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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 23:17 My routine is really off-course today. I had a dinner to go to last night and didn't get home till nearly 01:00. My little one had to sleepover at my mum's. You can bet my parents weren't happy! So with that weighing on my mind, I tried to get ready as quickly as possible so I could go over, since Saturdays are usually family meet-up days. While at my parents', I went over to attend a local community vigil for the Easter attacks in Sri Lanka. I really like it when, generally speaking, the different groups in my community have cause for getting together but it's just sad that something atrocious has to happen for us to do so and show our support for one another. Like one guy I saw there said, it won't be the last time we meet like this. Isn't is just disheartening when people are convinced that atrocities will continue to bring us together? I have so little faith in humanity as a whole. Anyways, moving on to less soul-crushing subjects. I still haven't had enough sleep. I'm so tired now but I've only just gotten onto the computer. The prompt I was working on, which should have been finished last night, did not get even close to finished. I've decided that that story idea is the one I'm going to use to write the short story for the Rockin' Reviewers short story contest thing. There's a poetry contest for that group too and I've already started my entry. I don't know why but it ended up being about love and romance. I thought so hard about what I wanted the subject matter to be and that's what came out. What on earth! As if watching sappy movies and Kdramas, reading shoujo manga, and writing the odd sappy story wasn't bad enough, now I'm starting to write poems on the subject! I don't actually believe in romance - at least, not the TV kind of "true love". I think it's a load of s***e. It seems it's an ideal people will break lifelong marriages for, as if "love" has to have a very specific definition. It's a feeling like any other. It truly does not warrant poems being written about it. I mean, I don't see people writing poems about anger and rage - well, not to the extent they write about love, in any case! Or like...sadness. I mean, there are poems about loss, but aren't those usually about loved ones who've gone? I could be wrong - maybe there are lots of poems about general sadness and loneliness - but I haven't read any. Which isn't saying much, since I actually don't read a whole lot of poetry. Went off on a bit of a tangent there. I don't even know if it makes sense (I'm certainly not inclined to go back and look over it right now to make sure it does since I'm half asleep) but I did get my ten mins (and more!) I don't know if I want to sleep or if I should do something creative. I have a damn essay to reference too! Dammit. 23:37 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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