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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 20:33 This challenging is really opening my eyes to new things! First the Goldilocks Rule and now this! It does make sense. I know people who've cut back on their careers to focus on their family. I know people who work like they breathe. I don't know many people who've given up a bit of everything to balance it all out. In any case, how do you attain a balance of everything? I spend a fair amount of time with my family - that is, my own mum, dad, sister, and brother and the little hooligans who are an extended package with my siblings. Not much time with my husband though, although I am always with my little boy (aside from when he's at the childminder's). I don't work (kinda/sorta/maybe. It's weird). I don't see my friends very often (like, a few times a year). As for health, I'm trying to look out for that, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. Only venturing out of the house for quick trips to the shops once or twice a week certainly doesn't help. I try walking when I can to get to the places I need to go, but it's not a regularly-occurring thing so I don't think it does much good. I try to eat the right food, but I either don't eat enough or I eat too much. I'm trying to stay away from dairy foods (a hard job for someone with a huge love of cheese and ice cream!) and sugary stuff (again, ice cream! And fizzy sweets!  ) but I have moments where I'm like "to hell with it!" and allow myself to scoff. They're not cheat days either - once the intention to stay away from that stuff is ignored, I will consume every sugary thing I can get my hands on. ...I have no idea where this "discussion" is going. It's not even a discussion, is it? Two of the four burners might as well not apply to me so I have no idea what my thoughts are on it, except that I guess all of my burners are a bit stunted. And that's seventeen minutes...well, eighteen now - another minute passed by while I was trying to work out now long it had been! Don't judge - I'm hungry and sleepy!  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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