older couple. All very sudden, which is often the way of the world, especially as people get older.

As a story, there are a few details that don't matter, and so take the reader a little out of the story. For example, her having been a nurse has no bearing on the story, on her behaviour or anything else. If it was related to something in the charatcer, then it would work better. Little things like that.

It also lacks some detail. We're in Catherine's head, her PoV - how does she feel? How does her body brespond? What memories come to her? Why does he attract her? Let us know Catherine as a character.

On a technical level, this needs a thorough edit. Punctuation, capital letter usage, that sort of thing all needs looking at.

It does feel a little like a first draft. Some more work and I think this could be a very good story that shows that love knows no age barriers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
103
103
Review of Intensive Care  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month.

Wow. This was intense. Almost losing a loved one like that is something that can be terrifying. I have lost more than enough people - including some very close to me - in my 52 years and yet I can only imagine just how you felt going through this and having to make a call like you did.

You capture the scene very well, the lead-up and then the incident, and the fact you could not remember what the nurse said to calm you makes perfect sense.

It would be churlish of me to point out the few errors in the tale, so I won't except to say there are a few.

I also feel it does not really end. It just sort of peters off, and it feels incomplete for that.

Still, a nice emotional piece, and I can only imagine how hard it must have been to write.

Nicely done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
104
104
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month.

An interesting essay that is not a little sad. uAs an essay, it is written in a casual format with the information/facts distributed throughout in a manner that makes for an easy read. It allows the reader to come to their own conclusions as to whether this is a good thing or not, the decline of the phone booth, but the overall toine is one of depression that a part of history is disappearing.

And the final line is an intersting one, plus a reminder that the phone is there for one reason, really - communication.

I liked this. It told the reader what it needed to without going overboard. Technically, it felt very clean. No obvious errors stood out to me.

Here's something to consider - in Australia, the majority of phone booths that are still in use are now free for users to call any landline in the same state as the phone, and the cost to call a mobile is minimal. Since they have become free, the amount of vandalism resulting in phones being unusable has dropped markedly.

Just thought I'd throw that in there! *Wink*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
105
105
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary month.

I have to say, I wasn't sure what to expect with this, and was intrigued to see that it was a dialogue story/duologue. It was a monk explaining his life's choice, and done as a tell of his history, but at the same time telling us the current situation through what was said. We have no names - and this does not need them - just a tale of bravery.

It says this is a "sample", but I think it works on its own.

Technically, there were a couple of things:
...the galley. A galley is a kitchen on a vessel, not a building.
...then baking bread... How could he bake and not be caught, with the smells of fresh baked bread?
...I approached m superiors... -> my superiors
If putting thoughts in quotation marks, you need to use the same rules as direct speech, but thoughts are generally written as italics.
...have been morning the loss... -> mourning
“But surly the... -> surely

As for formatiing, I would separate the paragraphs a little better.

But those are little things. As it is, the story is a strong one told well.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
106
106
Review of Horror Movie  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi. This was recommended to me to read, so I thought I would give it a go.

First, it is difficult to read. Delineating paragraphs better and having better line separation would help.

The story is an interesting tale with a strong storyline behind it - a 3D movie is more real than it appears. That is definitely something that can create some sort of horror and tension.

I think my issue is there is a lot of tell instead of show in this. Or the show is minimal. For example"
"One wolf slashes out at me with its claws, and I feel them slice into my calf. I scream as burning hot pain lances through my leg, and vaguely, I hear other people ..."
You tell us that you feel the claws. What is that sensation like? A hot pain lancing is a descriptor but (a) that's a cliche, and (b) it does not let the reader feel the experience. And then there is a vague hearing of others screaming. There is a distance between the action and reader's emotions. Don't be afraid to go deeper in your descriptions and the sensations. Use all 5 main senses.

The characters were fine, but they did feel at times they were interchangeable. There was very little to differentiate them from one another.

Technically, it was fine. Very few errors. I will say that I don't think present tense works for the tale, though.

So, this is a decent story, but I feel it could have been so much more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
107
107
Review of Gemini  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi.

I found this poem because of a review I read, and decided to see what the fuss was about.

The idea of the devil/aangel on the shoulders being as bad as one another is an interesting idea. The fact that angel only means "messenger" and devil "accuser" makes this seem more like the truth than anything else.

I get where the idea of zodiac referring to the Gemini comes from, but it feels a little out of place amongst the rest.

As far as technicalities go, as a free form poem, it was fine. I did like the paired rhymes in the first stanza, but found the rhyming lines in stanzas 3 and 4 threw me a little when I read it out loud.

I think you have used the picture prompt really well here, especially for a poem.

I liked this one; well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
108
108
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I am not sure if this really was written by AI or if that was just put there to make people read this. I am going with the latter, and am going to review this as if a real person wrote it.

This feels like a fairy tale, a simple tale, although one without a moral or a lesson learned.

It is a vignette more than a story. There is no actual incident. It is man meets woman, they fall in love... the end? Where was the complication? Where was the sense of story. This is what grandparents tell their grandkids about how they met. In that regard, it was also all tell and no show. Things happened... and that was it. Where was the emotion? Where was the use of all five traditional senses?

To the person writing this - it needs more than just something happened for it to be a story.

Now, having said all that, technically, it was good. I could not see one error. Well done.

Sorry.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
109
109
Review of The game of love  
Review by s
Rated: E | (3.5)
I don't review a lot of poetry; it has to speak to me on a personal level before I will.

Therefore, you can probably tell that this does just that.

There is little imagery; it is straight-forward and just relates how you feel. Sometimes that is the best way to approach topics like this.

It is as a poetic form that this made me struggle a little. I read poems out loud to get a feel for them and this did not work for me in that regard.

You held a consistent rhyme scheme of AA-BB CC-DD until the last stanza when it became ABAB. This is also where the story of the poem became murky. Whose desire? Yours for someone else? The person for some else? I was lost a little.

The next is speaking it. Rhyming poetry tends to need a good rhythm in order for the rhymes to work. The syllable count here was very inconsistent: 14-12-8-10 11-12-7-12 8-8-11-13 5-6-5-7. This made for an awkward speaking pattern.

Of course, this is just my opinion.

The sentiment is one I can relate to all too well; I think there is just something lacking in poetic presentation.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
110
110
Review of Dead Man Walking  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Reviewed in association with The "Flights of Fantasy Group"  August Review Raid.

Hi. I’m reading this as part of the review raid.
Dead Man Walking
         “…the mountain pass was colder than s***” Watch cultural comments. This is not a phrase I’ve heard before, and in a fantasy, non-industrial setting, it does not make sense. In Australia, “warm as fresh s***” is a phrase we use, the opposite to this, and so the cultural implication is lost.
         ”…his words swirling… around like withered old leaves above his head, breaking apart on the jagged rocky ledges and landing anywhere but behind him…” Nice description.
         ”Not that he could turn his head to see. Not that he could tell how Loti looked even if he could…” This felt clunky, two sentences of looking.
         ”His hands… exhalation.” After the discussion of not being able to see Loti, this felt like a jump.
         ”Yesterday… at the time.” This is a good paragraph, detailing why they were here without being an intro info-dump. It still felt a little expositional, but maybe adding at the very end of the para something about. ”Now, here they were, freezing their noses off, trudging to who knew where.” I know that is clunky, but it then does bring the reader back to the present.
         ”Fracshon hadn’t heard… hour.” While I appreciate the humour, it did feel a little jarring in this place.
         ”What was adventure without… forget that.” Really strong internal dialogue set up here, showing character nicely.
         ”Fracshon had no idea…” This para shows some decent self-awareness, the sort of thing that comes too late. Well done.
         “Sound good, Loti?” I get this is relating back to the gold/women comment, but coming after his internal dialogue about making camp, etc., there is some small confusion to be had here.
         Not sure the ending works brilliantly. I like the fact you haven’t told what happens to them – open-ended is fine and works well here – but I had the impression come the end that Loti didn’t even exist.

That was my reading of the story. It is a good little piece of flash fiction, and the setting and back-story work quite well.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
111
111
Review of The Final Journal  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Okay, after seeing this on the Newsfeed, here is a review.

Before I start, though, I will say I enjoyed the story. I only review things I like, and I did like this one. As such, I only hope to help improve it. But this is all my opinion. Feel free to ignore everything.

The Final Journal
         The first two sentences are both passive constructs. That makes the reader feel disengaged. Maybe “Parker sat at his desk, typing away…” and “A knock sounded at the door.” or “Someone knocked at the front door, making him jump.”
         I would add something like a handshake after Eli introduces himself. It just feels empty at the moment.
         I like that you have separated passages obviously.
         Next section starts with another passive construct.
         Eli nearly shouted as he stood up, "Just like that." This felt odd. Why would he shout? Why stand up? And then Parker looks down at him. Is Eli a Hobbit?
         The maps and everything coming up like this feels strange as well. It does not feel natural.
         The discussion of the life story, though, is good and engaging.
         Ellipses don’t need spaces. …, not . . .
         Nice use of Eli’s Oceanography knowledge.
         He sat down… on the ground. I think these two sentences would work better combined into one.
         The conversation on the island feels natural.
         A steel and glass three-story building, half the size of a football field… It does not seem right that this would be unseen by satellite imaging etc.
         Good description of the inside of the building.
         Horatio just asks if they’re relayed? Nothing else. The first people he has seen or communicated with in decades, and that is what he asks. I think he would have been overwhelmed. The whole loneliness thing would surely have got to him. It does not feel right.
         The ending going back to civilisation is a little anti-climactic. I think I would have ended it without the explanation of what he had done, but just, after Horatio had gathered himself, discovering this young man was his grandson, and Eli watching them embrace. Or something like that.

So, that is how I saw this. I know it seems a little negative but the idea is strong and there are a lot of good things about it. I think there just needs to be some finesse-ing to make it really strong.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
112
112
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Reviewed in association with The "Flights of Fantasy Group"  August Review Raid.

Hi, this is done as part of the review raid.

The story concept here is an interesting one, a mixture of horror and fantasy, almost an alternate history style tale. There are surface similarities to the back story in Anne Rice's Queen Of The Damned, and that is not a bad thing, as she is probably the best modern writer of vampires. Having your own take on it is a good choice.

Technically, it was fine. I couldn't see any obvious punctuation or grammar errors. The only two things were plurals: Necropolis is pluralised as necropolises in modern English, but if you want to go back, it is Necropoles; Caladrium is Caladriums, as you wrote, but if you want to go back in time, as you did with Necropolis, then Caladria is the plural form.

Now, my biggest issue with this story was that it felt like a synopsis. It lacked detail, it lacked punch. It was all tell with very little show. It was like an overview of a much larger work. There was no one character for us to hang our hat on; you introduced the narrator, and then she became disembodied, separate from the tale she was telling. It was just a list of things that happened. And the final paragraph did not feel like a comfortable transition from the one it followed.

I did like the idea, and there is definitely something here that has a lot of potential. I just feel this could extended to be something much stronger.

Good luck going forward.
113
113
Review of Dreamer  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi! I don’t get a lot of review requests, and am not sure why people would want me to review their work, but here goes.

First thing – watch your use of lyrics. Song lyrics are protected by copyright and you need to get permission to use them. Titles and single lines may be used (except the Beatles, Marvin Gaye and Michael Jackson; not even a single line there without paying!) without an issue, but you have two large chunks of lyrics and quote a lot of the song in-story. Just something to be aware of.

Nice opening, though. Rob’s response to Jacky is a good one.
These days he could never be sure if his brother was actually addressing him, talking to himself or talking to...well, there was no satisfactory way of ending that last thought. – Nice description.
…dreamer. So now you put your head in your hands, oh no" - …dreamer. ’So now you put your head in your hands, oh no!’"
{c:lred…He was ashamed to admit it, but part of him as disappointed when no-one appeared. – Nice character development, but was disappointed.
You have a habit of over-using the ellipsis. It’s for breathlessness or when bits are missing from a direct quote of something else. I use them in this review to indicate I have come into a sentence you have written not from the start, for example.
…and not off in his own private world or drugged up to the eyeballs. – This felt odd. Private world, sure, but drugged to the eyeballs is something Rob should know and realise. It’s not a surprise if that is the case.
Rob puffed out his… ending this time. – Apart from all he ellipses, this is a strong paragraph. It sets the story without being a huge info-dump. Nicely done.
Dear God - in a sane society they'd put him out of his misery. – This did feel a little preachy. The rest of the para was fine, but this was out of place. To me. Especially with Jack’s speech later on and the decision Rob comes to at the end.
Instead of using all caps for emphasis, use italics.
…slim to say the least.. – Pedantic… one full stop.
He broke down as his voice tailed off, his chest heaving and tears pouring down his cheeks. It was several minutes before the sobs tailed off into silence. We’ve been with Rob pretty much to this point. How is he feeling about seeing this? Not much needed, but something to keep us with him.

So, this is a powerful story with a lot going for it. There is something about watching the demise of a loved one that strikes a chord, and you have depicted that well here.

Good luck in the contest.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
114
114
Review of A Dog's Christmas  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi!

I don’t get many review requests – especially for poetry – so I thought I’d give this a go.

Before I start, I will say I have written a number of parodies of Moore’s classic poem myself, and had two published, so this is a poem and style I know well.

Nice opening stanza; sets up the tale well

When out of the silence,
Came a shout from my spouse.
'Cause something tiny and furry
Entered our house.
At this point you shifted from Moore’s rhyming couplets with an 11-13 syllable rhythm to an ABCB rhyme scheme, which changes the way it is said.

Laying toenail whispers
On his way to our tree.
Nice imagery!

…chase…
He garnered from grace.
“Grace” feels like a forced rhyme here, especially with garnered.

Scratching and sliding she shot past the tree,
With toenails and canines still clutching the skirt.
The syllable count is thrown off completely here, and it changes the rhyming aspect and everything else.

Escaped with a "Look!"
Not sure “escaped” works as the verb here.

The stanzas with the dogs in the tree was easy to picture. Nicely done.

And the tree's back in place
With broken ornaments and one light
Syllable count is off here.

Strong ending.

The poem itself told a great story and fit in well with Moore’s original piece well. My corrections are more on the technical side, but, in general, this was a fun poem, easy to read, and the sort of thing you could use for a personal Christmas card in coming years.

Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
115
115
Review of Jenga (288 words)  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Wow... such a unique metaphor. I would never have thought of using Jenga in that way.

There is a definite sense of sadness about it all, and the final line was perfect for the story. It all makes sense to the characters and the way they are interacting. Mary being realistic, Marcus hopeful, and then in the end reality hits.

Technically, it was really good. The only thing I'd change would be "Mom makes..." to be "My mom..." or "Your mom..." because otherwise that sentence makes it seem like they are siblings.

Still, this was a good piece of flash fiction that worked well.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
116
116
Review by s
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


This is a sweet little vignette. I like how you frame it as a possibly not reliable memory. Such a short little thing, and yet it resonates through time, however long that may be.

Technically, I found no errors, and that is a nice relief.

I know some people don't like the "fluff" of stating you are unsure about it and setting up the past, but, in this case, I would not change a thing. You have put a lot of emotion into this and it comes through so well.

Well done; good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
117
117
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Sorry, but this needs a lot of work.

You have some good ideas in there, but the complete lack of punctuation, paragraphs and structure makes it a tough read. There are misused words, rambling statements and a lot of other things in here that just add to the confusion.

I had to really force myself to read this. However, WdC is a place where writers can learn to hone their craft. I would recommend doing all the lessons on basics you can. Get a copy of Strunk & White to learn grammar. I understand there are some online apps as well, but I don;t use them, so others can guide you there.

Sorry, this was difficult to read and hard to comprehend.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
118
118
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Interesting little vignette about memories and what sparks them.

There was a sense of nostalgia in the piece, and the descriptions were good without being repetitive or being overdone. Especially in the opening, you painted a clear word-picture of the bookcase, and the bookends.

I do feel the ending with the realisation they had been made from ivory could have introduced a lot more internal conflict than it did; all it did was bring up more memories. The very last paragraph about the smoke came out of nowhere and did not fit in with the rest of the story.

"Caressed love heart faces." is a strange sentence fragment that comes out of nowhere and does not really fit with the tone of the rest. The description itself is strong, but the way it is presented is awkward and jarring.

Still, a fine little vignette with some good descriptions.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
119
119
Review of Bears  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

I found this flash piece while looking through your port and really enjoyed it.

The set-up makes sense, the search the next morning is explained well, and then the photos of the bears is such a nice ending to it all.

The only bit that stuck out to me was the "I guess we shot over 1,000 pictures" line. It feels out of place where it is, which is at the end of a paragraph relating to the time taken after getting home. That was the only thing that did not quite work for me.

Technically, it is very clean - so good to read here!

So, a fun little piece of flash.

Good luck going forward.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
120
120
Review of The Stroll  
Review by s
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Happy WdC anniversary!

An interesting and rather sad little tale. The idea of the person being their own psychopomp is certainly a unique idea!

I liked the way the woman went through everything, knowing something was wrong, but not sure why. There was some nice world-building. However, the "mysterious shop" came out of nowhere and that felt rather jarring. I also wasn't sure why the friend was there - was she also dead already? So, some little things in the story felt a touch off.

Still, a good story, and the little bit at the end explaining things did not overstay its welcome, so well done there.

Good luck going forward!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
121
121
Review of Desecration  
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing this story as the judge of the Horror Writing Contest for June, 2023. I will review it, therefore, in accordance with the judging criteria:
1) The concept. An interesting one, with the kids just wanting to see something because of their grief, and then the ghost.
2) The tone (the sense of horror, terror or unease). It lacked a real sense of horror. There were some nice little bits – when the kids saw the corpse – but it just felt like a story.
3) Technical aspects. Emily spoke the words out loud is not a dialogue tag, so there shouldn’t be a comma in the words spoken. Some other direct speech work needed as well. A couple of shifts in tense. Weirdo’s doesn’t need an apostrophe; it’s a plural.
4) How well it tells a story. I am not worried abut the lack of a definitive ending, and it does definitely tell a good story.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story. Central. Perfectly integrated. This could not have happened without the grave. Excellently done.
6) Anything else. Stephen King is his name. It is standard to put the titles of books in italics. The paragraph separation was inconsistent. You had a heading for the flashback, but not one for the return to “now”.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
122
122
Review of Revenge  
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing this story as the judge of the Horror Writing Contest for June, 2023. I will review it, therefore, in accordance with the judging criteria:
1) The concept. Interesting – the damage was done by one of the occupants without the need for a zombie!
2) The tone (the sense of horror, terror or unease). This was more comedic than scary, especially in the denouement. So the horror tone was a little lacking.
3) Technical aspects. Completely fine, Nothing wrong here.
4) How well it tells a story. The story is fine. It follows and makes sense, for the most part.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story. Not an issue at all – the desecrated grave is the pivot about which it revolves.
6) Anything else. The cop’s hand passed through the combatant, and yet they had enough weight to hold his head down in the dirt and break the grave. Felt slightly off. However, apart from that, there is not much else to say – it is a well done piece of work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
123
123
Review by s
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am reviewing this story as the judge of the Horror Writing Contest for June, 2023. I will review it, therefore, in accordance with the judging criteria:
1) The concept. Depressing and yet well done, set in a post-“event” time-frame.
2) The tone (the sense of horror, terror or unease). There was not a real sense of terror, but the sense of sadness and depression throughout was well-done.
3) Technical aspects. You need to watch your use of the em-dash; apart from that, very clean.
4) How well it tells a story. The story is well told. I don’t know if I’d have put the “May 2043” heading in there (and it needs to be made clearer it a section change), and I think I would have left the reveal James is also dead until right near the end. But that is my opinion.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story. Not very well. It was a throw-away, and was not really central to the story as it was told.
6) Anything else. This was good story, but just needs some small tweaks to make it even better.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
124
124
Review by s
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
I am reviewing this story as the judge of the Horror Writing Contest for June, 2023. I will review it, therefore, in accordance with the judging criteria:
1) The concept. I was a little confused. The whole idea of the Deathbringers seemed to change as the story went on. It doesn’t matter if it is explained in another story; I asked for a standalone, and it felt like information was missing.
2) The tone (the sense of horror, terror or unease). There was not real sense of horror or tension. The events happened and that was all.
3) Technical aspects. A lot of repeated words diminishes their effect. Use of the word that often felt out of place. Some tense changes cropped up. Some sentence structures were odd and awkward to read. Watch direct speech punctuation.
4) How well it tells a story. I was lost a lot of the time. I did not understand who was what and why things were happening. It made for a confusing read.
5) How well the prompt is integrated into the story. I did not see a desecrated grave at all in the tale.
6) Anything else. You need to watch the language used; people don’t talk like that, especially not when stressed. The image is share restricted (I couldn’t see it).


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
125
125
Review of MB Search  
Review by s
Rated: E | (4.5)
Fun little Word Search. Nice to see you use the WdC site as the inspiration for it!

Was not a quick find, which is good - there was something of a challenge to it.

One minor nitpick - "Cosistent" should probably be "Consistent".

Still, fun Word Search. Thanks!
529 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/stevengepp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5