You gave a detailed account of the dream bringing your readers into it making it an easy flow throughout your piece.



Wow, you gave awesome details making me feel as if I'm there. Your ending was amazing. I have a few favorite dreams as well. But, yours was beautiful with the feeling of being close to God while flying high among the clouds. When I fly back and forth to California I love being at a window seat looking outside feeling so close to Him. To me, there is no other feeling like that.




1. As my first foot fell lightly on the old crested rooftop, my balance faltered.
2. I commanded my universe, so nothing could do me no harm.
3. Bring your next paragraph up one space under the ****** you want it to look uniform.

Other than my suggestions and they are only suggestions you spun an excellent dream. I felt as if I was there next to you enjoying the fresh air in the basket ride.

Title:

Your title "A Lesson in Love" really caught my attention. Just exactly what lesson is to be learned here?

Your characters are two best friends who undoubtedly have been with the same girl. Your piece flows smoothly throughout giving this a very nice read. Just what you are looking for in keeping your readers involved and wanting to know more.

Ok, I can honestly say that I didn't see this coming. No, for real! I had to read it a second time around to make sure I read it correctly. I'd say that Jim played it off pretty good right up to the end. I'm like Jim if you don't know what your girlfriend likes, wants or anything else about her you will eventually lose her to the next guy in line. Which in most cases ends up being the best friend.

"Bill, I don't know. Let me ask her about that. Hey, Emily, what should Bill get you for Valentine's Day?

Here are the suggested changes: I didn't find anything in the way of changes. No grammar, punction and or any detail changes. You did an excellent job of conveying your story.


I want to thank you for sharing this little gem. I enjoyed reading and reviewing your piece. It was my pleasure and I hope you have a wonderful heartfelt weekend.

Keep Writing on!
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"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

                       


These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and please disregard the rest for I'm not an expert reviewer.




Your title "Frosty's Revenge?" really caught my attention.




This character sounds familiar but has an evil side. With a little mystery mixed in.









My favorite line is:

                       


These are only my opinions. Feel free to use what you find helpful and please disregard the rest for I'm not an expert reviewer.




Your title "The Curse of February" really caught my attention.














My favorite line is:

Wow, I would've never dreamed up this plot, your characters are phenomenal as always. Your story flowed throughout the piece, captivating this reader, waiting to see just exactly where this was going.

OMgoodness, I found myself sitting on the steps watching the plot unfold as Joey slept and being wakened by Santa with a Glock in his hand. I could just imagine Joey's face when he first woke up. That sleepy-eyed boy was in for a surprise. Now, everyone knows you can't pull the wool over Santa's eyes and get away with it. And to envision the reindeer on the roof playing games and Dancer needing to take a leak ... I can relate to that . I found myself wrapped up into your story I hadn't really realized that Santa got the better end of Joey and that Joey was an elf? That was a twist that I didn't see coming. Durn, I was blindsided by an ELF.

Dancer: " I don't know, but I wish he'd hurry up. I really need to take a leak!"

I find your rhythm and flow to move effortlessly along throughout your piece.

I picture us sitting having a cup of coffee or perhaps tea, my favorite. I totally understand about home or should I say homes. But, I like you have found that my true home is not here but with our Heavenly Father. Great use of the prompt throughout your piece.

My favorite line is:

But when I find satisfaction in The One, Who made me, I rest at Home.

Your rhythm and flow of your piece moves smoothly throughout your piece.

I can relate to your piece in so many ways. I just had a heart cath and stent done last week. So having experienced that feeling of being closer to God is eye opening to most. You used the prompt at the end closing your piece off perfectly.

My favorite line is:

But His touch is life eternal.

A cute little story about our accomplishments and our disappointments. Those who we try to prove ourselves to and the ones we truly don't want to disappoint. I'm sure that your readers will find a lot in common with your character. I have a few suggestions nothing serious and easy fixes.

#1: She threw the phone omit: away and heard it crash against something.

#2: You forgot your asterisk's before and after. "Wishes breed suffering, my dear. We suffer because we do not get what we want.This line is repeated. We suffer because we get what we do not want. And also, we fear to lose what we have, as I dreaded the day I would lose you to the big city."

"Mommy, I wish you were here—"

At one time or another after we are grown we still wish our moms are with us to smooth out our disappointments in life. No matter what!

I want to thank you for supporting "Raffle and Auction." I hope that these reviews are of some help to you. It amazes me how much we all pull together in this community to help one another.

Keep Writing on!




"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

I see a country at war with itself, brother's fighting against and together to make it a better life for their families. Like so many before them wanting to change their circumstances and finding the courage to do so. Then reaping the rewards afterwards. A bitter, but sweet story for these two brothers.

Here are the recommended changes, you will find them in red or blue. Please read carefully and make changes as you see fit. This is your work, not mine. Just making suggestions that may sound better and capture your readers and not lose them somewhere along the way. Oh, and you want to capitalize a name or place.

#1: "So that lazy bones is already up. I must really be late."

#2: "This time I'm going to get you, Mi Vida," said, removing a leftover of bread from his front teeth.

#3: "That's an instrument of freedom, brother and you can never be over freedom."

#4: But it's we, the peons, the poor who have to dirty their hands.

#5: Or what the I would not use this word at all, it has too many meanings and is out of context here. omit ploughing priests tell you.

#6: This asshole of a shack and your loser's pride!"

#7: And you, and all those who lick his boots like they're coated in honey and not in donkey s***, are going to thank us for that!"

#8: Alejandro lowered his eyes and met the gaze, the dark gaze of a muzzle.

#9: Don't you get it? I'm dead to you, Don Batista, God or whatever else greedy leeches are sucking the soul out of the people in the name of the authority.

#10: He made out the shape of the master house, still surrounded by rows of corn like a General surveying a battlefield.

#11: Simon stuck his face into the other mans, looking directly into his eyes.

#12: the man's features melted like wax. "Wait, General? General La Higuera?"

#13: The guard's lips sprouted in a smile "It's me, General.

#14: "I could ask you the same, General."

#15: The guard scratched his chin. "I work for Don Alejandro, General.

#16: "Here we are, General.

#17: Alejandro smirked, pouring Simon a shot of Whiskey, followed by another for himself.

#18: A sad expression surfaced on his brother's face as he shook the bottle, "By then all the food had been eaten, all the wine was drunk.

#19: Many left in search of other places to graze.

#20: You were at least right about one thing: we didn't need him as a master.

#21: Just omit: like as there are new masters occupying the ministries in the capital.

#22: Only you still don't get it and that's why you ended up in jail."

#23: Simon bite his hand, trying to stop it from reaching his weapon.

#24: But you can't even imagine how many omit: ploughing lawyers I can afford to hire!"

#25: Simon clenched his fists on his thighs.

#26: He felt a silhouette under the fabric, his old knife.

#27: He just needed one second, a quick slit and his brother's derision would drown in a gurgle of blood.


I know that there are a lot of changes here. You can use them or not, it is just my opinion. This is your work and you know the meaning and use of your words. Not everyone thinks the same. I think in #5 and #15 you are looking for f**king instead of ploughing that is the correct word that is used in English. Sorry, I don't like using such words myself. So, if you need the full word than I will send it in an email to you. So, it is private. I have always been told if you use such words you get one's attention and in this case of your story that is the word that you are looking to use. In the English language ploughing: means plowing up the earth I also think it means the same in Italian. You have written a great story here. The life and times of those who have endured a revolution.

"Who are you? Raise just a single finger on her, and I'll gut you like a pig!"

A mother's love, you can't beat the protectiveness over her children. I'm glad to see that you added this into your story.

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to read and review your stories and I hope this has helped you. I'm sorry that it has taken me time to get back to you on these. Let me know if and when you make the changes, I will rate you a higher rating then. It amazes me how much we all pull together in this community to help one another.

Through the years there has always been speculation of what will and or can happen after we humans destroy the world. Your characters were described explicitly so your readers could visualize them, making them very strong characters. Your plot was very strong, giving them an opportunity to disguise that they were ghost at first. Well done.




I love the angle that you brought to the story, ghost. Describing your characters brings the reader into your story making them feel like they are amongst the story as it unfolds. The more "Show vs Tell" is in your story the more the reader feels as if it was real. You described a very real feeling story. I felt as if I was sitting at the theater watching a play about them. A teenager who was lost in her youth, because of stupid acts of another. She is right we are at the mercy of another one's whim or hands. That is what is sad about the whole thing. Excellent job! I do have a few errors not many, easy fixes, mostly grammar, and commas. I have an app on my laptop that helps me with grammar errors and such. Comes in handy, except when it does allow for exceptions to the rule, so I ignore them. As you will see in my suggestions. There are 7, but only 4 to be exact. I will put them in order as they appear in your story and my suggestions.

#1: West,- no comma needed
#2: same- the add it to make - the same
#3: air,- no comma needed
#4: like like- the exception to the rule, leave as is
#5: a searing- no a is needed
#6: tribe- exception to the rule, leave as is
#7: You see?- the exception to the rule, My app tells me to add Do to it. Having it read in proper English Do you see? I myself prefer You see?

My app is going crazy trying to correct my error's now.... lol I'm glad I have an ignore button. I hope this helps you out, it always helps to have a second pair of eyes or more. Everyone has their own opinion. So that in mind it is your story and you should do as you feel fit to do. Excellent story and I love the characters.

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to read and review your stories, it was and is a delight to read them. I'm glad they were gifted to you. It amazes me how much we all pull together in this community to help one another.

Your title "The Reason we Praise" really caught my attention and I'm eager to see how it is related to the prompt.