10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind |
I’m disabled by more than blindness. Writing: Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance in life. Pretty medallions sought for words/my soul, slow burnt. Full of misdirects, right back at the start, but still quest with thirst. Life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit uglier. Minced words too pungent. If they take time to notice, must be doing something right. scripturam in hoc non mutamus, quia stultus es et differentiam nescies. (hic) The beautiful mess you made: I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost | I'm sorry you got caught in the middle. - me Neurodivergent poet seeks love without that fart in the room between us. Honesty without mincing words has come with a price for those juggling the hot takes on what’s ‘truth’ (here’s some oven mitts). Best to stay clear of those surrounded by moat rules (not my attempt to disrespect, shame or shun. Just doin' me, which has come with its price [I've accepted.]).. Real dialogue accepted. Wasn’t as open at first about recent diagnosis on spectrum with ADHD (complicated by PTSD, life of brain traumas). Been suggested by doctors of late I might want another brain scan (since 12/4/17…blogged). This poet’s words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The experience of discovery through writing is the truest reward that has allowed me to grow and learn who/what I am — what other people get naturally, immediately, while I stomp around in it. Been blessed, but pushing it — envelope, world and all inhabitants away. Push buttons, find boundaries to trip traps. No clue why cat curiosity, living in your dark. (Bored, perhaps?) Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me how I need to be viewed (if I knew what that was). Cryptic, yes. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid strange, virtual, wonderful walls that tower above, tempt me to scale. Been more than I could imagine or expect here. But, achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall . I dig deeper than I should, often without forethought. Aimless words, brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit targets? Get a ‘back off’ shoulder shot when asking your motivations here. Not fair? No prize to eye; not incentivized. Dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do best with what’s in hand. My Pluggers: You are an icon here. You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer. It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Poetic Referendum(s) On Life" Your poetic muse is on fire! Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. Published four times with one a literary journal, including… "The Tender Core (Sedona)" I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing. August 28, 2006 this blog opened ▼
No specific aim going forward (2014) ▼ This is old…. What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on. Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting. If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I? …just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself. What Was NEW Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily. Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego. #amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY? Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door ▼ |
my heart could be a drum you beat upon my soul clangs as my engine sputters no brakes, no steering down this street careening off the curb, headed for your house the shrubs could rip at the root flowers strewn across a hopeful garden because you could be the piston's percussion a mechanic with a wrench rachets the tight bearings of something hoping to disconnect my assembly before I drive straight into the living room of your lovely home. does love mean having the patience for something, someone built with good intention, wheeled to ride a winding road leading to your welcoming garage door, before i could separate from this machine, unlike the cyborg still coupled to beating, the rhythm of something that tells me depart and roll these hills and valleys to meet with a mechanic who could help me restore all the purpose the machine was intended for. why run-on poems like these? show the desperation to express something before interjection? could someone measure the length of these expressions? 12.29.21 |
watch that anorexic model sing hair falling out beneath a stylish leopard print cap. garments hanging off her gaunt rack — glimmering garb drapes a beleaguered soul perilously vocalizing all my fearful heart contains, a ruptured soul like yours clinging to hope someone is listening and ready with daring arms to drape this empty form. Let Go Frou Frou 12.29.21 (private) 1.5.21 edit, add (now public) |
The aching has returned to my eyes, each night I dream about you again, dream we're together in a bright nuclear vision -- a blast that slowly blinds me forces to me to forget but see a fading smile. Yearning and waking again, I would lean into your skin taste your tender lips for warmth I cannot savor in these night reveries -- of you and me flying cavorting upon a shore of an endless pale sea. your hands reach for me, taken back by determined tides. a rising sun obliterates eyes blocked by impending reality and the renewal of such purposeless days wishing I could dream the rest of life away. 12.28.21 edit later. written in 3 1/2 minutes to Sinful by Rhye |
Worn Grindstone You’re grinding an ax and I can see you’re not willing to listen sparks fly from the blade as you hone steel to suffice and I who just wants to make sure you don’t need to use that ax is willing to confide whatever you need to hear so you can let the Grindstone rest. 12.22.21 |
What is keeping the stars apart? What is in my heart (that was many times torn apart)? I cannot venture — but — (in my mind) to that glowing, wondrous galaxy, capturing a fool every night dreaming. What is keeping me, (in abstentia) from rejoining: welcoming arms, busses upon cheeks, shining faces brighter than a lone, dim one (once the sun, gleaming) before a supernova sent me? Hiding in this dark, I wonder each night where each of you are, if you'll near me, the right one heal me, heal my heart, (so) no longer vexed by (this) unwillingness to be torn apart, again. I carry it, too (I fear). 12/10/21 It doesn't have to all be sad. But it is. |
Where I've bled, a trail leads to a death bed. Regenerate my heart, or prepare as purpose for soil. Where I'm led, a thousand dull faces blink when I enter their chamber. My only indication -- noticed. Where I dream go, a dull memory of repressed guilt for foolishness inspired by comic heroes. Too late learned, they couldn't possibly exist. It murdered me to learn I couldn't possibly co-exist without compassion to inspire confession. And what would that be? Ignorant, unchangeable. Blindfold me now. Back against their wall. 12/3/21 2.4.22 edit condemn me for my ignorance. As a man, I'm but a child with two parents: one TV. Brainwashing is too strong of an accusation from one so awkwardly susceptible to think he could fit in. |
All my God ever asked was try Not succeed, not bleed for this All my God asked was give Not too much, but what he needs All the world wanted from me Was my flesh, bones, eyes Pay my debts like a ransome To release this beleaguered soul asking Where is my God during all this? All my love ever asked was a kiss But that was only the start of it My love needed my hand, continuous Support until death we part All that has grown in my garden seeds Bears more fruit that pass from beak to land All that I've ever sewn there is weeded But struggles more to riise each spring When I look to the sky Does he see me lying on the ground With a frown begging to reap? Does my God even know I've died? With the daisies interlaced surround. 12/3/21 |
No one knows how to sew anymore. There's a thread that got loose, snagged and tore beautiful cloth woven to form the shape of your body that you look at now with such scorn that it must be thrown out. It's not easy to repair with a needle and complimentary thread by hand or machine, not even worthy of donation to some charity for repurpose, but to rot in some hole in the earth that heavy equipment bury with so much more sorrow, lost in a landfill of bright hope, driven underground. Mother is buried there, too. Meanwhile, there is always some new fashion to try on, rather than seek the comfort of an old sweater. Perhaps, some of us keep these mementos of the past, filling drawers with regret that we never learned from her how to sew. Pull that drawer open, look and sigh and wait to die, wishing you had courage, wishing not to have to look anymore. This needle I wield pricks. 11.18/24.21 1.19.22 last line add 37 lines, free verse |
Not morose thoughts of life after death surfacing, air escaping, dreaming of some accepting heaven. Not foolish thoughts to finalize surfacing, but escape, dream of some haven embracing a lone refugee. Why do these minuscule prisoners seek asylum, to free my brain? They teem and bond and offer credence surfacing, clouds of steam producing enough water to send a surging river seeking, yearning freedom of thought: break the levee. Where will I flow then? 11/18/21 note ▼ |
Hazel eyes widened, gathered light, became amber-glowing — two suns rising on our horizon. I wanted to behold longer but my own eyes wandered to the spreading smile — two soft, red lips, shapely like her heart. Did her cheeks blush, body elongate to receive this solemn figure? Her chest puffed, as did mine with pride that this woman would greet so fondly a solemn man standing on the bow of some great ship. A spool sputtered inked tape. A chance transaction ended before newfound courage could discover a route to her hidden Atlantis. 11.10.21 12.31.21 edit plus add borrowing from another writer to perfect amber eyes description. |
I’ll just start driving through the neighborhoods of my mind - nothing is what I remember - if I sleep I dream all unfamiliar people - oil paintings drip to the floor, beg me step in the puddled colors, walk new images from feet to my family home - it’s a mess... like a bridge I could dream this vision to the past, too. but construct it with my waking mind, hoping to reawaken what long has been idle - so I can meet you again - - man in the mirror that no one seems to know - - I forget him too - I walk through these neighborhoods in my mind. no one home. 11.7.21 11.10.21 11.21.21 last edit? I may never finish this...uh, metaphor...I took a stab at it. |
From The Sideline (Watching Cancel Culture) My life is unlearn everything you know, or components of it, but figure out on your own which parts. Or, just throw yourself out. Or, just accept you’re defective, reduced to public scorn, labeled a Karen or Boomer, some kind of racist. Just conform already (when you figure it out, straighten out, resubmit yourself for consideration) and get with the flow (or fake it perfectly), keeping your head low (knowing ageism is around every corner), and maybe, no one will call you out. You might survive this (or it redirects, changes mid-stream in 15 minutes) as you eye the cellar of your thoughts. There’s no escape from drama or indifference. Be neither protagonist or villain and watch and cringe or laugh from the sideline. Let’s not learn their game, okay? half-time, fourth quarter, two-minute warning, heading to overtime? You, with your sports metaphors. Take a timeout. 11/10/21 |
I can save the world, civilization, with a pen stroke. mankind survives on my words, illuminated, projected in a universe, inner sanctum -- postings from an underworld where words are flesh-eating monsters ravaging all. my pen is bright Excalibur wielded in informative fashion, that I might save the ignorant, defenseless against famine for words bleeding on luminescent pages like ink but don't stain, revolve on waves of intermittent light wavering throughout these shared galaxies of rubble, shine through channels and portals mirrored and deflected, bouncing off each rock into a black space without gravity, boundless for some other cosmos in hopes someone will hear. I can save the world if I write these odes to someone who'll listen. I am not infinite, trapped in a bottle of time, cast to a sea that rolls away from this orb on waves out to a heaven somewhere, should it exist, unlike the purgatory I now realize eating me and all mankind from within while we look out. is there some message of hope out there like mine? wait. I haven't said anything yet, because it's all just a dream. all of this is the collective imagination of something greater, if you listen to mouths with way too much money, like elon musk. 11.8.21 12.10.21 just some nonsense. or is it? unedited or edited. let me go back to sleep and if I wake up... Short Version: Turn The Page ▼ |
The Unpinning I'm going to tell you why I don't need your love and then turn as if to someone else for a hug and remember why I'm alone, why I slumber in a blanket fort of dreams constructed in my child mind, clinging like those clothes pins to innocence since you dragged me out, asked me to play, taught me your games, told me I played wrong. You told me I let you down when we lost, bluntly told everything that was wrong with me, then treated me indifferently when you had other friends, sending me to solitude to think what I had done decades long, forcing others to experience my pain, relived again and again with every grubby face evilly staring back. how to purge this hatred you taught me, how to live in a fortress with someone who'll help me take down the pins, fold and store the bedding neatly, sparing a few to sleep on and dream like I did when I was a kid. but as a grown man, I only see forward a grave and no flowers, because you killed everything that blooms. 11.7.21 4.9.23 finding myself and not blaming me, or others, but the cruel, vicious life cycle I wasn't prepared for. to say I have a new tormentor is erroneous. but, say I discovered the truth about mean kids and how they set out to destroy you, thinking it would make them bigger people for swallowing innocent souls. My soul has long since been taken, succubus...succubi? |
Flurry at twilight, snow capped heads brushed to the stomped upon mat Waves of Autumn wash out, as a fading sun collects black volume. All our warmth in smiles, marrow-wracked, legs gather by the stone mantel The eager quick-claim chairs at her call. Hunger sated with a final feast. Harvest's remainder, shelved through Spring on cool cellar shelves like treasures. Beneath her quilts, reclined, stuffed stiffs chew mints and marshmallow dreams. Confections adorn the fireside table for the tipplers and sippers of hot chocolate milk. 11.3.21 14 lines, free verse
|
Life from a limited vantage is all I see out this window, from morning until night, imagining the expanse when he creeps over my neighbor's house and vanishes behind my own, as if I'll follow room to room and spy from each window the offerings of light pouring down that I could inhale, ingest, take for my own until stubborn clouds obscure these visions of hope. when I'm alone in my bed and black creeps beneath the shades, lowered during the day because I could not accept his warmth, I keep praying someday go out and let wet leaves stick to my wandering heels, or wade in a white drift to a covered automobile to clear, sit within and let roar alive and idle, suck the last gas out of me. But, it's not possible because I have no garage to dwell in. 10..29.21 just one of those whatever comes to my head offerings, like so many others. |
Like milkshake melting from your touch upon cold glass, heat the heart of me. Lifting to send me down tender soul, fast coupling a dreamer with you. I would drink you up, too thick to pass through cup I grip by eager hands. In this restaurant, waitress wonders what I want, sitting here alone. Peer her bluest eyes, when I realize and gulp, suck the mixture down. My face forms a frown. Soft, she hands the bill to leave, icy in my gut. So, goodbye to you. Grab my wallet, settle up, when you grab my hand. And then you tell me, smiling, this one's on the house. Twinkle in your eye . I'm about to cry. Not a brain but a heart freeze, stutter my next words, 'can I ask you out?' Tucking the pad in her sash, pats me on the back, "I'm married, but please keep on coming back, because your my best patron." "The next one's on me, and tell me about yourself," when the ice begins to melt. Abrupt, I took leave, the milkshake inside of me, suddenly to pee. Will milk be my friend until the bitter end, because frozen inside me is embarrassment, not having done due process before it warmed? 10.29.21 "when i see your face Hear the laughter in your eyes my soul comes alive!" Fisher aka Kathy Fisher Something inspired by Kathy Fisher Haiku song which used the form for it's chorus. It had a flow and rhyme scheme, where I have forced a bunch of haikus together with some lyrical intent that really are hard to choke down like that frozen milkshake. |
Must I possess inspiration to reach, clutch, lift this quill to stab the very heart of you, stain a page pathetic with dreams...? The dim light emitting from two eyes glares at a cursor pulsing. Could a quill stain a brain stabbed at its very heart? Green it is, but not earthen. Blue and red spew, mix on this clotted terrain. I wish for the season of penning vacuous odes to end. These invisible breezes barely brush a cheek. Inspiration was a cruel mistress. I desire snow now. 10.27.21 1.7.22 edit, add |
iridescent, just a little glowing, throbs in this night. stars cascade on me as I gaze, wishful, hopeful, dream to hold you near. iridescence, just a little flowing through these dark trees, globe eyes spy on me as I leer, lustful, eager to pull you out of this black into my arms to dance. a swirl of light, frozen, streaks a hollow theatre, with just a little knowing I will fill your void in this immaculate, cool air. I inhale the essence, smell your fragrant forehead, taste the beads of sweat. we tumble to a thick lawn, enveloping two daring to become one, in iridescence shared, flowing through us. dawn will renew our lungs but not our hearts until iridescent again. 10.26.21 I just can't tell if readers will understand the expressive nature of iridescence. I learned that humans have iridescence undetectable to the naked eye, and it was theorized what humans would have turned out like if fully iridescent like some of those creatures in the deep parts of the oceans and would we be nocturnal animals. So, I went with it. |
I don't know why people want to fly. We don't have wings. But if I want to try, I'll take a ride, with you, however high you dare to go. I stop to wonder why people need to fly, when they don't own wings. But I'd take a ride with you, if you wanna go, not matter high. People dream they can fly. But they seldom do. Makes me wanna cry, when they fall back again. I'll take a ride because you're gonna try. I'll go with you into the blue. And together, we can fly. I'll never question why. 10.21.21 Lyrics to a song I composed in my head and sang into the steering wheel of my truck. Likely it ends there with all other lyrics I've sung and performed, on the fly-eye-eye-eye. No matter high-eye-eye-eye. But, I always seem to try-eye-aye-eyeah-ayeah. It's a bit simplistic and more chorus than bridge with a repeating melody I couldn't seem to change up, so I write down before I give-give-give up. |