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401
401
Review of Flash Rock Point  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello farrell711,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your tenth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Flash Rock Point, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most is that you gave Jim and George names.


The Story: This is a Mystery about two males by the name of Jim and George. They are on a camping trip of some kind when they spot a spaceship. Jim is sent to get a shotgun. When he got back he did give the shotgun to George. And he did fire it twice. But he used it on Jim and himself.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story is a wooded area near a camping site. At least that’s what I think it is. A little more detail about that would have been nice. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Jim and George are both the main characters in this story. And I liked that you gave them names, a lot, if not most, of writers, don’t do that. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: I’m not exactly sure but I think there was a lot of dialogue in this story. I just don’t think you wrote them corrected. It read like dialogue without the double quotation marks. At least most of it did.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented the paragraphs in this story. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says you should do that. In fact, I’m sure that there isn’t. A lot of writers, if not most of them, write like you do. That’s just the way I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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402
402
Review of Violin.  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Metalkicker,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fourth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Violin, and I like it a whole lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I didn't understand about it was that you used so many spaces between paragraphs. Was there a reason why you used three or four spaces between them?


The Story: This is a Crime/Gangster story about two men named Liu and Amon. Amon likes to play the violin. But he usually doesn’t do it around Liu. I’m not exactly sure why he didn’t. I don’t remember reading it in the story. Did I miss that part of it? Something else I am curious about. You mentioned ‘getting information on the local gangs.’ Are Liu and Amon cops or feds of some kind? Maybe they are gangsters too because you also mentioned Liu as being ‘second in command.” So which is it?


Where Your Location Is: An apartment is the main location in this story. But it’s not really the only one. There were others. Only they weren’t mentioned. The only one mentioned was the apartment. Personally, I like to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Liu and Amon are the two main, and only, characters in this story. And I like that you gave them names. A lot, if not most, of writers, don’t do that. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: At first, I didn’t think that there wasn’t going to be any dialogue in this story. But toward the end of it, there was. and what dialogue there was looked pretty good. At least it did to me.”


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you had a lot of paragraphs with only one sentence in them. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. A lot, if not most writers, write like you do. I’m just not one of them. With me, there have to be at least two sentences in all of my paragraphs. It doesn’t matter if they are dialogue or not as long as there are at least two of them.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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403
403
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Bea,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Dr. Morale’s Delemma, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. But I did have a lot of trouble reading it. Mostly because of the spacing between paragraphs. There wasn’t any. Personally, I would have spaced between paragraphs. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot of writers, if not most of them, write like you do. But it makes it easier to read if you do it. At least that’s what I think.


The Story: This is a Mystery story about a male named Dr. Morale who has come to Mr. Ernest for help with a problem. His problem is that his son Alex, not his daughter, is about to marry Sir Arnold Finch. Exactly what Mr. Ernest can do about it is unknown. But the reason for it is obvious.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where the location for this story takes place. It reads like a house or apartment, probably a house, is the location. But I’m not sure. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Dr. Morale is the main character in this story. But Mr. Ernest is a big part of this story too. I like that you gave them names. A lot of writers, if not most of them, don’t. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have one. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented these paragraphs. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do that. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot of writers, if not most of them, write like you do. But I’m not one of them.

I also noticed that you started at least two paragraphs with the same word, or in this case words. Personally, I don’t do that. There have to be at least two words before I use a word again. That’s true when it comes to my sentences too. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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404
404
Review of Alife less lived  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello broken-soldier1916,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Alife Less Lived, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most about it was the suspense.


The Story: This is a Crime/Gangster story about a man named Marko. He was on his way back after a pick-up and delivery that went terribly wrong. The pick-up and delivery went okay – except for the deaths of two people. One of those deaths was Marko’s childhood and beyond friend.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this location is at. I know that Marko is driving a car. But I’m not sure where this car is at. Was it a city, country, etc. where this story took place? Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Marko is the main, and pretty much the only, character in this story. And I like that you gave him a name. A lot, if not most, writers don’t do that. Personally, I like to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might do it. And there is at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you made a few spelling errors in this story. At least it looks like you have. You might want to re-read this story.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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405
405
Review of Black Coffee  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello ~Jack,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your twelfth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Black Coffee, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me in interested in it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most about it was the suspense involved with it. You hinted about it almost from the beginning. But you didn’t come right out and write what this story was about. I liked that a lot.


The Story: This is a Crime/Gangster story about someone, I think it’s a male but it could be female, who is about to kill someone named Karen with a black cup of coffee. He or she kept her busy with the world around them to get her mind off of what was really going on.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. It could be a kitchen somewhere or it could be a living room. Maybe evening a dining room. Where was it? Personally, I try to give all of my stories at least one solid location. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. But Karen is also a big part of it. I like that you gave Karen a name, but you didn’t do it with the main character. Personally, I would have given her or him a name too. At the very least it would have given this character a gender. Unless it’s a name that could be for both genders. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was a lot of dialogue in this story. In fact, about half of it was dialogue and I like that. Personally, I try to half/half when it comes to all of my stories. If it’s not then the story is dominated by dialogue.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you had a lot of one sentence paragraphs. And there’s nothing wrong with that. A lot, if not most, of writers, who write like you do. But I’m not one of them. For me, there have to be at least two sentences in each one of my paragraphs. It doesn’t matter if it’s dialogue or not as long as there are two of them.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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406
406
Review of The Ultimate Job  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Ben,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your ninth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, The Ultimate Job, and I liked it very, very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished reading it. What I liked the most about this story is that you mentioned several Aliens and planets that are part of today's literature, television, and movies.


The Story: This is the story about a male, I’m pretty sure it’s a male, who wants to pilot a spaceship as a valet for The Oscars that’s celebrating its 200th celebration. This individual is an old fashion milkman at the moment. But he wants to be more than that. He wants to be rich with BMWs and Mercedes like some of his clients.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. I know that it’s The Oscar. But does it take place on Earth still or is it more intergalactic like some of the entries? Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is ‘telling’ this story is the main, and pretty much the only, character in this story. Several others are mentioned. But that’s all they were – mentioned. Who was this milkman? What was his name? Personally, I would have given him a name. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially my main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think,


How They Spoke to Me: There isn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And there is at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented the paragraphs in this story. I don’t think that there is a grammar rule saying that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do. I’m just not one of them. But that just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story very, very much. Keep on writing.



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407
407
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello eaglewoman,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Growing up with Mandy,the haunted doll, and I did like it. It kept me interested in reading it enough for me to read it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I didn’t stop until I finished it. But I did have a lot of trouble reading it. Mostly because there was a lot of punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and spacing problems.


The Story: I’m not exactly sure what this story is about. I know that it’s about a doll named Mandy. And that she is supposed to be haunted. But other than that I’m not sure. What is this story about?


Where Your Location Is: A farm about twenty miles out into the country is the main, and only, location for this story. What kind of animals they had at the farm was mentioned. But not the farm itself. Personally, I like to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is ‘telling’ this story is the main character in it. But who is this someone? Since there is a doll involved I would say that someone is a female. I’m not even sure about that. A name would have helped to solve the wonderment. Unless it was a name that could fit both genders. Personally, I would have given her a name. I try to do that with all of my characters – especially my main ones. It makes them feel more real if they had a name. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And there is at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Like I said above I did like your story. But I think it still needs a lot of rewriting. Of course, that’s just my opinion. Which is true about the rest of this review too. Other Reviewers might not feel the same way as I do. Has anyone else reviewed it?



I liked your story. Keep on writing.



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408
408
Review of The Outside  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Kable,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, The Outside, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most about this story is that it isn’t just an anniversary story. It’s also a birthday story.


The Story: This is a story about a male almost sixteen-year-old named Darren who is getting a series of shots in preparation for him going to the surface to live. Holly is the one giving him his shots. And she will be leaving The Sector for the surface too. Exactly when was never said. Darren barely got all his shots done before a group of other children came into celebrate his going to the surface.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. It reads like it’s a medical facility of some kind. But It also reads like they are underground. Where The Sector is I’m not sure. I’m also not sure if it’s on Earth or another planet, or why the surface was so dangerous. I know you can’t go into too much detail if there is a Word Count limitation. But it can be done. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on wht my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Darren is the main character of this story. But Holly is a very big part of this story too. I like that you gave them names. There are a lot of writers, if not most of them, who don’t do that. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was a lot of dialogue in this story. And what dialogue there is looked pretty good. At least it did to me. But you might want to re-read this story. I think you did make a few mistakes with missing comma. And it wasn’t just in the dialogue either.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have separated these paragraphs with a space between them. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do that. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot of, if not most, writers write like you do.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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409
409
Review of A letter home  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Eeevil,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your ninth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, A Letter Home, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it.


The Story: This is a story about an Alien named filaZbli who has written a letter to his or her friend bliZ. In the letter, he or she is telling him or her about the race they are observing. So far all she or he is talking about is how we look and our senses. That’s right they are talking about humans or Earthling depending on who they talk to.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. It could be on a spaceship or a satellite. Maybe it’s on Earth or Earth’s moon. It’s even possible that they are on or near their homeworld. In one part of the letter it kind of sounded like us humans or is it Earthlings might not be on Earth anymore. If so, then where are they? Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, filaZbli is the main character in this story. In fact, he or she is the only one in this story. Which really isn’t a story to me. I’m glad that you gave her or him a name. What gender they are is still unknown. That would have been nice to know. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t really any dialogue in this story. Unless the whole thing is dialogue. Maybe filaZbli is reading out loud what he has written to his friend. If so, then shouldn’t these paragraphs be in quotation marks. And if he or she is thinking about this as he reads it then it should be in italics. So which is it?


Any Last Thoughts: I am curious about something. Why did you categorize it this as Fiction? Should it be categorized as a Letter? I know that it’s an Alien, Science Fiction, letter. But it is still a letter. Isn’t it?



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.




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410
410
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Cameryn,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your third year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Zombie Attack; Part 2., and I did like it a lot - as an Action/Adventure. But not as Horror/Scary. True, I like most Horror/Scary stories, but I'm not a big fan of Zombie stories. Like I wrote above, I did like this story a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop reading it until I finished it.


The Story: This is a story about someone, I think it’s a male, who is about to die because of a Zombie attack. Only they are going to die without a fight. But they are surrounded by Zombies. So it’s only a matter of times before they die.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. I know it’s in a village, city, town etc. somewhere. But I’m not sure where it’s at. I’m not even sure it’s on Earth, but I’m sure it is. After all, only Earth or Earth colonies have Zombies. Which isn’t true. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is ‘telling’ this story is the main character in it. But who is this character? What is their gender and what is their name? A name would be helpful in establishing gender. Unless it’s a name that could be either gender. Personally, I would have given them a name. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think.



How They Spoke to Me: There isn’t really any dialogue in this story. But there is a thought or two, though. I think that thoughts are dialogue, but most writers and Reviewers don’t. There is a problem with your thoughts. At least I think there is. Instead of the double quotation marks, I think it should be italicized. I used to think it was single quotation marks around thoughts. But according to other Reviewers, it should be italics.


Any Last Thoughts: Because of the date at the top of it this story looks like a journey or blog entry. Is it? If so this either all of this should be thoughts or whoever is telling this story should treat it as dialogue. At least that’s what I think.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.




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411
411
Review of First Contact  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Ruth Draves,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your third year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, First Contact, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most about it was how it ended aka the Aliens weren’t invaders.

The Story: This is a story about a male named Bob who is the one who deciphered the message from the Aliens. He also responded that that message. When he did the Aliens left orbit and left never to be heard from again.


Where Your Location Is: The main location for this story is the observatory that Bob worked at. But all of Earth is also a location because of the panic, chaos, looting, and curiosity going on. I think you did a pretty good job with this location. Personally, I like to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if most a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Bob is the main character in this story. He’s pretty much the only one. I like that you gave him a name. A lot, if not most, of writers don’t. Personally, I try to give all of my main characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented these paragraphs. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot of, if not most, writers write like you do. Indenting is just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.




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412
412
Review of Strange Friends  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Bashfulbob,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your second year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Strange Friends, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most was the ending aka Alice fainting.


The Story: This is a story about a male who moved to the desert between Phoenix and Tucson because of his mental health. His only real friend now is a rattlesnake named Hector. He does have a brother and sister-in-law too. They have just come for a visit. A visit that didn’t start off too good.


Where Your Location Is: The location for this story is the house where Zeb lives. Not too much is said about the house itself – except it being in the desert. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Zeb is the main character in this story. But he’s not the only one. So is Jim, Alice, and even Hector too. I like that you gave them all names. A lot, if not most, of writers don’t. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of Dialogue in this story. But there was a little. And what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me.


Any Last Thoughts: The only mistake that I noticed that you might have made was ‘turn’ instead of ‘turned.’ There might have been others. But that’s the only one I saw. You might want to re-read this story again.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.




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413
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello David N. Alderman,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your thirteenth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, FFF #4 Silhouettes, and I like it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. I did have a little trouble reading it. Maybe it’s just too sophisticated for me.


The Story: I’m not exactly sure what this story is about. It reads like someone, I think a male, is reflecting on their life compared to all the other lives around them. At least that’s what it reads like to me.


Where Your Location Is: Once again, I’m not sure where this story takes place. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is telling this story is the main character in it. Who is this character? Is this character male or female? What is their name? A name would help establish their gender. Unless it’s a name that can be both genders. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.



Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you started several sentences back to back. There isn’t anything wrong with that. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do. But I’m not one of them. Personally, I don’t do that. There have to be at least two of words starting sentences or paragraphs before I use one again.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.




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414
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Sarahvb,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fifth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, October Nano Prep 2, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it.


The Story: This is a story about a young girl named Abby, Abigail according to her grandmother, who has just lost her father. At least it reads like a young girl between preteen, or is it tween now, too early teens. She could be a little younger than that too. Personally, when it comes to children I like to give their ages in my stories. But that’s just me.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this location takes place. But from what I read it sounds like a house. It could be an apartment, duplex etc too. I know it’s definitely a bedroom somewhere. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count is as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this story. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Abby is the main character in this story. But here grandmother is also a big part of it. I like that you gave Abby a name. But you didn’t give one to your grandmother. Personally, I would have given her a name too. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main one. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. at least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But what dialogue there was looked good to me.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you had a couple of paragraphs with only one sentence in them. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think that it a grammar rule that says you should do it that way. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do do. I’m just not one of them. For me, there have to be at least two sentences per paragraph. It doesn’t matter if they are dialogue or not as long as there are two of them. In this story, I think that both paragraphs could be made into two sentences if you just take out the comma.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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415
Review of Wedding feast  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Auntynae,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fifteenth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Wedding Feast, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I don’t understand about it is the title. The feast part I understand but not the wedding part.


The Story: This is a story about a female named Lexi who is hunting a deer for food, clothing etc. it reads like she's an alien of some kind. But I’m not sure what kind of an alien she is. It was hinted at in the story, but there isn’t really any description of her. Who was this alien?


Where Your Location Is: The main, and only, location for this story is a wooded area. And I think you did a great job in describing it. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location is at. Usually,it a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Lexi is the main, and only, character in this story. And I’m glad that you gave her a name. A lot, if not most, writers don’t do that. Persoanlly, I try to give all of my characters a name. I think it makes them feel more real is the have one. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your stories.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented my paragraphs. I’m not sure if there is a grammar rule that says that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.

Also, I think that green is the wrong color to use. I can understand it when it comes to Questionnaires or Reviews like this one. But other than that I think black is best.




I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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416
416
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Smokey,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your sixth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, The Feeling of Space, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. But I did have some trouble reading it.


The Story: This is the story about someone who is on an observation lounge looking at the star and space as the Federation Starship The Carl Sagan travels among the stars on it’s way to its final destination. Which is still nine days away. At least that’s how it reads to me. But I might be wrong about the observation lounge.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. I know it’s on The Carl Sagan. But I’m not too sure where whoever is watching the stars is at. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is watching the stars is the main character in this story. Who is this character? What is there name? A name would have indicated gender too. Unless it was a name that could be both genders. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It just depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: You might want to re-read this story again. I think I saw several grammar errors when it comes to spelling and capitalization.

Personally, I would have also separated these paragraphs by a space between them. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that says that you should do that. In fact, I’m sure it isn’t. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do. But I think that it looks more profession if you do it. And it’s a lot easier to read too.


I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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417
417
Review of Unwanted Visitors  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Jellyfish ✌❤,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your fourth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Unwanted Visitors, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I didn’t like about it was that it was another invasion of Earth story. Don’t get me wrong, I did like this story. I’m just not a fan of ‘invasion of Earth’ stories.


The Story: This is a story about a male named Lazari who has come to Earth, among others, to destroy it. At least that’s the way I read it. What I don’t know from this story is whether Lazari is an Alien or another human. But my guess is that he’s an Alien. That’s the way most Science Fiction writers write. Only I’m not one of them. I write pure Science Fiction. Which means I don’t write about Earth or Earth-related stories.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. I know it’s on Earth. But not where on Earth. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.

Your Main Character: Of course, Lazari is the main character in this story. But there are several other invaders too. I don’t think that he’s even the main invaders. He’s just one among many. I’m glad that you gave him a name. A lot, if not most, writers don’t. Personally, I try to get all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on them. But there is some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I still have a lot of problems with grammar. But I think that you have made a couple of grammar errors in your second paragraph. Instead of the hyphen, I think it should be two, maybe even three, sentences. The other mistake you might have made was that you didn’t capitalize Viola.



I liked your story very much. Keep on writing.



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418
418
Review of Ship  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello angorth,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your first year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Ship, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it.


The Story: This is a story about a male named Stephen who wakes from a dream about him being at a party. Where he wakes up to I’m not sure. I’m also not sure what they story is really about. What was this story really about?


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this story takes place. From the title and the fact that it’s categorized as Science Fiction, it would say it was on a spaceship. But I’m not even sure about that. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Stephen is the main character in this story. He’s the only one at the moment. And I like that you gave him a name. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: I think this is a good start for a much longer story. Maybe even a Novel. Have you progressed further with this story? Was this the beginning of a longer story or a Novel. If it is a Novel, have you written an Outline for it? I’m a big believer in writing Outlines for novels and Outlines and treatment for Scripts. Personally, I would have written an Outline if this was a Novel. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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419
419
Review of Iris Dust  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Lunar Girl,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your seventh year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, Iris Dust, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most was that it kept me in suspense about what was going on until the end of it.


The Story: This is a story about a female named Iris. At least I think her name is Iris because of the title description. But I’m not exactly sure about that either. As for the story itself, it’s about someone who has the ability to change people’s life for the better. How they do that is still unknown at the moment.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where the location is for this story. There doesn’t seem to be one yet. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Iris is the main character in this story. At least I think she is from the title description. But there is no mention of her in this story so far. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just me. That’s just the way that I like to write my story.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t any dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your stories.


Any Last Thoughts: I am curious about one thing. Is this the beginning of a Novel? Maybe it’s the beginning of an Outline for a Novel? Either way, have you advanced on this story?



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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420
420
Review of Mother  
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello kim,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your sixth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Reviews



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Short Story, Mother, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about it is that it’s both a birthday and an anniversary review. Two for the price of one.


The Story: This is a story about a mother-to-be named Mrs. Lennon who was about to give birth to a baby boy she and her husband are going to name John Winston Lennon. They lived in Liverpool and they were in the middle of a battle. I’m not sure if it’s World War One or World War two. But whichever it is her husband is probably in it.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure where this location is at. But it reads like it’s a hospital or maybe a clinic. A little more detail on this location would have been nice, but I understand why there isn’t considering this is a Contest entry. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Mrs. Lennon is the main character in this story. But so are the nurse and the doctor too. Personally, I would have given all three of them names. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There was quite a bit of dialogue in this story. In fact, about half of it was dialogue. And I like that. Personally, I like to make all of my stories half/half. If I don’t then my story is dominated by dialogue.


Any Last Thoughts: I think you might have made a few grammar errors with this story. You might want to re-read this story again.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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421
421
Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello PaulFinch,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your twelfth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, For Darker Things Wait, and I liked it a whole lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most is how it kept me in suspense on what was going to happen next.


The Story: This is a story about a young boy named John who had a fear of the corn field out his back door. He had this fear all during his childhood into his mid teens. It was when he was sixteen that his fear became reality. John was babysitting two boys when they asked him if they could go out in their backyard and play. A few minutes later he checked on them. And what read like a living scarecrow, but never called that, had the two boys. Whatever it was it took the boys into the corn field and beckoned John to follow it.


Where Your Location Is: The farm houses and the corn fields that surround them are the main locations in this story. The small Midwestern town is also mentioned. But that all it was – mentioned. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself - sort of like these locations. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, John is the main character in this story. But the two boys he is babysitting are also a big part of it. So is whoever grabbed the two boys. I glad that you gave john and the two boys names. But you didn’t the ‘scarecrow.’ Personally, I would have given the ‘scarecrow’ a name too or a nickname like the Scary Scarecrow or the Living Scarecrow. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially my main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: I’m not sure, but I think you might have made some grammar errors when it comes to your dialogue. When John was talking to Toby you used quotation marks. But you didn’t with the ‘scarecrow.’


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you didn’t separate the dialogue with Toby with their own paragraphs. I’m not sure if that’s a grammar rule or not that says that you should do that. In fact, I’m sure it isn’t. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do when it comes to dialogue. I would have given them there own paragraphs with a space in between them. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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Review of That Mansion  
Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello coolniv,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your sixth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, That Mansion, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about this story is how you described the mansion.


The Story: This is a story about a male, name unknown, who inherited a spooky looking mansion from a recently dead uncle. An inheritance that he didn’t like getting – until he found an old trunk in one of the bedrooms. Once he found the key to it he opened it. Then…


Where Your Location Is: The mansion is the location for this story. I think you did a pretty good job in describing it. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like in this story. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Whoever is ‘telling’ this story is the main character in it. You gave the butler a name. but you didn’t give the main character one. Personally, I would have given this character a name too. I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main one. It makes them feel nore real if they have one. At least that’s what I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t a lot of dialogue in this story. But there was some. And what dialogue there was looked to me.


Any Last Thoughts: Was this the beginning of a much longer story? Maybe even a Novel. The reason why I asked is because it just seemed to end. There was no real ending to this story.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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Review by PureSciFi
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Apriori Adlucem,

I saw your name on the Anniversary Review List. And I wanted to give you an Anniversary Review. This is your eighth year with us. *Smile* Happy Anniversary *Smile*



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading the first segment of you Fiction story, Samuel and the Wishing Well, and I liked it a lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it.


The Story: This is the beginning of what appears to be a Novel. The second part of it even started with the title ‘Chapter 1.’ As for the story itself, I’m not exactly sure what this story is about. There isn’t much for me to say about this story. Once there’s more of it I can probably give you a better review of what this story is all about.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure what the location is for this story. There’s not enough to tell just yet. Personally, I try to have at least one, usually more, solid story in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the locations themselves. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Once again, I’m not sure who the main character or characters are in this story. There doesn’t seem to be any yet. Who are the main character(s) in this story? What are their names? Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think that it makes them feel more real if they have a name. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.


How They Spoke to Me: There was no dialogue in this story. So I’m not going to comment on that. But there are some Reviewers who still might. And at least one Reviewer who would consider this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your story.


Any Last Thoughts: Have you continued this chapter? Did you ever continue this Novel? If you did I would be interested in finishing the first chapter at least. What about an Outlines for your Novel. Did you ever write an Outline? I am a big believer in Outlines for Novels and Outlines and Treatments for Scripts. Personally, I would have written an Outline for this Novel. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a lot. Keep on writing.



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Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (3.5)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Redtowrite,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, A Rainbow of Colors, and I liked it’s a whole lot. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the most about it was how it ended. It wasn’t a happy ending. But life doesn’t always have a happy ending.


The Story: The is a story about a couple named Wes and Jewel who met at a gynecologist office. Why she was really there was never written. But he was there because he was a pharmaceutical representative. They fell in love and had about a month or so together before a tragedy happens. It was on Jewel’s twenty-first birthday. She always wanted to fly. So Wes made her dream come true with a hot air balloon ride.


Where Your Location Is: I’m not exactly sure what the main location is in this story. There are several of them. And they are all in one town, city etc. That place is Vale. A little bit more detail on these locations would have been nice. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It all depends on what my Word Count limitations are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself. Usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Wes and Jewel are both the main characters in this story. I’m glad that you gave them names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. I think it makes them feel more real if they have a name.


How They Spoke to Me: There was a lot of dialogue in this story. And what dialogue there was looked good. At least it did to me. Personally, I would have separated that dialogue into separate paragraphs. They sort of are already because of the indention. But I would have added a space between them.


Any Last Thoughts: I noticed that you had several one sentence paragraphs. And there’s nothing wrong with that. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do. But I’m not one of them. For me, there have to be at least two sentences in each one of my paragraphs. That’s just the way that I like to write my stories.



I liked your story a whole lot. Keep on writing.



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Review by PureSciFi
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Rated: E | (4.0)


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#1300305 by Maryann




Hello Gamma Jill,

I saw your story on the birthday search that I did for this WDC Anniversary month. And I thought I would give your story a read. These are only my opinions and comments. If you agree with them that is fine. But if you don’t that’s fine too.



Now for the good stuff:  The Review.



Overall Impression: I just finished reading your Fiction story, An Unusual Place for my Birthday Party, and I liked it very much. It kept me interested in reading it from beginning to end. Once I started reading it I couldn’t stop until I finished it. What I liked the best about this story was how it ended. At first, I thought it might be set in a hospital room. But by the end of it, I realized I wasn’t too far off.


The Story: This is a story about a female named Jill who is celebrating her birthday at a very unusual place. Of course, I didn’t know that until almost the end of this story. Most of this story was about all the family, friends, and enemies that Jill had in her life over the years. I think you did a pretty good job with how you introduced them and how you handled them too.


Where Your Location Is: The place that this story takes place was where Jill and Dan were at. Like I said above, at first I thought it was a hospital room because she was about to die. Then you mentioned her mom and I realized it wasn’t there. Almost admittedly I read where this location was really at. Personally, I try to have at least one solid location in all of my stories. It depends on what my Word Count limitation are as to how much detail I put into them. Sometimes it’s just the location itself – sort of like this one turned out to be, usually, it’s a little bit, if not a lot, more than that.


Your Main Character: Of course, Jill is the main character in this story. But Dan is a big part of it too. So are her family, friends, and enemies. I like that you gave them names. Personally, I try to give all of my characters a name – especially the main ones. It makes them feel more real if they have a name. At least that’s the way I think.


How They Spoke to Me: There wasn’t too much dialogue in this story. But what dialogue there was looked good to me. I don’t see any problem with this little of dialogue. Some of, if not most of, the other Reviewers might. They would probably call this telling instead of showing. Personally, I disagree with that. I think that you can show a story with or without dialogue. It all depends on how you write your paragraphs.


Any Last Thoughts: Personally, I would have indented each paragraph in this story. But that’s just the way that I like to write my stories. I don’t think that it’s a grammar rule that you should do it. In fact, I’m sure there isn’t. A lot, if not most, writers write like you do.



I liked your story very Much. Keep on writing.



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