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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| Time: 11:49 Having a daily checklist really helps me to keep on track. When I turn on Netflix, I can sit there for hours, wasting time watching stuff that's irrelevant. But when I know I have a checklist that still has items on it that need crossing off for the day, I'm much more likely to get up and go and do those things. It's working out great for the three or four days I've been using it! Currently, I have six items on my checklist and, after I've done this blog, that will be half the list done. I've yet to do some ironing - it's such a chore, but Netflix helps with that :D I've also got to continue my seasons short story prompt, which I began last night. And then I need to make a start on my college assignment, for which I have only typed out the questions so far. What an accomplishment! It's due in two weeks. With every passing college assignment, I get less and less concerned about the course. At this point, I'm only continuing because I've already paid for it. You know things aren't looking too good if money is your only reason for doing something like this. I'm studying counselling - don't know if I've mentioned that in a previous entry. I'm in my second and final year of a diploma. I wanted to go back to studying because I felt like I was wasting an awful lot of time, and I wanted to learn something, do something. My level three counselling was all very well and good, but lately, I've started to feel like I don't really care. Not about the profession - it's a good profession and I'd love the chance to help people out. But, generally, I feel like I'm falling short. I'm getting more cynical of everything around me. Of everyone around me. I don't want to be there, but I attend every lesson because I have - to my knowledge - a spotless attendance record and want to keep it that way. The biggest reason, perhaps, is that I can't find a placement. If I can't find a placement and get my hours, I won't be able to qualify and even though that doesn't bother me too much, I keep thinking about what my family will think. "You studied all that time and for what?! It was stupid!" But I don't think it has been. I've enjoyed being a part of something, even if it's just a classroom with other thinking, feeling human beings. Before counselling, I was cooped up in my house for a long time. The hermit tendency hasn't entirely gone away, but I need to have a reason for getting out of the house. 13 Minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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