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426
426
Review of Birthday Party  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Jess Sherpa,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, Birthday Party, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. But I also had a little trouble reading it. It’s just too sophisticated for me. Probably for a lot of other readers too.


The Story: This a story about a male, at least I think he or is it she is a male, who is now a Jehovah's Witnesses. And part of being a Jehovah's Witnesses means that he doesn’t believe in birthdays anymore. That means he can’t go to a birthday party on Friday and he’s not sure how to tell the other. I will admit I don’t know too much about Jehovah's Witnesses. But I didn’t know they were against birthdays.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story is an office. I’m not exactly sure where this office is at because no details about it came up in this story. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are at to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself - sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is ‘telling’ this story is the main character in it. Who was he or her? You gave several of the others in the office a name. But you didn’t give one to the storyteller. Personally, I would have given them a name. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think. Besides that, if they had a name we would have known if it was a male or a female. Unless it’s one of those names that could be both.


How They Spoke to Me: There were only one or two lines of dialogue in this story. And I’m not sure if they are dialogue or not. It reads more like a thought or a quote. Even if it is dialogue there are some, if not a lot, of Reviewers who would still consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you used two-three word phrases to start two paragraphs back to back. There is nothing wrong with that. A lot of writers, if not most of them, write like that. They might not use two or three words like you did in this story. But they do it with one word. I’m not one of them. For me, there have to be at least two sentences or paragraphs before I use the same word again. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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427
427
Review of The Birthday Wish  
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (4.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Roderick Lewis,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your terrific Short Story, The Birthday Wish, and I liked it very, very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked best about it was that it made me laugh too. Especially the way Billy acted when he went into his parent’s bedroom to wake them up.


The Story: This is a story about a boy named Billy who just turned four. It was a wonderful birthday party with all of his friends. But before the party, he had to wait until four o’clock before he could make his birthday wish. Which he did when he blew out his candles. At first, he didn’t think he was going to get his wish the fly. Then his father gave him one last present – a kite.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story was a house. You didn’t go into too much detail on it. But from what I read it read like a pretty normal house. It had at least two bedrooms, a kitchen, and a backyard with a swing in it. I think you did a very good job with the description of this location. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Billy is the main character in this story. After all, it is his birthday. And I like that you gave him a name as well as the names of his friends. Personally, I would have given his parents a name too. I can understand why you didn’t the friend’s parents, but I would have given his parents a name. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There was a lot of dialogue in this story. About half of it was dialogue. And I like that. Some, if not a lot of, Reviewers would consider this telling instead of showing because of so much dialogue. But I disagree. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It just depends on how you write you story.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you had several one sentence paragraphs. And there’s nothing wrong with that. A lot of writers, if not most of them, do that. But I’m not one of them. There have to be at least two sentences in every one of my paragraphs. It doesn’t matter if it’s dialogue or not as long are two or more sentences.



I liked your story very, very much. Keep on writing.



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428
428
Review of Number Day  
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (3.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Irreverant,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, Number Day, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best was the mystery involved in it. Why were they people invited? What did those numbers mean?


The Story: This is a story about a female who has invited fifteen people to celebrate her birthday. It’s kind of a reversed surprise party. She wasn’t the one who was surprised by it. It was those she invited to it. I wonder what other surprises she has with her party guest.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this party takes place. But it reads like it’s a gathering place of some kind like an auditorium, an event center, a hotel ballroom etc. What was the location for this story? Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Dana is the main character in this story. And I like that you gave them all names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was some toward the end of it. And what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: What did those numbers mean? Did she intend to get back at them in some horrifying way? Was the numbers the order that she was going to kill them? Is it going to turn out to be another “Carrie” type of story only reserved? If so have you continued this story?


I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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429
429
Review of The Bright Star  
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (4.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello erra,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, The Bright Star, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about this story was how it ended.


The Story: This is a story about a male named George who is about to wish his wife, Meg, a Happy Birthday. The only problem is that Meg is dead. But I didn’t realize that until toward the end of the story. After getting dressed his her favorite suit he went to the cemetery.


Where Your Location Is: There are two main locations in this story: George’s house and the cemetery where Meg was at. You didn’t describe either one of them very much. But I understand that. Especially if there is a Word Count limitation. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like these locations. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: George Tylor is the main character in this story. But Meg is also a big part of this story. Even though she isn’t really in it. I like that you gave them names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. at least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: The only dialogue in this story is the one ‘Happy Birthday’ one. And for a lot of Reviewers that isn’t enough. They consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you started off with the same word to start several paragraphs. There’s nothing wrong with that. At least I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot of writers, maybe even most or all, write like you do. I’m just not one of them. I have to have at least two paragraphs before I use a word again. The same is true about my sentences too. But that’s just the way I write my stories.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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430
430
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Lauren Nicole,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, 18th birthday (true story), and I like it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best was the ending. It ended happily – sort of.


The Story: This is a story about a female who was about to turn eighteen. No, it wasn’t a ‘coming of age’ sex story like I thought it might be from the title. It was about her and her abusive mother. Her mother was physically abusive – until toward the end. She was verbally abusive. And that’s usually worse than the physical. At least I think that it is.


Where Your Location Is: There are several locations in this story: Her apartment was the main one, Ben’s family farm, a bowling establishment, and several other places. I like that you had multiple locations in this story. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count is as to how much detail I put into it. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Sort of like these were. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever this you female is who is about to turn eighteen is the main character in this story. But so is Ben and unfortunately her mother. I like that you gave Ben a name. But you didn’t for yourself or your mother. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: The only dialogue in this story was in the first paragraph. And a lot of Reviewers would say that wasn’t good enough. That you were telling this story instead of showing it. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It just depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: This was a ver sad story. You mentioned in the title that this was a true story, was it? I hope not consider what it was about.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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431
431
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Matt Kelman,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story,Happy Birthday, Mikey, and I like it a lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best was how it ended – for the both of them.


The Story: This is the story about a couple named Mikey and Amy who agreed to meet in a bar, have a few drinks to celebrate Mikey’s birthday, and then get out of town with five hundred thousand dollars. Where they got that money was unknown. But the way they were talking about leaving town I would say that it wasn’t legal. In the end, they both didn’t get the money. I wonder who gets it now.


Where Your Location Is: A bar called Isaac's was the main, and only, location in this story. They mentioned getting out of Dodge. But I think that was just a figure of speech. At least I think that’s what it’s called. I think you did a very good job describing this location. Personally, I try to have at least one solid locations in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Mikey and Amy are the two main characters in this story. And I like that you gave them names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was a lot a dialogue in this story. And what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me. There are some Reviewers who still might say this story is telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write you paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you started a paragraph with the same word. Personally, I don’t do that. There have to be at least two other words starting a paragraph or sentence before I use that word again. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories. I don’t think it’s a grammar rule that says that you should. In fact, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. A lot of writers, if not most of them, do it like you did.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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432
432
Review of The 8th of June  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello n dru,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, The 8th of June, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I like the best about this story is what it was about. The end of the world.


The Story: This is a story about a couple named Eddie and Dianne who have been together for thirty years. It’s Dianne’s birthday. But it’s not going to be a happy one because a nuclear war was about to begin.


Where Your Location Is: Their house and the countryside near them is the main location in this story. But they weren’t the only ones. They had thirty years of memories to remember in those last few minutes of their lives. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location it itself – sort of like theses locations are. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, ore than that.


Your Main Character: Eddie and Dianne are the main, and only, characters in this story. I like that you gave them names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: I’m not sure about the dialogue in this story. The structure of it looked good. But I’m not sure about the single quotation marks. Is that what you use for dialogue in your country? I have always thought, taught, that single quotation marks meant thinking. But I guess it’s not that way now. Several Reviewers have said that italics is what we should be using for thoughts and double quotation marks for dialogue.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have centered my title and indented my paragraphs. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule the says that you should do it that way. In fact, I’m sure that it isn’t. A lot of writers, if not most of them, don’t center and or indent. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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433
433
Review of A Desperate Exit  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Nicola Nicolai,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, A Desperate Exit, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked most of all about this story is that you kept me in suspense up until the very end.


The Story: This story was about a male named Patrick who was about to have a surprise party. The only problem was that Patrick died before he knew about the surprise party. He died after he panicked about being in a small room he thought was locked and leaped out of a window he just smashed.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story was the room that Patrick was in. I’m not exactly where this room was at. All that was revealed was that they were in a building of some kind and they were on the seventh floor. I think you did a pretty good job with this location. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is ‘telling’ this story is one of the main characters in this story. The other two main characters are Patrick and Michael. I like that you gave Patrick and Michael a name. Who is the storyteller? Are they male or female? Personally, I would have given the storyteller a name too. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least I think they do.


How They Spoke to Me: There was a lot of dialogue in this story. In fact, most of it was dialogue. And I like that. Personally, I try to do half/half with all of my stories. If I don’t do half/half then most of my story is dialogue - like this story.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed there was a lot of one sentence paragraphs. There is nothing wrong with that. A lot, if not most, writers do that. I’m not one of them. Personally, I must have at least two sentences whether they are dialogue or not. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.

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434
434
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello mysterious_mystery,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, Not Another Pothole, and I did like it. But I did have a lot of trouble reading it. Don’t get me wrong, it did keep me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. I just had to
Re-read a lot of sentences several times to do it.

The Story: This is a story about a postman, I think it’s a male but I’m not sure about that, who agrees to deliver a present for a young boy. What makes this story different from most is that the present didn’t go through regular cycles. It was picked up en route – by a CIA agent.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story was the car the postman was using, his or her route, and where the young boy lived. I think you did a pretty good job with your description. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever the postman is in this story is the main character in it. The name of this postman would have been nice. For one thing, it would probably help to identify their gender. Unless the name can be either gender. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There is a lot of dialogue in this story. In fact, about half of it was dialogue. And I like that. Personally, I try to do half/half when it comes to all of my stories. If it’s not then usually it mostly dialogue. As for the dialogue, it looked pretty good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: You might want to re-read this story. It looks to me like you made a lot of spelling, punctuation, and capitalization errors.



I liked your story. Keep on writing.

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435
435
Review of Ticking  
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Emberlyn,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, Ticking, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about it was that it wasn’t a happy ending. But it wasn’t a sad one either.


The Story: This is a story about an older woman who is spending her birthday alone. Her daughter, Samantha aka Sammy, didn’t come by to spend her birthday with her. she didn’t even stop by to say Happy Birthday. Neither did her children or children’s children.


Where Your Location Is: At first, I wasn’t sure where this story took place. I think you did a great job describing your location. But I didn’t really figure out what that location was until toward the end of it. Knowing a little sooner where this location was would have been nice. Maybe you did it this way on purpose. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, the older woman is the main character in this story. You gave her daughter, Samantha, a name. But you didn’t give one to her. Personally, I would have given her, and her nurse, a name. I try to do that with all of my characters. Especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. at least, I think that it does. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was a little bit at the end of it. And the dialogue itself looked pretty good to me. I’m not exactly sure about the slash after it or elsewhere in this story. That might be a grammar error.

Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated the paragraphs by a space. I don’t think that it’s a grammar error that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure that there isn’t. But I think that a story is easier to read if they are separated by a space.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.

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436
436
Review of On Protocol...  
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (3.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello nanvireega,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, On Protocol…, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about it was that it kept me in suspences about what was going on almost up to the end of it.


The Story: This is a story about a fourteen-year-old named James. Who is in the hospital because he has leukemia. But I didn’t know that until the end of the story. The same is true about his name. It didn’t show up until almost the end of it. In fact, I was starting to believe that you weren’t going to give this character a name.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story is the hospital room where James was at. I think you did a great job in describing this location. But I just didn’t know what it was until almost the end of it. Personally, I try to have at least one location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitation is as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, James is the main character in this story. But he’s not the only one. There is at least one nurse that is going to miss him. And his cousin who is telling this story in memory of him. Personally, I would have given them all names. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have one. At least that’s what I think. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how your write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: You might want to re-read your story. I think you might have made at least one spelling error. There might have been more than one. But the one that I saw was clam instead of calm.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.

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437
437
Review of Harry's Birthday  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello WriterJay89,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, Harry’s Birthday, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop. What I like the best was that it was set under the sea.


The Story: This was a story about a red lobster named Harry. And the birthday that he didn’t think that his friends remember. But they did. Which I knew they would right from the beginning. All these types of stories are the same. Personally, just once I would like to see it not be a happy ending. Don’t get me wrong, I did like it. I think you did a very good job with this story.


Where Your Location Is: The main location for this story is under the sea. Actually, it takes place inside a shell where Harry lived. I like that you did such a good job with describing your location. It wasn’t much, and could maybe have been more, but I think you did a good job with it. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limit is as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one is. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Harry is the main character in this story. But he’s not the only one. His friend, Toby, is also a big part of it too. I like that you gave them names. Personally, I try to do that with all of my characters – especially my main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have one.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was some. And what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: You might want to re-read this story again. I think you might have made some grammar errors - like their instead of there.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.

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438
438
Review of The Homeless Boy  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Zeke Donovan,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it very much. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most about it was the male Polly. I always thought parrots were female – especially those named Polly.


The Story: This is a story about a homeless boy named Tommy. His age is unknown. But my best guess is that he’s probably in his pre-teen to early teens. As the story begin he’s all alone. Then Scarlet showed up one day and took Tommy to a magical place called Mysteria.


Where Your Location Is: Most of this story takes place in Mysteria. And I think you did a pretty good job describing it. But it where it begins I’m not sure about.


Your Main Character: Tommy is the main character in this story. But Scarlett was also a big part of it. So were the ones that Tommy meet once he got to Mysteria. I like that you gave them all names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There was only a little bit of dialogue in this story. And most of it looked pretty good to me. But it looks like there was an extra ‘will’ in that first bit of dialogue. You might want to check that out.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented the paragraphs in this story. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure that there isn’t. There are a lot of writers, maybe even most of them, that don’t indent. It’s just something that I like to do with my writing. That’s the way I was taught back in the Stone Age when I was first starting to write.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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439
Review of Day Dreamers  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello speakmymind,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I like the most about it was that it involved a male - probably in his early teens.


The Story: This is a story about a daydreamer dreaming what everyone else is up to. He sits on the steps of a fifteen story building daydreaming about the world around him. This male doesn’t dream about himself. All of his dreams are about others. Like the ghetto inner city kids skipping by.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story is the fifteen story building where this boy is sitting dreaming about everyone else’s reality. I think you did a good job with describing this location. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever this young male is, of course, is the main character in this story. Who is he? What is his name? Personally, I would have given him a name. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have one. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. And no italics to indicate thinking. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who might still do that. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you word your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated the two paragraphs with a space between them. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. But I think that a story is easier to read if there is one. At least it is for me. I would probably have broken up that second paragraph into to two or three separate paragraphs too. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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440
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Finny,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your tenth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it very much. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I could stop until I finished it. I did notice at least one misspelled word within it. You might want to re-read this story.


The Story: This is a story about an individual who has seen the world through reading. Not the reading itself about the world, but using the reading to actually live that visitation. How they do that is unknown. But this individual has seen a lot of it. And they are about to go on another one – to Neverland. Which tells me this is a probably a boy in his pre-teen to early teen years. Am I right about that?


Where Your Location Is: The locations in this story are numerous. After all, this individual has been all over the world. If I had to pick only one location I would say their bedroom. Which is probably where their journey really begins.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. What is their gender? Is it male or female? If they are a child, what is their age? What is their name? All these questions didn’t get answered. Personally, I would have answered all of them – except for their age if they were an adult. I usually don’t give out the ages, or range of ages, with adults. The most important question I would say is about their names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes feel more real if they have one. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was some. And what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated the paragraphs by a space. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure that there isn’t. it’s just easier to read if it is. At least I think that it is.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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441
Review of Lies  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Cora Elsa,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it very, very much. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. At first, I didn’t think I was going to like it at all. I’m not a big fan of vampire stories. But I started reading it I quickly changed my mind about this one.


The Story: This is the story about the truth about vampires. What we mortals of about them having souls, living in daylight etc. is all wrong. But it’s not just how they really live. It’s also about how they live once they become vampires.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. I don’t think there is an exact location for this one. Personally, I like to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count is as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. Who is this vampire? What is their name? Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree about that. I think you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you word your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: personally, I would have indented this story. I don’t think that there is a grammar rule that says that you have to do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. There are a lot of writers, if not most of them, that don’t do it. It just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story very, very much. Keep on writing.



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442
442
Review of Butterfly on HIgh  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello warriorpoet,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your eleventh year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I got started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I’m wondering about is what does Religion have to do with this story?


The Story: This is a story about the creation of life. In this particular story, that creation is a butterfly. It started at the beginning of its creation. And it ended with its death – on the wall with a pin in its body.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. At the beginning of it, the location must have been outside. Once the butterfly became alive the location was inside a child’s bedroom. Neither location is known. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like the locations in this story. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. Who that character is in this story is unknown. So is their name. Personally, I would have given this character a name. At the very least it would have established gender. Unless it’s a name that could go with either gender. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real. at least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this story telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you word your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Are butterflies only female? I don’t know a lot about butterflies. But I don’t think I have ever read or seen a story where there was a male butterfly. Also, I noticed that you didn’t capitalize any of you ‘Is’ within your story. You might want to check into that because I am pretty sure that is a grammar rule. I’m not very good at grammar either. So I could be wrong. But I don’t think I am about this rule.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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443
443
Review of Hurting  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Irisisflower,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I have just finished reading your Short story. And I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it.


The Story: This is the story about someone who was about to die and how they are feeling about their surroundings before they die. Most of how they are feeling are negative about themselves, their friends and their family.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story is taking place. It could be a medical facility of some kind or the place this individual lived. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. Who is this individual? What is their name? A name right now would be very helpful in determining what gender this person is. Unless they have a name that could be either gender. Personally, I would have given that character a name. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have one. At least that is what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There is no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you word your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated this one paragraph into several. I don’t think that there is a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. It just makes it easier to read. At least it would be for me. Probably others too.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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444
Review of Nightmare  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello WithinRights,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I don’t understand is where the Fantasy is in this story.


The Story: This is a story about a female named Christina who is being chased through a wooded area. What she is being chased by is unknown – even to her. When the creature finally caught up to her they exchanged a few words with each other – before she woke up. It was all a very bad dream aka a nightmare.


Where Your Location Is: The main location in this story is the wooded area. But wherever she was sleeping is also a location. You did a pretty good job with describing the wooded area, but not with where she was sleeping. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like the sleeping area in this story. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Christina is, of course, the main character in this story. But the creature chasing her is also a big part of it. I’m glad that you gave Christina a name. Personally, I would have given the creature a name too. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have one At least that’s the way that I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was some. And what dialogue there was looked good to me.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated this one paragraph into several – especially the dialogue part of it. The only thing I would do with these separate paragraphs is to make sure that there are at least two sentences, dialogue or not, in each one of them. I don’t write one sentence paragraphs. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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445
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Lady Black Heart,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your ninth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story. And I liked it – even though it was a poem instead of a Short Story. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I don’t understand is why you categorized this as Fiction when it’s really Poetry.


The Story: This is a story about tiny little monsters and how they live. In this story, they live in one particular house.


Where Your Location Is: The house that the tiny monsters live in is the main location for this story. I’m not exactly sure where this house is at. It wasn’t mentioned in this story. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. But who is this individual? What is that individual’s name? A name might tell me a lot about who this person is. At least it will gender wise. Unless it’s a name that can go with either gender. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it make them more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you started several paragraphs with the three same words. Personally, I don’t write my stories like that. There have to be at least two sentences or paragraphs before I use the same word again. And I have never done more than one. I also noticed that you also used one line sentences in your poetry. Personally, I don’t do that either. There has to be at least two sentences dialogue or not in each one of my paragraphs. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story. Keep on writing.



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Review of Chased by Numbers  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello ,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression:


The Story:


Where Your Location Is:


Your Main Character:


How They Spoke to Me:


Any Last Thoughts:



I liked your story . Keep on writing.




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Review of Untitled  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Lily,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your tenth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your very short Fantasy, Short Story. And I like it a lot. At least what there was to read of it I did. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop reading it until I finished it.


The Story: I’m not exactly sure what this story is about. I have re-read it several times. And I’m still not sure. Yes, I know that there is a story there. I just can’t see what it is. What is this story about?


Where Your Location Is: Once again, I not sure. I don’t know where this story takes place. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. Not even a gender – or a name. A name would help out a lot right now. Unless it’s one of those names that goes with either gender. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes the character more real if they have one.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I think you should have given this story a title. I do that with all of my stories. Sometimes I will change it before I create an Item for it. Actually, I do that quite often. But I think that it looks more professional if you have a title. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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Review of Dream Lost  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Charles Hayward Jr.,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading part one of your three part Fiction story. And I liked it very much. It kept me interested in what was going to happen next from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked best about this is a Science Fiction Action/Adventure with a hint of Horr/Scarry. Mystery and Action/Adventure are my two next styles of writing. They are so close to each other that I’m not sure who is second and third. Thriller/Suspense and Horror are probably the next two.


The Story: This is a story about a male named William who is part of the resistance again a demon invasion. What makes this invasion different from most is two thing. One is that its demons instead of giant insects. The second reason is that it's only America that has been attacked so far.


Where Your Location Is: The Earth, actually America, is the main location in this story. And it’s set in the future. I’m glad that you did such a good job with describing this location. At least I think you did. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: William is the main, and the only one so far, character in this story. And I like that you gave him a name. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name. I think it makes them feel more real if they have one. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated these paragraphs by a space. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. But I think it’s easier to read a story if you do. At least it is for me.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello D.W.,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your third year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your very short Fantasy, Short Story. And I like it a lot. At least what there was to read. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it.


The Story: This is a story about someone in a wooded area who feels that someone or something is watching them. At least that’s what it reads like to me. Am I wrong about that?


Where Your Location Is: The wooded area is the location for this story. And I think you did a very good job in describing it. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It all depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. Personally, I would have given this person a name. I try to do that with all of my characters – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have one. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There is no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you word your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: It looks like this review is a lot longer than your story. But most of it is how I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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450
450
Review of The agent returns  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Nathaniel Urian,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story. And I like it a whole lot. It kept me interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about it is how you re-created the Earth in our future.


The Story: This is a story about a male named Edward who is an agent of some kind. It has taken him a long time to get a new identity so that he could get into a base of the Peace Keepers. Which he has done – as a prisoner. His reason for being there is to turn one of the Peace Keepers.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where the base that Edward ends up at is at. But that is the main location for this story. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot more, than that.


Your Main Character: Edward is, of course, the main character in this story. And I like that you gave him a name. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There is no dialogue in this story – except for the opening quote. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated the paragraphs by a space. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says you should do it. But I think it’s easier to read a story if you do. It is for me.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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