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 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| Time: 12:24 My husband had guests over last night so I kind of stayed out of the way and was mostly on my computer. I don't know what it is about sitting at the computer that makes my back hurt so much. I'm find sitting on the sofa downstairs. I was mostly fine after sitting on the uncomfortable college chairs for several hours last Tuesday. Even after getting a padded swivel chair, I still get back pain from sitting here too long. Perhaps I should invest in a new laptop, since the old one doesn't work. This sucks! I can't just give up the computer. I've had this one for about a year now, after many, many years without one. Computers and laptops feel very different to use, I've discovered. Perhaps it's the amount of time I was on it. I didn't feel too bad the past week or so when I've just been coming on here for an hour or so. Maybe it's my posture. I can't quite sit on chairs with my legs down, so I cross them on the chair seat or stretch them out and rest them on the lower shelf of the computer desk, where the printer is. I just can't keep them down like a normal person. I'm still in the process of writing my seasons short story. I thought I started off all right, but I've hit a dead end. I guess this is where being a "plotter" would be good, but I don't like planning my stories out. I should try it though. For a short story at least. Who knows? Maybe it'll yield such good results that I'll end up doing likewise for all my stories! When I write, I usually have some idea of what's going to happen, though this develops as I continue writing. Sometimes, I brainstorm so I have at least a little bit of direction, but this usually happens for stories which I'm really serious about. I have so many ideas which just sort of withered up and dried out. So I will definitely give being a "planster" a go! It's been thirteen minutes and that's three minutes extra to make up for my very short entry yesterday! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 11:43 I'm in a bit of a hurry so I might not be able to do the full ten minutes. My husband is taking us out to the park today - at my behest, of course. This sort of stuff doesn't usually come from him, bless him. He doesn't seem to be able to come up with any day out plans by himself. Oh well. My little one is currently sat on the toilet and I am waiting, in vain, for him to wee. He's turned three but has yet to be potty trained. I hate this! I hate doing it. I hate picking him up again and again when I have back pain. And, try as I might, he just doesn't seem to understand what I'm trying to achieve. In these two week holidays, before he goes back to the childminder, I want him to be out of his nappies. Seems like a very distant dream at the moment. Time: 11:47 If I can, I'll do another entry this evening. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 11:49 Having a daily checklist really helps me to keep on track. When I turn on Netflix, I can sit there for hours, wasting time watching stuff that's irrelevant. But when I know I have a checklist that still has items on it that need crossing off for the day, I'm much more likely to get up and go and do those things. It's working out great for the three or four days I've been using it! Currently, I have six items on my checklist and, after I've done this blog, that will be half the list done. I've yet to do some ironing - it's such a chore, but Netflix helps with that :D I've also got to continue my seasons short story prompt, which I began last night. And then I need to make a start on my college assignment, for which I have only typed out the questions so far. What an accomplishment! It's due in two weeks. With every passing college assignment, I get less and less concerned about the course. At this point, I'm only continuing because I've already paid for it. You know things aren't looking too good if money is your only reason for doing something like this. I'm studying counselling - don't know if I've mentioned that in a previous entry. I'm in my second and final year of a diploma. I wanted to go back to studying because I felt like I was wasting an awful lot of time, and I wanted to learn something, do something. My level three counselling was all very well and good, but lately, I've started to feel like I don't really care. Not about the profession - it's a good profession and I'd love the chance to help people out. But, generally, I feel like I'm falling short. I'm getting more cynical of everything around me. Of everyone around me. I don't want to be there, but I attend every lesson because I have - to my knowledge - a spotless attendance record and want to keep it that way. The biggest reason, perhaps, is that I can't find a placement. If I can't find a placement and get my hours, I won't be able to qualify and even though that doesn't bother me too much, I keep thinking about what my family will think. "You studied all that time and for what?! It was stupid!" But I don't think it has been. I've enjoyed being a part of something, even if it's just a classroom with other thinking, feeling human beings. Before counselling, I was cooped up in my house for a long time. The hermit tendency hasn't entirely gone away, but I need to have a reason for getting out of the house. 13 Minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 12:26 I've received another prompt and, this time, it's about the seasons. I'm looking forward to it! I have an interest in the elements and the seasons, particularly in characters who are superhumanly gifted with abilities that correspond with either of them. I remember watching a live-action movie adaptation of the Snow Queen many years ago, can't quite remember the details, but the girl goes through all the elements before finding the boy at the Snow Queen's palace. I thought it was fascinating that each of the seasons were physically embodied by a woman with a particular set of traits that alluded to her season. Winter wore white and was cold. Spring was warm and motherly. I can't remember a thing about summer, but autumn was...I guess rebellious and rough? Very interesting. I've been thinking lately of revisiting my Elementals story idea from like a decade ago. It interested me then and it still interests me now, but I've sort of pushed it aside and forgotten about it. I'm taking a bit of a break from my main novel, to get a fresher perspective when I go back to it, so in the meantime, I think I should focus on the Elementals. As the name might suggest, it's about people with powers based on the elements - earth, wind, fire, and water. There are four nations of elements and there is peace, but it is quite flimsy and tensions between Fire and Earth, who are neighbours, have long been rising. I didn't get more than a couple chapters but I'm excited at the prospect of picking it up again. And that's thirteen minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 12:53 Aah, these are good times! I'm writing on the computer today, as opposed to on my phone, which is a nightmare. I've just glanced over some of my entries and it's astounding that a few paragraphs actually took ten minutes or more to write! I suppose typing things out on the phone takes a bit longer. But it's so convenient. Might have to stop though, since this feels much better. I can see all of what I've already typed, rather than just a few lines at a time. I wrote my short story prompt last night. My deadline was 5th April, till midnight, but I was 17 minutes over and something like 46 words over my word count limit of 2000. I believe it's the first time I've ever done something like that but it was a good experience. I focused the story on one of the villain's minions from my novel. I can't remember now if I've mentioned this in another entry - I probably have, since I'm always stuck on what to write about so I go with whatever comes to mind. Since the prompt was such a positive experience, I'm going to do it again. And hopefully, this time, not leave it till the last minute! Something a bit longer, perhaps about 5000 words. Maybe on some of the characters from my novel, maybe entirely new characters. Who knows? I will have to think about it a little more. The reason I'm writing so early (...is it early?) is because I realised when I made a checklist for the things I want to accomplish today, all the things I do on there usually happen on an evening and it's a mad scramble to get them done, which doesn't leave nearly enough time for each activity. So I'm trying to space things out and then give myself more time for creative pursuits in the evening. Looking back on my entry so far, it isn't an awful lot, is it? And yet, sometimes, when I remember that I've yet to write my blog, I'm like "aww, for ****'s sake!" But it's only a few rather short paragraphs. That isn't difficult at all, but laziness has such a habit of getting in the way that even ten minutes seems like an insurmountable challenge at times. That's eleven minutes done! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 21:10 Let the writing begin! ...Even though, most of the time, I have no idea what to write about. I put my little one to bed and then puttered around for a bit. My God, I am so lazy! Since yesterday, I've been making a checklist of what I wanted to achieve in the day and both days, there were only a few items on it but everything there seems to happen on an evening so it's always a rush after putting my son to sleep. I gave myself a story prompt a week ago and have until midnight to finish it. I'm only up to 600 words so far. This is a disaster! 2000 words really isn't a lot so I should be able to finish with ease, but I've been dithering all week, putting it off until the very last minute. I also have a college assignment due in at the end of this month and I haven't touched that yet either. Makes one want to smack some sense into oneself. Time sure is passing slowly. After crossing "Blog" off my checklist, I need to get a move on and finish my short story. It's a story about one of the side characters from my novel, who is the villain's supporter. I've fleshed out plenty of my characters so far, but all of them are on the hero's side so I thought I'd try something a bit different. Already, I'm seeing some of the dynamics of this character's relationship with the villain. I am quite interested to see where this story leads me. Hopefully, once I'm done, I'll put it up in my port. I'm looking forward to reviews, as always, but sometimes I feel a bit funny about them too. It's all well and good that reviews should be as informative as possible, but it makes me very, very nervous when I see a lengthy, in-depth review. Woo-hoo! 13 minutes! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 19:42 I sit waiting in the waning light, though what I'm waiting for I know not. Perhaps I'm anticipating a visit from my reclusive muse. Or otherwise just sitting around with time to abuse. Either way, I am alone in the descending darkness, my fears and hopes in sharp relief in this gloomy vagueness. Well, that's four minutes gone! Not my best work but not bad for four mins, if I do say so myself! I guess for me, darkness and loneliness have always been good subjects to write about. I like angsty stuff :D the angstier the better! ...Or maybe not. Twilight sequel. Brrr! I do confess though that I did rather like the bit about Bella being in pain after Edward left..when I was a teen and mindless drivel was romantic and appealing. Oh, the horror! Thankfully, I have learnt the error of my ways. Good job too, otherwise I'd probably have been writing similar mindless drivel. There's my ten mins! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| It is now 12:19 and I have sat down for a quick cup of chamomile tea and a packet of Pringles. Not the healthiest breakfast, perhaps. Probably doesn't even count as breakfast since it's nearly half past noon. But I only got the chance to eat now, and in a while I'll be rushing off to get my son from the child minder. I'm a bit of a hermit so I'm looking forward to not getting out of the house for the next couple of weeks, since the Easter holidays begin this Friday and my son only goes to the child minder three days a week. My Japanese tutor is going to Japan in the holidays. I envy her! Besides travelling to my birthplace, I've never been anywhere else. That's not counting the few hours I spent in Dubai airport, trying to kill time till I could get on the next plane to continue my flight. There are so many places I'd like to go, but I just don't see myself ever going. I couldn't go alone and I don't know if anyone around me would want to accompany me. Makes me wonder why I'm bothering to learn all these languages when I may never get to use them. Twelve minutes! Woo! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| 17:47 I'm making pasta at the moment, and then I will feed the little one and put him to bed. Freedom at last! I had college today. I'm still not sure I should have bothered. My back has been hurting all day- it probably has something to do with the fact that I spent a couple of hours stooped over my sewing machine, finishing up a project I started weeks ago. I'm so lazy. I had a one-to-one with my tutor and mentioned that I'm becoming quite disillusioned by people, which includes my classmates. I find groups of people boring. Maybe that's because I'm usually on the outside and make absolutely no effort to fit in. I don't mind that anymore. The subjects people seem to discuss is always the usual boring smalltalk - complaints about a certain person at work. Complaints about the way our teacher is teaching us. Maybe something about the weather, since it is UK after all. I get that we're all peers and some of them feel comfortable sharing that sort of stuff, but it's always like that! I don't mind having deeper discussions with people, particularly if I've known them for a couple years. There shouldn't be anything stopping a bunch of counselling students from having those deeper, more meaningful discussions. But I guess I still haven't gotten the hang of talking to people because I don't know how to initiate such conversations. I like when the group is small, when some people don't turn up. I feel I can talk more openly then. I mentioned to them some months back that I would think it a shame if we didn't all stay in touch after the course ends, since we've all been on a journey of self-discovery together and there aren't many people you could do that with in everyday life. Looking back on it now, I have to say I don't feel the same way. I fully expect that I will lose all interest in my fellow students. Time: 18:04 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Time: 16:16 I forgot to write yesterday. In my defence, I had guests over and it was pretty much an all-day thing. So, what to write, what to write...I watched Twilight yesterday. My friend and I had settled the kids to watch a movie but they weren't really interested so we were just browsing Netflix and Twilight came up. My friend wanted to watch it, just to see how bad it was, and I thought "Sure, why not?" I don't know if that was time well spent or an absolute waste. It was even more terrible than I'd imagined. The storyline, the acting, the camera angles, the "special effects" left much to be desired. I can't believe these movies were so popular! It doesn't make any sense! I'll admit that, as a teen, Twilight held a decent amount of appeal for me...but that was before I started writing for real and before I knew what a story should be. I have a problem with the series as a writer and a reader and a human being too! My God, you have to wonder about the author's state of mind while she was writing it! ...but taking the piss out of the movie was great fun! :D I think I've found my new stress relief! In other news, I've been sewing and I am currently lying on my bed in an attempt to straighten out my back. I can't do anything with this back! Even though I got my comfy chair for the computer, I still get that awful pain when I sit there too long, which is why I've been putting off making a start on my 2000-word story prompt. There are friggin' college assignments to do too! Aaah, what should I do?!?! ...Eleven minutes :D ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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