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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| It is now 12:19 and I have sat down for a quick cup of chamomile tea and a packet of Pringles. Not the healthiest breakfast, perhaps. Probably doesn't even count as breakfast since it's nearly half past noon. But I only got the chance to eat now, and in a while I'll be rushing off to get my son from the child minder. I'm a bit of a hermit so I'm looking forward to not getting out of the house for the next couple of weeks, since the Easter holidays begin this Friday and my son only goes to the child minder three days a week. My Japanese tutor is going to Japan in the holidays. I envy her! Besides travelling to my birthplace, I've never been anywhere else. That's not counting the few hours I spent in Dubai airport, trying to kill time till I could get on the next plane to continue my flight. There are so many places I'd like to go, but I just don't see myself ever going. I couldn't go alone and I don't know if anyone around me would want to accompany me. Makes me wonder why I'm bothering to learn all these languages when I may never get to use them. Twelve minutes! Woo! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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