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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 10:11 Today's entry is brought to you through the eyes of my kitten, Dean: The room smells like spices and sweat. It's enormous. Oh, a place to hide! Let's get in. I'm invisible! I'm invincible! Maybe I'll settle down for a nap... "Dean?" I sit up at the sound of my name. The voice is familiar. My human. My overly strict human who will now try to pull me out of my hiding place and shut me out of this room! The other human is here too, on his back and letting out enormous snores. He is the source of the strong smell. "Dean!" I crawl further into the corner, though I can't resist peeking towards the opening of my hiding place. The whole thing moves and I see her face blocking out the light. "There you are!" she says. "Come on! Get out of there!" I don't move. I want to stay here! She groans and pulls the mattress away from the wall and makes her way towards me. I dig my claws into floor, lowering my head over my paws, but it doesn't help. She has come to get me! A meow of protest leaves my lips as she scoops me up in her hands. She gives my head a rub, right between the ears. Aaaah, that feels good... She's not so bad really. That's ten minutes! Phew! I did not enjoy that! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 18:49 Although I do not know who you are, I still wish you the best from afar. You've been a member since 2010, To me that's a lifetime on the net. Your port looks enormous and great. There is something to suit every taste. Like a needle lost in a haystack, I'm awed by the items on the rack. I have done more than my ten minutes. I must go and submit my comment. This blogging challenge is not too bad. I wish I had better things to add. I went a bit off-topic I know. Praying for your continued success, Wishing you happy birthday, Sum1! From fellow WDCer Shiki. The rhyme scheme, half-assed as it was, went completely out the window in the last stanza  Sorry, I just couldn't be bothered anymore - I really need to use the loo!End time: 19:20 Wow, it took me half an hour to come up with a simple poem! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 23:44 I'm cutting it a bit close today! I know it's only quarter to seven by WDC time, but I like to be punctual. It's been slow kind of day, as is often the case. I'm tired, as is often the case. I haven't done much, as is often the case. So, yeah, pretty much a run-of-the-mill kind of day. Boring. No fresh air today - have I mentioned that I'm a bit of a hermit? The farthest (something within me says that that should be "furthest", but maybe I'm wrong. In any case, I'll go with the spelling on the challenge page/thread/whatever you call it) I've been from home is to Pakistan. Then again, Pakistan is sort of like my home away from home (I grew up there, I married there, and the majority of my in-laws are there). If we were to exclude that, I've only ever travelled to Wales. It's not terribly far. In fact, I've been twice, now that I think about it. The first time was when I was eighteen. I did my expedition for my Duke of Edinburgh's Award there. I was such a weakling (I still am, in fairness, but in much better shape than I was back then - even if I don't feel it). Physically unfit and suffering from arthritis, a trek through south Wales across three days (I could be wrong here - it might not have been south Wales and it might not have been three days. My memory is like a sieve) was a a huge deal. And did I mention that I'm scared of anything that walks on four legs? I mean, I like animals but from a distance, you know? Although I'm a lot better now since I got Dean. So yes, unfit, suffering from arthritis, terrified of bulls and cows and sheep, I somehow managed to make my way through fields of farm animals and quiet country roads where people frequently walked their dogs. Fun times! I can tell you my teammates didn't think much of me - I was very grouchy. The second time was just a few years ago, we took as much of the extended family as we could to Rhyll. We didn't check the forecast. I was just desperate to go somewhere with the whole family and that was what we settled on. The weather was miserable! It started raining while we were there. Good times! And now for more good times for me - I'm going to bed for an hour or so, and then I have to get up again for the pre-fast meal. Sixteen minutes, not bad. I had planned to keep it to ten since I really want my bed right now. Oh well! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:59 I survived my evening of staying in a cold, dark house. The house is still cold, although it is now daytime of course. The weather outside is terrible. Since yesterday, it's been dreary. It's May! I would expect some warmth by now. Oh well, I suppose it's good if you're fasting. I'm grateful  Onto the challenge then! It's an odd one, this one. If space travel became possible in the future, would I go? There's a part of me that is terrified of going into unfamiliar territory, and that's just walking around the area where I live! I don't know how I'd feel about venturing into something so huge and unknown. On the other hand, God created this entire universe and, just as I want to explore more of the world, I want to see more of the universe. It'd be a battle between my scaredy-cat tendencies and my will to see new sights. That's ten minutes so far, but I'm afraid I spent some of those messing around with Dean, who was supposed to be sat on my lap all quietly curled up but, of course, when do cats ever do as you want them to? I have fresh scratches on my hands. Evidently, I am a scratching post and I haven't realised. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:18 This entry is a little later than I would like but I'm here now. Unfortunately, I've run out of electricity and we don't know where the key thingy is so I don't think I can get emergency credit. As a result, I'm sat in my darkened kitchen, eating fruit for my iftar (the meal upon opening the fast). Ramadan is off to a wonderful start! Oh, and it's also cold outside so I could do with a bit of warmth. Anyways, the reason I mentioned the lack of electricity is because I can't use my computer and am having to rely instead on my very limited phone data to continue the challenge. So apologies if the entry is shorter than ten minutes. As for the challenge, I don't know. I mean, I paint, but I paint decorative canvases. That doesn't require a whole lot of skill, if you ask me. See, that's the first kind of art that comes to mind upon mention of this little three letter word. But what we writers do is also art, right? We pour our skill, our time, our effort, and our passion for what we do into it. Writing can be an outlet for suppressed feelings or it can be a way to take a break from our mundane lives. Or maybe we simply like it and want to spend the time to perfect it, as much as we can. So art to me is writing, which is an escape from the everyday. I'm honing it all the time, and I think frequently about it when I'm not actively engaged in it, as if itching to get back behind the keyboard so I can continue typing. 21:31. Not bad! I didn't think I'd have the patience to write for long on my phone after getting used to the ease of the computer. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 16:10 If I could improve anything about my writing, what would it be and how will I motivate myself to bring about these changes? ...And I already had a ten minute break so I could answer my mum's call! And I'd only just managed to sit down and get on with this! My brother has said he's coming so the kids can see Dean in action - they've met my kitten before, but he was all cooped up in his carrier then, since I was going to take him to the vet. In all honesty, I'm worried for Dean! I'm not sure when they're coming - I've been putting off turning the computer on since he told me two hours ago. He said he'd be here in an hour. Asians, I tell you!  Now I'm worried he's going to come while I'm writing this and I'll end up having to stop in the middle and then resume like two-three hours later. If there's a huge discrepancy between the time noted above and the time that shows up once my blog has been updated, you'll know why! I don't like stopping tasks that are on my checklist in the middle. It means I can't tick them off! Anywho, onto the challenge. Since October, I've not been back to my Rift-Touched novel. There are a number of reasons. One, I thought I'd give the story some time to leak out of my head so that I could read it later with a fresh perspective. Two, I'm lazy and can't get my act together. Three, I don't quite know which direction to go in for the second draft. I have started it - there are a few pages done, but it's just a rewrite with some of the inconsistencies and other things I didn't like from the first draft taken out, and that wasn't all I wanted for it. I wanted to wait because I want some of the handful of people to whom I emailed the novel to get back to me about their thoughts on it. No one has. It's been more than six months. There are a number of areas where I thought I fell short and I wanted an outsider's opinion. But I've learnt that time and again, no one wants to know. I feel annoyed with myself for even asking, as if being brushed off again and again is an invitation to keep doing it and continue being ignored. I get that reading and reviewing a whole novel is a big ask, but why offer if that's the case and you can't commit? Kudos to those people who did say "I'd love to but I just can't spare the time. Sorry". It's really not that difficult. As you might have guessed, it's a pretty sore topic Onto the actual topic and let's hope I don't get distracted again! I feel like my story is too linear, if that's even the right word. When I looked over the first draft to take out the unresolved side stories, I ended up getting rid of all of them. There is some romance in there but it's about the main two characters. I wanted to explore the backgrounds of some of the other characters, and explore the setting a bit, but I ended up scrapping their storylines because I couldn't figure out how to tie their subplots into the main narrative. Brandon Sanderson, I salute you! Like I mentioned in my last (?) entry, I wrote fanfiction for a long time, to the detriment of my original works, and my fanfiction was just...everywhere. There was no plot, no descriptions, no central themes, just...a mess. The idea of writing with a proper novel structure was daunting then and it's daunting now, only now I know I can't leave it off and write a whole bunch of plotless drivel instead. In response to the second part of the challenge, I don't know. I guess I'll just have to experiment! Sounds fun! :D End time is 16:49. If only I could actually sit here and write for forty minutes!  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 17:18 I feel really lazy today. It just hasn't been a good, productive day. Ramadan starts tomorrow and, in order to save myself some time when it comes to closing the fasts, I made like 18 parathas and froze them. I have no idea whether I'll be able to separate them since they'll be rock solid when I get them out, but I'll see what I can do at that point. My week hasn't been particularly boring or exciting. On Monday I...can't even remember what I did. I went to college on Tuesday. Wednesday, I went to see Endgame  , Thursday I went to help a friend who was standing in her local elections (I say "help" but I was just sat around talking to her mum for two-three hours) and then I spent like seven more hours after that chilling out at another friend's house, and on Friday I had the whole day at home but still managed to do nothing - in fact, I stayed up watching Netflix too long and lost some valuable sleep time as a result, which I am still trying to make up for. Yesterday, I did some babysitting for this lady I know and played cricket with a little boy and lazed around at my mum's house. As you can see, I do a fair bit of lazing around. Even in the midst of writing this blog, I lose interest and start playing with my cat, which is why I always have such short entries despite taking so much time. As for the coming week, I hope to finish a short story for the Rockin' Reviewers contest and look over my poem for their poetry contest too. Aside from that, I'm getting back into writing fanfiction, only to help me get into the flow of writing, and I must say that I have changed as a writer over these past couple of years. Before, my fanfiction was a sprawling mess with no end in sight, but now I'm thinking about how it's going to end, the events that will transpire within it, and the pace at which I want the story to flow. I guess finishing my novel last year really helped me to focus! I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of a story it will be. And that's nineteen minutes! Peace out! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 11:26 I'm doing this while sitting beside my bedroom window, which is open, if that's all right. I'm worried I'd have a kid running off down the road if I stepped outside My nose is a bit blocked at moment so I can't smell much of anything. Some of the stuffiness of my room is being alleviated by the open window. The bin isn't full but it stinks of dirty cat litter - still getting into the habit of having a kitten. I can't smell much of anything else. I'm trying to get a whiff of the coconut oil I put on my son's hair but I can't since it's quite subtle and he won't stay still long enough for me to smell it. I can hear my son playing, he's just singing something unintelligible to himself and running his toy car across the floor. Now, he's banging his other cars together. And now he's walking, the patter of his socked feet thumping on the floor. There are cars going past on the road outside. I'm sure if my son would quieten down for a moment, I might be able to hear the rustling of the trees since there are many along my street. I can hear the creak of my chair every time I shift. It's quite breezy outside and I can hear the wind. An unwanted ad just popped up on my screen with a ding. Oh, and another one. And another. These things usually happen in threes, for some reason. Oh, and of course, I can hear the sound of the keyboard as I type. I unintentionally cracked my knuckles and thought "Oh, I can add that!" but there was no cracking! More cars on the road. Pretty much the same things repeating, really. As for what I can feel, I feel a few things. I feel a bit cold. I feel achy because my back is hurting. I feel tired because I went to sleep really late last night and was roused at about half six and I never got the chance to catch up on yesterday's missed sleep either. I feel a bit of a headache coming on, which usually happens when I've not slept properly for a few days. I feel annoyed, because my husband won't get the hell up and my mum wants me to stop by the shop on my way over to hers, where the family usually gathers on a Saturday. I feel a bit bummed because there is usually an interfaith meet-up on the first Saturday of every month and this is the second time I've missed it. Last month I totally forgot but this morning, my back felt so stiff and I didn't feel up to going. Or maybe I was just being lazy. I feel generally fatigued - because of family, because of friends, because of college, because of writing - the list is extensive so I'll leave it at that. I feel unappreciated, since I've barely made the time to write this blog. I feel like I'm wasting my time, since I'm waiting for someone to do something so we can get out of the house and go, but while I'm waiting, I'm not doing much of anything and my list of things to do has barely been touched today but I can't start on it since the other person could wake at any moment. I'm a bit anxious as I have babysitting duty in an hour and fifteen minutes and it doesn't look like we'll be ready to go for a while yet. Is that ten things? Wow, that last paragraph was really long! And that's twenty minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 14:41 I am tired, as always. Why am I tired? I dunno. Might have something to do with this game my friend's son told me about last night called Akinator. It's not a particularly challenging game - you don't do a whole lot. You think of a character and answer "yes" or "no" to the questions the "genie" comes up with and, eventually, he'll guess who your character is. I tried obscure characters, like one main dude from the Kdrama I'm currently watching, and non-mainstream novel characters, like Kaladin Stormblessed from Brandon Sanderson's the Stormlight Archive. He got them all! The only ones where there were some hiccups were the ones I wasn't too sure of myself, from books I read quite a while back and forgot the smaller details. I was playing it till about 01:30-01:45. See, I beat my Netflix addiction and another just comes strolling along! Onto the challenge then! It's a bit tricky - I haven't the memory previous generations had in regards to our family history. My dad could probably tell me loads but I've never sat with him to talk about it because I know I'll get a lecture alongside it! Something like..."You should know all this!" or "This our family history! It's important!" or "You kids just carry on watching the TV and sticking your noses in your phones and forget everything else" (accompanied by a disappointed shake of the head). My family comes from Pakistan and we moved to England when I was six. Most of my family is here in the UK but we have some relatives back in PK. That's about all I can say on that, I'm afraid. Not the best subject for me, though I've managed to get my ten minutes...by taking a few short breaks and messing about with Dean, my kitten, no doubt. But my breaks didn't last that long. I'm sure I managed ten minutes of writing easily. It has now been twenty minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 09:48 I'm afraid I won't be home for a good portion of my day so I thought I'd get this over and done with while I'm free. My day has barely begun and I'm already tired. Nothing new there! Of course, my son wakes up SUPER early when there's no need. Monday through Wednesday, he slept in and we got late taking him to childminder's, but the one day where I was really looking forward to catching up on my sleep, I'm roused at half six in the morning because his highness needs a nappy change since he's done a poo. Couldn't he have sat in it for a couple hours? It's not like it's going anywhere, right? I want to sleep! T_T Onto the challenge then! So, describe a meaningful object, eh? Nothing in my line of sight is particularly inspiring or has any particular significance attached to it. I guess there's my sewing machine, which I got some years ago at the charity shop I volunteered at for a few months. They don't sell electric things so they were going to throw it out. I said I wanted it and they gave it to me for 50p! It's ace. I don't know much about sewing machines but I like the idea of making my own clothes and experimenting with things. I'm sure I've wrecked the thing a little bit, since the stitches don't come out very smoothly, but I still use it. I've made many outfits with it, most of them absolute garbage. A few I have worn and still wear. The last one I made was a lilac and white dress with a full length chiffon jacket to go with it. I absolutely will not wear it in public if I can help it, since it's not terribly well made. But I love my sewing machine. I acquired it all by myself and I sew things with it all by myself. Like all the crafts I like to dabble in, it's something that is special to me. I like making things, from clothes to stories to decorative canvases you can hang on your wall (if you think they're good enough to, of course). I love being a creative person. I just wish I could allocate more time to these crafts. That's 17 minutes! Woo-hoo! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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