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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 11:59 I survived my evening of staying in a cold, dark house. The house is still cold, although it is now daytime of course. The weather outside is terrible. Since yesterday, it's been dreary. It's May! I would expect some warmth by now. Oh well, I suppose it's good if you're fasting. I'm grateful  Onto the challenge then! It's an odd one, this one. If space travel became possible in the future, would I go? There's a part of me that is terrified of going into unfamiliar territory, and that's just walking around the area where I live! I don't know how I'd feel about venturing into something so huge and unknown. On the other hand, God created this entire universe and, just as I want to explore more of the world, I want to see more of the universe. It'd be a battle between my scaredy-cat tendencies and my will to see new sights. That's ten minutes so far, but I'm afraid I spent some of those messing around with Dean, who was supposed to be sat on my lap all quietly curled up but, of course, when do cats ever do as you want them to? I have fresh scratches on my hands. Evidently, I am a scratching post and I haven't realised. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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