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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 13:30 Isn't it awful when you're getting all excited for something to happen and then...when the moment comes, there's nothing? Nothing happens. You got excited for no reason. You got that weird and wonderful feeling of butterflies in the stomach for absolutely nothing. I've never owned a pet before so I guess I'm building it up in my head quite a lot that having a cat is going to be like having another child = albeit a child that is a little less reliant than a human child. I was on my way to get it, that's the problem. I got out of the house with the intention of coming back with a kitten. And what a gorgeous kitten it was! It was ginger and black/brown and white and...so amazing and adorable. I will of course be getting another one. I had a fallback, although I didn't know I had a fallback until a few minutes before setting off to get the ginger kitten. My friend's aunt and her daughter were giving kittens away and they didn't want to give their only boy away but they'd changed their minds since I'd last asked. I guess things worked out. The lady selling the ginger kitty said, while I was on my way, that she was out and wouldn't be home until a time when I couldn't come. So I thought I'd get the other kitten and then let the lady know that I didn't want the ginger anymore. She called me a time waster. I don't know if I should be offended or laugh. She said she'd be home all day and then tells me when I'm coming to get it that she's not there. The hypocrisy of some people, I tell you. ...I really should stop checking messages in between writing my blog. I get distracted and then I don't know how much time I spend. Anyways, my friend said she would deliver my kitten tonight so I'm anxiously waiting for that. Five and a bit hours to go. It's not too bad, I suppose. The wait is killing me though. I've been searching for a kitten for a few months now and now that one is almost in my hands, I'm getting very impatient. Including the time I took to message, that's nineteen minutes. I suppose I did ten mins...maybe. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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