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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/ripglaedr3/day/6-30-2021
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Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance like the others. You earn pretty medallions gallantly while other players buy, sell and trade at market to get ahead without moving an inch. Slow burn…hey? You’d rather keep your dignity, or try to figure out their game. That’s where you really get lost. Game full of misdirects leads right back to start over and over. You could have stayed on your quest. Now, you have this.

Redacted, censored, gaslighted…must be doing something right, my old boss would say. I’m not a sociopath, he tells himself. Equal parts, then? Mom should have had me tested. Because, life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit ugly.Tap on them. It’s part of the quest…see where I’ve been; see who I am:


         
                   
                                       
                   
                   
        
         


Right. I redact myself. The beautiful mess you made. Who are you?
If I’ve been denied the right of knowledge, I’ve earned the right to judge.
         |
Without knowledge, who’s to judge?
         |
No gavel; no voice.

"...politely reedy but ambitiously eclectic—moving effortlessly from hen-picking and bottleneck slides to a full deck of chucka-chucka rhythm figures."

I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost
         |
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle.

*Neurodivergent poet.
*Don’t judge/hate. I love.
*Honesty without mincing words.
*Dump your prejudice outside my door. Hope you leave it on the way out.
*Nothing to fear but people who surround themselves with rules, can’t be touched.
*Real dialogue accepted.

My words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The true experience/acknowledgment of my writing yet to come...long after I’ve left WDC, am dead, or both.

Truly been a blessing, but I've been pushing it — envelope, push world and all inhabitants away, push buttons to find boundaries, having no clue or told where they lie, where I've lived in your dark. Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me the way I need to be viewed. (if I knew what that was. Cryptic, I know. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid the strange, virtual walls that tempt me to try).
*The parenthetical lawyer up?



Foot free, I’m all over the place.
 
"Note: Poetry: life’s little interruptions amassing int..."
 

Best Poetry Collection 2X, nominated three years. What does it mean? I was enjoying myself, head bagged. A happy idiot. Something messed with that. I won’t be a coward; not starting feuds or wars over ideals and beliefs. We all know that’s a pile of crap packaged with dreams of pretty things to sell the next boob that walks by. *Clown*

Been more than I could imagine or expect. My achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall. But, I get it. You're sick of me. It's how I feel about myself when I dig deeper, push boundaries. Don’t care my words that aim for honesty, either brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit a target. Get a back off shoulder shot for asking your motivations to write…won’t get me to bend over backwards to appease, again.

There’s no prize to eye, not properly incentivized. So, does it mean when dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do the best with what you got? Yeah, rigged. Yeah, other tables — other ‘games’. But, something in my gut I’ll never be rid.



My Pluggers:
You are an icon here.*BigSmile*
You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer.{/blue}*Heart*

It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Life’s Little Misdirections 🥀🦋"
Your poetic muse is on fire! *Fire* Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. *Cool*

 
Published four times with one a literary journal, including… *PointRight*   "The Tender Core (Sedona)" 
I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing.

*Toilet* *RibbonW* Merit Badge in Taboo Words [Click For More Info] Brian, Congratulations! You won 1st Place in Taboo Words with your fantastic poem, [Link to Book Entry #1027659]. I absolutely loved this! *^*Heart*^* Rachel Merit Badge in Poetry [Click For More Info] Thanks you for supporting the [Link To Item #power] with an order to the [Link To Item #powergifts] ! We appreciate it. *^*Heartv*^* Keep writing the beautiful poetry. [Link to Book Entry #1027659] is an awesome poem! *^*Starv*^* ~Lornda

 
Love my process constructing and sharing visions in words collected (no small task considering personal and physical limitations, see below).


August 28, 2006 this blog opened ▼

BOOK
SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days  (18+)
All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know.
#1300042 by He’s Brian K Compton


No specific aim going forward (2014) ▼

 
What I used to say: 'Maybe, I just don't get it. Watch me fumble with my version of reality, expose ignorance as truth. You don't have to get me, either. But, wish someone would explain me to myself.' Now I say: *Cool* *FacePalm* Now: I was such a whore.
 


*Laugh*This is old….
What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on.
Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting.
If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I?
…just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself.*RollEyes*
             



What Was NEW

Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily.

Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego.

#amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube

Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY?
 

Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door ▼

The Best Poetry Collection on Writing.Com ▼
June 30, 2021 at 9:04pm
June 30, 2021 at 9:04pm
#1012811

Metronome Love -haiku

My metronome heart,
Steadily beating, timing,
Attunes with your love.


6.30.21
Three lines, haiku

Open Prompt: Write a poem, 15 lines or less, structured or free verse, on the topic of your choosing for "The Whatever Contest" .

I can't imagine a haiku getting nom'd for a Quill. So, this is me mailing it in. *Laugh*
June 30, 2021 at 8:27pm
June 30, 2021 at 8:27pm
#1012810

Snowflakes latched like lovers laughing,
twirling above a deepening twilight,
Thick woods darkened the deeper we roamed.
Our footprints depressed a winding trail
beside blue spruce. Heavy bows held great,
frozen weight amid a spiraling storm,
piercing thin air all around us.

You would have me press my pale flesh
down into your spread sheepskin coat.
Howls and bursts kissed our naked flesh
heating the chilled white blanket below.
Intertwined in a mountain valley,
our love echoed in a barren winter.



6.30.21
13 lines, free verse

Open Prompt: Write a poem, 15 lines or less, structured or free verse, on the topic of your choosing for "The Whatever Contest" .
June 30, 2021 at 12:51pm
June 30, 2021 at 12:51pm
#1012789
This burden of what I am,
its complex scenarios, complicated by
assumption, how I should behave
with your disdain or indifference
for sharing drama,
the day to day when reaching out
for understanding,
only to be shunned further, again.

Want to feel whole, normal, but might not
ever get there with something lacking
in my DNA. I'll always be missing
that certain something you take for granted
that I try to patch
with any love or assurance just to sustain.

You are not strong enough for two --
unbound, not my glue.

And those who struggle (like me) don't realize,
we topple all of you --
those (around) who don't get out of the way.
Not strong enough to bolster us or
lift us back up.

So, we (I) burden our (my) responsibility
by not declaring in anthems all this pain --
be strong for ourselves, insulate
from the rest, until we're no longer
holding back sagging walls before collapse.

Perfectly normal feelings, is what they (you) say.
WE can 'relate'. Yet, it takes ALL of you
for just one (like me) to get through this life,
or make a day a little brighter --
sacrifice, instead of hoarding all the love.


6.30.21
31 lines

piggyback off previous post
June 30, 2021 at 12:08pm
June 30, 2021 at 12:08pm
#1012786


"Every day is so wonderful
Then suddenly it's hard to breathe
Now and then I get insecure
From all the pain
I'm so ashamed"

This burden, complex sets of emotions for feeling the way we do, complicated by what we assume is disdain or indifference for sharing our drama, when reaching out for understanding, only to be shunned further.

People who want to feel whole/normal might not ever get there because there is something lacking that they'll always be missing that they/we think we can patch with love and assurance from another who gives the appearance they are strong enough for two. And what those who struggle don't realize is they/we topple all those around us who don't get out of the way, because they are not as strong as they seem to bolster us or lift us back up. So, we burden the responsibility by not declaring in anthems like this that we have to be strong for ourselves, rather insulate until we're no longer holding back those sagging walls before collapse. And then, it's really a mess.

Song probably written by a highly-functioning 'whatever' until I have a diagnosis, can't say.

These are perfectly normal feelings we can relate and acknowledge. It takes a strong support group for a person to get through life. Be there for them in person, if you know you can make their day a little brighter; sacrifice a bit of yourself. Stop hoarding all the love. *Heart*

That time, I was on a soapbox. Getting down now. Read more here about the curious history of this song that endears its creator to me, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beautiful_(Christina_Aguilera_song) .

And what I truly get from Linda Perry, the author, is that writers really know how something should be performed, where artists seldom get it. The Wikipedia link has more.


6.30.21
June 30, 2021 at 2:12am
June 30, 2021 at 2:12am
#1012763
With their tongues out--

Sneering, dirty faces haunted,
still mock me to this day.
They used to say,
‘I know you are, but what am I?’
to stifle a squabble.

Nothing’s changed.
Heavy brows snarling, judge
my indignance, as if to say,
you're the crazy one
and just walk away.

It’s called gaslighting, though
I wouldn’t have learned
if I hadn’t googled
to help in my predicament,
realize I can’t get unstuck from
a lifetime losing arguments
to narcissists.

6.30.21

This poem could say more, but it's late, I'm tired and why bother?
June 30, 2021 at 12:28am
June 30, 2021 at 12:28am
#1012760
I Lean Into It Hard

I have so much to say and no one to tell it to.
What 'it' is, I do not know.
When you've been in captivity,
unobserved, observed,
you go a little stir crazy, wonder
what do they think,
when the words come.

Constructed in their language,
I lean into it hard,
every complex emotion, feeling
and things I don't understand, hoping
a friend will come forward
to illuminate a dark, caged world.

The longer I prate,
the quicker eyes dull, close and shadows
depart from my den
where I remain a denizen, pacing
and speaking aloud to the wall,
no one, but hoping for one ear
to eavesdrop, maybe

a reaction is all I need.
A face that I can read for a sign,
but my friends who could pantomime
just appear indifferent, or maybe,
I'm blind, can't read at all.
I lean into it hard, a wall
and nothing gives way to my brain.

I'm done for now.

6.29.21

Type ramble. Because I googled the title words and had to write something to satisfying my annoying mind. You think you have it bad? I have to live with this condition. *Sad*


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/blog/ripglaedr3/day/6-30-2021