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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/ripglaedr3/day/4-20-2022
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Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
I’m disabled by more than blindness.

Writing: Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance in life. Pretty medallions sought for words/my soul, a slow burn now. Life is full of misdirects right back to the start, you still quest with a thirst.

If they take time to notice, must be doing something right. Life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit uglier. Minced words too pungent.

scripturam in hoc non mutamus, quia stultus es et differentiam nescies.

hic honor, quem accepistis, non est operae pretium, sicut non est bonum.
*BigSmile*
si hoc legere potes, gratiarum actio pro tempore.

The beautiful mess you made.
         |
Without knowledge, who’s to judge?
         |
No gavel; no voice.

I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost
         |
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle. - me

*Neurodivergent poet.
*I yearn to love without that fart in the room.
*Honesty without mincing words.
*Stay clear of those surrounded by rules.
*Real dialogue accepted.

Diagnosed with new disabilities in 2020: On the spectrum/ADHD (it gets complicated by PTSD and brain trauma). Been suggested by doctors I might want another brain scan. As it is: My words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The true experience/acknowledgment of my writing yet to come...long after I’ve left WDC, am dead, or both?

Truly been a blessing, but I've been pushing it — envelope, push world and all inhabitants away, push buttons, find boundaries, no clue why, where I've lived in your dark. Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me the way I need to be viewed (if I knew what that was. Cryptic, I know. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid the strange, virtual walls that tempt me to try).
*The parenthetical ‘lawyer up’?



Foot free, I’m all over the place.
 
"Note: Poetry: life’s little interruptions amassing int..."
 

Best Poetry Collection 2X, nominated three years. What does it mean? I was enjoying myself, head bagged. A happy idiot. Something messed with that. I won’t be a coward; not starting feuds or wars over ideals and beliefs. We all know that’s a pile of crap packaged with dreams of pretty things to sell t the next boob that walks by. *Clown*

Been more than I could imagine or expect. My achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall. I dig deeper than I should, push boundaries. Aimless words, brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit targets. Get a ‘back off’ shoulder shot when asking your motivations to write.

No prize to eye; not incentivized. Dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do the best with what you got.



My Pluggers:
You are an icon here.*BigSmile*
You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer.{/blue}*Heart*

It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Epigram ‘n Aphorism Samwiches"
Your poetic muse is on fire! *Fire* Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. *Cool*

 
Published four times with one a literary journal, including… *PointRight*   "The Tender Core (Sedona)" 
I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing.

*Toilet* *RibbonW* Merit Badge in Taboo Words [Click For More Info] Brian, Congratulations! You won 1st Place in Taboo Words with your fantastic poem, [Link to Book Entry #1027659]. I absolutely loved this! *^*Heart*^* Rachel Merit Badge in Poetry [Click For More Info] Thanks you for supporting the [Link To Item #power] with an order to the [Link To Item #powergifts] ! We appreciate it. *^*Heartv*^* Keep writing the beautiful poetry. [Link to Book Entry #1027659] is an awesome poem! *^*Starv*^* ~Lornda

 
Love my process constructing and sharing visions in words collected (no small task considering personal and physical limitations, see below).


August 28, 2006 this blog opened ▼

BOOK
SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days  (18+)
All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know.
#1300042 by Lorem Ipsum, Perhaps?


No specific aim going forward (2014) ▼

 
What I used to say: 'Maybe, I just don't get it. Watch me fumble with my version of reality, expose ignorance as truth. You don't have to get me, either. But, wish someone would explain me to myself.' Now I say: *Cool* *FacePalm* Now: I was such a whore.
 


*Laugh*This is old….
What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on.
Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting.
If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I?
…just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself.*RollEyes*
             



What Was NEW

Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily.

Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego.

#amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube

Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY?
 

Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door ▼

The Best Poetry Collection on Writing.Com ▼
April 20, 2022 at 11:50am
April 20, 2022 at 11:50am
#1031061
Looking in a mirror for monsters, knowing they lurk behind me.
You say, I missed something.

Don’t worry about encouraging me.

A child sits in the corner.
I’m with him between the bells
that echo down long halls traversed,
looking for them:
hidden monsters meaning evil.

When I see your expression,
I try to read for him,
having been schooled for life in fortress,
in towers I man, scanning horizons.

I usher him out to sunny fields,
vault-forests of wonder, when safe
a small boy pretend plays. Eventually,
it has to rain. And we splash.

It also snows, and we build long tunnels
and forts we call our igloos,
tend to ourselves.

We scan the avenues, aspect of letting others join,
as many could enter, not forewarned:
Few stay; less return.

And I wonder why a waggled finger curls
to change tide, sending me out to inspect
what you have built.
What game we will play?

He seldom comes out now, in any weather —
looks to walls, down narrowing halls
infinite, longs
to still play pretend.


4.20.22
4.22.22 edit
12.4.23 edit for breaks, emphasis on key investigations and impactful words/phrases

Listening to ‘Mad World’ by Gary Jules


Rejection is difficult if you have no way to deal, as a kid, or overcorrect. Do overs narrow with the troublesome aspect of getting it right the next time, building anxiety, thickening skin that can seem … callous?

Dearly, I want to be authentic and genuine, but you lose that little kid trying to fit in. We sit together but remain far apart from origins. I can see how placating can cause an identity rift, disassociation with true self, that tangibly goes not by ideology (building a lifetime) but ignorance to do self-fulfilling stuff, having no true balance that takes guidance, instruction, a responsible adult, one who will take responsibility for themselves and not let a child muss it all up.

We have no way of knowing who has the reins on psyche, but external forces clearly play a role in subterfuge causing chaos and confusion that clear thinking adults can either consult or cut through the bullshit…for the trapped child. Innocence is lost inside each. This is where I get lost myself.

12.4.22
To so-called, would-be peers who act like indifferent dictators, wannabe Machiavellians more like villains, controlling narrative, audibly whispering coded subtext that could provoke a fool to jab at wooly-veiled monsters. (just off the top of my ‘sore’ head)
April 20, 2022 at 10:22am
April 20, 2022 at 10:22am
#1031056
Priming the water pistola, shaded
by a ceiling sombrero, paused
at the dining table, chewing
a thin, flavorless carrot stick.
They’ll come. The wanted ones.
Who will be the first outlaw to dare?
Be gunned down? sent wailing to a corner —
hide, lick those furry wounds.

Two hombre gatos learned long ago —
but el gatitos, two of them, outlaws.
New, with claws aching to continue
work fibers of the central stairs’ landing.

I said, let’s rearrange furniture, change focus
to the scratching posts in the corners,
away from the action, the kitchen and dining,
main living area adjoined by upper bedrooms
and hall to bathroom, roaming in and out,
making this their territory, too. No respect
like faithful perros. All flows to the middle
of a split level that doesn’t need more maintenance
or questions, did you get shag carpeting?

I’m still waiting by this writing,
with itchy trigger finger. Hope it’s safe
to lay this down without something underneath.
Better prime the pump.
Don’t want a dry first squeeze.
These siestas don’t last long.


4.20.22


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/ripglaedr3/day/4-20-2022