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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 12:04 I haven't made my checklist yet but, with this blog entry done, I'll have two items crossed off. I'm slowly starting to get back into my routine (at least I hope I am!) It's been a slow morning. I rang the vet since Dean has an appointment (he needs his jabs, the little fleabag!) to confirm whether they would be coming here. I am 99.9% certain that the chap I was on the phone with when I booked the appointment said they do home visits for kittens under three months or something. I'm sure I asked whether I'd heard right at that point and he said yes, they do home visits. But the guy who answered today said they don't - that home visits have to be specifically requested. Now I have a problem. The appointment is going to be after my husband will have left for work so no car. I'm going to have to bug my sister for a lift. The poor lass will barely get time to sit down after coming home from work. Ah, I feel so bad. But what to do? The fleabag needs his jabs after all. If the pet carrier fits in the bottom of the pushchair, I could take him like that. My son will love it, seeing all the animals at the vets (I'm assuming there will be some since after school is when they're busiest, according to Google). I haven't written a thing for several days. I feel awful. Even the fanfiction I started to write has been left by the wayside. I haven't touched the Elementals either. It's a struggle just to remember all the other things I need to do in a day! I still have my assignment to complete, which is really grating on my nerves. Well, not really. But I did get a previous assignment back with some comments on what I need to do to change it so it meets the criteria. I hated that assignment! I hated it - and still hate it - with a vengeance! It's based on finding our own research and I have never done anything like that before so I didn't do too well. I just wanted to get it over and done with so I would never have to look at it again. But now I have to! ARGH! 12:18 - I had to take another break to wipe Dean's butt since he tends to trail poop everywhere after using the litter tray. He can be such a pest! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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