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Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
I’m disabled by more than blindness.

Writing: Like one of those adventure games where you go off questing in different directions but you don’t advance in life. Pretty medallions sought for words/my soul, slow burnt. Full of misdirects, right back at the start, but still quest with thirst.

Life of turmoil produces stuff like this. Not going to call it beautiful agony…it gets a bit uglier. Minced words too pungent. If they take time to notice, must be doing something right.

scripturam in hoc non mutamus, quia stultus es et differentiam nescies.

(hic)

The beautiful mess you made:
I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost

         |
I'm sorry you got caught in the middle. - me

Neurodivergent poet seeks love without that fart in the room between us. Honesty without mincing words has come with a price for those juggling the hot takes on what’s ‘truth’ (here’s some oven mitts). Best to stay clear of those surrounded by moat rules (not my attempt to disrespect, shame or shun. Just doin' me, which has come with its price [I've accepted.])..

Real dialogue accepted.

Wasn’t as open at first about recent diagnosis on spectrum with ADHD (complicated by PTSD, life of brain traumas). Been suggested by doctors of late I might want another brain scan (since 12/4/17…blogged).

This poet’s words collect, arrange on a kaleidoscope spectrum. The experience of discovery through writing is the truest reward that has allowed me to grow and learn who/what I am — what other people get naturally, immediately, while I stomp around in it.

Been blessed, but pushing it — envelope, world and all inhabitants away. Push buttons, find boundaries to trip traps. No clue why cat curiosity, living in your dark. (Bored, perhaps?)

Now and then, push dirt out of this hole; someone/thing/entity might envision me how I need to be viewed (if I knew what that was). Cryptic, yes. Try living in my dark, find comfort amid strange, virtual, wonderful walls that tower above, tempt me to scale.

Been more than I could imagine or expect here. But, achievements aren’t going on a LinkedIn wall *Think*. I dig deeper than I should, often without forethought. Aimless words, brave or veiled cowardice, flinchingly flung, inadvertently hit targets? Get a ‘back off’ shoulder shot when asking your motivations here. Not fair?

No prize to eye; not incentivized. Dealt the worst two cards before the flop, do best with what’s in hand.



My Pluggers:
You are an icon here.*BigSmile*
You suffer, but you suffer brilliantly. Wow, what a great writer.*Heart*


It’s like plugging myself, but using other people’s (reviewers) words…Review of "Poetic Referendum(s) On Life"
Your poetic muse is on fire! *Fire* Some great emotion, well-balance(d), lovely lyrical qualities -- even the ones that were written out of sadness or anger came through in a clever cadence…It's obvious you've put a lot of work into each entry and the totality of the blog has eye appeal. *Cool*

 
Published four times with one a literary journal, including… *PointRight*   "The Tender Core (Sedona)
I don’t submit because it’s too much work. Truly alone, know no one cares to show they believe/support me. Lip service feeds delusion. I’ve seen a lot of smoldering and snow. Try not be cynical, work hard at openness and consideration — work, sooo…gut thing.

*Toilet* *RibbonW* Merit Badge in Taboo Words
[Click For More Info]

Brian,

Congratulations! You won 1st Place in Taboo Words with your fantastic poem, [Link to Book Entry #1027659]. 

I absolutely loved this! *^*Heart*^*

Rachel Merit Badge in Poetry
[Click For More Info]

    Thanks you for supporting the  [Link To Item #power]  with an order to the  [Link To Item #powergifts] ! We appreciate it. *^*Heartv*^* Keep writing the beautiful poetry. [Link to Book Entry #1027659] is an awesome poem! *^*Starv*^* ~Lornda

 
Love my process constructing and sharing visions in words collected (no small task considering personal and physical limitations, see below).


August 28, 2006 this blog opened

BOOK
SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days  (18+)
All that remains: here in my afterlife as a 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know.
#1300042 by BrianKC Here: HowzMahSpellin?


No specific aim going forward (2014)

 
What I used to say: 'Maybe, I just don't get it. Watch me fumble with my version of reality, expose ignorance as truth. You don't have to get me, either. But, wish someone would explain me to myself.' Now I say: *Cool* *FacePalm* Now: I was such a whore.
 


*Laugh*This is old….
What? Oh, this? A rhetorical, self-motivational speech I'm working on.
Don't just read the parts to construct your theory, as if to confirm (construed out of context) your opinion, mentally-stunted Neanderthal. Therapist wants me to be less negative toward myself. I see it as attacking, rather than being defensive. Fear I will chomp too many bullets unintentionally sent toward the unsuspecting.
If you can be triggered for stupid reasons, then I?
…just looked like me rolling around on the floor with myself.*RollEyes*
             



What Was NEW

Who am I, you ask? My mirror knows that question, repeated daily.

Just trying to create a little buzz, not boost my ego.

#amwriting #poetry #blog #contest #freeverse #award #bestpoetry #freyaridings #lyrics #music #video #YouTube

Can you believe it took this long for someone to put a quarter in me and push the button GET ANGRY?
 

Mud 4 My Eye: Is that you, Poo? 💩 Secret Back Door

The Best Poetry Collection on Writing.Com
Previous ... 17 18 19 20 -21- 22 23 24 25 26 ... Next
December 29, 2021 at 10:07am
December 29, 2021 at 10:07am
#1023798
my heart could be a drum you beat upon
my soul clangs as my engine sputters
no brakes, no steering down this street
careening off the curb, headed for your house
the shrubs could rip at the root
flowers strewn across a hopeful garden because
you could be the piston's percussion
a mechanic with a wrench rachets
the tight bearings of something hoping
to disconnect my assembly before I drive
straight into the living room of your lovely home.

does love mean having the patience for something,
someone built with good intention,
wheeled to ride a winding road leading
to your welcoming garage door,
before i could separate from this machine,
unlike the cyborg still coupled to beating,
the rhythm of something that tells me depart
and roll these hills and valleys to meet
with a mechanic who could help me restore
all the purpose the machine was intended for.


why run-on poems like these?
show the desperation to express something
before interjection?
could someone measure the length
of these expressions?

12.29.21
December 29, 2021 at 10:01am
December 29, 2021 at 10:01am
#1023796


watch that anorexic model sing
hair falling out beneath
a stylish leopard print cap.
garments hanging off her gaunt rack —

glimmering garb drapes
a beleaguered soul
perilously vocalizing all
my fearful heart contains,

a ruptured soul like yours
clinging to hope someone
is listening and ready with daring arms
to drape this empty form.


Let Go
Frou Frou

12.29.21 (private)
1.5.21 edit, add (now public)

December 28, 2021 at 11:28pm
December 28, 2021 at 11:28pm
#1023780
The aching has returned
to my eyes,
each night I dream about you
again, dream
we're together in a bright nuclear vision --
a blast that slowly
blinds me
forces to me to forget but see
a fading smile.
Yearning and waking again,
I would lean into your skin
taste your tender lips
for warmth
I cannot savor in these night reveries --
of you and me flying
cavorting upon a shore of an endless pale sea.
your hands reach for me,
taken back by determined tides.
a rising sun obliterates
eyes blocked by impending reality
and the renewal of such purposeless days
wishing I could dream
the rest of life away.


12.28.21

edit later. written in 3 1/2 minutes to Sinful by Rhye

December 22, 2021 at 10:44am
December 22, 2021 at 10:44am
#1023546
Worn Grindstone

You’re grinding an ax and I can see
you’re not willing to listen
sparks fly from the blade
as you hone steel to suffice
and I who just wants to make sure
you don’t need to use that ax
is willing to confide whatever you need to hear
so you can let the Grindstone rest.

12.22.21
December 10, 2021 at 9:06pm
December 10, 2021 at 9:06pm
#1023054
What is keeping the stars apart?

What is in my heart
(that was many times
torn apart)?
I cannot venture — but — (in my mind)
to that glowing, wondrous galaxy,
capturing a fool every night
dreaming.
What is keeping me, (in abstentia)
from rejoining:
welcoming arms, busses upon cheeks,
shining faces brighter
than a lone, dim one
(once the sun,
gleaming) before a supernova
sent me?

Hiding in this dark, I wonder
each night where
each of you are, if
you'll near me,
the right one heal me,
heal my heart, (so) no longer
vexed by (this) unwillingness
to be torn apart,
again.

I carry it, too
(I fear).


12/10/21

It doesn't have to all be sad. But it is.
December 3, 2021 at 8:57am
December 3, 2021 at 8:57am
#1022727
Where I've bled,
a trail leads to a death bed.
Regenerate my heart,
or prepare as purpose for soil.

Where I'm led,
a thousand dull faces blink
when I enter their chamber.
My only indication --
noticed.

Where I dream go,
a dull memory of repressed guilt
for foolishness inspired by comic heroes.
Too late learned,
they couldn't possibly exist.

It murdered me
to learn I couldn't possibly co-exist
without compassion to inspire confession.
And what would that be? Ignorant, unchangeable.
Blindfold me now.

Back against their wall.



12/3/21
2.4.22 edit

condemn me for my ignorance. As a man, I'm but a child with two parents: one TV.
Brainwashing is too strong of an accusation from one so awkwardly susceptible to think he could fit in.
December 3, 2021 at 8:51am
December 3, 2021 at 8:51am
#1022725
All my God ever asked was try
Not succeed, not bleed for this
All my God asked was give
Not too much, but what he needs

All the world wanted from me
Was my flesh, bones, eyes
Pay my debts like a ransome
To release this beleaguered soul asking

Where is my God during all this?

All my love ever asked was a kiss
But that was only the start of it
My love needed my hand, continuous
Support until death we part

All that has grown in my garden seeds
Bears more fruit that pass from beak to land
All that I've ever sewn there is weeded
But struggles more to riise each spring

When I look to the sky
Does he see me lying on the ground
With a frown begging to reap?
Does my God even know I've died?

With the daisies interlaced surround.


12/3/21
November 18, 2021 at 9:31am
November 18, 2021 at 9:31am
#1021862
No one knows how to sew anymore.

There's a thread that got loose,
snagged and tore
beautiful cloth
woven to form the shape of your body
that you look at now
with such scorn
that it must be thrown out.

It's not easy to repair
with a needle and complimentary thread
by hand or machine,
not even worthy of donation
to some charity
for repurpose,
but to rot in some hole in the earth
that heavy equipment bury
with so much more sorrow,
lost in a landfill of bright hope,
driven underground.

Mother is buried there, too.

Meanwhile,
there is always some new fashion
to try on,
rather than seek the comfort of
an old sweater.

Perhaps, some of us
keep these mementos of the past,
filling drawers with regret that we never
learned from her
how to sew.

Pull that drawer open,
look and sigh
and wait to die,
wishing you had courage,
wishing not
to have to look anymore.

This needle I wield pricks.



11.18/24.21
1.19.22 last line add

37 lines, free verse


November 18, 2021 at 8:20am
November 18, 2021 at 8:20am
#1021856
Not
morose thoughts
of life after death
surfacing,
air escaping,
dreaming of some
accepting heaven.
Not
foolish thoughts
to finalize
surfacing,
but escape,
dream of some
haven embracing
a lone refugee.

Why
do these
minuscule prisoners
seek asylum,
to free my brain?
They teem
and bond and
offer credence
surfacing,
clouds of steam
producing enough water
to send
a surging river
seeking, yearning
freedom of thought:
break
the levee.


Where
will I flow then?



11/18/21

note
November 10, 2021 at 5:52pm
November 10, 2021 at 5:52pm
#1021343
Hazel eyes widened,
gathered light,
became amber-glowing —
two suns rising on our horizon.

I wanted to behold longer
but my own eyes wandered
to the spreading smile —
two soft, red lips,
shapely like her heart.

Did her cheeks blush,
body elongate to receive
this solemn figure?
Her chest puffed,
as did mine with pride
that this woman would greet
so fondly a solemn man
standing on the bow
of some great ship.

A spool sputtered inked tape.
A chance transaction ended
before newfound courage
could discover a route
to her hidden Atlantis.


11.10.21
12.31.21 edit plus add

borrowing from another writer to perfect amber eyes description.
November 10, 2021 at 6:14am
November 10, 2021 at 6:14am
#1021307
I’ll just start driving through the neighborhoods of my mind
         - nothing is what I remember -
if I sleep
I dream all unfamiliar people
         - oil paintings drip to the floor,
         beg me step in the puddled colors,
         walk new images from feet to my family home -
it’s a mess...

like a bridge
I could dream this vision to the past, too.
but construct it with my waking mind,
hoping to reawaken what long has been idle
         - so I can meet you again -
         - man in the mirror that no one seems to know -
         - I forget him too -

I walk through these neighborhoods in my mind.
no one home.


11.7.21
11.10.21
11.21.21 last edit?

I may never finish this...uh, metaphor...I took a stab at it.
November 10, 2021 at 6:11am
November 10, 2021 at 6:11am
#1021306
From The Sideline (Watching Cancel Culture)

My life is unlearn everything you know,
or components of it,
but figure out on your own which parts. Or,
just throw yourself out.
Or, just accept you’re defective, reduced to public scorn,
labeled a Karen or Boomer, some kind of racist.
Just conform already
(when you figure it out, straighten out, resubmit yourself for consideration)
and get with the flow
(or fake it perfectly),
keeping your head low
(knowing ageism is around every corner),
and maybe, no one will call you out.

You might survive this
(or it redirects, changes mid-stream in 15 minutes)
as you eye the cellar of your thoughts.
There’s no escape from drama or indifference.

Be neither protagonist or villain and watch and cringe
or laugh from the sideline.
Let’s not learn their game, okay?

half-time, fourth quarter, two-minute warning, heading to overtime?
You, with your sports metaphors. Take a timeout.


11/10/21
November 8, 2021 at 7:26am
November 8, 2021 at 7:26am
#1021130
I can save the world, civilization, with a pen stroke.
mankind survives on my words, illuminated, projected
in a universe, inner sanctum -- postings from an underworld
where words are flesh-eating monsters ravaging all.

my pen is bright Excalibur wielded in informative fashion,
that I might save the ignorant, defenseless against famine
for words bleeding on luminescent pages like ink
but don't stain, revolve on waves of intermittent light
wavering throughout these shared galaxies of rubble,
shine through channels and portals mirrored and deflected,
bouncing off each rock into a black space without gravity,
boundless for some other cosmos in hopes someone will hear.

I can save the world if I write these odes to someone who'll listen.

I am not infinite, trapped in a bottle of time, cast to a sea
that rolls away from this orb on waves out to a heaven somewhere,
should it exist, unlike the purgatory I now realize
eating me and all mankind from within while we look out.

is there some message of hope out there like mine? wait.
I haven't said anything yet, because it's all just a dream.
all of this is the collective imagination of something greater,
if you listen to mouths with way too much money, like elon musk.


11.8.21
12.10.21

just some nonsense. or is it? unedited or edited. let me go back to sleep and if I wake up...

Short Version:
Turn The Page
November 7, 2021 at 12:11pm
November 7, 2021 at 12:11pm
#1021073
The Unpinning

I'm going to tell you why I don't need your love
and then turn
as if
to someone else for a hug
and remember why I'm alone,

why I slumber in a blanket fort of dreams
constructed in my child mind,
clinging like those clothes pins
to innocence
since you dragged me out,
asked me to play,
taught me your games,
told me I played wrong.

You told me I let you down when we lost,
bluntly told everything
that was wrong with me,
then treated me indifferently
when you had other friends,
sending me to solitude

to think what I had done decades long,
forcing others to experience my pain,
relived again and again
with every grubby face
evilly staring back.

how to purge this hatred you taught me,
how to live in a fortress
with someone who'll help me take down the pins,
fold and store the bedding neatly,
sparing a few to sleep on
and dream
like I did when I was a kid.

but as a grown man, I only see forward
a grave
and no flowers,
because you killed everything that blooms.



11.7.21
4.9.23

finding myself and not blaming me, or others, but the cruel, vicious life cycle I wasn't prepared for.
to say I have a new tormentor is erroneous. but, say I discovered the truth about mean kids and how they set out to destroy you, thinking it would make them bigger people for swallowing innocent souls. My soul has long since been taken, succubus...succubi?
November 3, 2021 at 8:58pm
November 3, 2021 at 8:58pm
#1020771
Flurry at twilight, snow capped heads brushed
to the stomped upon mat

Waves of Autumn wash out,
as a fading sun collects black volume.

All our warmth in smiles, marrow-wracked,
legs gather by the stone mantel

The eager quick-claim chairs at her call.
Hunger sated with a final feast.

Harvest's remainder, shelved through Spring
on cool cellar shelves like treasures.

Beneath her quilts, reclined,
stuffed stiffs chew mints and marshmallow dreams.

Confections adorn the fireside table
for the tipplers and sippers of hot chocolate milk.


11.3.21
14 lines, free verse

FORUM
Thankful Poetry Contest  (13+)
An uplifting annual contest welcoming short poems about thanksgiving and gratitude.
#2235153 by 🌸 pwheeler - love joy peace
October 29, 2021 at 8:49am
October 29, 2021 at 8:49am
#1020362
Life from a limited vantage
is all I see out this window,
from morning until night,
imagining the expanse when
he creeps over my neighbor's house
and vanishes behind my own,
as if I'll follow room to room
and spy from each window
the offerings of light pouring down
that I could inhale, ingest, take
for my own until stubborn clouds
obscure these visions of hope.

when I'm alone in my bed
and black creeps beneath the shades,
lowered during the day
because I could not accept his warmth,
I keep praying someday
go out and let wet leaves stick
to my wandering heels, or
wade in a white drift to
a covered automobile to clear,
sit within and let roar alive and idle,
suck the last gas out of me.

But, it's not possible because
I have no garage to dwell in.



10..29.21

just one of those whatever comes to my head offerings, like so many others.
October 29, 2021 at 7:34am
October 29, 2021 at 7:34am
#1020357
Like milkshake melting
from your touch upon cold glass,
heat the heart of me.

Lifting to send me
down tender soul, fast coupling
a dreamer with you.

I would drink you up,
too thick to pass through cup I
grip by eager hands.

In this restaurant,
waitress wonders what I want,
sitting here alone.

Peer her bluest eyes,
when I realize and gulp,
suck the mixture down.

My face forms a frown.
Soft, she hands the bill to leave,
icy in my gut.

So, goodbye to you.
Grab my wallet, settle up,
when you grab my hand.

And then you tell me,
smiling, this one's on the house.
Twinkle in your eye
.
I'm about to cry.
Not a brain but a heart freeze,
stutter my next words,

'can I ask you out?'
Tucking the pad in her sash,
pats me on the back,

"I'm married, but please
keep on coming back, because
your my best patron."

"The next one's on me,
and tell me about yourself,"
when the ice begins to melt.

Abrupt, I took leave,
the milkshake inside of me,
suddenly to pee.

Will milk be my friend
until the bitter end, because
frozen inside me

is embarrassment,
not having done due process
before it warmed?



10.29.21



"when i see your face
Hear the laughter in your eyes
my soul comes alive!"

Fisher aka Kathy Fisher

Something inspired by Kathy Fisher Haiku song which used the form for it's chorus. It had a flow and rhyme scheme, where I have forced a bunch of haikus together with some lyrical intent that really are hard to choke down like that frozen milkshake.
October 27, 2021 at 8:35pm
October 27, 2021 at 8:35pm
#1020272
Must I possess inspiration to
reach, clutch, lift
this quill
to stab the very heart of you,
stain a page pathetic
with dreams...?
The dim light emitting
from two eyes glares
at a cursor pulsing.
Could a quill stain a brain
stabbed at its very heart?

Green it is,
but not earthen.

Blue and red spew, mix
on this clotted terrain.
I wish for the season
of penning vacuous odes
to end. These invisible breezes
barely brush a cheek.

Inspiration was
a cruel mistress.
I desire snow now.


10.27.21
1.7.22 edit, add
October 26, 2021 at 7:07pm
October 26, 2021 at 7:07pm
#1020203
iridescent,
just a little glowing,
throbs in this night.

stars cascade on me
as I gaze, wishful, hopeful,
dream to hold you near.

iridescence,
just a little flowing
through these dark trees,

globe eyes spy on me
as I leer, lustful, eager
to pull you out of this black
into my arms to dance.

a swirl of light, frozen,
streaks a hollow theatre,
with just a little knowing
I will fill your void
in this immaculate, cool air.

I inhale the essence,
smell your fragrant forehead,
taste the beads of sweat.

we tumble to a thick lawn,
enveloping two daring
to become one, in
iridescence shared,
flowing through us.

dawn will renew our lungs
but not our hearts
until iridescent again.



10.26.21

I just can't tell if readers will understand the expressive nature of iridescence. I learned that humans have iridescence undetectable to the naked eye, and it was theorized what humans would have turned out like if fully iridescent like some of those creatures in the deep parts of the oceans and would we be nocturnal animals. So, I went with it.
October 21, 2021 at 12:06pm
October 21, 2021 at 12:06pm
#1019780
I don't know why
people want to fly.
We don't have wings.

But if I want to try,
I'll take a ride, with you,
however high
you dare to go.

I stop to wonder why
people need to fly,
when they don't own wings.
But I'd take a ride
with you, if you wanna go,
not matter high.

People dream they can fly.
But they seldom do.
Makes me wanna cry,
when they fall back again.

I'll take a ride
because you're gonna try.
I'll go with you into the blue.
And together, we can fly.

I'll never question why.


10.21.21

Lyrics to a song I composed in my head and sang into the steering wheel of my truck. Likely it ends there with all other lyrics I've sung and performed, on the fly-eye-eye-eye. No matter high-eye-eye-eye. But, I always seem to try-eye-aye-eyeah-ayeah.

It's a bit simplistic and more chorus than bridge with a repeating melody I couldn't seem to change up, so I write down before I give-give-give up.


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