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Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
I’m disabled by more than blindness.

Writing: Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance in life. Pretty medallions sought for words/my soul, a slow burn now. Life is full of misdirects right back to the start, you still quest with a thirst.

If they take time to notice, must be doing something right. Life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit uglier. Minced words too pungent.

scripturam in hoc non mutamus, quia stultus es et differentiam nescies.

hic honor, quem accepistis, non est operae pretium, sicut non est bonum.
*BigSmile*
si hoc legere potes, gratiarum actio pro tempore.

The beautiful mess you made.
         |
Without knowledge, who’s to judge?
         |
No gavel; no voice.

I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost

         |
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle. - me

*Neurodivergent poet.
*I yearn to love without that fart in the room.
*Honesty without mincing words.
*Stay clear of those surrounded by rules.
*Real dialogue accepted.

Diagnosed with new disabilities in 2020: On the spectrum/ADHD (it gets complicated by PTSD and brain trauma). Been suggested by doctors I might want another brain scan. As it is: My words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The true experience/acknowledgment of my writing yet to come...long after I’ve left WDC, am dead, or both?

Truly been a blessing, but I've been pushing it — envelope, push world and all inhabitants away, push buttons, find boundaries, no clue why, where I've lived in your dark. Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me the way I need to be viewed (if I knew what that was. Cryptic, I know. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid the strange, virtual walls that tempt me to try).
*The parenthetical ‘lawyer up’?



Foot free, I’m all over the place.
 
"Note: Poetry: life’s little interruptions amassing int..."
 

Best Poetry Collection 2X, nominated three years. What does it mean? I was enjoying myself, head bagged. A happy idiot. Something messed with that. I won’t be a coward; not starting feuds or wars over ideals and beliefs. We all know that’s a pile of crap packaged with dreams of pretty things to sell t the next boob that walks by. *Clown*

Been more than I could imagine or expect. My achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall. I dig deeper than I should, push boundaries. Aimless words, brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit targets. Get a ‘back off’ shoulder shot when asking your motivations to write.

No prize to eye; not incentivized. Dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do the best with what you got.



My Pluggers:
You are an icon here.*BigSmile*
You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer.{/blue}*Heart*


It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Epigram ‘n Aphorism Samwiches"
Your poetic muse is on fire! *Fire* Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. *Cool*

 
Published four times with one a literary journal, including… *PointRight*   "The Tender Core (Sedona)
I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing.

*Toilet* *RibbonW* Merit Badge in Taboo Words
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Brian,

Congratulations! You won 1st Place in Taboo Words with your fantastic poem, [Link to Book Entry #1027659]. 

I absolutely loved this! *^*Heart*^*

Rachel Merit Badge in Poetry
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    Thanks you for supporting the  [Link To Item #power]  with an order to the  [Link To Item #powergifts] ! We appreciate it. *^*Heartv*^* Keep writing the beautiful poetry. [Link to Book Entry #1027659] is an awesome poem! *^*Starv*^* ~Lornda

 
Love my process constructing and sharing visions in words collected (no small task considering personal and physical limitations, see below).


August 28, 2006 this blog opened

BOOK
SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days  (18+)
All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know.
#1300042 by Lorem Ipsum, Perhaps?


No specific aim going forward (2014)

 
What I used to say: 'Maybe, I just don't get it. Watch me fumble with my version of reality, expose ignorance as truth. You don't have to get me, either. But, wish someone would explain me to myself.' Now I say: *Cool* *FacePalm* Now: I was such a whore.
 


*Laugh*This is old….
What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on.
Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting.
If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I?
…just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself.*RollEyes*
             



What Was NEW

Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily.

Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego.

#amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube

Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY?
 

Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door

The Best Poetry Collection on Writing.Com
October 30, 2022 at 10:46pm
October 30, 2022 at 10:46pm
#1040001
I don’t know if this speaks what I mean…

This is what it’s like to be at the bottom of a jar.
You can manage to climb topside but
you’ll never get the lid off.

Potential as a positive possession that cannot escape from its realm,
or actually exceed.

Did I climb in? Yes.
Did I know what I was getting into? No.
It looked cozy inside the glass house.
Growing paranoia? No.
Because it makes you too numb to do anything about it,
or care.

I fear I’ll strike a sharp instrument one day
that will free me from this gas.

Then what will you do?
Try not to cut myself on the shards.
I likely won’t escape, but wait for another jar?
Why? What else is there?
My mind is too drained to conceive.

The gas inside my glass is thick.
In evaporation, I get glimpses.
It’s too strange to think what might have been.
Shelved.

…but I’m trapped.

10.30.22

Thanks to all the people who’ve said ‘wait right there’ and never returned.
I either don’t approach anymore, or walk away once I lose sight of them.
October 30, 2022 at 4:16pm
October 30, 2022 at 4:16pm
#1039985
She wiped a silver spatula
clean of buttercream on black napkins
after each incision of a red wedding cake

three tiers, four corners —
what were my chances
of getting a corner piece?

i trod, clomped, lumbered
a lazy line in slow tow

She cut each precisely, plated
the pampered squares

One corner left
One small boy before me
He
got the desired lot

without a smile for her delivery
I grabbed four used napkins

savored cravenly on exit
her puzzled expression.


10.30.22
October 28, 2022 at 11:05pm
October 28, 2022 at 11:05pm
#1039882
Unmasked Crusader
         Whose Name I Forget

Did somebody kill your parents, too? Maybe,
you want to get that knee off my neck,
Batman? Who’s the black one here?
Since I’ve known you, your molars grind
like a knife carving rock. Some mistake

your need for justice with desire
for rightful vengeance. Do you know
with who you’re fighting? Green graspers
see your carnal desire. Profile,
fund malice, step away
but don't watch. Here on the cement
lasting nine minutes.

A weaponized human of hate
against society, veils as your killer...
clueless, unable to think for self,
for community. Incentivized, implied
infer what to do, ego emboldened.
Hatred, the gleaming fire, brands.

They glad pat your back in shadow,
toss another biscuit, ring
a Pavlovian bell. Puts me
on flat, hot cement. Can’t compose
thoughts to reason with you...
until they speak
for me
too late.

Not a room full of writers flashing scripts,
or most uncommon composure to express.
A watch smashed into irreversible time.

You have your whole life.
I couldn’t count to ten.
Everything is hindsight,
reaction in retrospect.
Proactive?

We don’t get do overs, only fantasize
what is right and what is wrong.
I watch this heavy scale now compress a planet.

We embellish, don’t we dark crusader?
Another crusade gets rerouted
from a parade path to monuments of justice.

Buried black box,
you in cinder cubicle, soon rubble,
forgotten.

And, now what do you fight? A system
that builds monsters, molded from bullies
sent to their gray rooms with no dessert
for an oops, my bad?


10.28.22
11.1.22


Just re-edited and added to this. It got away from me and became a George Floyd thing. I can relate to injustice and people in shadows pulling strings to get others to act on their behalf for what they call the greater good...all systemic. For not being a pawn, I have to get out of the way now and watch it go down with all the people I love, or could love, if we'd be allowed to unite in peaceful harmony.

As best I can put it, for now.
Can I just say you can get profiled for something other than skin color, sexuality but other unwanted preferences interfering with their society? In fact, be the least patronized now, stock plummeting. Not that I care. It's affecting my offspring. No??
October 28, 2022 at 11:04pm
October 28, 2022 at 11:04pm
#1039881
When You Woke

What’s the point of listening to the whole album?
But we’ve done it --
body gravity-laid,
stereo on dresser,
juddered 50-lb speakers undulating, or
ears sponge-cupped to coiled cord
strung tight across a cabled room.

Three tiny bones accept
waves entering a narrow passageway,
swim a vibrating canal to drum,
undeniable musical messages.

From one side, flipped
and then the other. Repeated.

Why take time to consider every lyric,
every melting melody
on our backs, in recompose?

Empty minds immersed
an hour of scarred vinyl,
diamond pointer plying wave-grooves
gliding a lumpy platter
perfect-playing anthems. Delicious
sounds paired with new ideas,
arriving thoughts.

We compose, carry forward
processed lives pre-recorded,
in old denim profess — called boomers.
Sounding clear as minted silver in lead,
quarter clangs, circles a cylindrical container,
bounced by youth with no skill
for a beer-bath receptacle?

Take a drink runt.
Your memes and 15-second mind candy
will rot your head, kid.
You’re the record they mint now.
You’ve been flipped.

I’ll be on the dark side of the moon
when you woke.



37 lines of free verse

10.28.22
10.29.22 edit, public
11.8.22 edit for proper context and metaphor(s)

on message
October 28, 2022 at 11:03pm
October 28, 2022 at 11:03pm
#1039880
Binge After The Holographic Time Warp

We’ve been racing our vehicles hard
back-and-forth through time
flowing through intersections
missing off-ramps
speeding past posted police.
We worry about being pulled over.
But, the sun starts to rise
and a road ahead gleams brilliant.
We go

faster the better.
And, on these journeys employ
navigational gear
rewritten map heads.
Familiar road signs seen
stops along the way
nostalgic places
consume, refuel.

Places we dream
never match expectation.

Sweet memory
she couldn’t leave a sawmill town
now shut down.
No logs jam a river.
Brakes unemployed
roll past a ghost town
not torn down
but heart drawn shapes
by exes and ohs
eat through thinning paper.

Can I still come to your house?
echoes over wire black
strung overhead.
Loop through

past farm fields
if not inserted strip malls, gas stations
or pearly banks.
So many degrading institutions.
Your heap groans into bends
of roundabouts
merging with semis taking two lanes.

If you double back
through that slip-second portal
wormhole to present
pull into that holographic hole
throw off coat skin
wash hands
ignore potatoes growing tubers in a pantry void
(experimental, hypothetical
not dead yet, but not alive)
that could peel
you order out tonight

again binge.
Pictures so clear
cannot be traded for
fuzzy, particled reception
on the dumpster-tossed
once road-ready
7” television glowing
connected to a 9-volt lighter
outside a cab
underneath that canopy of starlit leaves

with dissatisfaction.

Hi-Def lies the truth about our memories.



10.28.22
I don’t care if it strays from metaphors or fails to illume imagination from inside a bubble-wrapped head.
October 28, 2022 at 8:12pm
October 28, 2022 at 8:12pm
#1039875
Woozy with drug, floating
in a rusted out tub

I don’t seem to drown
The water goes down

a ring around my neck
marks time wasted

in my fiberglass palace
much water displaced

Over time, skin dries
just like gill-slit eyes

marking murky time
in these temporary baths

Pass me another glass
More burgundy to pass


10.28.22

It sounds like you don’t enjoy life, Brian. It is what it is, for the present time. High tide nears…I’ll ride those waves until done.
Whee
October 24, 2022 at 7:48am
October 24, 2022 at 7:48am
#1039637
Where do I put my foot in the stream
and rant
at five a.m. and not be late for work
when I just want to nail it
like Paul Rudd did
in a movie from 10 years go
with a clip that now goes viral
about cup sizes, languages
and to have that beverage spill
all over yourself
because I don't have a team of writers
to craft my dialogue,
yell, line!
because it can't be rehearsed
how can it be rehearsed?
but life wants you to get it in one take
otherwise,
you dipped your toe in the waters
at the wrong point
too late
Where do I leave off here...?


10.24.22
21 lines *RollEyes*

typed off the top off my head in two minutes before i have to runnnnnn.....
October 22, 2022 at 8:44pm
October 22, 2022 at 8:44pm
#1039578
Epic Poem Weekend

Never have I loved or hated to hear my name
whether angry
BRIAN!
punches holes in a quiet landscape
chews scenery
or edging toward pleading
in lilting syllables
Bri-ann?
hovers over a compelled head

finger waggled
in extended syllables
gentle, identified my need for compliance
Briiii-aaaann
louder calling
the lost boy off in his woods
BRIII-AAANN!
sometimes melodious
but, when hide and seek tiresome
shorter, more commanding

off this chain
in my trees
sound of my name lifted,
emboldening
Brian!
it seeks a clearing
but can’t top those giants
Brian!!
relocated by angles
from cupped mouth toward other horizons
it lost direction over time
left me behind
in deeper brush,
fading, b r i a…

anyway spoken
Brian pings and echoes
ricochets off stone walls
flat spun over open water
dull,
it dove down

But, I always came home
even if late, dark
love cooing, culled a coy boy to near
BrIaNNnn.
I’d done something good?
felt it in a sweet tooth

then her,
the one
who located a lonesome lad
name lingered on wetted lips
whispered
in dark strung wire

lustful cat eyes spied
warmth of a tender mate
purred breathy
Brrhien

she crept up from behind
tender hand, and arm
slid up back and over shoulder
nuzzled an eager ear

raspy heat
again, more loving
BhrrIann


until
winter-beaded water
on frozen pane lingered
on tongue of a child

haunted
craving my name
with her hunger —

an ordinary name
given to an average boy
dreaming impossible fantasy
before reality
questioned if I’m near…

Brian?
You’re next


a life arrived in his latex hands
warmest arrival
awake inside her dream of a boy
before it broke

one lifetime to live
reverberations
to love or hate salutation
and return one day
unwanted to ground —
not a womb —
with name in stone
silenced, spelled correct
slid beneath silvery surface

echo forever
in your muffled scene —
Brian
in black void
five letters,
three consonants,
two vowels
permanently savored from lips to ears

Brian?
yeah,
that’s my name

you wore it out.


10.22.22

Part of the two syllable set. Sorry to the James and Johns of the world.
My mom called me Brian, chastised anyone who’d shorten it, nickname me otherwise.
No moniker ever stuck.

Add: Lots of other ways to describe the various ways Brian can be emphasized by tone, inflection, clarity, or vocal range…
October 20, 2022 at 7:20pm
October 20, 2022 at 7:20pm
#1039483
Merit Badge in Quill Award 2
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Congratulations! 2022 Quill Award Winner - Best in Genre: Family *^*Trophyg*^*  [Link To Item #2283722]
Sugar For A Black Cup

Wish I could I have held my babes longer,
sweeter,
now that I know.

Wish I could act out a character —
rapt,
their eyes mine,
making them plead longer,
later,

when I couldn’t say
no.

Whispered nights lingered
so long,
falling under my own spell
in a short, tight bed —
waking to that pure physiognomy
dim/lit.

Dreams glowed outside.
I peered perfect
candy lands, laughing
in our leafy canopies chase —
hid in white pajamas,
stranded on gold isles
amid brave, majestic mounts.

My snow globe shook
seasonal melody.

Years scaled me down —
no stealth,
harnesses or gear.

I stared into a black cup
one morning,
shadow on my back
sweetly waited.
A familiar face
offered arms, the momentary gift
to feel whole.

Wish I had kissed that soft cheek.
Wish I held longer.

One of us can touch clouds,
taste brewing rain,
see color in greater dimension.

Don’t want to escape/lose,
but relive, memories
of surly pirates with sugary swords —
never to get a belly ache.


10.20.22 44 lines, free verse
Sometimes, we move one another after initial inspiration. Thanks

Quill Nominee Signature 2022Quill Finalist Logo 2022 Merit Badge in Quill Award 2
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Congratulations! 2022 Quill Award Winner - Best in Genre: Family *^*Trophyg*^*  [Link To Item #2283722]


Original: Dreams Realized In A Hug

Wish I could I have held my babes longer
sweeter
now that I know

wish I could act out a character
when rapt
their eyes mine
making them plead longer
later
when I couldn’t say no

those nights I lingered
so long
fell asleep in a short bed
woke to those sweet faces
dim/lit

those dreams glowed on the outside
I peered in:
perfection
candy lands
we’d chase, laugh
hide in a welcoming forest
in white pajamas
stranded together on our isle
brave explorers
camped on highest Everest
a snow globe shaken
for seasonal melodies

years it took
scaled me down
stealth
no harnesses or gear
and stared into a black cup
early one morning

the sweetest, youngest
hugged me
a gift to momentarily feel
whole

wish I could kiss that soft cheek
wish I could hold on longer

I think one of us can touch clouds
taste brewing rain
see color in greater dimensions
I don’t want to escape this
but relive memories
as surly pirates with sugary swords
dream we never get a belly ache



10.20.22
45 lines, free verse
October 16, 2022 at 10:24am
October 16, 2022 at 10:24am
#1039284
When an object is in orbit
actually falling the entire time
it moves to the side fast enough
to always miss the surface of its master


how do you sleep
how do you autopilot
this world, this realm without
sustaining a few scrapes, dings?

how do you stay afloat
how do you stay fleet
when this world crushes as it rolls?

stay in motion, never quit
only do, just do

When an object finds itself
floating free in your space
sending transmissions to the surface
are they received? conceived?

who am i talking to but me?
could i survive an ellipsoid?
stretching myself eternally around you?

I travel thrice the speed
of man made obstacles thwarting
my every entry into your atmosphere
do I redirect, risk miscalculation?

Float free, young Jedi, do
I'll be young eternally
as long as this space has bandwidth
as long as Elon Musk provides free service?


10.16.22
lines and lines of free (this) verse
Imagine the italicized as clouds (or fog, located down here)

sorry Ukraine, we needed someone/thing to root for as we dull, dim, go out before the rush into total darkness

too deep, Brian. too, too deep
rejoin us. Besides, not the point. Rejoining now..

https://www.popsci.com/star-wars-physics-cloud-city/

this could have been about a stone skipping across water, if we could slow its 3 second life to 85 years?

October 15, 2022 at 10:49pm
October 15, 2022 at 10:49pm
#1039275
I don’t know life
what typifies sheltered me
but as … silent majority
white male

What burrs
from my pale, ash lips
must be white noise

In the mad crush
of a sound tunnel
that’s trapped me within
below mud
ancient as layers
that swallow whole monuments
collapse pyramids

Maybe, one tedious earth duster
will dig me up
some day
put me in a museum
From dingy little backwoods
where beetles lay waste to pine
whisk me off
to Paris, Rome and other
high-brow, wine regions
(if grapes haven’t extinguished)

Run your gold fingers
through my dust
Cart my bones
city to city
in velvet lined
glass case

But I care first for the scrolls
not in future centuries
or my hollow expression
unchanged
But be conferred now
before rodentia and maggots
come beneath box elder
at the bank
with a rusted-through gun.


10.15.22
39 lines, free (as a dove) verse

My thanks to J. Cash grunge and alt rock covers
for keeping it reel

bullied into silence as a youth
shamed if I don’t button it
because I step in it like chewing gum
Who put it there?
October 15, 2022 at 7:51am
October 15, 2022 at 7:51am
#1039238
we're updating. things will only get better.
sometimes, i'm not so sure anymore...sorry...


Loading slower now
like watching the wind
looking for signs

Images, time images
fall flat under dim screen
pixels like snow land
looking for them now

It glows, as time goes
heart manages on its own
lungs independent the same
looking out this world
for the coldest rain

Loading, waiting
looking for signs

Memories, time images
disintegrate in a dull mind
pixels won't load
landing now

Yet, it glows
as time winds down
I keep living despite
the last of the brightest smile
goodbye for now, sun


10.15.22

'last' was supposed to be 'loss'
my subconscious took over somehow and shifted focused to the sun from her

Internalized thoughts continued

The Cars reflect in two songs to open their album:


I've listened to the same song for too long = without a dust jacket, warped vinyl wears thin

okay, longer definition than necessary



I can come at this theme all kinds of ways.
October 11, 2022 at 7:53pm
October 11, 2022 at 7:53pm
#1039082
fiery heart shaped portal
persistently traversed
when she lays her hands on the keys
vocal chords waxed wet
pain-pinged perplexed
why her/my other no longer...
no longer
that's as far as we get

imagine a wormhole back
but fire persists
and the other..
the other?
that's as far as we get

at least we have each other
or, i have caged
pain-pinged chords
bleeding inside my head
persistently traversing
her universe until
we've met...

who knows what could have be(en)?
either way or one way
it's gonna be (grammatically) incorrect


10.11.22

legs draped on the edge of our universe
i hum along
wanting to belong


10.11.22

when will it end?

somebody once said: love is not possession
but i don't want to tell you who


Thanks F.R.
the more your stock plummets
the older i get
when my stock could rise

(just image all kinds of arrows
pointing to the text)
i was ready to be done there...
and there...
and that year...
and there...
and then you and now
and i'm here...i'm here?

until it's later
October 11, 2022 at 7:30pm
October 11, 2022 at 7:30pm
#1039080
head in box wants to see outside
         corrugated fiber expanding
3 kilometers per second
per megaparsec
         eventual acceptance
to have been passively living
inside a coffin for life

Nope
can't turn that into a limerick
while waiting on scientists
to combine two theories:
ER = EPR

         break open 2
holographic black holes
minus supersonic jets colliding
         wormhole fantastically
a known universe in an instant

and arrive
at another time
in another dimension
to ask:
that was it? and what is this?

I'm going back to my cardboard life
have they tried AABBA?


10.11.22
24 lines, free verse

can you tell i'm bored?
https://www.sciencealert.com/this-new-equation-might-finally-unite-the-two-bigge...
First verse is about rate universe is expanding
ER=EPR is explained in link above. Poem summarizes two co-authored Einstein papers, that combined suggest possibility of inter-dimensional travel.
This is a poem why?
We solve for the life we have, not the hypothetical. Scientists should try limericks.

I've weaponized repulsor technology into my own form of poetry
Consider these little interruptions as repulsorlifts integrated into a cloudy, neural city (idea for nerdy poem?)
October 4, 2022 at 12:59pm
October 4, 2022 at 12:59pm
#1038606
I couldn't dress today.
but rather than be cliché,
left the robe on the closet nail.

no to silk or cotton PJs,
sweats and tee are okay.
rain pause to go check mail.

also ran I’m not going to be,
going through motions’ futility —
slim shadows on my lonely street.

they put me in those clouds,
angry I hadn’t made them proud,
invisible soul they no longer greet.

down highway to their heavenly place,
a snubbed fool rejects their grace.
I ache to be substance that matters.

fiery arrows reign down on me.
arrogant-flung, they don't see,
strike a glass heart that shatters.

lonely in shadow, still on my feet,
guarding against rain in an empty street,
struggling to matter. indignant guilt
buries any other head in sand to hilt.



10.4.22
22 lines, rhyming (tell me what kind?)
Six three-line stanzas with particular alternating rhyme pattern finishes on four line verse with aabb scheme.

people around me want to dictate and control the narrative and reject the insertion of how I perceive myself and circumstances I'm put in, knowing their propaganda will not allow me to envision future purpose with anything I might lift and call my Excalibur.

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