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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 15:20 How do I reward my successes? Hmm...It's a tough one. I don't really. Maybe if I see something nice that I've wanted for a while, like a new dress or some piece of artist equipment, I'll splurge and get it. Mostly, I don't reward myself because I feel guilty enough as it is with the day-to-day expenditures. I shouldn't feel like that, should I? I should reward myself more often, shouldn't I? Who cares if it leaves a massive hole in the wallet? Money comes and money goes - that is the nature of money. That would be a nice way of looking at things if I didn't own a house and didn't have a child (and a cat). Life would be so easy. Mind you, I don't take care of most of the expenses around here - it's my husband who deals with the mortgage and the bills. I just have to get all the in-house things we need. There must be low-cost ways to treat oneself! Chocolates...? Although I get a couch when I eat too many sugary foods :( Ice cream...same problem. Books? Books are good! It's stupid but I rarely look at used books so I either don't buy them or save up if I've seen one in particular. Or...you know, I go down to the library. What other ways are there to treat yourself? Anyone got any ideas? 15:32 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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