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1,413 Public Reviews Given
1,424 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I provide a detailed review that focuses on flow, storyline, characters and how the story touched me emotionally. I do not focus on grammer or provide extensive line by line edits on longer pieces.
I'm good at...
Character development, emotional content, dialogue, plot.
Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark, Action/Adventure, Thrillers, paranormal.
Least Favorite Genres
Vampire, werewolves, stories based on video games, fan-fiction.
Favorite Item Types
Fiction short stories or chapters.
Least Favorite Item Types
Essays
I will not review...
Erotica or really graphic 'slasher' type horror.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Forever  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I really liked the strong emotional descriptions throughout this piece. It was very easy to relate and understand what the narrator was feeling. Flow is powerful, fast, and to the point. One thing I noted on reading this poem aloud, was the lack of punctuation which disabled the reader from being able to catch a breath and absorb the full impact of the intense feeling in the work. EXAMPLES;
Lines one through three, commas after last words. Line Four, period at end. Try continuing a similar idea throughout poem and see if you think it helps the overall flow.
Thank you for sharing such an emotional piece!

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52
52
Review of Haunted  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello, I am here to review your item in the spirit of goodwill and because it looked interesting to me.
DISCLAIMER: Please accept the following comments and suggestions as one readers opinion only. Use anything you find helpful and discard the rest. Your story should be written as YOU see fit. With that said, here is my review:

*CandyCaneG*Title, Description:: Great Title, short and really grabs one's attention. Description arouses curiosity and a desire to read the story.

*GiftG* First Impressions/ Contents:: Your opening line really stands out and hooks the reader perfectly! The story's overall flow and chain of events is smooth and keeps reader focused. It does come across a little dry, maybe some dialogue could help break it up?

*Snow1* Plot:: Plot is unique in subject and it's bare bones are really good. If you could flesh it out a little to give readers a peek into the day to day ways different personalities are affected, I think it might engage readers more, let us really see this world. Try adding smells, tastes, sounds into descriptions for maximum impact.

*SnowMan*Characters, Dialogue:: A little dialogue would help break up the long narrative flow. For such a short piece you've done well towards the end at showing us the main character and letting us feel what he feels, yet I felt little real emotional investment because I don't really know much about him.. how long has he been a cop? Age, looks? Type of officer, jaded or still feeling he can make a difference before main event?

*StockingG*ScotchTape: Suggestions, Typos :
Second paragraph reads a little awkwardly, could you break it down into a couple shorter, punchier sentences instead of first line being one long, run-on sentence?
So most cops... Still, most cops... [ smoother flow, breaks up repetitive sentences a little more.

*Snow2*FAVORITE LINES OR PARTS:
Desription of how Derek aqquires his ghost, pacing is faster and more compelling way of 'showing'readers what's happening.
Ending line, shivery and stays with you!

*XmasTree*Closing Thoughts:
You have the bones of a truly stand-out story here, it just needs a little tweaking and editing in some areas to bring it's full potential to light. Overall, an interesting, enjoyable read!


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53
53
Review of The Waters Fire  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)

First, I'd capitilize each word in the title. You left out the á' in waters in your description. I'd suggest going over your punctuation throughout to enhance flow and create natural 'breathing spaces' for readers. Examples; 2nd line, period at end, line three- capitilize first word, fourth line- period at end, and so on. Line Six, I felt changing brave to afraid fits your overall context better. I really enjoyed the descriptions and emotions in this poem, but your second to last line reads a bit awkwardly because it is long compared to the rest of the poem.

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54
54
Review of Balance  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Short, catchy title and description. Your main character really comes alive in this tale, I was shocked at the macabre twist he took! Nicely plotted and well done!
Just a couple of small suggestions;
the key, to the doorway [ delete comma, not required here]
accomplished, and... [ comma not needed here, one thought]
I enjoyed the quick, yet contemplative flow to this tale. I really liked your ending twist. A spooky Halloween tale!

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55
55
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Your title is good, but I'd change Another' to simply ' Á'. Such strong, enchanting imagery in this poem, I felt I was out there, seeing it for myself, feeling the narrator's emotions. Great flow and rhythm here, but I'd add more punctuation throughout the poem to provide natural flow and breathing spaces to readers so they catch the full impact of words and emotions. EXAMPLE;
Line One, Verse One; comma end of line, for line two, add period to end of line.
peaceful, tranquil, basically mean the same thing, can you edit one word to make it a little different, maybe 'beckoning'?
Overall, a wonderfully enjoyable read!

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56
56
Review of Trained Solider  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM "Simply Positive Review Forum " !!!


The Jack-O-Lantern:*Jackolantern* (Title, description, etc...): Sharp, crisp title, description would be better if it gave a hint to story content.

The Costume: (Contents): A fast paced tale that gets the reader involved right away, I thought the opening was very interesting and fresh. Your main character's inner dialogue really moves this story along and one gets quite caught up in his tale. You've left plenty of room for expansion and added twists here, nicely done!

The Treats: *MugO* (Imagery, Emotion)
Imagery is strong and the character's very lack of emotion leaves one feeling he is quite a different person minus that implant.

The Tricks:*Cat2* (Suggestions)
         ;
... thought that people having witnesses...[ redundant words, deleting them keeps flow crisp and removes repetition of the word 'people'so much in one paragraph.]
How exactly does his not feeling guilt or emotion keep him from being identified? Seems he is dressed to stand out and be memorable if he's getting all those cat calls and dressed so differently from everyone else. I'd remember him.
How can the killer know those people are writers?
to do, that...[ delete comma, not required here]
Ending line, try adding 'was' between left and 'to'[ improves smoothness of line.

The Full Moon:*Ghost* (Overall Thoughts)

An enjoyable read with a great plot and storyline, would love to see this expanded, could even make a great novella or novel.

A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEW BY S.M. Ferguson


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57
57
Review of The Book  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

Good title, but it was the description that really caught my eye! This poem has a melancholy feel to it that I am sure most authors will relate to. The references to insomnia, music and muses really connected me to this poem because I could see myself in that place so often! I liked all the verses, but the final verse was the one I related to the most. The narrator is easy to see and relate to, flow is smooth, imagery and emotion is particularly powerful in this poem. A highly recommended read for all authors, it will inspire you!

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58
58
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM "Simply Positive Review Forum " !!!


The Jack-O-Lantern:*Jackolantern* (Title, description, etc...): Loved the title, just had to read to see what it meant! Description is funny and fits the piece well.


The Costume: (Contents): A charming story of a couple who gets a fun surprise when it's least expected. I really enjoyed the characters of Martha and George, they reminded me of my grandparents, and are so very easy to visualize. You packed a lot of information throughout this piece with no wasted words or long, drawn out descriptions. It just flows seamlessly into a peek into a retired couple's lives. Well done!

The Treats: *MugO* (Imagery, Emotion)
Imagery is strong and easily visualized from line one through the final sentence, you also use an abundance of small scenes that keep readers engaged and laughing throughout. Emotion is realistic and well placed in this little piece. I loved the movement from tragedy to humour to joy in this story.

The Tricks:*Cat2* (Suggestions)
         
I have absolutely no suggestions to make this better, for me, it was perfect as it stands.

The Full Moon:*Ghost* (Overall Thoughts)

A joyful, humorous look at life with two unforgettable, realistic characters whom I'd love to see in more stories. George is a true 'pistol' with his naturalization act explanation.
A great story that had me laughing until I cried!


A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEW BY S.M. Ferguson


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59
59
Review of Five Minutes  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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HAPPY HALLOWEEN FROM "Simply Positive Review Forum " !!!


The Jack-O-Lantern:*Jackolantern* (Title, description, etc...): Excellent title, crisp and catchy! Description sparks interest immediately.

The Costume: (Contents): A delicious, creepy little story that held me entranced from start to end! Very satisfying ending. I really got hooked on the main character and wished he'd had a name. Flow is smooth and entertaining throughout, dialogue, strong and believable.

The Treats: *MugO* (Imagery, Emotion)
I liked how emotion was shown by actions and internal feelings without long, drawn out narratives. Imagery was well developed and much detail provided with no wasted words.

The Tricks:*Cat2* (Suggestions)
         :
None that I could find and I read it three times!

The Full Moon:*Ghost* (Overall Thoughts)


A wonderful story for Halloween reading that shows a man's courage and honour to the end.

A SIMPLY POSITIVE REVIEW BY S.M. Ferguson


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60
60
Review of Invasion Averted  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. If this review was a review request, thank you for asking me and feel free to ask for clarification on any comment!
Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Great title, description was enticing.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: I thought the story had great potential as a longer piece with a more fleshed out plot and deeper, more compelling characters. None of them seemed to really mean anything to the storyline.

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Plot needs more precise planning with deeper detail on background, characters, storyline. As it is, it is really hard to keep focused because much of the storyline seems missing and therefore characters have little purpose or meaning.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Characters don't really engage reader emotionally. Dialogue is choppy and makes little sense in the context of the story background.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: I don't get a clear sense of location, people or what's supposed to be happening, medical epidemic? from what? When did the aliens first invade? How did they arrive or be eradicated?

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*: the epidemic scenes had great potential and did spark my interest.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
just a few basics here;
been a few...[ you have many missing words and incomplete scenes throughout, example; how could Juliette not know she was strapped to a chair?]
How, when did they get the train? Can most people run trains here?
looks looked like they were dancing.
You really need to do a strong edit on this piece.


CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*:
Your story does have some interesting things, maybe the aliens could arrive, create the epidemic, get destroyed, then people celebrate, I think you have too much going on for such a short piece, especially if you add in the time paradoxes. However, with editing, refining the plot and storyline a little, I do think you could make this an interesting sci-fi piece.


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61
61
Review of The Ice Lake  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. If this review was a review request, thank you for asking me and feel free to ask for clarification on any comment!
Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Great Title, full of mystery and promise! Description was great, I was compelled to read it, particularly with the photo chosen.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: Such deep, raw emotions and feelings fill this piece, the reader is pulled in instantly and hypnotized until the end!

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Plot is well planned and executed,the story flows out in a sea of emotion that leaves the reader saying, YES! This is exactly how I've felt! Very smooth transitions between experiences, and paragraphs.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Narrator is a very strong personality that I instantly felt deep empathy and sadness for. Inner dialogue moves story ahead smoothly and with flair.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery is flawlessly beautiful and arouses deep connections in the reader to the character within the story. Emotions are strong and varied, from sadness, despair to freedom, exhultation and hope.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
How character realizes how she got to this emotional place. The ending three paragraphs.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*: just nitpicks, they weren't enough to alter my rating.
PARA1; 'have I felt' 'I have felt' sounds smoother to me.
where Not even I
have taken on a life of... [ missed word]

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: An incredibly insightful and touching story with a happy ending!


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62
62
Review of I AM  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Capitalize the full title, it's a catchy one! Nice description, arouses curiosity well. Excellent, powerful imagery throughout this poem gives it strength and held me captive throughout. It made me smile in recognition of myself in it's words, it made me sad, I felt joy and renewal in the circle of life described at the end. More punctuation, commas, periods, would add strength to your verses and separate thoughts a little better. At first, I thought some verses might be combined to create a stronger rhythm, but on re-reading, it seems to work as it stands. I am far from a poetry style expert, but I do know what moves and touches me, this does that in spades.
A wonderful read that I greatly enjoyed.

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63
63
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

A deeply emotional and memorable poem that I think all readers can easily relate to from their own life experiences. I really enjoyed the sharp, crisp writing and strong imagery in this poem. You might want to add a comma after 'bending', to keep your overall rhythm intact. Other than that, I couldn't think of one suggestion to improve this poem. It strikes cords deep within the readers heart, those hidden areas we've all locked away. There is a deep inner strength to your narrator that warms ones soul and gives hope that life's trials can be overcome. I was deeply inspired by this poem and highly recommend it to other readers!

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64
64
Review of A Time for Tye  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. If this review was a review request, thank you for asking me and feel free to ask for clarification on any comment!
Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*: Excellent title, but I think Tye needs to feature a bit more in the story for it to be a true fit. Your description is interesting and a good fit.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: I liked the general flow of the story, but it does sound a bit rushed in places, for instance, how fast the child announced his desire for a dog and the parents agreed. Not much time for reflection, maybe Jacob could have been bringing this up from other conversations and parents could have talked about it previous night? What about Jacob buying food for puppy? Having feeding explained to him properly, walks, etc. He gets Tye, but seems to spend all his time at shelter. Can you add more balance to story there?

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Events flow logically for the most part, but as stated above and in suggestions, pieces are missing. Plot is great, just needs a little more clarity.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: Couldn't really connect to parents, they are a bit one-dimensional, but Jacob really sparkled.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: Imagery could be a bit more detailed, what does pup look like? What does their home look like? yard, fenced? Jacob shows great emotional depths, I really liked this boy!

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
Jacob at the animal shelter, thinking about other dogs left behind.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
Para 2; Jacob sulked his way to the kitchen. [ smoother]
I'd do an edit for strengthening dialogue, example, Mary would explain more about feeding, etc. to prospective new owners.
'Jacob's mother responded'- new line each time a different person speaks.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*:
You examine very important facts in this story,the reality of abandoned pets, importance of helping them, satisfaction of volunteering. Still, there is much bias that might lose you some readers, not all breeders over breed their animals or treat them as less than family members. Agreed, so called 'back yard'breeders do, but give the good ones some credit.
I would think the animal shelter would be clean, smell more of disinfectant, otherwise, how are they still in operation? Mary seemed a truly caring person who would insist on cleanliness.
A very good read, that would be truly outstanding with just a touch of editing in dialogue and overall plot.


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65
65
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, I am here to provide you with some feedback on your item for the Simply Positive Reviewer's Group. If this review was a review request, thank you for asking me and feel free to ask for clarification on any comment!
Please note that ALL comments contained in this review are only one reader's opinion and are meant only as observations from one writer to another. Use what you find helpful, and ignore the rest. Most of all, Keep Writing!


TITLE, DESCRIPTION;*Fire*:Could use a more compelling working tittle. Description is very enticing, but with this content, I think rating should be 18+ - not really for our younger readers.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:*Trees*: I got a bit of a feel for the main character, the father, but felt his emotions could be deepened to make him more realistic. I'd revise or move the part about the sheriff riding up, or tie it into the 'sins' the couple committed, more detail on that would be good, it is confusing what they could have done to do what they do.

PLOT; FLOW;*Target*: Plot seems like the start of a great horror story, but I felt it needed some fleshing out to get readers into the tale and sympathizing with characters. Ending was rather abrupt, felt forced.

Characters, Dialogue:*InfoR*: I didn't feel a connection with any of the characters. No real dialogue to mention.

IMAGERY; EMOTION:*BurstR*: You did a great job creating suspense at the opening, but than story seemed to wander about. A good edit and tightening could easily fix this problem. The only emotion I felt was anger at what seemed like gore for horror's sake rather than weaving facts and reasons for tradedy into story.

Favorite Lines/Parts:*QuestionR*:
opening paragraph, great potential, gets readers curiosity going.

SUGGESTIONS;*Question*:
I'd re-work and flesh out the plot a little more, add to the reason this is happening earlier on. Also a strong edit for run on sentences would help greatly, you've missed a few periods and commas throughout.

CLOSING THOUGHTS;*Exclaim*: I think the story has potential if you can deepen the emotions and pull readers into the story, give her a small chance at survival.


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66
66
Review of PowWow Circle  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Exceptional descriptive line on the review request page, I HAD to read this! Verse Three; comma needed after 'circle 'Fledging, what does this mean? It's a bit confusing and threw me out of the poem a little wondering. Verse Four; comma needed after 'celebrate' I also felt a descriptive word between 'The' 'dance' would pull people into the mood of the celebration, fast, slow, methodic, anything simple would work without breaking the flow, your other verses are so descriptive and let the reader see and smell the activity and herbs. Very pretty poem!

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67
67
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

I enjoyed the feeling of rushing movement created by your word choices! Easy to visualize a torrent of white water ripping down a mountainside. I did feel a bit more punctuation would add greater impact and noted you began and ended the poem that way. My Suggestions;
commas after 'torn, path, plummet, etc' Also, you might want to try starting lines after commas in lower case, [ continuous thoughts] as you did in the last two lines.]
They really flow well! An awesome poem I'd highly recommend!

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68
68
Review of Tick Tock  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
An excellent, sharp pointed view on mankind's impact on the environment! I felt saddened as I read and could easily visualize the world with pristine lakes, forests, and mountains changed to the marred ruin of strip mining, oil spills covering beaches and animals, melting polar caps. You said a lot in very few words! My only suggestion is to add 'Tock...'to last line to hold the flow and impact from prior verses.
Favorite Line;
'too soon rundown, rundown the clock.'

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69
69
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

I liked the subject matter of this little poem, perfect for summer and it brought back great childhood memories! Flow is very mellow and gentle, perfect to read to a child!
I would suggest capitilizing the full title to draw readers eyes better. Form is right on target, and stays true in flow when read aloud. A delightful poem that echoes summer's lazy days.

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70
70
Review of Butterflies Die  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)

Excellent title, strong and captivating. I liked the raw emotion in these lyrics that tell of a star's pain and the destructive path he leaves in his wake. The emotions are powerful and well contrasted by the butterfly metaphor of innocence. I do think it needs a strong, repetitive chorus that lets listeners hear it in their heads to remember and join in on. Verses two and four work well for this, but I would suggest changing one of those first lines to match the other verse, although I liked the idea of the carnage being caused by a child- like person, I feel verse four has the stronger first line. Just some thoughts there I had as I read. Lyrics are harder to comment on because you can't know the author's imagined beat or style of music planned. I very much enjoyed the storyline though, and would love to hear it with music!

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71
71
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

A poignant look into the life of an abused wife. It is easy to feel her fear and hatred in her thoughts. I did find myself rather confused at the end as to why she'd gotten involved with him given his family history, you might want to add a bit there to clarify how these relationships are justified in the beginning. Also, in paragraph Eight, I felt the continuous repeating of 'gasp out in pain' was a bit overdone, one realizes the pain part from what's going on. It is just a touch distracting to the reader. You have created a well-rounded, believable main character whom it is easy to empathize and react with. The protagonist, sadly, is all too believable. I think that with just a little editing to tighten some lines, you'll have a truly stand out piece.

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72
72
Review of Postage  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

I was really caught up in the emotional turmoil this short piece revealed! You managed to convey her hope, fear, sadness and loneliness in a way that made the reader feel and respond to these emotions as well. Nicely done! I particularly liked how you wove in her knowledge that her boyfriend was feeling the same emotions. The title is short, interesting and fits perfectly. Punctuation and grammar are excellent, nice mix of long and short sentences and a satisifying ending that leaves room for lengthening this tale. I enjoyed the read very much.

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73
73
Review of Short story  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A very interesting start to a compelling short story, can't wait to read the rest, you really captured my interest with this plot line! I particularly enjoyed the appearance of the feathered being and those symbols are interesting, can you describe them a bit more to really pique readers? Your writing flows very smoothly in terms of ideas in this piece, you seem to have the plot well in hand. Here are a couple of suggestions that occurred to me while reading.

Capitilize: ít' in first line, seemed an entities name to me.You could punch up this opening line by editing;

At every conflict It watched.
Try changing passive words into non- passive tense;
yearning- yearned - standing- stood.

A great start to begin your portfolio, looking forward to more!

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74
74
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like both the title and descriptive line of this poem! Description promises hope and inspiration right off.
The words of this poem are very visually orientated, making it easy to ' see' the world in which these characters dwell- I felt I could easily step into thier world and reconize both them and the locale. This provides strong reader connection and enjoyment throughout the piece. Emotion is powerful and varied throughout with a strong underlying thread of hope.
SUGGESTIONS:
VERSE ONE: ' open and shutter to ' reads slightly awkward, try revising to something like;' open and flutter in'
comma needed after 'space', comma after 'heart'- holds rythm and flow steady.
I loved the flow of verse two, it just rolls off the toungue when read aloud!
VERSE THREE: Comma after ' around her,' comma after ' inside'
VERSE FOUR: I'd change ' encircling' to 'circling', helps flow and provides stronger visual for reader by adding sense of movement.
A beautiful poem that puts it's message across with flair and style!

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75
75
Review of Trial  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I liked the short, snappy title to this story! Strong images add both movement and a feeling of edginess to the story.
Suggestions;
I'd change ' women' to ' females', also try using '
"You're sure?" right after and as part of Handell's opening line. Use Each nodded as the seperate second line.
You might also want to select Fantasy as one of the genres for this piece.
A nicely written, compact story that really catches reader interest and imagination!

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