I see a country at war with itself, brother's fighting against and together to make it a better life for their families. Like so many before them wanting to change their circumstances and finding the courage to do so. Then reaping the rewards afterwards. A bitter, but sweet story for these two brothers.

Here are the recommended changes, you will find them in red or blue. Please read carefully and make changes as you see fit. This is your work, not mine. Just making suggestions that may sound better and capture your readers and not lose them somewhere along the way. Oh, and you want to capitalize a name or place.

#1: "So that lazy bones is already up. I must really be late."

#2: "This time I'm going to get you, Mi Vida," said, removing a leftover of bread from his front teeth.

#3: "That's an instrument of freedom, brother and you can never be over freedom."

#4: But it's we, the peons, the poor who have to dirty their hands.

#5: Or what the I would not use this word at all, it has too many meanings and is out of context here. omit ploughing priests tell you.

#6: This asshole of a shack and your loser's pride!"

#7: And you, and all those who lick his boots like they're coated in honey and not in donkey s***, are going to thank us for that!"

#8: Alejandro lowered his eyes and met the gaze, the dark gaze of a muzzle.

#9: Don't you get it? I'm dead to you, Don Batista, God or whatever else greedy leeches are sucking the soul out of the people in the name of the authority.

#10: He made out the shape of the master house, still surrounded by rows of corn like a General surveying a battlefield.

#11: Simon stuck his face into the other mans, looking directly into his eyes.

#12: the man's features melted like wax. "Wait, General? General La Higuera?"

#13: The guard's lips sprouted in a smile "It's me, General.

#14: "I could ask you the same, General."

#15: The guard scratched his chin. "I work for Don Alejandro, General.

#16: "Here we are, General.

#17: Alejandro smirked, pouring Simon a shot of Whiskey, followed by another for himself.

#18: A sad expression surfaced on his brother's face as he shook the bottle, "By then all the food had been eaten, all the wine was drunk.

#19: Many left in search of other places to graze.

#20: You were at least right about one thing: we didn't need him as a master.

#21: Just omit: like as there are new masters occupying the ministries in the capital.

#22: Only you still don't get it and that's why you ended up in jail."

#23: Simon bite his hand, trying to stop it from reaching his weapon.

#24: But you can't even imagine how many omit: ploughing lawyers I can afford to hire!"

#25: Simon clenched his fists on his thighs.

#26: He felt a silhouette under the fabric, his old knife.

#27: He just needed one second, a quick slit and his brother's derision would drown in a gurgle of blood.


I know that there are a lot of changes here. You can use them or not, it is just my opinion. This is your work and you know the meaning and use of your words. Not everyone thinks the same. I think in #5 and #15 you are looking for f**king instead of ploughing that is the correct word that is used in English. Sorry, I don't like using such words myself. So, if you need the full word than I will send it in an email to you. So, it is private. I have always been told if you use such words you get one's attention and in this case of your story that is the word that you are looking to use. In the English language ploughing: means plowing up the earth I also think it means the same in Italian. You have written a great story here. The life and times of those who have endured a revolution.

"Who are you? Raise just a single finger on her, and I'll gut you like a pig!"

A mother's love, you can't beat the protectiveness over her children. I'm glad to see that you added this into your story.

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to read and review your stories and I hope this has helped you. I'm sorry that it has taken me time to get back to you on these. Let me know if and when you make the changes, I will rate you a higher rating then. It amazes me how much we all pull together in this community to help one another.

Through the years there has always been speculation of what will and or can happen after we humans destroy the world. Your characters were described explicitly so your readers could visualize them, making them very strong characters. Your plot was very strong, giving them an opportunity to disguise that they were ghost at first. Well done.




I love the angle that you brought to the story, ghost. Describing your characters brings the reader into your story making them feel like they are amongst the story as it unfolds. The more "Show vs Tell" is in your story the more the reader feels as if it was real. You described a very real feeling story. I felt as if I was sitting at the theater watching a play about them. A teenager who was lost in her youth, because of stupid acts of another. She is right we are at the mercy of another one's whim or hands. That is what is sad about the whole thing. Excellent job! I do have a few errors not many, easy fixes, mostly grammar, and commas. I have an app on my laptop that helps me with grammar errors and such. Comes in handy, except when it does allow for exceptions to the rule, so I ignore them. As you will see in my suggestions. There are 7, but only 4 to be exact. I will put them in order as they appear in your story and my suggestions.

#1: West,- no comma needed
#2: same- the add it to make - the same
#3: air,- no comma needed
#4: like like- the exception to the rule, leave as is
#5: a searing- no a is needed
#6: tribe- exception to the rule, leave as is
#7: You see?- the exception to the rule, My app tells me to add Do to it. Having it read in proper English Do you see? I myself prefer You see?

My app is going crazy trying to correct my error's now.... lol I'm glad I have an ignore button. I hope this helps you out, it always helps to have a second pair of eyes or more. Everyone has their own opinion. So that in mind it is your story and you should do as you feel fit to do. Excellent story and I love the characters.

I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to read and review your stories, it was and is a delight to read them. I'm glad they were gifted to you. It amazes me how much we all pull together in this community to help one another.

Your title "The Reason we Praise" really caught my attention and I'm eager to see how it is related to the prompt.

Your rhythm and flow moved smoothly throughout your piece. Painting your readers a story of a soldier.

I pictured a soldier who was lost and had doubts of this world that he protects. When you finally gave Him your praise it changed your life. I know this is heart felt and from the soul. I'm sure that everyone that has been there wether soldier or not knows what you wrote is true. Well done!

The rhythm and flow of this piece moves effortlessly throughout your piece. Making it easy for your readers to follow.

Your piece brought back so many memories of my mother's death. My heart goes out to you if you have written this about yours. I can see it is written from the heart, the pain of losing her is heartbreaking. I went through everything you wrote. Your details about the pain, questions, doubt I had experienced also. And the end I have experienced as well. I know that she is in Heaven waiting for me. I found this well written, I hated to say anything about the stanza, but I wanted you to know the truth about it. I hope that you forgive me. You spoke a heartfelt message and it was loud and clear to me. Great job.

Your rhythm and flow moves smoothly throughout this piece. Making it easy for your readers to follow.

As I read your piece I imagine young David growing into a man who becomes the King of a great nation. Who chooses to go with his earthly desires and now wishes he didn't have to suffer the consequences of his actions. I bring that forth in your piece, making us understand there are consequences for what we choose in our life's. You also showed that God gave him Mercy because David was a man after God's heart. This is written very well, I did find one error Yoi, easy fix a small error. Great job in displaying "I Am the Lord."

Conclusion:

We never want to pay for our sins, but ultimately we do. Consequences are far worse than the sin itself. That's why it's better to stop and listen to the inner you. God always tells us when it's right or wrong.

Your rhythm and flow of this piece moves perfectly throughout this piece.

This is a very strong piece. I know that you dug deep within yourself. It was as if you bore everything out in this piece. Wow, is what I say about the details that you showed us in this piece. Fantastic job, I found no errors or distractions.





His spirit shall be your sword, that is a Mighty sword of the Lord. I as a Warrior and child of God, I wheld my sword to defeat the enemy.