The Title

I love this title, it's quite poetic actually. I drew me in at first site. Let's get started !

My First Impression

A descriptive story of a man that once had it all. He believes himself to be successful but in turn he eventually has to stand back. I believe the character goes back in a memory of his own father and what he was taught. His struggles and adventures of manipulation for his own gain. This doesn't do him justice as he had to step back due to black mail. He didn't fail completely as his own son "the main character" takes on the new role, including his sister.


What Inspired Me

I enjoyed your imagery and strength in creativity. A journey on the waters while bringing the me to a past and back to present. Harder to do then we think.



Being creative is very important to be able to write. What I truly believe that as a writer we need a our own unique voice. In doing so we are able to create a bond between what is written and the reader. I felt as though the story was told more than written. This takes time and practice as a writer. One I still practice on my own work.

I would take another look at sentence structure as I feel a lot of them are complex. This leaving me to re read many times. Punctuation can be great to reveal emotion yet it can also apprehend confusion. You may want to revise a little and shorten some of these structures.

When you want a character to convey thought, instead of using bold writing I suggest italic as it gives that inner thought without conversation.

Introducing the story line was good until you flew into the past without giving the reader time to know the main character. Maybe start with the past and give the character more worth to the reader.

Over All Thoughts

The Title

That Chair There is quite ironic as you read the poem.

My First Impression

I had a great giggle reading this piece. Crossing the line almost reminded me of Alice in Wonderland. Mom trying each chair reminded me of The Three Bears. Humor in poetry is wonderful because it holds no restrictions. A wonderful thing.

The Muses That Inspired Me

There are so many conventions to poetry and I spotted a few that you already have and probable didn't know.



I looked at the line, but I still could not see
How I’d be a chair, not a chair, no not me.
“I will cross that red line and I still will be free
I’ll step right across, now in 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . .


assonance in poetry, the repetition of the sound of a vowel or diphthong in nonrhyming stressed syllables, or same sound recurring giving an echo through the stanza. This is a great way to help the poem flow.



Conventions I Would Suggest


When writing poetry we want a good spaced syllable count per line. You are using a four line stanza throughout. So I believe this would be quite important to revise this part. Now this is only a suggestion and it's your piece.

You wrote
So we went to a store that they call Man Made Chairs,(12 syllables)
They had big chairs and small chairs and chairs that have hairs (12 syllables)
The biggest big place that I ever had seen.(11 syllables)
Chairs in all colors: red, blue, white and green.(10 syllables)


I suggest

Make each line the same amount of count. You can change wording to do this and change up punctuation to give it a great flow.

So we went to a store of Man Made Chairs (10 syllables)
The chairs of all sizes-even ones with hairs (10 syllables)
The biggest chair place I had ever seen. (10 syllables)
Chairs of all colors- bright red blue and green. (10 syllables)

Over All Thoughts

The Read

The Title

Awakening Old Memories is sometimes my favorite thing to do. Of course with breakfast being made and coffee dripping- oh yes I would be up and gone.

My First Impression

I really enjoyed these special memories and I loved that you included the table because isn't that the very place we all come together as a family?

I am also glad that you want to write these great moments and I would love help you to convey them in a special manner.

I Would Suggest


What I want to show you are only suggestions, this is your work and yours only.
Most of the issues I see are spacing and punctuation. I will give you an example.

You wrote

This morning I awoke to an old familiar memory; The aroma of fresh coffee, and bacon frying. Those delicious smells brought back memories of when I was four, and we lived on a farm. The farm wasn't very big; roughly 100 acres, and we had four milk cows, some pigs, and chickens. I shared the upstairs bedroom with my older brother, and every morning Dad would rouse him up at 4:30 to help milk the cows. I was always wakened to my brother's protests, but soon drifted off for about another hour. It was then that Mom got up to start breakfast. In about thirty minutes the wonderful aromas of biscuits, ham, sausage, or bacon and coffee percolating wafted up to me. I would dress and hurry downstairs.

I Suggest

This morning I woke up to an old familiar memory of fresh brewed coffee and bacon frying. Those delicious smells brought back memories of when I was four and we lived on a farm. The farm wasn't very big, roughly 100 acres with four milk cows, some pigs and chickens. My brother and I shared the upstairs bedroom and dad would rustle him up at 4:30 am, the crack of dawn. Of course my brother would protest and disturb my sleep. I would wake up on my own time to the aroma of biscuits, ham, sausage or bacon. The coffee percolating would waft under my nose giving me the signal to wake up!

Over All Thoughts

The Read

The Title


Interesting Title and it intrigued me enough to read. Piece by piece could mean your inner self, or an object. Let's find out.

My First Impression

Reading this poem was quite dark for sure and you pointed that out in the beginning so I wasn't shocked. It was very point on point without seeing the real point. You describe what I believe to be yourself in a dark place and every time you see the light you are looped back to darkness.

Is it really there?
Are you there?
Are you dead?

This in particular had me confused as you talk in first person all the way through and then suddenly it becomes second person. Who is "you" if you are talking about yourself?

The Muses That Inspired Me

Giving up is not an option
Every turn becomes looped
Like a machine I wind down
Is it really there?


I liked this use of same sound convention and the personification of the winding down. Every turn becomes looped.

Conventions I Would Suggest

This is only a suggestion to you and you may leave your poem as is. I believe this to be a free verse poem and some may think there aren't many rules to it. There aren't but there are conventions of poetry that can enhance your piece to bring the reader into your same emotions. I would like to give you an example if I may.

Example:

Are you in the dark-
or lost inside?
I search 'n yet it's empty as ever;
there is no exit!
I am falling apart as
invisible hands drag me down.

I didn't do the whole poem I wanted you to get the idea of shortening sentencing but allowing the emotion with the use of punctuation. A couple of word changes. However this is your piece and I hope you decide to revise it a little. I would love to review it again if you choose.



Over All Thoughts

The Title

The title did draw me in to read and the description drew me in further. That is quite a journey to not only watch but read about. Interesting idea!

The Read

A good start to a what could be an interesting read for sure. Your main character Mandy is seeing herself in a different light as fall approaches and it's time for warmer clothes. Nothing fits and she is quite frustrated. Her mother seems to want to help her but her loving touch isn't what Mandy wants to hear.
The story does flow not too badly. I did have to re read some parts to keep the story together but I think it has to do with spacing, punctuation and some miswording. So I am going to try and give you some tips here.



Tips I Would Suggest

you wrote:

Fall. The season where everything turns orange and acquires that peculiar smell that invades your nostrils and make you feel nostalgic. A season full of festivities. A season that have to be spent with your family. A season where you need love and the warmth of a hug. A season of joy. A seas- "F**k" ....well, i guess not everyone loves fall. Such a sad thing. Anyway...

Suggestions:

Fall-the season where everything evolves from green to orange, leaving that nostalgic smell that penetrates into your nostrils. A seasons full of family festivities, with greetings of love a warm hug; yes a joyful season of joy-a season of "F**k!"



I wonder when she would stop acting like that, she will be 18 next month, she's too old to be acting like a grown baby, *sigh* but i guess it's alright, I did it too when I was her age so I hope eveything goes well' Claire got downstairs and resumed preparing dinner.



"I wonder when she will stop acting this way. She will be eighteen next month, just too old to be acting up.*sigh* I hope this doesn't become an issue with her self image."

I wanted to show you that Claire (mom) is talking to herself so you want the reader to know this. A great way is to italic the thought. It removes the speaker from an open conversation.

I would also double space your paragraphs for an easier read. These are just a few tips I could point out for a start.



Over All Thoughts

The Title

I love nature and all of the wonderful things it has to offer. Birds are my entertainment during the summer and butterflies are a wisp of hello's. Of course I had to read further.

My First Impression

Great flow, and great conventions through out this whole piece. You really brought these two together with the same elegance.

The Muses That Inspired Me

I really enjoyed everything here but my favorite part

Tattooed wings exhibit treasures
Both winging thru their endeavors


The use of same sound vowels is just beautiful as it creates a roll off the tongue. A great visual of tattooed wings. You gave this some thought and it shows. The Rhyme is in rhyme as well as last rhyme. I love this and it is wonderful to write prose the same way.
Conventions I Would Suggest

I have nothing to suggest here and you used the amazing conventions to create a great little piece.

Over All Thoughts

The Title


I really enjoy anything that allows people to feel gratitude!! It's very important in our daily lives. This allowed me to want to fell the emotions of the writer.

My First Impression

The abundance is overflowing in this nicely put together piece. It shines with ever lasting gratitude. Something we should not only show once a year. There was a sense of great flow here with a few hesitations. Although there are no real rules to writing what you feel, there are a few conventions that are helpful.

The Muses That Inspired Me

"Breath with life I breathe with joy"
I enjoyed the use of same sounds in this line
It flows without a stumble. Very nice.

The way the writer implements the power of a higher source. The one who gifts us of our daily needs. Nothing we should take advantage of.

Conventions I Would Suggest


These are only my suggestions! You have the right to keep this delightful piece just as it is. I started writing poetry years ago and only come to light the delightful conventions that can bring a poem to a new light.

I noticed at the bottom you didn't know what kind of poem this was. You thought free verse. I don't think so. I believe it to a traditional rhyme poem.

You can try to rewrite it by using a meter convention.

Example

you wrote
Creation from him surely abounds
I’m thankful and grateful His love surrounds
Thanksgiving is coming soon for sure
I appreciate my blessings for me instore


If you count the syllables in line, some are seven others are ten. To make it flow you can change it up a bit.

Example


Creation from him surely abounds (8 syllables)
Thankful 'n grateful, He surrounds (8 syllable)
Thanksgiving is coming for sure-(8 syllables)
Thankful for all he has in store.(8 syllables)

Over All Thoughts

What I Enjoyed About The Title:

What I Enjoyed About This Piece

Things I See You Could Improve On:

Overall: