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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 23:44 I'm cutting it a bit close today! I know it's only quarter to seven by WDC time, but I like to be punctual. It's been slow kind of day, as is often the case. I'm tired, as is often the case. I haven't done much, as is often the case. So, yeah, pretty much a run-of-the-mill kind of day. Boring. No fresh air today - have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a hermit? The farthest (something within me says that that should be "furthest", but maybe I'm wrong. In any case, I'll go with the spelling on the challenge page/thread/whatever you call it) I've been from home is to Pakistan. Then again, Pakistan is sort of like my home away from home (I grew up there, I married there, and the majority of my in-laws are there). If we were to exclude that, I've only ever travelled to Wales. It's not terribly far. In fact, I've been twice, now that I think about it. The first time was when I was eighteen. I did my expedition for my Duke of Edinburgh's Award there. I was such a weakling (I still am, in fairness, but in much better shape than I was back then - even if I don't feel it). Physically unfit and suffering from arthritis, a trek through south Wales across three days (I could be wrong here - it might not have been south Wales and it might not have been three days. My memory is like a sieve) was a a huge deal. And did I mention that I'm scared of anything that walks on four legs? I mean, I like animals but from a distance, you know? Although I'm a lot better now since I got Dean. So yes, unfit, suffering from arthritis, terrified of bulls and cows and sheep, I somehow managed to make my way through fields of farm animals and quiet country roads where people frequently walked their dogs. Fun times! I can tell you my teammates didn't think much of me - I was very grouchy. The second time was just a few years ago, we took as much of the extended family as we could to Rhyll. We didn't check the forecast. I was just desperate to go somewhere with the whole family and that was what we settled on. The weather was miserable! It started raining while we were there. Good times! And now for more good times for me - I'm going to bed for an hour or so, and then I have to get up again for the pre-fast meal. Sixteen minutes, not bad. I had planned to keep it to ten since I really want my bed right now. Oh well! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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