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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 11:44 It's certainly started off as a slow day. I have somewhere to be in a couple of hours and whenever that happens, I'm usually counting down till that moment, which is a huge waste of time! I sit around and do nothing for that entire time, thinking there's no point. I really need a lesson in time management. ...And as seems to be the case recently, I took a break between writing this to deal with the kitten. He's driving me nuts! I feel like I made a mistake sometimes, but it is nice having him around. My son is slowly starting to become accustomed to him. This morning especially, he's been playing with the kitty. I feel like I'm always at wit's end when dealing with both of them. I start shouting easily, even though I know it's stupid and neither of them understands what the hell I'm on about. I guess I need anger management too! Writing isn't going too well. I thought, just to get back into the habit, I'd try writing some fanfiction, but the plan hasn't worked. I have spent so long writing fanfiction that it should come easily, but it doesn't anymore. Maybe that's because I'm not as interested in anime as I used to be. I have my own characters and they mean more to me now than someone else's. ...And another break later, I'm wondering what to write about. Although it's been sixteen mins since I started writing, I don't think I've written for ten minutes. I'm still tired. I want to stay home. I want to get on with my assignment which is due in two days. I want to sleep! But it seems I won't get to do any of this until we return home and my son is in bed. And then Dean annoys me. At least I'll get a break from him while we're out! I don't know if I've done ten minutes of writing yet, but I'm going to stop there. It's 12:04. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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