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(117)
Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
I’m disabled by more than blindness.

Writing: Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance in life. Pretty medallions sought for words/my soul, slow burnt. Full of misdirects, right back at the start, but still quest with thirst.

Life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit uglier. Minced words too pungent. If they take time to notice, must be doing something right.

scripturam in hoc non mutamus, quia stultus es et differentiam nescies.

(hic)

The beautiful mess you made:
I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost
         |
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle. - me

Neurodivergent poet seeks love without that fart in the room between us. Honesty without mincing words has come with a price for those juggling the hot my takes on what’s ‘truth’ (here’s some oven mitts). Best to stay clear of those surrounded by moat rules.

Real dialogue is accepted.

Wasn’t as open at first about recent diagnosis on spectrum with ADHD (complicated by PTSD, life of brain traumas). Been suggested by doctors of late I might want another brain scan (since 12/4/17…blogged).

This poet’s words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The experience of discovery through writing is the truest reward that has allowed me to grow and learn who/what I am — what other people get naturally, immediately, while I stomp around in it.

Been blessed, but pushing it — envelope, world and all inhabitants away. Push buttons, find boundaries to trip traps. No clue why cat curiosity, living in your dark. (Bored, perhaps?)

Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me how I need to be viewed (if I knew what that was). Cryptic, yes. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid strange, virtual, wonderful walls that tower above, tempt me to scale.

Been more than I could imagine or expect here. But, achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall *Think*. I dig deeper than I should, often without forethought. Aimless words, brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit targets? Get a ‘back off’ shoulder shot when asking your motivations here. Not fair?

No prize to eye; not incentivized. Dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do best with what’s in hand.



My Pluggers:
You are an icon here.*BigSmile*
You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer.*Heart*

It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Poetic Referendum(s) On Life"
Your poetic muse is on fire! *Fire* Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. *Cool*

 
Published four times with one a literary journal, including… *PointRight*   "The Tender Core (Sedona)" 
I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing.

*Toilet* *RibbonW* Merit Badge in Taboo Words [Click For More Info] Brian, Congratulations! You won 1st Place in Taboo Words with your fantastic poem, [Link to Book Entry #1027659]. I absolutely loved this! *^*Heart*^* Rachel Merit Badge in Poetry [Click For More Info] Thanks you for supporting the [Link To Item #power] with an order to the [Link To Item #powergifts] ! We appreciate it. *^*Heartv*^* Keep writing the beautiful poetry. [Link to Book Entry #1027659] is an awesome poem! *^*Starv*^* ~Lornda

 
Love my process constructing and sharing visions in words collected (no small task considering personal and physical limitations, see below).


August 28, 2006 this blog opened ▼

BOOK
SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days  (18+)
All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know.
#1300042 by Brian K Cognitive Dissonance


No specific aim going forward (2014) ▼

 
What I used to say: 'Maybe, I just don't get it. Watch me fumble with my version of reality, expose ignorance as truth. You don't have to get me, either. But, wish someone would explain me to myself.' Now I say: *Cool* *FacePalm* Now: I was such a whore.
 


*Laugh*This is old….
What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on.
Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting.
If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I?
…just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself.*RollEyes*
             



What Was NEW

Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily.

Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego.

#amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube

Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY?
 

Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door ▼

The Best Poetry Collection on Writing.Com ▼
July 31, 2019 at 2:01pm
July 31, 2019 at 2:01pm
#963498

With ADHD, I could never focus long enough to see a novel to conclusion. With medication, I cannot imagine the drive to that reward without the amazing (and quick) shitstorms in my head.

Short quips, blogging and poetry kept me going all the years I've spent here...reviewing was an outlet, too (much, much tougher with these sensibilities). With a chance to dose myself again, will I or can I see something more satisfying to conclusion?

If you're confused about ADHD, google symptoms related to creativity. You might understand someone you love better, may learn how to deal with them instead of treating them like a crazy drama queen...not that you would. *Thinking of my family that needs education...like I did/do*

Maybe, I can avoid these burnouts/restarts.

By the way, my family wants me on something (aware my options limited by glaucoma). I'm on about a half dozen meds at any moment. I would like to toss everything in the drain and just live my life. Modern medicine is improving my life but reaching a watershed. I want to be accepted as I am, Just as I desired when I was a burgeoning young writer. But, acceptance seems to come at a cost.

Realizing life boxes me in, I tend to become irrational and act out. I live in an altered dimension. My loved ones can only meet me at the fence, fed me a carrot at times. I CAN get over that barrier. I tried it once before and hated that dull existence. Can prescribers get it right twenty years later?

Thumb on the scale til they tell me take it off. When I'm forced to try...for family. For another shot at this writing thing. To embark on another chapter in this underwhelming life.

Vulnerable, belly exposed, I will bite -- though, much older now. What choice do I really have?
July 31, 2019 at 2:09am
July 31, 2019 at 2:09am
#963479

There are multitudes upon dimensions to viewing the world
I discovered
At a very early age
When I could not grasp the concept
Of an ever expanding universe
While laying on my back
In a very dark room
Before I separated her from him
To come console me
Her assurances it would be alright
Waves of whispers above my head
Years upon time washed over
Until broken on the rocks
Of each storm I survived
With her Jedi spirit inside me
I dreamed of all the lives
I would never have
Without you
         And you and you
Were not there
Just Toto in my bed

A male slut using women
To avoid the dread
A lonely sea of souls
Misguided, lacking a true force
To move through a galaxy
And beyond 'til the day I spoil
The ground with my own decay
         And thousands of whispers
Violently dispersed, flutter out
Unshelteted, seek warmth
In another young boy’s soul
To reside in his head

Until imagination is gone
I will love you
         and you and you
Return is hard
July 31, 2019 at 12:51am
July 31, 2019 at 12:51am
#963477
Just wanted to be there,
Pick her up, but
I don't think her man got this
She just doesn't want to be lonely
I couldn't be all in
And she wouldn't want me
But I shook, and
I'm shook, to the core
She once held me in those thoughts
Knew, though I didn't see,
How bad I could be...
Just not for her



This bird flew
Away
Without a sound
But I saw through
Your last words

He can't let you down
You're ten thousand miles high
Your own stratosphere
Alone
But I'd be there with you...

"Invalid Item" 
July 16, 2019 at 1:20pm
July 16, 2019 at 1:20pm
#962724

Beauty is in the ideal of perfect harmony which is in the Universal Being; Truth the perfect comprehension of the Universal Mind. We individuals approach it through our own mistakes and blunders, through our accumulated experiences, through our illumined consciousness — how, otherwise, can we know Truth? -- Rabindranath Tagore

What we believe as Truth might not be a shared Truth, Mr. Tagore. I'm more of an Einstein man.

https://www.brainpickings.org/2012/04/27/when-einstein-met-tagore/

Spiritually, you can believe what you want. But, someone tempts you to bite that apple, you can become separated from Eden. There was one simple truth a long time ago and we've been paying for it ever since. However, if it is an elaborate story, we've lived in an altered human reality (Sliding Doors) ever since.

Humanity is disconnected and failing. We can take high ground, be dubious of others. Through misunderstandings, distrust, dehumanizing valuations, we have sunk...so low.

So, we don't join arms. Differences will exist. Ignorance prevails. And our simple spirituality rots to the core. I'm not afraid to kiss you full on the lips, look you in the eye and share my innermost thoughts. What are you so afraid of?

I'm am not your Jesus and I won't call you the Devil.


(Sometimes this stuff just hits me right out of left field. Looking for my mitt. *looks up* Oh, there it is. 😁)

STATIC
Efflorescence Song  (E)
A higher love exists when you're alone amid nature.
#2085912 by Brian K Cognitive Dissonance

And, thank you to my inspiration. *Wink*
July 14, 2019 at 9:37pm
July 14, 2019 at 9:37pm
#962628
I've had other writers say to me I should not put myself down when I say my writing is not good enough, could be better. I never want to accept accolades to just settle. And a pro athlete intoned my sentiment in his recent MVP ceremony. NBA basketball star Giannis Antetoukounmpo was quoted by ESPN in Milwaukee today telling reporters:

"I get mad when my girlfriend says, 'You know you're really good, you're one of the best,'" Antetokounmpo said. "I'm like, 'No, I'm not,' because whenever that happens I relax. I am a person where whatever I do, I do it 100 percent. If I am lazy, I am lazy 100 percent. I don't want to relax a bit because I'm not done yet. I want to be for multiple years the best player in the league."

He told fans after today not to call him MVP again until he wins it again...next year. My hats off to you, sir. I expect great things. I will silently watch.

I do know how my writing fairs and how it should be judged/interpreted. I do not over-inflate the value of my constructed words. Nor, shall I devalue my peers' offerings in the process to estimating worth. I seek not the trophies of others in this pursuit. Self-worth in this aim has all the value.


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