You have a nice rhythm and flow to your piece. I love that every line was ryhmed.



You gave a short summary of what happened with Jonah and the whale. This would be cute verse for a children's vacation Bible class. Have a picture for them to color on it also. Cute piece, awesome job.



My favorite line is:

Now he set off to Nineveh, to finally obey.

This is great, you are the only one who used "Obey" in their poem so far. I believe that is the exact word God looks for.

Your title "Happy Nights Inn" really caught my attention when I saw your request and wanted to see just what was behind your title.

I found that you have strong charcaters, the old desk clerk, the girl in the mirror, the police officers and your main charcator. Your plot is strong, a man deserted in the middle of no where and ends up at a motel. Feels like he might just be in the Twlight Zone.

I enjoyed your storyline very much, I suggest a few tweaks here and there to make it even stronger. It was tense when she was coming after him, which was very strong and the emotion's that he had to get out of the bathroom. But, the mirror is in the other room. Does she appear in the bathroom or was it her footsteps that became his demize? Here is your sentence I'm referring to. Bill does not dare look at the mirror to find out the answer. He can't if he's in the bathroom with the door closed and the only mirror is in the other room. See, what I mean?

Give Bill a little more emotion's like heart racing, sweaty palms, eye's enlarging or squeezed shut. I hope these help you, I'm always here to help, but it is your story and these are just my opinions. You do have a great storyline and the bride had me scared. Keep up the great work and grow to spread your wings. WdC is a great community to do that in. With others to help and support you. You will become your dream.

I'm not one for the use of profanity, just being honest here. But, sometimes people slip when saying it, so, in real life it does happen. This statement tells me that Bill was in the Twlight Zone.

I'm not sure how you feel about the changes. I hope this helps you and if you need anything more please drop in.

I want to thank you for sharing it with me and asking me to review it. It was an honor to read it. Catch ya next time.

I want to thank you for entering and supporting "The Lighthouse Poetry Contest." I enjoyed reading and reviewing your entry. I hope that you enjoyed spending time, sharing and writing about the Bible.

I want to thank you for entering and supporting "The Lighthouse Poetry Contest." I enjoyed reading and reviewing your entry. I hope that you enjoyed spending time, sharing and writing about the Bible.

I want to thank you for entering and supporting "The Lighthouse Poetry Contest." I enjoyed reading and reviewing your entry. I hope that you enjoyed spending time, sharing and writing about the Bible.

I want to thank you for entering and supporting "The Lighthouse Poetry Contest." I enjoyed reading and reviewing your entry. I hope that you enjoyed spending time, sharing and writing about the Bible.